Chapter 7
Valentine's Day has always been a day Mary hated, from being forced to make glittery red cards to take home in primary school, to the soppy cards and boxes of chocolate lining the walls. She rolled her eyes at the loud declarations of love in the hallways at school that were likely to end with a broken-up couple by March and cringed at the memory of witnessing a proposal in a dingy little restaurant surrounded by rambunctious families.
Secretly though, she found it incredible, there was a tiny, miniscule part of her that loved it. Deep down she was just full of fear that no one could ever love her so loudly, the perks of being a closeted girl in a homophobic family surrounded by a less-than-welcoming community.
Mary hated Valentine's Day because it was a reminder of all the things she couldn’t have, the things that were being kept from her all because she was a girl that loved another girl, and no one else could understand that. She didn’t hate their declarations of love, she hated that no one would be able to do that for her, or at least the person she wanted to wouldn’t.
It made her feel like she was doomed to be forever miserable, shunned from her community for being true to herself or forcing herself to lie and try to be in a relationship with someone she could never love the way she was supposed too.
She also hated the intense jealousy she had felt every year when Lily got herself in a right flap about being perfect for some date with a guy who was going to be nothing but unappreciative and expecting, when Mary was right there, ready and waiting to treat Lily just as well as she deserved.
Mary had been on a few dates, guys that she really did try to like. In fact, she was almost desperate to feel something for them, pleading for someone to change this cursed prophecy and allow her to love the way everyone was telling her too. It had never worked out, and she had slowly come to terms with her sexuality, only aided by the sheer amount of welcoming, supportive, also mostly queer people around her.
This year was the first year that Mary was really, truly excited for Valentine's Day. This year she finally, after years and years of pining gets to call Lily her girlfriend, and feels comfortable enough to be one of those people yelling in the halls and singing on tables.
Okay, maybe she isn’t quite ready to use the James method of confessing love, especially after the way Regulus had looked furious enough to set the entire school on fire just with his gaze.
She can barely keep the smile off of her face as she wakes, Lily’s head tucked into the groove of her neck with Mary’s hand still curled lightly around several strands. One of Lily’s hands is draped over Mary’s waist, the other twisted in a way that looks uncomfortable but clearly can’t be due to the serene expression on her face.
She presses her lips to the side of Lily’s head gently, shifting slightly as she murmurs at her girlfriend to wake up. Lily stirs, arms tightening around Mary’s waist, her head nuzzling into the crook of Mary’s neck, an unintelligible response causing her to laugh as the warm air tickles her skin.
“C’mon, time to get up,” Mary jostles her arm, encouraging Lily to wake up so they stick on time for her plans, there's nothing too extravagant but she wants them to at least enjoy their meals together around classes. “I can’t take you on a date until Saturday but we can still celebrate,”
“We could just skip all of our classes,” Lily suggests, adjusting her head to look up at Mary, blinking the sleep out of her eyes, “Stay here, then we wouldn’t have to be apart,”
“You say that now, but you’ll regret it when you don’t have any notes,”
“I never regret anything when it comes to you,”
“You’re a real sweet talker,” Mary laughs, kissing Lily gently, “Shame it didn’t work,”
Mary jumps out of bed before Lily can stop her, the blanket dragging after her, dropping to the floor and leaving Lily yelping at the sudden cold. She darts into the bathroom, ignoring the whining pleas for her to return to their bed before she’s convinced.
Lily trails after her, wrapping her arms around Mary’s waist and resting her head on her girlfriend's shoulder, eyes drifting shut as they sway gently while Mary brushes her teeth. It’s tooth-rottingly sweet and domestic, something plucked straight out of their dreams of a life together, Mary half expects to wake up and realise it was all a dream.
“Lils,” Lily hums in response, nuzzling into the side of Mary’s neck, half asleep and completely unwilling to start the day. This is how they’ve always been, Lily is a night owl, she can slave away all night, toiling over work in the dim candlelight, getting up in the morning and then spending the next two hours waking up while Mary rises with the birds, up early and ready for the day, completely unwilling to do anything productive after 8 pm, “You can’t sleep on my shoulder,”
“And here I thought you loved me,”
“Hey,” Mary jerks her shoulder up slightly, effectively waking Lily up as she grumbles at the loss of contact. The shock allows her to wriggle in Lily’s grip, twisting to face her, lifting her arms up to wrap around her neck and pull her in for a kiss, “Don’t ever doubt that I do, that’s why I want us to have a proper breakfast together, so brush your teeth,”
Mary raises her eyebrows teasingly, patting Lily’s cheek as she pulls away to go and change into her uniform. When Lily leaves the bathroom, Mary is already settled at the desk, reading over an essay as she waits for Lily to grab her books. Lily doesn’t even try to read a sentence, too opposed to the idea of working so early.
“School work before 9 am should be illegal,”
“You were working on the Charms project at 3 this morning,”
“That’s not the point and you know it,”
“I know you should fix your sleep schedule,”
“Aww, Mare, do you get lonely in bed without me,” Lily teases, shoving the last of her books into her bag and ambling over to kiss Mary’s cheek. “Come on, I thought it was you that wanted a proper breakfast,”
“Hey, I’ve been waiting for you for ages,” Mary calls after her girlfriend who has already darted out of the room, nearly tripping over her unlaced shoes as she rushes down the stairs, her delicate laughter echoing in the small space. Mary sighs, rolling her eyes fondly as she follows, locking their room behind her.
Making her way down to the common room, Mary can barely contain her thoughts as she takes in the copious amount of decor littered over every single surface of their space. It takes her a moment, but then she spots a very proud-looking James, analysing her reaction with the soppy look he always gets when it comes to love.
“You’re doing I presume?”
“Yep!” James responds cheerfully, his voice filled with that joy he always seems to be overcome with when he thinks about his own love,
“Regulus banned you from doing something completely over the top in public?”
“Yep!” He responds again in the same cheery tone, dropping an arm around Mary’s shoulders, “He wanted it kept private, but this is our last year! I couldn’t do nothing so I’m making it more subtle,”
“You call this subtle?” Mary looks around the room, at the pink and red streamers dangling from every inch of the ceiling, the lovesick music drifting through the speakers while several lights respond to the beat flashing all sorts of colours. A small confetti cannon goes off in the corner of the room, another layer of confetti settling on the floor and the chairs which have all been changed into a love heart pattern.
“Well, did you know we were celebrating Christmas?” James tries to speak with a straight face, but he starts laughing at his own joke before he even finishes it. “No, I just won’t be rewarding you all with a concert anytime soon,”
James wipes away a fake tear, unable to keep the wide smile off of his face and Mary knows she must be wearing a matching one as she looks at her girlfriend, who has become distracted mid-tying her shoelace to talk to a very disgruntled Marlene.
“Ah yeah, Reg and his lot have some sort of standing breakfast date this morning, it’s practically holy to them,”
“They never cease to confuse me,” Mary doesn’t doubt that there’s some heartbreaking story behind this but she still questions the co-dependency of that group sometimes, they can be even worse than James and Sirius.
“Yeah, well friends date is to make up for the fact they were all a part of betrothal arrangements from about 4, they adopted Dorcas into it when they started here,”
“Fucking hell, it always manages to get worse, it's a miracle they haven’t all killed their parents,”
“Yeah, I’m not even opposed to it, I’d do it myself if I could,” James frowns slightly, before beaming once more and shaking the two of them in excitement. “Anyway, what are your plans with Lils? Anything nice?”
“Well, we’re just making sure we have meals together today,” Mary smiles, her head emptying of any worries as she thinks about her first real valentines love, “We’re doing a date day on Saturday,”
“Ooh, I’ll go distract Marlene so you can get on with it, we can lament over our stolen lovers,” James dramatically raises his hand, draping it across his forehead and Mary pinches his side teasingly.
“Let’s go before all the pancakes are gone,” Mary laces her fingers with Lily’s, pulling her away from her conversation with Marlene.
“Wow, hi, nice to see you too Mary,” Marlene scoffs sarcastically. Mary just sticks her tongue out at her, leading Lily out of the room and letting James swoop in to diffuse the situation.
Marlene is clearly unhappy at the fact that Dorcas has decided to spend their last Valentine's at Hogwarts with her friends rather than her girlfriend and there isn’t really anything that Lily can say that will make her feel better, but James is in the exact same situation, so he can help her process her emotions while Mary celebrates with her favourite girl.
☆☆☆☆
The hall had been surprisingly empty that morning, many students clearly preferring to sneak food from the kitchens and avoid the usually crowded dining room. Lunch is a very different story, and no matter how hard she tried Mary was unable to find Lily and had been forced to attend her afternoon lessons with a mountain of worry clouding her thoughts.
Mary has been extremely on edge recently. They are mere months away from being out in the real world, exposed to the true dangers of both the wizarding and muggle worlds. It’s not like they’ve been extremely safe behind Hogwarts walls but there was a certain security that came from being shut away in their common room surrounded by like-minded people that will go away as soon as they leave.
When they leave their biggest issues won’t be the essay they left until the last minute, or the kid that got slightly mouthy but was swiftly put in his place. They will be a part of a war field, no matter how hard they try to get away, Mary doubts there is any corner of the country they could hide in if the death eaters decide to come after them.
This lessened fear at school doesn’t stop her from completely panicking when Lily stumbles through the door, her legs shaky as tears stream down her face. She immediately fears the worst, and can’t prevent the quickening of her heartbeat as she tries to keep her expression blank.
“Hey, I’ve been looking for you, where did you go after lunch?” Mary calls across as Lily enters. There’s hardly a response, just a jolt as if she’d just been taken out of a trance and a slight course correction. Lily comes to a sudden halt, one arm reaching out to grip on the arm of Mary’s chair, the other clutching a letter so tightly it’s crumpled and torn.
“Move in with me,” Lily blurts out, her grip tightening on Mary’s hands, an almost desperate look in her eyes as she blinks away tears.
“What?” Mary laughs lightly, borderline concerned as she takes in the tightness of the redhead’s expression and the slight shake in her hands, “We already live together?”
Lily exhales a laugh, the tension leaking out of her shoulders as Mary’s face twists with the instant regret of her reply. She sniffles, dropping one of Mary’s hands to wipe at her cheek in an entirely unsubtle attempt to hide her tears.
“What’s wrong?” The comments whispered into the space between them, and it causes Lily’s face to crumple, just for a moment, allowing the hurt and grief to spill through before she takes a steadying breath and composes herself.
“Nothing,” She shakes her head, trying to stop thinking about it so it hurts her less, “Letter from home, I just- I think we should move somewhere, together, after all of this,”
“Yeah?” Mary keeps her voice soft, smiling at her girlfriend, leaning forward to tuck a lock of her hair behind her ear and kiss her gently, “I’d like that,”
“I have money, from my grandparents, and I work every summer, so it’s not like we can’t afford it, and we just- I can’t go back there Mary,”
“Lils,” Mary cups the other girl's face, rubbing her thumb back and forth in a soothing motion. Lily stills at the contact, relaxing into the caress, “If you don’t want to go back, you’re not going back, we can go wherever you want,”
“All I want is you,”