Begin again
Lily shook her leg as she was zoned out, not picking up anything from the meeting. A few times, her eyes shot up towards Dumbledore, glaring at him. The man she had idolised since she was eleven, had not turned out to be the man she thought he was.
Everything was off in the order of the phoenix. They lost James, Sirius was recently let out of Azkaban, he and Remus rarely showed their faces anymore and Peter… Well, he was there. But Lily could tell something was troubling him. He had this look in his eyes. A look of guilt.
She had barely talked to Mary even though they lived together in a rather small apartment. Well, they talked. But they didn’t talk. The only thing that was holding Lily together in this moment, was Mary’s hand in hers, reminding her of home. The feeling she’s been missing since they left Hogwarts.
She gritted her teeth together as she forced herself to sit through the last meeting she would partake in. The second the last words were spoken, Lily shot out of her chair and she bolted after Dumbledore. “Ah Lily, what pleasure do I have to speak to you today?” Dumbledore begins.
“Cut the shit, I’m done with you manipulating every single person you meet. Do you really still think that you're ‘the good side’ of this war?” Lily scowls at him. “I knew I shouldn’t have underestimated you.” Dumbledore said, still scarily calm. Lily’s scowl deepened, if it was even possible. She heard the door behind her open and she saw Mary, Marlene and Dorcas entering the room.
“You’re right, you shouldn’t. I figured out that you’re a fucking narcissist who recruits bloody teenagers to fight the war you caused.” She pointed a finger at him. She felt truly content as she saw the colour fade away from his face. “You don’t know half about the reason this war started, Miss Evans.” He tried to save himself.
“I know enough to decide for myself that I don’t want to fight your battle.” Lily stands her ground, lifts her chin up high and comes off truly confident. Before Dumbledore could continue arguing, Lily spoke again. “We will be leaving the country, and no, you won’t know where we’re going.”
“Wait what? Since when are we leaving the country?” Mary asks. Lily turns around and sees the confused looks on Mary and Dorcas’ faces. Marlene smiled proudly at her. They had been discussing what to do for a few days now. They’ve already got a spot to stay where Lily could actually feel safe. They’re planning to stay with Marlene’s grandparents in The Netherlands. Lily had never heard of the town "Goes" in Zeeland so she figured it would be safe for now.
She cut off Dumbledore once again by abruptly leaving the room once and for all. She felt immediately lighter when she heard the three girls come after her. They all joined hands and apparated away.
—
Lily took a deep breath as they stepped onto the boat towards The Netherlands. They decided not to apparate borders because it could cause problems. These last few weeks have been chaotic. Everyone is apparating to another country and the aurors have to intercept as many people as they can to see if they’re deatheaters.
The further away they went from the place they call home, the lighter Lily feels. Every mile they make, every wave they splash over, she can breathe a little easier. She pretty much zoned out during the boat-ride that she was quite surprised when they entered the harbour of Rotterdam. When they left the boat, they went into a secluded alleyway, looked around to see if it was safe and apparated away.
She felt the familiar twist in her stomach as she felt the ground reappear under her feet. They stood in the shadow of an adorable little cottage. When Lily turned on her feet she didn’t see a lot of houses, which is great. The less people they interact with, the smaller the chance of being found out happening.
Marlene had already walked to the front door and knocked thrice on it. “Marlene! Wat fijn om je weer te zien!” (“How nice to see you again!”) Her grandma exclaimed as she opened her arms to hug Marlene. Her grandpa stood behind his wife and smiled fondly at them before wrapping Marlene in a hug just like his wife.
Her grandma turned her attention to Lily, Mary and Dorcas, who smiled politely at her. “You must be the girls, lovely to meet you.” She smiled at them, the Dutch accent still faint in her voice. Marlene joined her grandma in front of the girls and introduced them.
“As you could tell, these are my grandparents, Lies and Henk.” She gestured to them as everyone smiled politely. Lies ushered them all inside, claiming that it was far too hot outside to function. It was just the beginning of summer but if you were to stand under the sun for too long, you would definitely get overheated so the girls took Lies’ advice.
“Lena, je kamer is nog precies hetzelfde als vroeger, er is helemaal niks veranderd. We hebben er wel drie extra matrassen in gelegd voor de meiden.” (“Lena, your room is exactly the same, nothing has changed. We did put three extra mattresses in there for the girls.”) Henk smiled at Marlene. During this exchangement, Lies asked them all if they wanted something to drink. It was a plus that Lies could speak English quite well, or Marlene might have had to translate every conversation.
When they were led into the room, Lily smiled at the soft yellow glow the room had. She looked out of the window and saw a large lighthouse. The beach must be close. “It’s not much, but it’s home.” Marlene smiled as she dropped onto her bed, made with yellow bed sheets.
They were going to love it here, calm and protected from any danger.
Or so they thought.
—
The girls huffed and puffed as they finally climbed over the giant dike, to reach the beach. A wave of comfort and nostalgia waved over Lily as she saw the same sea she always saw back home. She breathed in the salt air and sighed deeply. She felt Mary’s hand brush hers and she turned her head to her girlfriend, smiling softly at her. Lily squeezed her hand three times as they all stood on top of the dike, enjoying the view.
It was quite a hot afternoon and they couldn’t wait to get into the sea. Suddenly, Marlene sprinted down towards the sea as she took off her jean shorts and tank top, throwing it onto a pile of her bag, her slippers and her beach towel. Before the rest could catch up with her, she was already in the ocean, squealing in delight mixed with the sudden temperature drop.
Dorcas laughed as her girlfriend splashed around in the water she had played in as a child. She noticed the shift in Marlene’s mood as soon as they arrived in Zeeland. She glowed under the sun and reflection of the light on the water and it made Dorcas swoon.
She too, followed Marlene’s steps, hauled her forest green dress over her head and took off into the sea. Lily decided it would be smarter for her to put on sunscreen before entering the water, or she’ll turn red all over. She laid a big picnic blanket onto the sand and dropped down on it.
After half an hour of warming up in the sun and listening to Marlene and Dorcas’ laughs, she felt a hand slip into hers. She turned her head to the side and opened her eyes, immediately melting into those honey coloured eyes that belong to Mary. They smiled at each other as they could fully relax after a long time.
Everything was so heavy, the war, not having the trusted routine of their school years anymore, the loss of James. That really affected Lily the most, not only the fact that they dated for quite a long time, but also the fact that she lost one of her best friends. For a long time after his death, Lily saw no point in going on. The sun never showed again, her freckles had faded slightly and she looked lifeless. There were still times when she barely handled getting out of bed and just stayed wrapped up in her blankets for the rest of the day.
Everyday it’s getting a little easier. Marlene’s bold personality, Dorcas’ bravery and Mary’s loving gaze reminded her that there are little pieces of James all over her life. She learned to appreciate the things that she has right now instead of dwelling in the past. And mostly, she learned to gaze back into Mary’s eyes and not be reminded of her past lover.
She did still love him, but she wasn’t in love with him anymore. Mary had opened her eyes, made her look at life a little easier after feeling so low and loved her like no one had ever loved her. And Lily loved her right back. Waking up, knowing that Mary is safe alongside her in Zeeland gives her such indescribable comfort.
Here, under the sun and holding Mary’s hand in hers, she didn’t have to worry about the war, about anything. She could just be Lily Evans again.
She watched it begin again.