Prologue
Regulus’ first year at Hogwarts
“Black, Regulus.” Professor McGonagall’s voice fills the great hall as the cheers of the Gryffindor house quiets down. Sirius feels the world slow down as his little brother walks up to the chair. The sorting hat gets placed on top of his head and it takes a while, deciding where to put Regulus. Regulus and Sirius’ eyes meet just before the hat yells “Slytherin!” Regulus visibly deflates and walks over to the Slytherin table as Andromeda, Narcissa and Bellatrix wave at him, signalling for him to sit with them. Regulus glances back at the Gryffindor table and he sees Sirius talking and laughing with his friends. But only Regulus knows that Sirius’ smile is fake and that he is anything but happy.
—
Regulus walked into the library, seeing Sirius and his friends sitting around a table, being louder than they should be. Sirius and the boy with the dark, curly hair couldn’t be bothered to even grab their books. The short boy with blonde hair has his books open in front of him but isn’t doing anything. The last boy with ashy brown hair is the only one of them that is actually doing something. Sirius is so different at Hogwarts. Like a whole different person. He talks and laughs so much since he almost never lets out a sound at our house. He glows here. He’s got so much more colour in his face here. Mostly when the boy with ashy brown hair smiles at him in some kind of way.
But Sirius is also different towards Regulus. Regulus has tried to talk to his brother multiple times and everytime, Sirius comes up with an excuse to end the conversation. Sirius thinks that he’s smooth with it but Regulus can see right through him, like he’s made out of glass. Regulus has known Sirius his whole life and knows him better than himself. So he stopped trying to talk to him and Sirius apparently took that the wrong way so now he thinks that Regulus hates him or something.
Summer 1976
Sirius felt like his blood was boiling and his bones were rearranging as his mother tortured him with the cruciatus curse. He had heard his little brother crying in the corner as Sirius was writhing on the floor. He felt hazy when his body calmed down and his mother stormed up the stairs as she was mumbling angrily to herself. Sirius closed his eyes for just a bit until he felt Regulus nudging his arm. Regulus’ voice slowly became louder and clearer, like he surfaced from deep waters. “Siri, wake up!”
Sirius slowly opened his eyes and saw Regulus hanging over him with watery eyes, desperately shaking him awake. “Reggie? Is that you?” Sirius asks, trying to keep his eyes open as he feels utterly exhausted. “Yes, it’s me, don’t cream your pants.” Regulus smiled as his brother woke up. “Come on, get up Siri,” Regulus supported his brother as they walked up the stairs towards his bedroom. Before Regulus could lay Sirius in his bed, Sirius realised that he couldn’t stay here. He pushed himself off of Regulus and grabbed his trunk. “Sirius, please. Where are you going?” Regulus asks hastily as he’s trailing behind Sirius. Sirius is pacing through his room, gathering all his valuable things and stuffing it in his trunk. There are tears streaming down Sirius’ red cheek, where his mother had slapped him. “I can’t stay here and you know it.” He says, closing his trunk as he has everything he needs. Sirius runs down the stairs as if his life depended on it. Before he can close the front door, Regulus stops him. It’s dark outside and based on the clouds, it’s about to rain. “Please, Don’t go Siri, I need you here,” Regulus whispers. Sirius turns around, “Oh please, we both know you don’t need me. You fit right into this house and this family.” he says angrily. “What makes you believe that?”
“You are just like them!”
Regulus takes a step back, feeling like he’s just been slapped across his face. “Fine then. Leave.” He says, Sirius takes a deep breath, grips his trunk even tighter and walks away. The first few drops of rain are falling from the sky as Sirius leaves him. He stares at the back of his brothers’ head as he’s standing in the doorway. Even when Sirius walked around a corner and Regulus couldn’t see him anymore, he kept staring. He kept staring at the empty street, hoping that his brother would turn around and come back for him. Regulus sits down on a step in front of the door as he feels his legs ache. Raindrops are engulfing his body, he feels himself shiver as a gust of wind passes him. He can’t get himself to go back inside though. He waits, and waits for his brother to come back.
Afterall, he waited for nothing.
He waited for hours, hoping. For nothing. Sirius didn’t come back. He didn’t beg for Regulus to come with him. He didn’t apologise for comparing him with their family, Even after days, Regulus waited in front of his bedroom window. Sirius never showed up. Regulus couldn’t help worrying if he had a place to stay, if he even got there safely. Regulus wanted to talk to Sirius desperately. The short conversation they had before he left was the first one they had since Regulus’ first year. After Regulus got sorted, Sirius acted like he never existed.
Even though Sirius had treated Regulus like that, he couldn’t help but miss him.
Christmas 1979
Regulus stared across the trainstation as he waited for Kreacher. Sirius ran towards the parents of James Potter, as they just hugged their son. James’ mother opened her arms for Sirius and they hugged so perfectly. He fits perfectly into their family. Like he was born into their family. Regulus yearned for that kind of love in a family, it ached. As he moved his eyes from his brother, he locked eyes with James Potter. He couldn’t look away from him. James smiled softly, but before he could smile back, he felt Kreacher’s hand nudging him against his leg. The eye contact broke as Regulus looked down to the elf. “Hello, Kreacher,”
“Hello, Master Regulus, Mistress Walburga and Mister Black are waiting for you at home.” He reacts, Regulus knows exactly why his parents are waiting for him. They are expecting him to get the dark mark as a token of loyalty to The Dark Lord. He’s only met The Dark Lord a few times when he went along with his parents to a meeting. The first meeting, he had no idea that he would be meeting The Dark Lord. he had thought they were just visiting his cousin, Narcissa at her husband’s manor. But when they walked in, the room was cold, colder than normal. The last time they were there, Narcissa announced her pregnancy to the family. Mother had acted excited, but only because the Malfoy’s now had an heir.
Narcissa had always been Regulus’ favourite cousin of the three, they were so similar in such a right way. She understands him in so many ways. Regulus was thrilled for Narcissa when she announced her pregnancy. She had always wanted a child, she dreamt of being a mother. Now that she needed to become pregnant, she wasn’t as happy about it. She wanted her baby to be born out of love, not out of convenience. But Narcissa still had vowed that she would love and protect her baby with everything she has.
The last time, Narcissa had opened the front door with a warm smile on her face, this time, it was cold and lifeless. She led us to the dining room where I was met with a lot of people staring at our late arrival. At the head of the table, there he was. Everything was cold about him, all emotions were sucked out of Regulus as he made eye contact with The Dark Lord. Regulus’ eyes scanned across the table of people, most people looked as if they were forced to be there. Only Bellatrix was truly happy to be seated next to The Dark Lord. I saw Barty and Evan sitting next to each other. They were different as they were at school. Regulus just knew that they were holding hands underneath the table for support.
His eyes moved over to the other side of the table, feeling surprised as he saw a glimpse of the blonde haired boy who is friends with Sirius. He wondered what he was doing there and why he ended up there. The boy looked up at Regulus, the only colour that was left in his face, left. When Regulus saw Snape, he wasn’t surprised. He always knew that Severus would end up following The Dark Lord.
Regulus was assigned a seat next to Barty and indeed, Barty and Evan were holding hands. They always found comfort in each other. It was truly lovely to see such an unusual love blossom between his two best friends. With ‘unusual’, Regulus meant that Barty was unusual, he had such a strange way of showing his love to Evan.
When The Dark Lord begins talking, a shiver runs down Regulus’ back. As he is addressing the Deatheaters, Regulus is determined to take him down.
☆☀︎︎☆☀︎︎
Regulus
It’s been 413 days since I left. I finally left my old life behind. I finally got out of that house. I finally got away from all the lies. When being born into the Black family, you’re expected to follow a lot of rules and traditions. Something that also came with being a Black, was being a part of the deatheaters. I never wanted to be one but I was forced. They forced me to follow Voldemort in his quest to take over the world. And I obliged. I had no other choice. I would be killed or they would hurt the people I love. So I did it.
I never really followed him, I always tried to get out of missions that involved attacking muggles or people from The Order Of The Phoenix. I always listened, stayed quiet and out of everybody’s way. I did this for months until I heard Voldemort speaking about something called Horcruxes. I once read about them in a book in our library out of pure boredom so I knew that he had something planned.
I figured it out.
I figured out how to stop Voldemort. I’m not doing it for heroic purposes, I’m doing it so that this nightmare can be over and so I can live my life. Up till now, I’ve found two Horcruxes. I’ve got them locked away safely until I find a way to destroy them. Right now, I’m standing on a giant boulder in front of The Cliffs Of Moher, the wind pushing me around. Waves are crashing against the giant rock as I find a way to enter the cave where one of the Horcruxes is located.
I suddenly have this gut feeling that I shouldn’t be here but I push myself to apparate as far as I can. The cave is locked with blood magic, and I came prepared. There’s nothing a little research can’t help you with. I take the butterfly knife out of my pocket and I put the point of it against my fingertip. I press down into my finger so blood floods out. I wipe the blood over the opening and wait until it lets me in.
When I’m in the cave, I reach for my wand. “Lumos Maxima,” I say quietly, my voice raspy as I haven’t used it in a while. The cave lights up. The air is damp and there are a few occasional sounds of water dripping from the ceiling. There’s a boat stranded a few metres away from where I’m standing. I push it towards the water and try to not get wet as I get in.
As I reach the tiny island in the middle of the cave, I step out of the boat, inspecting the water bowl the Horcrux is in. It’s definitely not water. It’s “The Drink Of Despair” and I am not looking forward to drinking it. Seeing that there’s no other choice, I pick up the shell on the side of the bowl. I fill it and start the most horrendous fifteen minutes of my life. After I drank all of the potion, I hurriedly find my flask of water in my bag. I empty it in one go, still feeling incredibly thirsty. I’m crawling down the stones towards the water.
When my flask is filling up, a hand grabs at mine. I panic when more hands are coming up from the water. They’re trying to pull me under the surface. I try to pull back but when I stand up, they tug really hard on my arms so I lose my balance. The inferi pull me down underwater as I struggle against their grasp on me. I start to lose my breath and everything becomes dark.
☆☀︎︎☆☀︎︎
James
It’s been 410 days since Regulus has been announced missing. I was with Sirius when we heard his name on the radio. I will never forget the way Sirius broke down, as he realised that he lost his brother on bad terms. He had so much that he wanted to say to Regulus. He wanted to apologise and say that he loves and misses him so much. Sirius couldn’t sleep for a while after the announcement. He didn’t sleep until he just collapsed from exhaustion. He collapsed when we were out on a mission. I had told him to stay home for his safety but he refused. He was so focused on going on the mission and fighting the deatheaters that were attacking muggles, that he forgot his exhaustion.
He was also feeling a lot worse because Remus was on an undercover mission. And then we found out that there’s a spy in the order. No one can trust anyone right now, everyone’s speculating about who’s the spy but no one really knows. I think Sirius is having doubts about Remus’ loyalty to The Order. These are crazy times where you can’t trust anyone. Sometimes, I don’t even trust myself. It’s all so crazy that a year ago, we were still students at hogwarts. And now, we’re fighting a war. I wonder all the time how my life would’ve been if the war wasn’t going on. Would I have a job, a family maybe? Would I live in a home with my friends? Would we all be happy and trust each other? Would Lily and I not have broken up?
Lily and I decided that it would be better to go our separate ways a few months ago. We had been dating up to a year back then. We thought it would be easier for the two of us to not be in a romantic relationship with everything going on. It had been the right choice, I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if I thought that my partner would be the spy. I can’t imagine how it must be for Sirius and Remus.
Dumbledore planned a meeting in a few minutes and I’m standing outside of headquarters. I wonder and fear what will be said at this one. I step inside and find my seat next to Sirius. The chair on the other side of Sirius is empty as Remus isn’t able to be here. I feel the sadness and glum radiating off of Sirius like it’s a beacon.
“Thank you all for coming today.” Dumbledore’ voice fills the room. Immediately the air is a lot thicker. The energy is off. Everyone stays quiet until Dumbledore speaks again. “We've got no update about the spy whatsoever, no one is willing to come forward.” The room stays quiet. No one dares to say anything. “The missions we've been having are shown to be a success. Less muggles are being murdered.”
“Next week, the following people will go to Godric's Hollow to stop a group of deatheaters. These people are; Sirius, Remus, as he'll be back before the mission” I feel Sirius perk up at that. “Marlene, Mary, Frank and Alice.” He finished. I look up at him, confused. “Sir, am I not going?”
“No, I've got something else for you. See me after this.” Dumbledore responded. He talks for the rest of the meeting and when it ends and everyone stands up, I stay in my seat. Sirius looks at me with a worried look but I assure him with a smile and a nod. After that, he leaves. It's just Dumbledore and me in the room. “Recently, there's been some dark magical energy radiating off of a cave not far from here. I think it's best if you check it out as you're one of the best wizards here.” Dumbledore starts, breaking the thick silence. “When do I go?”
“Tomorrow.”