A Chance to Rewrite

Severus Tobias Snape’s eyes opened wearily, his obsidian eyes meeting the bleakness of the winter morning. Although not even a sliver of light peaked through the cracks of the windows, a drafty and cold air could be felt. The despairing atmosphere made him feel hopeless, and all he wanted to do was close his eyes once again. Instead, he forced himself to sit up, with a loud creak from his aged bed. 

His eyes anticipatedly scanned the shabby and isolated room that shared an appearance to the interior of an abandoned building. Its yellowing white walls had fractures that resembled cracks in a ceramic plate, a large gap in the wooden door made by his father during one of his usual drunken fits, and an antique closet across his bed that seemed as if it was about to crumble into dust any moment soon.

Despite the depressing and bleak atmosphere, it was a special day. It was Severus’ eleventh birthday, which meant he had a special gift waiting beneath his bed- two new books from an unknown sender. These books would be from the same Harry Potter series he had been receiving the past years. 

He peered over, and slowly leaned over the edge of his bed looking for the two books. To his disappointment, there was only one book laying there. A little frown appeared across his sallow face. Although it was disappointing to only see one book, it would still be another addition to his Harry Potter series.

Severus reached down to grab the brown book, with his slender fingers as cold as a corpse. As he clutched the books, his raggedy blanket slipped from his body, exposing his frail figure to the cold temperature of the winter season. He grabbed the slipping fabric and grasped it tightly around him. With his blanket wrapped around his bony body, he refocused his attention on the thick book in his hands. 

With a quick and wandless Lumos- a spell he learned from his mother, a little bulb of light floated in the air as Severus adjusted underneath his blanket. His eyes analyzed the book. “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows,” Severus read the title quietly, brushing his fingers over the book’s leather texture. It was the seventh book in the series, and most likely the final from the way the last few books were. 

Severus eagerly flipped to the first crisp page of the book. 

As always, the novel was written in a notebook, as if it was written by hand with a quill and ink. The paper was clean and fresh, with only the elegant text tainting its whiteness. Not even the edges that would yellow over time could be seen, which meant the novel was recently written. 

Severus read the first line, and per his expectations, the first line was the same as always. “Book dedicated to Severus Tobias Snape. Happy eleventh birthday,” he murmured as he read the first and only line on the first page. 

Although it was short and brief, the happy birthday wishes would always warm his heart. It was the only happy birthday he would be getting anyways. Smiling, Severus flipped the page to the next, which would be the beginning of an adventure that was written inside of the book.

 Chapter one. 

.⊹ °ʚ☆ɞ°.⭒₊

The Harry Potter series were multiple books that Severus ended up receiving each year that passed from his eighth birthday and after. It was sent by an anonymous sender, who seemed to have no intentions of revealing their identity. Although Severus didn’t know who was behind the gifts, he still thoroughly enjoyed the books, especially the main character, Harry Potter. 

The books were delightful for him, however, there was one thing that threw him off the hook; he shared his name with an unpleasant professor, Professor Snape. As much as he hated to admit, he shared almost identical features with the man; greasy hair, a lanky figure, and a complexion similar to a vampire. The only thing that was different was that the professor’s nose’s size was described as astronomical. He didn’t think his nose could be described as such.

Aside from the uncanny similarity Severus shared with the nasty professor, there were other things written in the books that aligned with reality. Like how it mentioned the name of a ginger muggle from the posh neighborhoods in Cokeworth, Lily Evans, who was a character that was supposedly Harry Potter’s deceased mother.  Even before he picked up the books, he always suspected she was a witch, and he originally had plans to approach her. Plans which he soon abandoned after realizing she was another character in his books.

According to the books, he was supposed to become Lily’s friend around two years ago, which he strayed from as an act of denial that the book foretold the future. He refused to believe he was destined to become someone so miserable and bitter. He avoided the girl like a plague, as if it was a way to say “I can choose my own destiny.”

Now, although he was over the fact that the book might show accurate events of the future, he didn’t regret his actions of avoiding Lily. After all, with the little clues and hints in the books, it seemed like Lily and Severus had a complex relationship, which was most likely one sided. Whether the story was the future reality or not, he would rather not take any chances of falling into an abyss with no end.

In the fifth book, it gave Professor Snape’s character depth. Lily blinked. “Fine,” she said coolly. “I won’t bother in future. And I’d wash your pants if I were you, Snivellus.” 

“Apologize to Evans!” James roared at Snape, his wand pointed threateningly at him (Rowling, The Order of the Phoenix).

That was the start of Professor Snape’s downfall. The beginning of his pitiful and miserable tale. 

“How come she married him?” Harry asked miserably. “She hated him!” 

“Nah, she didn’t,” said Sirius. “She started going out with him in seventh year,” said Lupin. 

“Once James had deflated his head a bit,” said Sirius. 

“And stopped hexing people just for the fun of it,” said Lupin. 

“Even Snape?” said Harry. 

“Well,” said Lupin slowly, “Snape was a special case. I mean, he never lost an opportunity to curse James, so you couldn’t really expect James to take that lying down, could you?” 

“And my mum was okay with that?” 

“She didn’t know too much about it, to tell you the truth,” said Sirius. “I mean, James didn’t take Snape on dates with her and jinx him in front of her, did he?” (Rowling, The Order of the Phoenix)

Reading the small snippets of Professor Snape’s memories, Severus couldn’t help but pity him. James Potter, his ruthless bully, managed to seduce and marry his childhood friend. Furthermore, he even produced a heir that was destined to be the savior of their world, while keeping all his nefarious acts on the low. Everyone ignored Professor Snape’s misery, and just let him spiral deeper into a pit until it was too late to climb back up. If Severus really was Professor Snape’s past self, he would’ve become just as bitter as the old man. 

Of course, that was speaking hypothetically. The books were most likely just stories spun out of lies, weaved from someone’s imagination. The books didn’t seem that plausible; it was hard to believe that Severus would ever fall in love so deeply that he would sacrifice his all for one person. The thought of chasing after someone was just utterly disgusting, and he doubted he would dedicate his all for Lily Evans, just another girl who lived in his town. 

After all, as a little kid, he had vowed that he would never turn out like his lovesick fool of a mother. Vowed to never fall into a never ending pit called love. But nothing was certain.

 He wished with all the little heart he had, the books were just a coincidence, and he really wasn’t Professor Snape. 

.⊹ °ʚ☆ɞ°.⭒₊

Severus Snape flipped to the final page in the book, with the bright winter sunlight starting to peak in. His fingers felt frozen, and his body felt numb, yet he had an infuriating flame lit within his spirit. 

Severus wasn’t focused on the ending of his beloved series, but more of what had happened to Professor Snape.  The part where he had read Professor Snape’s pensieve memory, and the tragedies and lines that aligned with reality. 

Diving into Professor Snape’s memory made him realize the older man wasn’t so evil; he was just a character born and raised under tragic circumstances, which resulted in a nasty character birthed from an unlucky fate. His beginning and end were both miserable; had he not turned as grouchy as he did, it certainly would’ve been unrealistic.

 If Professor Snape lived under happier circumstances, he wouldn’t live such a pathetic life. Unfortunately, the “if” never existed, and his destiny was already sealed. The unsurmountable injustice the Professor endured was excruciatingly infuriating for Severus. 

Everyone else got their share of a happy ending, but what about Professor Snape? Was he just a character forever destined for unhappiness?

It was so unfair. Severus could feel the rage that was burning in his chest, which felt as if it squeezed every fiber of his being. For a fictional character, it was irrational that Severus felt all the pain and anger for him.

Severus took a deep breath. It wouldn’t matter if he chose to be mad over a book, since nothing would change. Choosing to compose himself, his eyes focused on the last sentence that was written on the last page. Usually the last sentence was a simple message unrelated to the story. For example, in his first book he received the line, "live for yourself," and in his second quoted “a raven should spread their wings.”

However, in this last book, unlike any other of his books, a question was scribbled across the page. 

If you had a chance to rewrite the universe, would you? 

Severus stared at the page blankly, with no answer. He was far more interested in the unknown reason why the question caused a shiver to crawl up his spine. The brief question resonated with him, igniting an unknown emotion. 

Severus threw the blanket off of his head, staring at the quote intensely. This final question was definitely something to do with what was behind the mystery of the books that used real life people as characters. Or, it could be just some kind of sick joke that was meant to mess with his head.

The countless theories raced through his head, with only one fitting the puzzle. It was the one theory he desperately prayed was incorrect, yet just like Professor Snape, luck didn’t grace him well. His fingers curled into a clench, furious that the only logical answer that could sew everything together; the story accurately predicted future events. 

Severus slammed the book shut without another thought, and quietly slipped out of his bed. His trembling arm lifted the graying mattress up, revealing his secret collection of books perfectly organized, all books having Harry Potter embedded across the covers. He lined the final notebook perfectly with the other six, making his seven book collection complete. Satisfied, he let the mattress all with a thump, blowing dust particles into the air. 

Whether the books showed him his destiny or not, it didn’t matter. Severus Tobias Snape would choose his own destiny. With his own hands, he would be the one to overwrite his destiny.

.⊹ °ʚ☆ɞ°.⭒₊

It was mid July, the middle of the intense summer season. The sweltering weather paired with the vivid orange sun heightened the summer season, like a double combo. The grass meadows were parched and dry, its greeness dyed into a yellowish-brown by the sun. 

Severus’ eyes fixed onto the log in front of him. His hand laying atop its middle, he furrowed his brow, and whispered a spell. “Sectumsempra.”

The log splintered off, with cuts that unevenly sliced through the log into seven even pieces. Unsatisfied with his skills that he had been refining over the past few months, he tossed the splintered wood into the pile where over fifty other pieces laid.

He grabbed a new piece of wood. His eyes burrowed with deep concentration-

“- Severus?” A voice tentatively called out, disrupting the flow of his concentration.  

Recognizing the soft voice, Severus turned behind and was met with the sight of a frail woman, who seemed as if she was only made with bones. Her round onyx eyes that stared right into his soul had the same bleakness similar to him, paired with dark eyebags painted underneath. Her dark silky hair was matted and tangled . She had an air of insanity, which wasn’t far from the truth. After all, it was Eileen Prince, his mother. 

“Mum,” Severus greeted politely. His eyes flickered down to the little letter she held in her hands. 

“Severus,” she said once again with a whimsical smile. Realizing he noticed what was in her hands, she feebly held it out. “Your Hogwarts letter arrived.”

So it was about time. “I see,” he replied with an air of disinterest as he held the letter in his hand. “Thank you.”

“Of course. We can go shopping for your school supplies next week-”

“It’s fine. I can go by myself,” interrupted Severus. His eyes followed the bruises on her neck. “I can manage.”

She pulled her flimsy shirt up as she realized where he was looking. “I can’t possibly let you go alone.”

Severus pursed his thin lips. “It’s fine, I’m capable enough to be able to buy my school supplies. Let’s walk back home now.”

Without waiting for an answer, he grabbed her hand as he magically sucked all the wood he had cut into a velvet pouch with the other. It had taken him three weeks of no sleep to be able to charm the cheap pouch with spatial magic. 

His mother seemed surprised. “Where did you get that?”

“I charmed this old pouch myself, with your old books. I wanted to create an easier method to transport the firewood I’ve been chopping.”

She looked at him like a doe in front of headlights. “You learned to charm your bag by just reading my old books?”

“Yeah.”

Severus could feel her hand tighten around his. He looked up to his mother who was a head taller than him, and he could see a grim expression plastered across her face.

“My son, you’re so talented,” his mother murmured. 

His usual pale face flushed, after receiving a rare compliment from his mother. “Thank you,” he said with his childhood innocence. 

Eileen hesitated for a moment. “I’m sorry.”

Caught by surprise, Severus was at a loss. “For what?” he asked carefully.

“Letting you live like this.”

Severus didn’t respond. Although the sentence was brief, he understood the weight the words held. She was apologizing for her stubbornness which caused her to stay with his jackass of a father. She was apologizing for letting her son witness the screaming matches she had with her husband practically everyday. She was apologizing for letting her son live the pitiful life he currently lived, just because of her love for a violent contentious man. She was apologising for not being able to take any presented opportunities that allowed her to flee from that hellhole, even though she knew her son was going through brutal torture each day.

Even though Severus resented her cowardice, he couldn’t resent her as a person. He grew up watching his mother’s broken tears flowing through the floor crevices as she sobbed saying she wanted to die. He couldn’t forget the times where she brushed his long hair with her slim fingers as he laid in her lap, as she murmured how Severus was the only reason for her to keep living. 

 He watched her back as she shielded his weak figure behind her equally weak body against her abusive husband when he threw his fists and broken glass around. He couldn’t forget the moments where she seemed so happy when her husband presented her with wilting flowers on their anniversary. 

Eileen Prince was like a broken glass figure; once beautiful but just another piece of glass to be broken by her husband, Tobias Snape. 

“You’re a wonderful son,” his mother continued, ignoring the fact he didn’t answer. “You have a very promising future,” her voice wavered a bit. “You’ve truly inherited the Prince's blood, unlike me.”

Severus’ eyes began to moisten. Her words softened his steel heart, that he had mentally been building up the past few years. “... Thank you,” he choked out.

“Of course.”

At some point in time, his mother was his reason he kept going. Ever since he was able to learn about the concept of death, he would fantasize about it. But the thoughts of leaving her behind made him completely sick to his stomach. He couldn’t bring himself to cause her any more misery.

 He had planned a future where he’d be sitting in a pile of gold with his mother, escaping from the little town of Cokeworth. He dreamt of being able to grow and provide for his mother, as they lived happily together far away from the treachery of their past. 

According to the books, Professor Snape never reached that goal, and instead fixated all his energy onto Lily. Severus would never do that. He would be able to reach the dreams he grew up with. 

They reached the little footsteps to their home. Yet, his mother didn’t loosen her grip on his hand. “Want to help me with dinner?” she asked kindly. 

Severus gave a small smile. “Yes.”

The two walked into the house, hand in hand. It gave the illusion that they really were a normal and loving family, completely the opposite from their dysfunctional norm. 

.⊹ °ʚ☆ɞ°.⭒₊

The warm summer air had begun to be tainted by the cool autumn air approaching. The approaching autumn season meant that Severus’ first day at Hogwarts, the beginning of what would be hell, was rapidly approaching. 

Severus clutched his thin wand sitting in the pocket of his oversized coat. He wished he could use it to practice the more complex spells he had discovered in his mother’s hidden textbooks. 

He took a deep breath, calming himself under the last of the summer breeze. Nevertheless, he hadn’t been slacking off the past few months; he had been steadily preparing himself for what was to come. Spells, physique, money was something he all prepared. 

A voice interrupted Severus’ melancholic thoughts. 

“Hello?” 

Instinctively, he looked behind himself, and saw a girl with bright ginger hair that matched the scorching sunset standing behind him. Her wild green eyes looked at him curiously, as if she was staring into his soul. All the sense of stability he had been feeling prior instantly dissipated. 

This unknown girl matched the descriptions of a familiar person from a certain book. Severus backed away from the girl, realizing who she was. His body immediately turned around, and he broke out into a run. He immediately gave into his flight over his fight instincts. 

“HEY!” the confused girl shouted, chasing after him. “Why are you running?”

He responded with silence, and only the loud thuds of footsteps and the girl's shrill voice could be heard. 

Severus could hear the increasingly speedy footsteps behind him. He could feel his chest tighten and every gasp of air was painful. However, he refused to give up or slow down.

The girl who was currently pursuing him was most likely Lily Evans. This meant he had to keep running even if his body was screaming in agony.

After all, why would he want to be in the presence of someone who was practically the root of Professor Snape’s pitiful downfall? 

Severus continued running for several minutes, even when his legs felt like they wanted to give out. He didn’t slow down even when he was heaving heavily.

In a couple more minutes, the steps behind him began fading into the distance. Huffing and puffing, Severus came to a stop. In the distance, he could see Lily standing there, with a look of confusion and hurt. Instead of pursuing him once again, she turned around and went the opposite direction.

Severus scoffed, wiping a drop of sweat off his forehead. She was persistent, chasing him for such a long distance. But luckily for him, he had trained his body to have a higher endurance and stamina compared to others his age. Although he didn’t believe in the contents of the Harry Potter books to be reality, it wouldn’t hurt to take any precautions.

Looking at the bright green grass around him that swayed in the wind, he was reminded of Lily’s eyes. His eyes narrowed.

Severus swore to himself that day he read the Harry Potter books ending, that Lily Evans will never be a chapter in his life.