Regulus POV
Regulus had to tell him. Today he had to tell James that he was leaving. There was no more putting it off, next year, Regulus would be in Chicago. Just rip out the stitches, no anesthesia. Regulus didn't want to leave, she had to.
He couldn't watch James's marriage anymore. He was so miserable and he was never going to do anything about it. Being married to Lily was slowly killing him and Regulus couldn't watch it anymore. He had to repeat to himself that Lily wasn’t to blame for them not being happy. James and Lily were just a terrible match that no one could have predicted. However, Regulus needed someone to blame for James being unhappy. It was one thing to watch the love of your life marry someone else, it was a whole other thing to watch them be miserable while being married to someone else.
Regulus knew James needed him but he just couldn't do this anymore. About once a week he would show up at Regulus’ apartment to do nothing and pretend he was happy.
Pretend he was happy without ever having children and knowing his marriage destroyed his relationship with his best friend. Regulus knew James needed him but Regulus needed to be gone.
So tonight, Regulus invited him out for a drink. He was going to explain to James that he just wasn't happy in New York and Chicago was his home. If James asked him to stay, he was going to say he couldn't. Regulus was going to be strong, he was going to promise him that he would call often, but he was not going to stay. No matter what James said.
"Hey, Reg! Been a while since we've done the bar scene." James said as he joined Regulus in the booth he had been sitting at. His hair, clothes, and smile were all perfect. James looked like the perfect human specimen except for his empty eyes.
"Hi," Regulus said trying to smile. "Yeah."
"What's the occasion?" James said as he swallowed the entire glass of whiskey Regulus had gotten for him. Regulus couldn’t help but remember the night when they first kissed, when he had gotten James a drink and he had refused to drink it. Regulus guessed they had grown up now and he didn’t like it.
"I- um- finished my applications," He said, removing his smile. One of the benefits of coming from an evil rich family was that he had enough money to go to as much school as he wanted to. Meaning that he was now applying to get his PhD in mathematics.
"Tha’s great, Regulus," He laughed. "I’m sure you’ll get into the Columbia program. I know it's competitive but no one is better than you."
"I’m not going there, I’m not continuing at Columbia." Regulus breathed.
“Of course you are, they would be crazy not to accept you.” James tried to comfort him. “I promise you that if they don’t accept you, it will be because the admittance committee has lost their minds.”
"Actually, I didn't apply to Columbia," Regulus replied without making eye contact.
"What?" James asked with wide eyes.
"I- University of Chicago is my top choice. And my interview went really well so I think I will get it." Regulus replied looking into his drink. He was going to be confident. He could do this.
"You're going to Chicago?" James said with a blank expression.
"Yea... I am," Regulus said. Guilt was seeping into his veins
"Why?" James asked incredulously.
"I'm just. I'm not happy here. And Chicago is home, and I miss Sirius." Regulus knew that was like kicking a puppy. James would do almost anything to be in the same state as Sirius.
"But. I'm here. And I know you shouldn't make your career choices based on where I am but Columbia is really good. And maybe you just need to start the program to be happy. You can be happy here, with me." James said placing his hand on his. He looked desperate. If Regulus didn’t absolutely have to leave, the look on James’ face would have made him stay anywhere
"I can't." Regulus said pulling his hand away. "I'm really sorry James. I just- can’t stay here."
"I don't understand." James said shaking his head.
"I'm sorry,” Regulus said quietly. There was nothing else he could say. Regulus couldn’t tell him he was in love with him and couldn’t watch him be miserable. You can’t tell a married person you love them. Regulus knew enough that telling a married person that was wrong. James was the only person who could fix his own miserable life.
"I- why are you doing this?" James asked again. Regulus knew James felt like this was a punishment. It reminded him of his childhood, whenever Regulus’ mom would do something horrible to him and Regulus couldn’t figure out what he had done to deserve it. Everything had felt like a punishment for something. He had never wanted James to feel like that and it was breaking his heart.
"I'm not happy here. I'm not sure if you are happy here but I know I'm not and I just- can't stay." Regulus said. He was past hoping that suggesting that James wasn’t happy would make him realize that he needed a change.
"So you are moving to Chicago?" James said with his eyes beginning to water. Regulus didn’t think he had ever made James cry before. Why did this have to be so damn painful?
"Yes," Regulus said strongly.
"Will you live with your mom?” James asked in a bit of a harsh tone, then shook his head. A part of Regulus wanted James to yell at him, to tell him he was selfish and ruining his life. But he knew James would never do that.
"My mom moved back to England last year." He whispered.
"Oh. You didn't tell me." James sighed, putting his hand on his forehead.
"You were preoccupied," Regulus said quietly, not trying for it to sound like a dig. He needed to explain to James that it wasn’t like how it was when they were in college. They weren’t each other everything anymore. Or Regulus wasn’t James’ everything anymore.
"Oh,” James whispered quietly.
"Yeah," Regulus sighed
"Are you sure about moving to Chicago?" James asked.
"I am," Regulus said nodding his head.
"And there is nothing I can say to get you to stay?" James asked.
"I don't think there is," Regulus breathed as he watched the hope leave James’ eyes.
"I'm going to miss you Reg," He said, placing a hand over Regulus’.
"I'm going to miss you too. But we are still going to call. Often." He stated. Regulus wasn’t sure how true that was.
"of course we will." James agreed with a light smile.