emotional anorexic
Remus found himself emotionally exhausted just at the start of the day.
Don’t get him wrong - he absolutely adored being a teacher. Despite trying to pick up a few other jobs throughout the years, there was something that consistently drew him back to Hogwarts, almost as if it were his destiny.
However, Mondays were always a struggle. The students and even some of the teachers seemed to be dragging themselves through the day, likely recovering from weekend festivities or just struggling to wake up fully. Even as the students grew older, the challenges of those days remained the same.
Before 10am, Remus found himself consoling a few crying younger students, breaking up a fight, distributing chocolate to possibly half of the school, and trying ( unsuccessfully ) to engage three rather grumpy looking students in a conversation ( but he would surely try again ).
Luckily for him, he could treat himself to a free hour, because the class he was supposed to have had a field trip. After lounging around the hallways and ensuring no mischievous students were skipping their lessons, he bought himself a second coffee of the day from the vending machine. Opting to stay in his classroom rather than the staff room, he busied himself with grading tests and paperwork, all while pondering the fact that their school counselor did absolutely nothing, because of which he was the one that made sure of the comfort and safety of the students, mostly.
Despite the additional responsibilities, he found joy in connecting with them and making them smile. However, with Draco at Grimmauld now, he questioned if he was the right person for the job. Although he didn't have the teenager in any of his classes, he wondered if he could have made a difference, done something more, at least. Unlike most kids who also weren’t taught by him, Draco seemed to challenge him in a unique way.
The teenager was brash, abrasive, yet from what Remus’ colleagues said, also an really talented and intelligent young man. Even if he wasn’t open to any group projects or helping other students out, basically barking at anyone who tried to engage with him, as Minnie often sighed, he was the most clever out of his small group of friends and, to surprise of the teachers, never hesitated to be there for them.
That's why, after conferring with the other teachers to confirm the situation without drawing too much attention, Remus attempted to engage the grumpy trio in conversation earlier. Because a part of Zabini, Parkinson and Nott was missing, and it really had an impact on both their academics and behavior.
He didn't know them personally, only involuntarily assuming they were spoiled brats based on their surnames, and the fact that they had a reputation of being gits and assholes amongst the school. However, Remus scolded himself because he knew that despite everything, it was wrong to judge them so quickly based on the opinion of other people and their family backgrounds. Sirius was the first one who had proven him wrong.
During a break between classes, Remus tried to talk to the three students to maybe try and offer some comfort. He had once asked Harry why him and his own friends didn’t hang out at the Black Lake when the weather outside was suitable, to which the teenager responded that “these slimy gits decided that it was their place; who am I to try and fight with the little perfect, posh princesses?”, positively preventing others from using it.
So, that’s where the profesor found them, indeed. The trio was sitting huddled together on the grass on their probably expensive blazers, surprisingly. Approaching them, even if unintentionally, Remus overheard hast whispers, a mix of “bloody hell”’s, “bastard”’s, “Ifucking know”’s and “he’s alright, he must be’”s.
Their emotions were so raw, so human, not like their apparent normal, undignified selves. However, as the grass rustled under the profesor’s feet, the teenagers noticed him, their expressions shifting from exhaustion into ugly snarls and rolled eyes, immediately making a move to leave.
Casually, Remus asked, "Ah, I hope I'm not interrupting anything, am I?" The teenagers paused at his words, exchanging glances.
Parkinson was the first one to speak up, unceremoniously looking at him.
“No, we were actually just leaving, profesor,” that word was spat with so much venom, yet rolled off her tongue so easily it was scary.
Zabini ( Remus was almost sure it was him ) nudged her in the side, yet his narrowed eyes never left the older man, either.
Remus chuckled softly, reaching into his pocket. “I promise I won’t take long, but it just seems that something’s troubling you,”he said, stretching a chocolate bar towards them. “Chocolate?”
Although he could spot that ( probably ) Nott seemed tempted by the treat, his eyes twinkling and mouth practically watering, the boy also earned himself a nudge from his friend, which seemed to remind him to maintain composure, erasing any trace of emotion from his face. Remus' outstretched hand fell back.
“Excuse us, sir, but I fear chocolate won’t necessarily help with what’s troubling us, as you so eloquently put it,” Parkinson scoffed.
Remus couldn’t even be bothered by her attitude; his gaze softened as he observed them more closely, eager to just express what he needed to say. With caution, Zabini's and Nott’s pinky fingers stayed intertwined, while Parkinson basically shielded them from him.
They weren't like trapped animals, despite the comparison many may have made. They were children, wary of him as if he might harm them.
"Pans," Zabini whispered, his expression tense. "Please excuse her, sir."
“Ah, no, it’s quite alright. I suppose I won’t take that much of your time if you’re in such a hurry, then? Unless there is anything you would want to bring to my concerns.”
The dark-skinned boy seemed skeptical of his intentions, but before he could respond, Parkinson stood up, smoothing her skirt.
“Thank you for consideration, sir. Fortunately, everything’s perfectly alright, and we really must be goingnow, I insist.” she hissed.
Remus observed as she turned her back to him, leaned down and picked up her blazer, tying it around her waist before stubbornly stretching her arm towards the other two.
They managed each other like puzzles perfectly fit in place, even if a piece was messing and a barely visible hesitation from Nott’s side took place, before Zabini pulled him up with Parkinson’s help. They gathered their own belongings, before turning back to the profesor.
Pansy swallowed, standing as tall as she could. “Good day, profesor.”
It was only as she passed by him that Remus noticed her red-rimmed eyes, even if it wasn’t that surprising.
He wanted to assure them that Draco was alright, that he was with him and Sirius, that he was safe with them. Unfortunately, he couldn’t be sure of the fact that the boy was ready, if he even wanted to tell his friends of what was going on with him, and in that moment, the teenager’s comfort was Remus’ top priority.
Zabini bid his quiet farewell with a nod of his own, his hand tugging at the sleeve of Nott, who kept his timid gaze downwards. Remus pursed his lips, stretching his arm with the chocolate towards the brunet again, anyway.
Their friend was already far up the hill back towards the school, yet the two boys halted, looking at the man with a poorly confused and a slightly more cautious expression.
“Here,” Remus said, smiling as warmly as he could muster in that moment. “Just make sure to share it, yeah? I fear I have to stock up on my supplies.”
Theodore swallowed, nodding his gratitude and hesitantly taking the milk flavored chocolate from him.
“Thank you, sir,” the teenager said, his expression unreadable, yet his eyes properly shined as the ones of a child who had just received a treat, indeed.
Zabini nodded once again. “Yes, thank you,” his expression seemed to soften just a bit.
They scattered off to a loud “are you coming, or what?” coming up from the top of the hill, quickly catching up with Pansy.
Remus watched them decease, seeing his own teenage self along with his own friends in their place for a split moment; drowning in worry for Sirius whenever he had to go back home for whatever reason, “the obligations of being the coolest out of them all, I have to go or else they all would fucking die from boring each other. I want to at least witness it y’know,” - he’d said with mock indifference, yet when he came back, Remus nursed his wounds.
Now, even if it took a lot of effort and courage, they could proudly call Grimmauld a safe place, despite the horrors the walls heard and the blood the floors have seen.
It was safe for the two of them, for Harry, and hopefully eventually for Draco, too.
He wanted to talk with the blond, but without making him feel pressured. Just to show support, maybe in a more subtle manner than with his friends. He didn't see it as a complete failure, though; at least the teenagers didn't literally run away or make him feel threatened. That was a start.
He thought of them, and of Draco and Sirius, who were now alone at Grimmauld together. At that, Remus rested his elbows on the desk, sighing deeply. Unable to focus on paperwork, he gave up after failing to count points on one of the tests correctly for yet another time.
He and Sirius thoroughly discussed every possible interaction the black haired man might have with Draco that day if the blond decided to leave his room. They debated how Sirius should act, because after all Draco wasn’t Harry and Remus thought that he wouldn’t exactly appreciate his once removed cousin’s normal dose of sarcasm, to which Sirius huffed.
Remus, like Harry, decided to go to school, yet only after him and his lover had a long discussion of whether it would feel too crowded or no if he stayed, or if Sirius would need the additional emotional support.
They finally settled on a no, yet his fiancé was still to call immediately if anything happened to their kid, even if Remus normally scolded him for disturbing him in his work hours. Though, the chances of something as urgent happening were—…
His phone rang, and he rushed to pat every pocket he had in his jumper and pants to locate where he had stuffed it. When he finally managed to retrieve it, indeed, Sirius was calling him, which could mean everything in that moment.
Remus’ brows furrowed as he picked up, his mind swirling. It could either be the most major thing, Grimmauld could be on fire, or something happened to Draco ( because god knows that if something happened to Sirius, he wouldn’t call, but try to stop the internal bleeding himself or try to fix his broken leg all on his own. Of course that wouldn’t work! ).
“Hey, is everything okay?” Remus asked immediately, hearing his fiancé’s throaty and wet breathing, but Sirius exhaled upon hearing his voice.
“Oh my fucking god, Moony.” the relief in his voice echoed through Remus’ head.
“…Sirius, do not scare me like that.”
“It’s-.. technically? Okay, I mean.” he fumbled his words out. “We- I, bloody hell. Its alright now, I think, Draco is asleep but he— uh,”
Remus leaned back in his chair, his lips pursed as he listened to his fiancé. Knowing Draco was okay eased his nerves, but Sirius's unusual, even weirder than usual behavior was starting to concern him.
The black haired man cleared his throat. “I checked on him, I don’t know, around 10am, maybe? He was already awake, though absolutely exhausted. I asked him to come have breakfast with me, right? Just, you know— I- I don’t know, I wanted to engross him in-, something. I just hope I didn’t scare him. Anyway. He, he did come down, eventually, but looked like a freaking ghost, even more than yesterday. He—, we sat down to eat, though—.. damnit.” He suddenly seemed to realize something and Remus could hear flesh connecting with flesh, assuming Sirius just probably face palmed himself.
“What? Pads,” the taller man said, trying to make sense of his lover’s rambling. “Is everything-,” he paused, assuming that hence his lover was taking the time to engross him in a whole story, it couldn’t be that urgent, yet had to be serious, indeed.
Remus sighed. “…Did you eat or no?”
“…Well, no, we didn’t.”
“You didn’t?”
“…Well, no, no.” Sirius’ voice suddenly turned timid. “I mean, I did? A bit…” he muttered, turning his head towards the coffee table where the unfinished breakfast still stood. He was glad that his fiancé couldn’t see it in that moment.
Remus clicked his tongue before sighing. “Okay, did you.. Prepare anything for him?”
“Duh?.. Well, the pancakes you made—“
Remus groaned, running a hand down his face.
Sirius’ brows furrowed at that reaction. “And what’s wrong with them? You’re the one who made them!” came the accusing response.
“You—,”
“Do you think he should eat even less? Because for a fact he didn’t finish his dinner yesterday, either, and I don’t know if you noticed but he’s skinny as hell—“
“That’s- even worse, but well, he just got out of the hospital! You can’t expect him to, eat just anything. Surely it would be easier for him to eat something more light at the beginning,”
“Well-..” a pause. “We didn’t actually think about it yesterday,” Sirius’ voice deflated, and Remus had to think about it for a split second gimself.
“No we didn’t,” he answered, his tone equally quiet.
“But- you think that he wasn’t eating anything at the hospital? That they just let him out right after cutting him off drips?”
“Well, maybe?”
“Are you asking me? And how am I supposed to know?!”
“Just-, oh my god,” Remus sighed again.
They weren't exactly fighting, not really, bickering as usual. However, Draco's health was weighing on his mind, and Remus made a mental note to himself to monitor the teenager's eating habits himself.
Sirius snorted, and the man could almost picture the pouty expression he was probably wearing in that moment, which made him huff. His partner could really behave like a petulant toddler at times.
“…Anyways. Where was I, er,” Sirius continued. “Oh. Yeah, we sat down to eat, but Draco was so, like, tense. He was terrified. And I was worried that, you know, maybe it’s my fault, that I’m just stressing him out for no reason, or, that he didn’t like the food. The pancakes were amazing of course, but like you said, maybe he wasn’t hungry but was afraid I would be mad at him if he didn’t eat? God, that kid… He— I told him such, that it’s fine if he doesn’t want to, but he, he panicked. Totally freaked out.” he cut off suddenly.
Remus licked his lips, “Okay, luv, because you’re freaking out right now. You’re both safe, that’s what matters for now.” he said softly, because he knew his lover and his worries all too well.
Indeed, Sirius let out a groan which signaled agreement at the same time, and his boyfriend allowed him some space to gather his thoughts.
“He found out about Lucius.” he finally spoke up and Remus tensed. “Through some-, fucking article in the internet. He didn’t know.” a pause, and in a much quieter tone: “He’s sleeping now.”
His fiancé was patiently waiting for him to provide more details, but the black haired man was still struggling to accept that the recent events had actually occurred just a while ago.
“…How did he take it?“
“Cried, quite a lot, had a panic attack. The worst is, that it took me by a fuckin’ surprise, too.” he mumbled, his voice stridently soft. “We hugged.”
Remus blinked. “You—“
“I tried to get him to breathe, and he just, like, leaned into me, you know? I held him till he stopped shaking and-and sobbing, then sent him for a nap, or else he would have fallen asleep right there on me.” he let out a low, sad chuckle.
“The poor lad,” his fiancé muttered, humming in acknowledgment.
Sirius nodded to himself, the adrenaline flowing through his veins slowly seeping away, leaving only a dull feeling of emptiness within him. Even if he learned, forced himself to repress those thoughts all those years ago, now his mind was once again occupied with Draco, Draco, Regulus.
“Do you want me to come back home?” his absolutely amazing lover asked, yet Sirius forced himself to disagree.
“No.“ he said quickly.
“Sirius.”
“It’s fine.”
Remus sighed. Stubborn git.
“Well, I’ll be back sooner, anyway.” he could easily picture his lover already opening his mouth to argue. “My last class of the day isn’t here, so I am going home. Maybe I’ll take Harry with me, too. What does he have then, anyway…” he mused.
Sirius snorted. “You’re just too lazy to drive him back to practice and want to send him off to go by foot sooner.”
Remus shrugged. “Precisely.”
His fiancé sighed.
Later that day, since Hogwarts was a large school and searching for him would have taken too much time, Remus messaged Harry to figure out if he had anything important in that particular lesson. However, he only received a 0,5 photo of Ron, with his face up close to the camera and contorted oddly in response. The teenagers ( and Sirius ) seemed to really enjoy that feature for some reason.
Eventually, after a few more of the, ridiculous in Remus’ opinion, pictures, the man finally pried the information out of the teenager: a " maybe " quickly followed by an " I'll stay tho " as if Harry had seen right through the man’s ideas.
So, after the seventh period, around 3pm, Remus drove home. He paused outside Grimmauld for a moment, taking a few deep breaths before entering. Sirius welcomed him at the doorway, appearing even more disheveled than usual, and they made their way to the kitchen together.
His fiancé leaned against the counter, and Remus instinctively approached him, wrapping his arms around the shorter man's torso, resting his face in the curve of his neck with a gentle sigh.
“Hey,” Sirius huffed out a laugh. Remus hummed in contentment as he ran his hands through the black curls. “How was your day?”
Remus hummed again, his breath hot against his fiancé’s skin. “As good as always. I’ve talked with, Draco’s friends. Tried to, at least.” he felt his lover shift to look at him.
“Ah,” Sirius nodded, musing. “And, how are they?” it seemed that Draco was a tough subject for him in that moment, his body tensing involuntarily.
“Well, not, well.” the taller man sighed. “Even if they wouldn’t really speak to me, it’s clear that they’re worried about him. As hell,”
“Do you blame them, honestly?”Sirius let out a wet laugh. “I’m-, that bastard of a father of his proves to me that nothing has changed. At all. And, it sucks, y’know? And yet, he, hell, he was still fucking worried about him. Asked not if he ever had to see him again, yet if he could.”
Remus frowned. “Oh, hell no.” he leaned back slightly. “Maybe behind the bars, but I will never let him get close to Draco ever again.”
Sirius was silent for a moment, and his fiancé nuzzled his neck.
“I hope I didn’t fuck up today. Honestly, I felt so bloody lost.” the black haired man spoke up in a soft voice. “It felt like,” he swallowed. “He reminds me so much of him. I can’t fail him again.”
Remus held him tighter, rubbing the small of his back gently and silently vowing to protect all of them. “Do you want to sit down?”
Sirius whined softly, declining.
“Couch?” Remus tried again.
They stood in silence for a moment, limbs intertwined, breathing gratefully and recovering, until Sirius gently nodded and motioned for them to move. They made their way to the living room, sitting on the colorful, monstrous furniture, with the black haired man sprawled on his fiancé's chest.
Remus didn’t fail to notice the uneaten pancakes still on the coffee table.
“Is he still asleep?” he asked, his arms traveling to wrap themselves around his fiancés torso.
Sirius shrugged. “I hope so. I don’t think he slept much through the night,”
Remus nodded, his eyes fixated on the table, still.
“He really hasn’t eaten, huh?”
Sirius groaned.
“No.”
Remus pursed his lips.
“You should, too.” he nudged his lover in the side, making Sirius squirm away from his touch. “What about lunch?”
Sirius stayed quiet, his lips pressed together. They hadn't eaten earlier, and it might be too late for lunch now, especially since he didn't want to disturb the teenager.
Remus’ deadpan expression said everything as he sighed. “Okay, what do we plan for dinner?”
“Something permissibly light, huh? But good enough so that it’ll be enough for Harry after practice. How the hell does the kid still got zero body fat after all those time?”Sirius muttered.
“He’s still a growing boy,” Remus snorted. “Text him and we may make a run to the store. I want to talk with Draco first, though,” he said.
Sirius wriggled, looking up at him with furrowed brows. “Let him sleep.”
His fiancé rolled his eyes. “I’ll talk to him later, then.”