advice
"I'm nervous," Sirius muttered on that Sunday morning, cautiously walking into the bathroom as he attempted to put on a simple black shirt without colliding with any walls and accidentally choking himself.
Remus stood by the sink, brushing his teeth for what felt like eternity while his eyes trailed after his fiancé’s movements in the mirror's reflection. He was simply clad in a pair of brown corduroy pants, his scarred chest bare.
After finally untangling himself from the shirt and freeing his hair from its grasp, Sirius approached him. Because Remus didn’t acknowledge him and even had the audacity to avert his gaze, he lightly ran a cold hand down his side, causing his lover to startle.
Remus jerked away with a muted yelp and shot Sirius a glare, to which the black haired man responded with a grin.
With his shoulders slouched, Remus spat out the remnants of toothpaste mixed with a hint of blood from his gums. "I'm going to hurt you," he muttered, hastily storing his toothbrush and tidying up the sink. He then straightened up, leaning against the cabinet.
Sirius chuckled, moving closer to him and sliding his hands into the pockets of his partner’s pants. "I wouldn't mind a little pain," he nonchalantly remarked.
"You're absolutely insufferable," Remus sighed, a faint smile tugging at his lips. Leaning in, he planted a soft kiss on his lover's lips. Sirius instinctively leaned closer, his back slightly arching. Remus slipped his hand under his shirt, caressing his spine.
As they pulled away after a few moments, Sirius still wore that silly grin, though it didn't widen as it usually did. "I'm still nervous,"
Remus let out a soft sigh, closing his eyes and resting his head on his fiancé’s shoulder. His lips felt dry, and he remained quiet for a moment before finally speaking up. "I'm nervous too, but we've prepared for this, didn’t we? We've done everything to ensure we're ready."
Sirius nodded, one hand resting on Remus' waist. The touch sent a shiver through the taller man’s body. "I know, Moons. But it's just... bloody hell, I didn't feel like this with Harry."
"Me neither, but we managed, didn't we?" Remus replied softly, his hand tracing the outlines of Sirius' tattoos by muscle memory. "It is a huge responsibility, but I think that we’re ready."
"But Draco... He's different. What if I fuck something up?" Sirius fretted.
"You won't. You're nothing like them, not even in the slightest. And if something, anything were to happen, I'm here," Remus reassured, adopting that kind yet firm tone he used with his distressed students. After a brief silence, Sirius couldn't help but let out a soft huff of laughter and relax involuntarily.
His shoulders eased, "Oh, thank you for your help, Mr. Lupin," he teased, his hand trailing up Remus' ribcage, causing goosebumps to appear on his skin.
The man's head shot up, panic in his eyes that quickly turned into a darkened gaze. "Don't ever say that again," he warned.
After some more bickering and shared kisses, Remus eventually exited the bathroom to finish getting dressed, leaving Sirius behind to attend to his hair and make some gentle adjustments to his appearance, hoping not to scare Draco right away.
Sirius was nervous.
It was about 8am, after breakfast, and he couldn't believe they had all managed to get up early on their day off. But they had to be ready, didn't they?
Harry sat on the end of the couch with his knees up, absentmindedly scrolling through his phone, yet occasionally picking at his nails from time to time. He was dressed slightly more put-together than usual, which meant jeans and a white long sleeved shirt. Yet, Sirius could see how upset he felt, and couldn't help but tousle his hair every time he passed by.
From the other side of the couch, Remus watched Sirius intently, his fingers fiddling with a loose thread on his gray jumper. He seemed the most relaxed out of the three of them, though.
The black haired man paced back and forth in the dimly lit sitting room of their house, his mind buzzing with anxious thoughts. Even though he was determined to be the opposite of his abusive relatives, fear gnawed at his heart.
What if, despite his best intentions, he ended up replicating the same dark patterns of behavior that had plagued the Black family for years? It terrified him to think that he might unintentionally perpetuate the cycle of abuse onto Draco. He felt a heavy burden of responsibility to ensure history did not repeat itself. He had shattered free from their toxic grasp years ago, but he couldn't shake off the nagging doubt that lured his worst fears to the forefront of his mind.
"Pads, you won’t help yourself by pacing like that," Remus said, though he himself couldn't help his leg from nervously bouncing at some point.
Taking a deep breath, Sirius tried to push aside his worries. He had never met Draco before, but he couldn't help but feel a mix of longing and nervousness about finally getting to know him. "I know,"
Remus raised an eyebrow and Sirius huffed, flopping down on the couch between him and Harry. His godson immediately put away his phone and looked at him, shrugging.
"I don’t like it either, y’know?" Harry muttered, leaning back against the couch. His apprehension, though, was for a completely different reason.
"I think you’ll survive, though," Remus commented, prompting an eye roll from Harry. Sirius chuckled and cuddled against his partner's side.
Still, the countless what ifs continued to plague his thoughts. What if Draco didn't like him, or neither of them? What if he and Harry clashed at every turn?
Remus wrapped an arm around him, pulling him closer by the waist. "Hush,"
Sirius made a face. "I wasn't even—"
"Just shut up," his fiancé interrupted, already closing his eyes and resting his head against Sirius's. Sirius pouted, and his annoyance only grew when Harry had the audacity to snort at them.
Without missing a beat, Sirius leaped up and draped an arm around the teenager’s shoulders, bringing him close to them.
"Hey!" Harry yelped, his glasses slipping down his nose and limbs flailing. The man grinned, pulling him even closer. He accidentally nudged Remus in the process and may have stabbed him with his elbow, causing the man to let out a noise of displeasure.
"Hush," Sirius mimicked, directing it toward both Harry and Remus, turning his head to face his godson.
"Bleh, Sirius, your hair," Remus sputtered, his mouth full of black curls.
It was only two hours later that the doorbell rang, and Sirius was by the door the second it went off.
He swung it open without many thoughts, just wanting Draco to be there, to finally be safe, but what he saw immediately made his heart drop.
There, standing before him, apart from the social worker who Sirius instantly ignored, was what looked like a shadow of a boy.
Draco was staring down at his shoes, the worn-out sneakers revealing the signs of years of usage. His hair was short and a bit greasy, falling over his eyes in messy blond locks that obscured his face. Sirius wished he could see the color of the boy's eyes, but his head was bowed so low in submission, that it looked as if he was to drop to his knees at any given moment.
The teenager wore threadbare clothes, his small frame almost drowning in the oversized sweatshirt and sweatpants that exposed his bony ankles. Sirius noticed the cast on one of his arms and scraped knuckles on the other that peeked out from under the sleeves, evidence of a child who didn’t deserve anything he went through. He looked nothing like the person Harry described in his stories.
The social worker, a woman, took the initiative and spoke first. "Good morning, Mr. Black. My name is Ms. Ellis, and this is Draco, although I assume you're already aware," she said, placing a reassuring hand on the teenager’s shoulder. But in that moment, Sirius easily noticed the tension in the boy's shoulders, an unspoken wariness that he had seen in Harry for a fair share of time at first.
He casted a quick glance at the woman, pretending to listen. "Yes, yes, of course. I'm glad you're here," he responded hastily and shook hands with her, yet his eyes quickly traveled back to Draco. His heart ached at the sight of a child who had been thrust into a world that had failed him. "Come on in," he opened the door wider, hoping to provide at least a bit of solace.
Despite Ms. Ellis's urging, Draco remained frozen in place, his not broken hand holding the garbage bag containing what was likely his only belongings. Suppressing his emotions, Sirius attempted to maintain composure, but anger swiftly consumed him. It was unjust that the teenager wasn't even granted the basic privilege of something like a suitcase.
"Go ahead, dear," Ms. Ellis coaxed, her voice gentle. But Draco still couldn't bring himself to move.
Determined to break through the barrier, Sirius took a deep breath and spoke, his voice laced with nervousness yet he tried to sound steady. "..Draco, I understand that this must be overwhelming for you. But,” he had to pause, feeling his heart break. “I want you to know that you're safe here, now. We're going to take care of you." he desperately searched for the right words to bridge the gap between them. He knew he couldn't force the blond to open up, but he yearned to establish some sort of connection, even if it was just a glimmer of trust.
To his utter fear, however, the teenager started trembling, his shoulders hunching up. However, he didn’t let out a sound, not even a shaky breath leaving him.
Sirius felt himself start to internally panic, too.
Ms. Ellis spoke up, her hand never moving from the blond’s shoulder. "You can trust Mr. Black, Draco. He's a good man who has opened his home to you. Give him a chance, just like he's giving you one." she sounded genuine, yet that sounded weirdly passively aggressive and Sirius didn’t really like its connotation.
Draco remained stiff and silent, his gaze fixated on the floor. The only thing he could hear was the sound of his own heartbeat pounding in his ears.
“It’s-it’s fine, ma’am. Really.” Sirius insisted and turned to the blond, but immediately softened as Draco flinched. The man swallowed, before speaking up again. “We can take things at your pace kiddo, no pressure.” he tried smiling, yet knew it wouldn’t mean anything. “…I know this may not mean much to you right now, and you may not believe me; and that makes perfect sense, because, why?.. But I want you to know that I want to help you, and I’ll make sure to prove it.”
Draco’s mind was spinning. He didn’t want that.
He wanted to go back to the Manor, to father.
He didn’t need Black, he wanted father. Father. Father.
Black seemed so genuine and gentle, yet Draco knew he couldn’t possibly fall for it. It would only hurt more in the end.
Please. Please, please, pleasepleaseplease.
He didn’t want to go.
Ms. Ellis sighed softly beside him, but he couldn't have cared less. However, he knew that he was acting like a complete brat, refusing to do what they were simply asking of him. Of course - he couldn't even follow basic instructions. Making a bad impression on Black right away was definitely not a good idea. He didn't want the man to think less of him or, worse, decide to punish him for his attitude immediately.
"Come on, sweetie, you can do it," the social worker's touch on his shoulder felt like it was burning through his skin.
Draco hesitated for a moment, loosening his grip on the garbage bag slightly. He glanced at his once removed cousin, anxious about what he might see.
However, Black was not at all what he expected, and Draco's eyes unwittingly lingered on him for a moment longer.
Instead of the brutal tyrant the blond had imagined, there stood a man who was around his height, with black hair cascading freely onto his shoulders but somehow still managed to be in order. Tattoos on his neck peeked out from under his shirt, and Draco also noticed his painted nails.
He didn't match the descriptions his family had given him at all, which made the teenager just utterly confused, and even more miserable at the thought of what was to come.
As their eyes met for the first time, Sirius noticed the intensity in Draco's gaze. Both of them shared similar blueish gray hues, but the boy's eyes were darkened, as if overshadowed by something.
In an instant, Draco blinked and his head quickly snapped downwards, squeezing his eyes shut while clutching his belongings tighter. This sudden reaction caught Sirius off guard; it felt as though he were looking at a frightened stray animal.
"It's alright," Sirius reassured quickly. Draco didn't believe him.
Nevertheless, the teenager hesitantly shuffled forward, still keeping his head lowered. Each step seemed like a burdensome task, his fear and uncertainty weighing heavily on his legs.
So this was it.
Sirius let out a sigh of relief as Draco entered the house, holding the door open for him. It was a small step, but it was a start. The man knew that building trust would require patience and time.
Draco stopped just after crossing the threshold, hesitant but indeed inside, right?
Sirius glanced at Ms. Ellis. "Er, ma'am, do you—“
"I'm alright, thank you, sir. Everything has already been settled, and you have all the paperwork regarding the boy. If anything changes or if he gives you any problems, please don't hesitate to contact the agency," she said, causing Draco to tense and Sirius to frown.
"…Alright then. Thank you. Goodbye," Sirius replied quickly, not waiting for her response and with a gentle “woah, watch out,” to Draco, who still lingered close to the exit, closed the door.
Once again, he felt infuriated that Ms. Ellis treated Draco like an object, disregarding the fact that he was a living, breathing child.
His attention was brought back to the boy's condition once again, relishing the fact that he was actually standing in front of him. The social worker had just dropped him off and… here he was, right in front of Sirius.
"Um, so," Sirius began, nervously scratching the back of his head. "Remus and Harry are in the living room. Would you like to go see them? Then, maybe, we can either talk- or no, you don’t talk, right-.. Right?”
Draco didn't respond verbally, nor did he move a muscle to indicate a nod or shake of his head. He simply tightened his grip on the garbage bag, causing Sirius to interpret it as a negative reaction. At least it was clear that the blond had heard him.
"Okay, yeah, right," Sirius said, pursing his lips as he contemplated his next steps. "Do you need help with your things?" He made the unfortunate mistake of gesturing towards the garbage bag with his hands, unintentionally sending Draco into panic. The teenager’s eyes widened and he stumbled backwards in alarm.
"Woah-, okay, okay, easy there. I’m- Its alright. I’m sorry, I won’t touch it, it’s alright,” Sirius quickly raised his hands in a gesture of surrender, his words tumbling out nervously.
He mentally punched himself in the face.
The teenager's haunted eyes bore into him, slightly unsettling. There was a hint of Narcissa in his delicate features, but the strong Malfoy genes were undeniable. Additionally, Draco's sunken cheeks and pale complexion made Sirius wonder if it was due to stress or if he was naturally that pale.
“I won’t hurt you. I won’t. Let’s just-,” Sirius panted softly, feeling his heart race. "Um, let's just start by getting you settled in, okay? Er..."
Draco's gaze remained unwavering, his lips tightly sealed. He listened carefully to Sirius's words, absorbing them with precision, but he made no move to initiate anything.
Both on the outside and inside, he was utterly terrified.
“Come on, I’ll show you the living room. Remus is also really excited to see you. We all are,” Sirius assured him, attempting to maintain a sense of normalcy. He took a step in the direction of the living room, but Draco didn't budge.
Instead, the blond shuffled his feet, looking down at his shoes with uncertainty.
"Ah-, yeah. You can, um, take off your shoes. I'll give you some slippers," Sirius clicked his tongue a few times and turned towards a short cabinet under the coat racks. He kneeled down next to it, searching through its contents. Meanwhile, Draco awkwardly leaned down, finally setting the garbage bag aside to remove his worn sneakers with a shaky hand.
Although he could easily remove them without using his hands, simply by shuffling them off, he refused to do so. That would only further damage them over time. His father would always get annoyed with him whenever he done that, claiming that he was too lazy to even take his shoes off properly. Not knowing Black, Draco didn't want to take any risks.
Finally, he managed to take them off but casted a nervous glance around, uncertain of where to put them away.
"Oh, thank you. Yeah, um, here," Sirius placed a pair of brown plush slippers in front of him. "You can put your shoes over there, alright?" He pointed to a space next to the cabinet, and Draco noticed a few pairs of shoes already resting there.
After a moment's pause, he carefully placed his own shoes next to a messily thrown pair of red converse that undoubtedly had to be Potter’s. Draco made sure to arrange his shoes neatly, though.
Then, he slid his feet into the slippers and picked up his belongings again, trying to make himself as inconspicuous as possible.
Despite his best efforts, Black was still there.
"Are they okay? Comfy?" Draco gave a curt nod. "…Okay, that's good."
Black guided him down the hallway, heading towards a staircase. The blond couldn't help but notice the portrait of a stern-looking woman, looking down as if silently judging him, so he quickly averted his gaze. Counting the steps quietly, he tried to steady his breathing.
They reached the doorway of the living room, where Lupin paced anxiously. And then there was Potter, who stood up from a ridiculously colorful couch abruptly, his emerald eyes filled with nothing but disdain.
"Malfoy," he said through gritted teeth, appearing to be the first one to notice them.
Draco merely glanced at him, wishing he could respond with the same amount of hatred. But perhaps it was better that he couldn't. Potter had to be the absolute apple in the eye of the men, right?
"Harry, be civil," Remus muttered, stepping up beside him. His eyes softened as he looked at Draco, yet the teenager still felt a pang of discomfort. "Draco, it's nice to see you here," Remus said, nodding. "Welcome to our home," he added with a small smile.
"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Harry grumbled, earning another stern glare from his caretaker.
An oppressive silence filled the room, making the atmosphere tense. Remus and Sirius exchanged meaningful glances, speaking without words, as they always seemed to do.
Finally, Sirius was the one to break the silence. "Well," he said, clasping his hands together and unintentionally making Draco jump, startled. "Oh-, uh, sorry. Are you hungry by any chance?" he asked, receiving a shake of the head in response. "Um, how about I show you to your room, then? You can unpack there," Sirius suggested, hoping not to elicit another frightened response.
Draco simply nodded solemnly, desperate to get away from them all.
"Right."
And again, they were walking through the high hallways of grimmauld, with its grandeur and seclusion casting an eerie atmosphere that seemed to hang in the air. The faded portraits of his ancestors lining the walls stared down, their eyes filled with a silent vigilance that sent shivers down Draco’s spine.
As him and Black made their way deeper into the ancestral home, the teenager listened as the sound of their footsteps echoed through the empty corridors, creating a haunting melody.
Black opened his mouth a few times, seemingly wanting to say something, but he remained silent, leaving Draco unsure of what to make of the situation. Carefully crafted wooden banisters guided them up a winding staircase, each step creaking beneath their weight.
Finally, Black mustered the courage to speak again. "All of our rooms are on this floor," he explained, gesturing vaguely in a direction. "This one is ours. Don't hesitate to come to me or Remus if you need anything. We're here for you,”
Draco remained silent, his eyes nervously darting from one room to another.
"Your room is the last one. It's next to Harry's, his is the one on the left, but I hope he won't bother you. He can be a bit grumpy sometimes, so please excuse his behavior," Black chuckled, though Draco failed to find any amusement in it.
They finally reached the assigned room, and Black opened the door, allowing Draco to enter first. The teenager stepped inside hesitantly, taking in his surroundings. The room had been decorated in rather cold tones, with dark wooden furniture.
A large window faced the door, with a sturdy desk positioned underneath. A bed stood pushed against the right wall, and a wardrobe occupied the space opposite it. While the room was much smaller than his quarters at the manor, at least someone had clearly put effort into making it a safe place for him. There were some soft additions to it, such as plants or fairy lights, and Draco felt a pang in his chest.
It all seemed too perfect. Which meant that everything would hurt even more in the end.
He glanced hesitantly at Black, who scratched his neck awkwardly.
"It's all yours," he said with a hesitant smile, before faltering. "Er, if you want to change anything, feel free to do so, of course. You can, I don’t know; hang up posters or whatever you like. We want you to feel at home."
Draco stopped himself from mentioning how he wasn't even allowed to decorate his own space at the manor. In fact, his room there didn't even have a door.
With a reassuring nod from the black haired man, Draco approached the bed and cautiously took a seat on the soft checkered duvet. He placed the garbage bag down carefully, and his hands rested on his lap as he looked around, his eyes gleaming.
Sirius observed him from the doorway with a fond smile, already feeling like a proud parent.
After a few moments, their blue eyes met, and the man snapped himself from his trance.
"Well-, make yourself comfortable," he said, gently clasping his hands together. "I'll leave you now, alright? You can unpack or-, just rest. The door on the right is the bathroom, and it’s fully yours. You can, uh, lock the door if you want, that’s up to you.” He gestured with his hands, his smile growing wider despite his visible nervousness.
Draco licked his teeth and looked away, nodding softly.
Black nodded back. "If you need anything just call. We’ll be downstairs. Though, if you wanna come down too that’s also okay, of course.”
The teenager looked up and nodded again.
"…Alright. Alright. Bye, then," and with that, he was gone.
And finally, Draco allowed himself to fully exhale, the first time since he had entered the house.
He shifted on the bed and leaned against the wall, still surveying the room. His eyes landed on a wolf, maybe dog-like, plush that was placed next to him.
Hesitantly, he reached for it, running his hand over the soft gray fur of the stuff toy.
However, his gaze quickly became blurry, and he pulled his hand back as though it had burned him.
Everything was damn too good.
He wanted father.