Chapter 1
Minerva McGonagall. One of the most powerful witches of her time. She was happy. Satisfied with her life. She wasn't used to wanting. And yet, she had always had this urge. A pull on her soul. She longed to be a mother. She wanted to be needed, to be depended on. Yes, she had this with her position at Hogwarts, but she wanted a closer connection. Her students came and went, always thinking of her as the stern transfiguration professor. It was how she became. Her time at the Ministry of Magic hardened her. She figured that if she was to teach students not that much younger than her, she would need to give them cause immediately to respect her. It was hard enough that Malcolm and Robbie were still at Hogwarts when she started. They still knew her as the fun, sweet, gentle, prank-loving older sister that they had always known, but when she taught them, she was kind, but firm, and they came to respect her as their teacher.
But the thing that truly hardened her was the passing of Robbie and his family, his wife, Maeve, and children, Elspeth, aged 9, and Brodie, aged 7. Only his daughter, Ainsley, survived. And only because she had been at Hogwarts, her first year. Minerva, who was to join her brother for dinner, had lost track of time grading the essays that her fourth years had written. She should've been there. She had something that could only be classified as survivor's guilt.
It came first with Ainsley. With the help of Malcolm and his wife, Fiona, she raised Ainsley. It was Minerva who Ainsley went to when she was scared. It was Minerva who Ainsley went to when she felt sad about her family's death. It was Minerva who Ainsley went to when she needed help. Minerva felt maternal pulls within her soul to Ainsley. She felt that it was not only her duty to care for the orphaned girl, but also that if she didn't something bad would happen to both.
There were two other people who Minerva felt this connection with. Lily Evans-Potter and Remus Lupin. Minerva got Lily, she was in a world she knew that separated her from her family. Minerva got Remus, not fitting in, being so scared that someone would find out her darkest secret. Remus's, obviously, would've ruined people's view of him and his safety, whereas Minerva's was more of the complete fear that people would blame the deaths of the young McGonagall family on her.
This all changed when she met Elphinstone. Well, after she left the Ministry when she was 21, she kept in touch with her old boss, Elphinstone Urquart. She had kept tabs on his career, he eventually became the Head of Magical Law Enforcement and Minerva became the deputy Headmistress of Hogwarts. There was no denying that Phin had always had romantic feelings for the much younger Minerva. Minerva did too, but she felt as though she would be unfaithful to her ex-fiance, Dougal, should she actually get romantically involved with Phin.
No matter how many times that Phin proposed to her, her answer never being a hard 'no' but always a 'not now', she stayed close friends with him. She loved him, but she couldn't with a good conscience get more involved with him that she already was.
And as the years passed by, Ainsley grew up and life went on. Everyday on the anniversary of Robbie's death, Minerva forced herself to get up and pretend it was like any other day, only allowing herself to cry herself to sleep at night. Ainsley had graduated, and Minerva had cried in private later that evening. Ainsley got engaged, and Minerva went to Robbie's grave to share the news of the engagement, before crying, kneeling at the front of his grave, deeply missing him and wishing he was here to celebrate all of the important moments in her, Malcolm, and Ainsley's lives. Ainsley got married to a wonderful man, Daniel. He was a muggle-born wizard. Brilliant, and an amazing potions master. Soon enough, Ainsley and Daniel welcomed their first baby, then their second. Minerva felt that Ainsley's two children, Caroline Jade (CJ) and Robert Jackson (RJ), had completed her life out.
But, like life, that status of pure happiness changed. Ainsley had gotten ill with a muggle disease called cancer. It was heartbreaking watching the last remaining piece of Robbie slip away. Minerva's old boss, Elphinstone, had continued to propose to her on a yearly basis (Albus and Pomona often joked that they could set up their calendars based purely off of Phin's proposals). Minerva's ex-fiancee, Dougal, had gotten married four years after Minerva had broken off their engagement. And a year before Harry's birth, he and his family had died in an anti-muggle attack in Caithness, as Death Eaters had been looking for Malcolm and his family to scare Minerva into stop helping Albus Dumbledore and the rest of the 'resistance'.
Now, the happily engaged couple sat on the couch in Phin's living room at his Hogsmeade cottage. He had recently retired and moved to Hogsmeade full time to make Minerva's commute to Hogwarts easier and for them to be able to live together.
The one thing that scared Minerva about being with Phin was his second cousins. Bellatrix Lestrange, Andromeda Tonks, and Narcissa Malfoy, the three Black sisters, were Phin's cousins, though less Andromeda than the other two. Minerva was terrified that Bellatrix and Narcissa would use their cousin to hurt Minerva and her brother, his family, their parents, and Ainsley (before she passed) and her family.
Phin had insisted that Bella, Meda (as he affectionately called Andromeda) and Cissa (Narcissa's nickname) would not hurt her or any of her family. Both Bella and Cissa were in dangerous positions. They had been hurt by their husbands. Bella had been forced to never have kids, and Cissa wasn't allowed to spend more than an hour after tea with her kids.
Right now, as Minerva sat, curled up in Phin's lap, she felt nothing but peace. Narcissa had requested that Phin watch her two younger children for the day, and Minerva had come down from Hogwarts to help. Narcissa's eldest child, a daughter, Ara, that Lucius had allowed Narcissa to keep purely because she had said that she would kill herself before killing her child (and Malfoys could only marry once, and they needed a male heir, so with a dead wife and a daughter, that fulfilled neither requirement, Lucius needed Narcissa alive), was very good friends with Ainsley's daughter, Caroline. CJ, like her late mother, was close to 'Auntie Eva’ and depended on her greatly at Hogwarts. Draco and Cassie, the two younger children, had been wonderful. Pomona, who had walked down from Hogwarts with Minerva, had offered to play with the children to give the two 'lovebirds', as she called them, some space.
Minerva had been very busy with getting the start of term going, that she had had very limited time to spend down in Hogsmeade with Phin, something that would be remedied by the new year (Minerva had always loved the thought of a winter wedding, and no surprise, Phin agreed).
As the two sat, very close, the fireplace roared to life with green flames.
Minerva jerked upwards, still, even in her own house, concerned about how friends, students, colleagues (with the exception of Madam Hooch, and Professors Sprout and Flitwick), and former students viewed her.
Out stepped Narcissa Malfoy, her hair perfectly done up, her clothes, impeccable.
"Pinny," Narcissa said, as her older cousin wrapped his arms around her.
Phin had been in his mid 20s when Narcissa had been born. Bella, Meda, and Cissa, when they were young, they had been unable to pronounce Phin, let alone Elphinstone, had affectionately called him Pinny. In a classic act of Phin being Phin, though both sets of parents hated Phin being called such a name, spoiled his little cousins, allowing them to call him whatever they could actually call him (for a while during Meda's 'rebellious' period--her parents may say that the rebellious phase of her life never ended--called Phin 'wanker' and he never said a thing). Despite how loose he was with what they could call him and how free he was with expressing how much he loved and couldn't wait to spend time with his cousins, they somehow knew to never press him too much or push him too far.
"Where are they?" Narcissa pulled away, nervously glancing around the room.
"Cissa, what's going on," Phin put his arms on his cousin's shoulders.
Narcissa shook her head furiously, "Nothing, nothing." her shoulders shook slightly. "It's all fine. Everything is fine." She said it like she was trying to reassure herself more than Phin.
Minerva felt out of place. She saw how close Phin and Narcissa were the first time that she saw them together. She missed that connection that she had had with Ainsley. It had been over a year since she had passed, but that grief just hit her so hard. It was like a sharp pain came across her heart and a rock formed within her throat.
Without saying anything, Minerva hurried out of the room as tears filled her eyes. She refused to let Narcissa Black Malfoy see her cry. Phin looked worried after her, and a moment later, they heard the front door close.
"Why don't I go find Draco and Cassie?" Phin asked, still worried about his fiancee. "They were playing with Pomona in the backyard."
Narcissa nodded, "I'll come with you."
The two of them walked out of the family room, and went to find Narcissa's two children.
Minerva had to get out. She felt so lost. Ainsley was losing so much strength. She was losing her precious hair, the dark McGonagall locks. She couldn’t walk, being either in a wheelchair, pushed around by Oliver, or being carried by Oliver. She couldn't eat properly, drink water, she couldn't do anything. Minerva felt like a failure. She was supposed to ensure that Ainsley had the best life, that she was alive and happy. But Minerva had failed. Ainsley was sick. She was dying, there was no escaping that fact. But she could escape Phin’s. For a while, at least.
She left Phin’s house, and headed back to Hogwarts. She walked around the edge of the Black Lake. The wind blew, loosening some of her hair from her bun.
Tears began to fall down her cheeks.
“Professor?” A voice called, forcing Minerva back into the present.
She quickly wiped the tears from her face, gathering herself up and back into the teacher that she usually was. In a clipped voice, she demanded, “Yes?”
Turning, Minerva saw that it was Poppy Pomfrey, the new school matron.
Poppy slightly recoiled away, “I’m sorry, I saw you and wanted to see if you were alright.”
Minerva nodded stiffly, “Just brilliant.”
Poppy nodded, “Young Miss Malfoy is looking for you. I told her that you were off campus. She said that she would wait in your office for you.”
“I’ll go there now, thank you.” Minerva said, her voice still clipped. “If you see Pomona, please tell her that I am fine.”
“Of course, Professor.”
Madam Pomfrey had been working at Hogwarts the year before Lily had begun her Hogwarts education. The schooling of Madam Pomfrey and Minerva overlapped by two years, Poppy being a second year when Minerva graduated. Pomona had graduated two years before Minerva, and yet the pair were the best of friends, along with Irma Pince, Augusta Longbottom (nee Crouch, she no longer enjoyed the company of her nephew, Barty, Jr.), Rolanda Hooch, Filius Flitwick, and Natalia Prewett (Molly Prewett Weasley’s paternal aunt).
Minerva swept away, Poppy following in her wake.
“Are you going back to the castle?” Minerva demanded.
“Yes,” Poppy replied.
“Fine,” Minerva said, widening the gap between the two women.
Poppy’s eyes followed the tall, thin, angular women. To an untrained eye, it would seem normal, but to an observant close friend of Poppy, she looked almost longingly after Minerva.
Once in the castle, she automatically went into her office.
“Ara,” Minerva nodded, closing the door as she entered her office.
Ara Malfoy stood up, placing a bookmark into her book, “Professor.”
Minerva had known Ara Malfoy from literally the minute she was born. Ara was taken away from Narcissa. Phin was there to support his cousin, and in a panic had called Minerva, who had shown up, no questions asked. Ara hated her father. He had often outright told her that she was less than and worthless. Her brother would always be infinitely more precious and important than her. She was just a girl, and therefore not even considered the firstborn.
Ara’s conception had been somewhat hidden, especially from the public. No one talked about it, but everyone knew that she had been conceived out of wedlock. What people didn’t know was the circumstances. Narcissa was forced into an arranged marriage with Lucius. He was not an outwardly vicious man, but in the privacy that the Malfoy Manor provided, he was cruel to Narcissa.
“Shall we go into my private rooms?” Minerva suggested, shrugging off her cloak.
Carrying the cloak in one hand, she stepped behind her desk.