He Didn't Mean To
James
Dueling club had been fun. He had easily disarmed his opponents with his partner, and taken some mild shots at his friends. Once everyone was dismissed, he noticed Charlie talking to Scopius. Dispite the fact it meant he was hanging around his younger brother more than he would have liked, he enjoyed the fact that Scropius and Charlie had become friends. It also made him feel a little less weird about befriending his younger brother's best friend's sister. Well the friendship wasn't the weird bit, his crush on Aniara was giving James reason to pause.
He didn't intend to start fancying her. He didn't plan to leave the party and go outside to find a cute girl unbothered by the cold, make a bet with her, and hold her hand the entire time. He didn't even notice he was still holding her hand until she mentioned him 'trying to pull her arm off' but then he didn't want to let go. Spending the evening with her made him feel ordinary for the first time. Spending your entire life being famous because of your parents, being compared to your dad and grandfather, being told how special you are because of your last name didn't make you feel special. It made one feel like you were in this weird middle ground between normal wizard child, and special. Never really one or the other. But with Aniara it was like flying, or floating on your back in the water. Like the first breath of air after holding it in for so long.
He could tell how lonely she was. Obviously she would be. And James understood the feeling of missing your friends and the wait for their letters. He was just glad he was able to make the journals work and to make them so soon. He wanted to make her happy, to help her stay in touch with Rosie and himself. His stomach did flips when he saw her first message that day. And they have been talking ever since.
His first doodle was by accident. He was bored during History of Magic and was re reading their conversation from the night before. They were talking about the different familiars at school. He had his quill in his hand for note taking and just started drawing a silly cat. He knew it wasn't very good, but it had made her laugh. And now he didn't want to stop making her laugh, even if he couldn't hear it.
Hanging around his brother wasn't so bad. Seeing Scorpius, who looked so similar to his sister, made James feel closer to Aniara. Sometimes he could almost feel that calming, normal feeling he felt when he was around her while they were studying in the library. If he had to put with with his brother to feel just a little bit closer to her, then he could live with that.
Him and Al were called over to their dad once everyone was dismissed. He saw Charlie and Claire leave to get ready for the lake later. They were doing an end of the year picnic and swim in the lake. Farris would wait behind for him.
"I just wanted to tell you both how proud I am of you. I've heard great things from the other professors, and James, you have had less detentions this year than last. So I wanted to let you both know, and I'm sure Mr. Thompson will be happy about his, friends are welcome over this summer."
James pumped a fist in the air. Farris had spent almost all of last summer at their house.
"So Cori can come over during the summer?" Al asked almost too enthusiastically. James tried to hold in his smirk.
"Yes, so long as his parents agree. Though, with the events of Christmas, I see that as a possibility."
Both Potter boys were excited for the summer. James almost ran back to Farris to talk about plans.
"Wicked! My mom got some new games over Christmas I've been dying to show you. And Florence got some cool water pistols we can use as well."
"I'm sure Lily would enjoy that. She might even find fun pranks uses for them as well."
"I'll bet. That girl can turn anything into prank."
James nodded his agreement just as loud sounds were coming from the entrance to the great hall. Both boys stoppd and looked in that direction. It sounded like a fight. James could hear someone telling whoever it was to stop. Then the sounds changed from grunts, to spells and he heard his brother's name being yelled by Scorpius. Someone must have said or done something to Scorpius and now Al was fighting them. Nothing new really.
James pulled out his wand and made his way over to the doors with Farris. Al might need some back up. He got to the door and took in the scene in front of him. Higson, who James recognized as a jerk to not only other first years, but to some second years as well, (kid has had it coming) duelling with his younger brother while Scorpius was frozen on one side. Scorpius mouth was now partly open as he had just been yelling for them to stop. Higson had terrible aim, but was quick with the deflection from Al's spells.
"Al!" James called, not sure if he was going to try and break them up before their dad came over, and he was currently on his way from the other end of the great hall where he had been manuvering the tables back into place for dinner, or if he should join his brother. But saying his name was a bad choice. All their attention, aside from Scorpius', was drawn to him and Higson took that moment to make possibly the dumbest desicion of his life.
He fired a spell, not at Al who was now open and distracted, but to the unarmed petrified Scorpius. It was a stunning spell, and a good one at that. It knocked Scorpius back and he fell to the floor. James gripped his wand tighter. He wasn't sure what had given Higson the bright idea to attack an unarmed peer, but James was sure going to show him just how bad that desicion was. He went to raise his wand to hit Higson, but he was too slow.
Out of no where, in an instant, a figure appeared just to the left of where Scorpius had been standing, and just two steps away from him. He wasn't sure where they had come from. He didn't hear the evidant pop sound of apparation, and he also knew you couldn't apparate inside of Hogwarts. They were also not white or translucent so they weren't a ghost. But it was like the figure had been standing there hidden under his invisibility cloak and then threw it off quickly. They weren't wearing the school uniform however, but black high waisted slacks and a cropped black shirt with small flowers on it. They held their wand out to Higson and hit him with the same spell he had used on Scorpius. Higson fell backwards suddenly, his nose bleeding just like Scorpius.
James finally registered the figure's hair and his heart jumped. It was the same curly white blonde he had dreamed about on occastion. The one he saw in his daydreams and memories. How had she gotten there? Where did she come from? Why hadn't he seen her just a second before if she was actually here? Maybe he was dreaming again. She looked down at her wand arm in surprise and then her name dropped from his mouth in almost a whisper. He hadn't even meant to say it, he was just so shocked to see her.
She turned quickly to look at him, but she looked wrong. And that feeling, the one he got when he was around her, was there but it was more muted. Almost like she wasn't fully there. Nothing made sense. She didn't say anything to him. Just looked at him in shock and confusion. Al said something but James couldn't make out any words. When she turned her head to look at their brothers, she was gone. No apparation, no disillusioning spell, no invisibility cloak. One second there and the next, nothing.
"Ani?" He whispered again. Where had she gone? Maybe if he just kept looking at where he had seen her, she would come back. Or maybe it had been an illusion. Either way, he didn't want to move his gaze from her.
He could hear Scorpius and Al talking and Scorpius' voice was getting louder with each word. He also heard his father's voice begin talking to Farris.
"What had happened? Is everyone all right?"
"Al was just in a duel with Gregory Higson, then he got distracted and Higson fired a spell at Scorpius, who wasn't even holding his wand if I remember right. Then James did some pretty impressive wordless magic. I didn't even hear him cast the spell at Higson. Unfortunatly the stupid git ran off before you got here."
"Thank you Farris. Please go to the headmistress office and inform her of the fight. I will talk to the rest of the boys about what happened."
James barely registered Scorpius walking away, he was too scared to pull his gaze away from where he had seen her. What if she reappeared and he missed it. James then heard his father trying to get his attention. He couldn't look away, he couldn't. But then his father came in front of him blocking his view from where she had stood.
"James, what happened?"
"I didn't... It wasn't... An-" Before he could put together his thoughts, both of their attentions were pulled by Scorpius yelling at his brother.
"Shut up! Both of you shut up. I'm tired of hearing how it bother's you what people say about me."
Both of you? He was only looking at Al. There was no one else close enough for him to be saying that too. James was fully confused now.
"I wish we had never became friends. Just go away and leave me alone."
Scorpius started to walk away but Al took a step after him, reaching out a hand to his best friend.
"Scorpius, please stop. You didn't mean-" Al started before Scorpius cut him off. He spun around fast and was looking straight at Al, "I meant it, and I said to leave me alone." Then his gaze went pointedly just to the left of Al "Both of you! Go home Aniara!"
Just as he turned and made his way up the stairs, James could feel it. He didn't notice he still felt the feeling he had associated as Aniara's presense until he felt it be ripped away. It was like a door had shut and he didn't feel her calm anymore. James' father left his side and went to Al's. His younger brother was now crying into his father's shoulder. James knew he should have stayed to comfort his brother, but another matter was eating at him.
Scorpius had addressed his sister as if she was there. As if he could see her like how James had seen her just a moment before. He had made his way to Gyffindor tower and gruffly said the password to the portrait. He pratically skipped all the steps up to his dorm and startled Charlie and Claire who were still grabbing stuff for the lake. James ignored them and grabbed the journal from under his pillow. He grabbed a self inking quill and sat on his bed as he flipped through the book to find the page they had left off on. He put the quill to the page and then stopped.
He had no idea what to even say.
*************
Al
It didn't matter what it meant, the sound of the word being spat at his best friend lit a fire inside Al. He was surprised, however, when Higson hit back. Most everyone had learned what Al was capable of. He wasn't sure why his first choice of defense was with fists and not magic, maybe it was his muggle ancestry. Maybe it had to do with the fact that it was always about Scorpius.
He knew from the first moment he saw Scorpius at the station that he wanted to befriend him, but once they were talking on the train, it was like they were tied together. Al knew he never wanted to leave Scorpius' side. And he didn't hesitate in his choice of house. Once Scorpius was placed, all of Al's previous worries about being placed in Slytherin faded away and when the hat gave him the choice, Slytherin or Gryffindor, it was instant.
Al had thought Higson had learned his lesson that first day in class, or from Al's reputation. He had wanted it to be because he was a decent student or his skill in gobstone but being "One Hit Al" wasn't too bad when it meant people knew not to mess with those he cared about. But while Al was shocked that Higson hit back, he was prepared to defend himself and landed in some good hits. Higson didn't have a powerful punch, which meant Al would only come away from the fight with a couple of bruises. And when the fight turned into a duel, Al was confident in his skill he had only just been practicing moments before. Higson's aim was almost as bad as those soldiers from that muggle space movie. But when James' voice pulled Al attention for a second, that was all it took for Higson to make the worse mistake of his entire life.
So far, it had only been words and dirty looks that hurt Scorpius. He was good at hiding how much it hurt him, but it was almost like a 6th sense telling Al how much it pained his best friend inside. It was part of the reason Al was always so quick to throw hands with his peers. But it had never been physical pain, until now. His heart sunk to the floor when he saw Scorpius falling back. Al knew the smart choice would have been to finish the duel by disarming Higson and possibly using a binding spell. Maybe even a stinging hex just for good measure. But Scorpius was always his first choice.
He ran to his bestfriend's side and barely registered his brother finishing the fight. Hearing Higson's body fall back with an even louder thud than Scorpius had made, made Al smile inside. But on the oustide he was worrying because now he noticed blood trickling from Scorpius nose from the force of the suddent spell.
"Cori, you ok? Oh Salizar you're bleeding, lets get you to Madam Pompfry." Al grabbed Scorpius shoulders to help him up, but his best friend just shoved his hands away.
"I'm fine." Scoprius' tone was annoyed and a bit strained as he was still trying to recover from having the wind knocked out of him. Al reached out for his shoulders again to help him up but Scorpius shoved him off again.
"Get off Al, I'm fine!" his voice was louder as he wiped off his nose and stood himself up slowly. Al noticed his father began talking to Farris and he looked to where Higson had been, but the stupid git must have run off. James just stood a few steps away from them shocked at the whole scene. Al followed his friend standing up next to him, and he noticed the angry scowl on his face. Scorpius swatted at the air next to him and stated again, "Just leave me alone, I'm fine."
He kept saying that, but Al didn't believe him. He had just been severely insulted and then physically attacked while he was unnarmed, not to mention bleeding.
"You're not fine Cor, you got hit with a stunning spell and your bleeding. Lets-"
"Just go away!"
"Cori, just take a breath," Scorpius turned and glared at him. Al could see it now. Scorpius was not just angry, but he was angry at Al. Why?
"It was fine. Everything was fine, I was fine! I had accepted my life for what it was. I had no control over how people saw me, and I learned to live with it. Understood that was how they were going to see me for the rest of my life. The lonely little blonde boy who's father and grandfather were on the wrong side of a bloody messed up war. So I learned to let it roll off. Their words don't bother me. At least they didn't until you came along."
Al almost couldn't believe his ears. Scorpius was mad because Al was standing up for him, telling off people for being mean to him, and getting into fights because Scorpius was called a name. Al didn't say anything, his mouth agape trying to process the words his best friend was telling him, almost yelling at him.
"Cori, I-"
"Shut up! Both of you shut up." Both of us? Al was the only one talking to him. "I'm tired of hearing how it bother's you what people say about me. And I know that's a Potter thing and you probably can't help it, but being sneered at and being called names is something I can't help. So I learned to ignore it, to let it go in one ear and out the other. It didn't matter what they said, it never hurt me. But then Al Potter had come in and change all that."
This didn't make any sense. There was no way Scorpius was ok with the things being said about him like that.
"I wasn't... Cori its not" Al wasn't sure what to say to that.
"And now, every time someone calls me a git, a traitor, a Drip, it hurts. It actually hurts me, because I have your stupid bloody voice in my head telling me that I don't deserve to be treated that way. That you care about what people say to me or how they treat me. And I hate it. I hate that you care about me Albus. I hate that you've made me care what they say. So just stop. Stop caring about me, because they will never stop treating me that way. Just like how you and your brother will always be compared to your dad. I wish we had never became friends. Just go away and leave me alone."
Scorpius face had become red from his yelling and his anger. Then he turned away from Al and made his way towards the stairs.
Al was dumbfounded. There was no way he would stop caring for Scorpius. Scorpius deserved better than all that. He didn't deserve the hate, the sneer, the dirty looks, and the name calling. He deserved to have people care about him, because he was more than just a Malfoy and heir to a pureblood family. He was a kind and gentle kid who studied hard, even when he hated the subject. He had accepted Charlie's identity without hesitation and even became close friends with them. He listened to Rosie when she went got excited about plot developments in her books and had to go on long winded rants about what had happened before so that it made sense, not that it really made sense to Al. Scorpius even encouraged Andy and his interest to paint his nail, helping him pick out colors sometimes. He even comforted Claire when she got sick last month. And he never onced looked down on Farris because of his blood status.
Scorpius was one of the kindest, most selfless person Al had ever met and he couldn't stand him being hurt. The other day at the lake had opened up Al's eyes to his feelings. He saw Scorpius the same way he saw his parents, his brother and sisters, his gran and gramps, his aunts, uncles, and cousins. He saw Scorpius as family. Al's heart was beginning to crack from the tears he was holding from the moment he saw that spell his Scorpius. He took a step forwards to follow him up the stairs, reaching out for him, "Scorpius, please stop. You didn't mean-"
Scorpius spun around fast, glaring so intently at Al that everything in him froze, "I meant it, and I said to leave me alone," Al's heart broke, cracking like a window being hit with a brick. Then his eyes went wide in shock with Scorpius' next words. He looked pointedly to Al's left, looking at nothing, "Both of you! Go home Aniara."
And with that Scorpius stormed towards the stairs and off in a direction Al didn't recognize. Tentitively Al looked to his left, staring into the empty space Scorpius had just been yelling at. Yelling at his sister to go home. But she wasn't there. She couldn't have been. Images started to flash in his mind from the last year.
Scorpius sitting in the common room turning the pages of a book he wasn't reading.
Scorpius' eyes glancing to the side during conversations as if he was looking at someone that wasn't there.
Scorpius saying something under his breath as if he way saying outloud a response to a conversation he was having in silence.
Scorpius randomly chuckling during silent study or lulls in conversation.
Scorpius making faces that didn't fit with whavever conversation he was in, or if he wasn't talking to anyone.
Scorpius making excuses about him and his sister having a mental conversation through their twin bond.
Their twin bond.
When Scorpius stood up just a moment ago he had swatted at the air the same way he had pushed away Al's hands. He had said 'Both of you' even though Al was the only person talking to him. And then he had spesifically told his sister to go home even though she wasn't there... or had she been.
Before Al could put everything together, his father appeared in front of him.
"Albus? Are you alright son?"
Al finally broke, completely. He reached out for his father and fell into his arms sobing. Scorpius's words came back to him as he cried in his father's arms.
"Until you came along... I hate that you care about me Albus... I wish we had never became friends... I meant it, and I said to leave me alone!"
Al didn't want to leave him alone. He didn't want to go without his best friend, his family, his... his...
No, Al didn't care about him the same way he did his family. It was different. He didn't just want to be friends with Scorpius. He wanted to be the one to make him smile, He wanted to hold his hand. He wanted to wipe away his tears like he had at the lake. He wanted to hold Scorpius and never let him go.
But Scorpius didn't want him back.
Word of the fight spread throughout the castle. Higson was serving detention for attacking another student for the rest of the school year and would even serve some in the fall as well. Al informed Rosie and Andy about his fight with Scorpius, though he didn't mention his realization of his feelings for Scorpius. He didn't see how they mattered now. James and his friends didn't go to the lake. They went to the abandonded classroom with the rebel kids, Claire was comforting Al as a few left over tears fell from his face. Farris and Charlie eventually left after hearing the full story to track down Scorpius. To make sure he was physically ok and to comfort him if needed.
Al just looked at his brother, who's face had been pale since the encounter as if he had seen a ghost.
"Its a good thing you acted fast Jay. Who knows what other spells Higson might have used against Al or Ned," Rosie offered in comfort. James simply nodded back in response.
After an hour, and no much conversation, Charlie and Farris returned with no results.
"We checked basically everywhere. He wasn't in the dungeons, we asked a prefect to check."
"Not in the astronomy tower," Farris continued.
"Not the infirmary, Madam Pompfry said she hadn't even seen him"
"We even checked the greenhouse in case he went hiding somewhere we wouldn't think he would go. No sign of him."
Andy made a noise under his breath but didn't say anything outloud.
"He has to be somewhere? We should all go find him. He needs us."
"He doesn't want us." Al said flatly.
"Bollocks to what he wants." Charlie said with a frustrated tone.
"Well you all go then. Me and Al will stay here." Claire said, she was acting different than usual. She wasn't the closet with Al, but now she was comforting him like she was his mother. Al didn't really care. He was so broken hearted he just wanted to crawl into bed and not wake up until he was 50 and no long bothered by the issues of childhood and your first broken heart.
Everyone left and Al just leaned on Claire's shoulder, closing his eyes, and drifted off to sleep to forget everything that had happened.
*************
Andy
He knew the moment Farris had said it where Scorpius would have gone. If he didn't want to be found, if he didn't want to be around any of his friends, there was only one place he would go that none of them would think to look. The one place all of them knew he didn't ever want to go to.
But Andy had thought to look.
He had been trying to see everything from Scorpius' point of view, trying to understand how he felt. And right now Andy knew that he was angry. That he was hurt and lashing out because he had to confront feelings he wasn't used to feeling. He had probably been right when he said that their words hadn't hurt him until the rest of them started making a fuss about it. Or really when Al had started to stand up for him.
Andy understood having feelings you didn't understand and weren't ready to confront.
This was why he wasn't surprised when his hunch had been correct and he found Scorpius at the entrance to the memorial bridge, just standing there staring at it. Andy approached him cautiously. He kept a good distance between them, about 5 steps or so, in case Scorpius lashed out at him. It was likely, they weren't the closest of the rebel kids, which was Andy's fault.
Useing as non threatening of a voice as he could, he softly spoke, "Hey Ned."