Miu Iruma’s workshop was a disaster zone. Wires, metal scraps, and various half finished contraptions were scattered across every surface. At the center of the chaos stood Miu herself, her goggles pushed up onto her forehead as she cackled over her latest masterpiece.
"Alright, you sexy piece of tech n’ wires, you're finally ready to blow some goddamn minds!" she declared wiping sweat from her brow.
On her workbench sat a strange looking machine part monitor part tangled mess of electrodes, and part something that looked suspiciously like a heart rate monitor duct taped to a gaming chair. A neon pink screen displayed the words, "LOVE-O-METER 9000 GUARANTEED TO CALCULATE TRUE ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY!!"
Miu smirked, tapping a few keys on the built-in keyboard. "With this baby I can prove SCIENTIFICALLY that me and Kaede are like the most perfect pair to ever exist!"
Of course, there was one problem.
Kaede had no idea this was happening.
That was something Miu intended to fix immediately.
She wiped her hands on her skirt, took a deep breath, and then practically kicked down the door to Kaede’s lab. "YO, TITS MCPIANO! GET YOUR SEXY ASS OVER TO MY LAB, NOW!"
Kaede, who had been peacefully playing a soft melody jumped so hard she almost slammed the lid shut on her fingers. "Miu! What the heck?! You can’t just barge in like that!"
Miu grinned. "Pfft yeah I can, and I did! Now c’mon, I got somethin that’s gonna change your whole damn world!"
Kaede sighed, rubbing her temples. "This isn’t about another… weird invention is it?"
"Uh, excuse you? my inventions are works of pure unfiltered genius," Miu said, crossing her arms. "Now let’s go! You trust me right?"
Kaede gave her a long skeptical look. "…That’s a loaded question."
"OH MY GOD, JUST GET OVER HERE!"
Kaede sighed but stood up following Miu as she chattered excitedly the whole way back to the workshop. When they finally arrived Kaede immediately paused at the sight of the machine. "Miu… what is that?"
Miu clapped her hands together. "It’s the LOVE-O-METER 9000! It measures, like, compatibility! Ya know, SCIENCE stuff! Brain waves, heart rates… sexual tension~"
"Wait… what?"
"… Anddd it gives a score on how perfect two people are together!" Miu finished completely ignoring Kaede’s horrified expression. "I made it just for us! We’re gonna PROVE our chemistry with cold hard undeniable facts!"
Kaede pinched the bridge of her nose. "Miu. This sounds like the least scientific thing I’ve ever heard."
"WH—" Miu gasped. "HOW DARE YOU DOUBT ME YOU FLAT-CHESTED—"
"I’m literally not flat," Kaede interrupted.
"Whatever! Just sit your pretty ass down and let the magic of my genius work its wonders!"
Kaede hesitated. "And if I refuse?"
Miu smirked. "Then I’ll just keep on bugging you till ya do,~"
Kaede sighed again why did she always let Miu talk her into these things? but reluctantly sat in the chair.
Miu practically bounced with excitement as she strapped a heart monitor to Kaede’s wrist and stuck a few electrodes onto her temples. Then before Kaede could object, Miu plopped down in the chair beside her strapping herself in.
"Alright get ready for the ultimate truth bomb!" Miu hit the start button dramatically.
The screen flickered. A robotic voice spoke,
"CALCULATING ROMANTIC COMPATIBILITY... PLEASE STANDBY."
Kaede drummed her fingers against the armrest. "So, uh… how long does this take?"
"Not long," Miu grinned. "Just gotta measure a few things… y’know like your pulse when you look at me how flustered you get from my god tier beauty and boobs, that kinda stuff."
Kaede rolled her eyes. "Sure."
They waited.
Then.
"COMPATIBILITY SCORE… 99% – EXTREME ROMANTIC ATTRACTION DETECTED!"
Kaede’s eyes widened. "Wait, WHAT?!"
Miu’s face turned bright red. "W-WHAT THE—"
Before either of them could react, the machine beeped again.
"SECONDARY ANALYSIS… HIGH LEVELS OF SEXUAL TENSION PRESENT! SUGGESTED ACTION… IMMEDIATE SCISSOR SESSION!"
Silence.
Kaede turned to Miu. Miu turned to Kaede.
Miu immediately started slamming the buttons. "NO NO NO NO NO, SHUT UP, SHUT UP, DELETE THAT—"
"CONFIRMED! MIU IRUMA IS EXCEPTIONALLY HORNY FOR KAEDE AKAMATSU!"
Miu screamed.
Kaede buried her face in her hands.
Miu continued slamming buttons like her life depended on it. "WHAT THE HELL PEACE OF SHIT LOVE-O-METER?! I DIDN’T PROGRAM YOU TO EXPOSE ME LIKE THIS!"
Kaede, meanwhile, sat frozen, her face burning hotter than the sun. "Miu… What did that thing just say?"
"N-NOTHING! IT SAID NOTHING! YOU’RE HALLUCINATING! SYSTEM ERROR! SYSTEM ERROR!" Miu yelled, yanking at the wires like she could physically rip the machine’s betrayal out of existence.
"REPEATING LAST ANALYSIS… MIU IRUMA IS EXCEPTIONALLY HORNY FOR—"
Miu drop kicked the power switch. The screen flickered then went dark with a pathetic beep.
Kaede slowly turned to Miu, her expression unreadable. "Miu."
Miu swallowed hard. "Uh… Y-Yeah, Kaede?"
Kaede took a deep breath. "So. The machine you know, the one you built just said very loudly in your own lab that you’re… exceptionally horny for me."
Miu let out a very nervous, very high-pitched laugh. "HAHAHAHA. W-WHAT, NO THAT’S CRAZY! IT—IT MUST’VE GLITCHED!"
Kaede raised an eyebrow. "Glitched? You literally said it was 'scientifically accurate' like five minutes ago."
"YEAH, BUT… BUT SCIENCE CHANGES! SOMETIMES! CONSTANT VARIABLES AND STUFF! CHAOS THEORY! THERMODYNAMICS! QUANTUM HORNY PHYSICS—"
Kaede crossed her arms, clearly unimpressed. "Miu."
Miu froze.
Kaede leaned in, just slightly, and oh god she was close too close.
"You wanna tell me what that was really about?" Kaede asked her voice much softer now.
Miu opened her mouth. No words came out. Just a wheezing sound that might have been an attempt at language.
Kaede sighed. "Miu, if you—"
"OKAY FINE, MAYBE I’M A LITTLE BIT INTO YOU, OKAY?!" Miu blurted out at hyperspeed. "MAYBE I THINK YOU’RE SUPER HOT AND YOU TITS ARE NICE AND YOUR SMART AND NICE AND MAYBE YOU MAKE MY HEART HURT AND SHIT AND MAYBE I BUILT THIS STUPID MACHINE BECAUSE I WANTED SCIENCE TO TELL ME I HAD A CHANCE AND MAYBE IT JUST HUMILIATED ME INSTEAD AND—AND—"
She gasped for breath, her whole face burning.
Kaede blinked.
Silence.
Then.
"…Wait," Kaede said slowly, "so… you like me?"
Miu’s brain short-circuited. "WHAT? NO MAYBE. OKAY, YES, BUT YOU WEREN’T SUPPOSED TO FIND OUT LIKE THIS!"
Kaede stared at her for a moment before unexpectedly she laughed.
Miu flinched. "OH MY GOD, DON’T LAUGH AT ME, I’M ALREADY EMBARRASSMENT!"
Kaede shook her head, smiling. "I’m not laughing at you, Miu." She tilted her head. "I just… I kinda already knew."
Miu’s brain rebooted. "…y-you knew?"
Kaede shrugged. "I mean, you’re not exactly subtle."
Miu gasped, clutching her chest like she’d been mortally wounded. "YOU KNEW?! FOR HOW LONG?!"
Kaede tapped her chin. "Mmm… A while."
"A WHILE?!" Miu looked like she was about to combust. "AND YOU NEVER SAID ANYTHING?!"
Kaede giggled. "I was waiting for you to tell me yourself."
Miu groaned dramatically, burying her face in her hands. "OH MY GOD, YOU’RE EVIL. YOU’RE WORSE THAN ME. I CAN’T BELIEVE THIS."
Kaede smiled. "Well, now that you finally confessed…" She hesitated, then took Miu’s hands in her own. "I like you too, you know."
Miu stopped working.
Her mouth opened and closed like a fish, her brain frantically trying to process what just happened. "W-w-what—you—"
Kaede squeezed her hands. "I like you. And I think you’re really cute when you get all red over things like this."
Miu made a high pitched squeaking noise.
Kaede giggled. "So… maybe you wanna try this again? Y’know, without the weird machine yelling embarrassing things?"
Miu slowly nodded. "Y-Yeah… That… That’d be cool."
Kaede beamed. "Great. How about we start with a date?"
Miu, still deeply malfunctioning, could only manage a dazed, "H-Hell yeah."
As Kaede led her out of the lab, Miu barely noticed the screen flickering back to life behind them.
"NEW CALCULATION: KAEDE AKAMATSU IS ALSO EXCEPTIONALLY GAY FOR MIU IRUMA!"
Miu smirked.