Mother was screaming again. Something about how Sirius was a disgrace for being a Gryffindor, the usual. Sirius had tuned her out hours ago, consigning himself to the lecture. The minutes ticked by, and his dear mother didn't seem to be any closer to stopping. Sirius couldn't take it anymore.
“Oh could you just shut up!” He finally yelled back at her, tired and fed up.
She stopped and her eyes widened as if she couldn't believe what she just heard. “What did you just say to me?” She asked, tone dangerously soft.
“N-nothing mother. It was nothing,” he hurriedly assured, trying desperately to backtrack. But it was too late, she brought her hand up and he flinched.
The slap echoed in the silence of the drawing room, and he gasped as her rings caught his lip and split it open.
“You would do well to remember your place, son.” She told him after, glare daring him to protest. He didn't, instead running off out of the room and up the stairs, mind unconsciously leading him to his brother's room.
He took a minute to try and compose himself, then walked into the room, footsteps quiet from years of practice. Regulus was writing, engrossed in whatever words he was putting to parchment, and as such, didn't notice him right away. Sirius was trying to control his breathing and not burst into tears, but he couldn't help the small whimper he let out.
Regulus heard it and turned around, face changing from pissed off to concerned to blank so fast Sirius would have thought he imagined it if he didn't know his brother better than that.
“What do you want?” Regulus asked, tone bored. Sirius was shocked he was even speaking to him. They had exchanged a grand total of five words since he came back for break, and Sirius just didn't know what he did wrong. His brother had changed, and Sirius was left trying to put the puzzle together when he had all the wrong pieces.
“Reggie..” he breathed, at a loss for words.
“Out with it. I don’t have time to listen to you sob.” His tone was cold, and Sirius couldn't help the thoughts of how wrong this was from coming. This wasn't how he wanted this conversation to go, and he started to try to fix it.
“I just wanted to see you. We’ve barely talked since I got back and-” he started but Regulus interrupted him.
“Yes and I’d like to keep it that way. You’ve seen me, I’ve seen you, now leave. I’ve got better things to do.” Sirius didn't believe that for a second, but Regulus’ tone left no room for argument. And even if it did, Sirius was tired of arguing today.
Sirius stood there for a moment longer, waiting for him to take the words back, but all Regulus did was harden his gaze. C'mon, say something, take it back, please. He thought desperately, but Regulus didn't. Sirius waited, then nodded and left.
He walked back to his room, deciding to write to James, see if he had any advice on getting his brother to talk to him.
‐——————
They were talking now.
Well, arguing, but Sirius would take what he could get these days.
It had started how all their fights did, Sirius would try to talk to him, Regulus would ignore him, Sirius would go to grab him and then they would be fighting.
“Well if that’s how you feel, why don’t you just leave! Go run off to James, you’re always telling me about how he’s so perfect, so just go run off to perfect James! Go!” Regulus yelled at him, chest heaving, and Sirius had no idea when it all went wrong but he couldn't fix it now.
“Fine! Fine if that’s what you want then I will! Who needs you anyway! Merlin all I was trying to do was have a conversation with you! Is that too much to ask for?!” Sirius yelled in return, pulling at his hair, voice shaking. He felt like he was falling apart, he felt like he was losing control, and he hated it.
“Oh a conversation! That’s all, right? No. I know you, first it would be a conversation, then it would be an interrogation, then a recruitment, and, Merlin forbid, you did just want to get to know me, then we would still end up here after you did because you wouldn’t like what you found. So go tell all your stupid Gryffindor friends about your failure of a brother, your dark, evil, slimy little Slytherin brother who is bound to be a Death Eater because I don’t care anymore Sirius. I don’t care. I just don’t.” Regulus sneered at him, and Merlin since when did his baby brother know how to look so hateful? Sirius didn't recognize the person in front of him, and he still felt like he was one word away from breaking. It was all too much, and he could feel the red start to pull at him, start to take over. He was fighting a losing battle, and he needed to leave, needed to clear his head.
He felt trapped, and so he did what he does best, he lashed out.
“You know what Reg, I will. I will go to James and I will tell him all about what a disappointment you are. A puppet. Are those even your words, or did mother and father tell you to say them? Don’t answer that, I don’t care. You’re right, you are a disappointment, but you’re not my brother. Not anymore.” He had lost the battle and now all he could think about was how wrong this all was. Nothing was making sense, everything was out of control, and he couldn't breathe.
He needed to get out, and so he did.
It was only when he was stepping through the floo, looking up at James’ confused but smiling face, that he could think clearly. All the words came rushing back to him, and he started crying.
“I've lost him James. I've lost him” he kept repeating it over and over, and James just held him.
“I know, I know Sirius.” James said, knowing immediately who Sirius was talking about. There was only one person that could make Sirius this emotional.
******
They weren't talking anymore.
Sirius was back for Yule break and although he and Regulus weren't talking, he still had plenty to say to his mother.
They had been going at it since they left the station, and this evening was no different.
“Oh well don't hold back for my sake mother, please do go on!” He yelled sarcastically, tired and just wanting to go to his room.
“I just don't know why I expected better from you! I should have known the minute you got sorted that you were no good! Consorting with filthy mudbloods and blood tratiors! I raised you better!” His mother shouted, and Sirius had had enough. He turned around, intent on just heading to his room, but he barely made it a step before his whole body erupted into pain.
He fell to the ground, screaming and twisting as his whole being was consumed by the white hot pain flooding through him.
After what felt like an eternity the pain went away, and he was left gasping for breath.
“That should teach you not to talk back to me. You are the heir, it’s time you acted like it.” Her voice was cold, pitiless.
And Sirius, he knew what he should do. He should nod and remain silent, but he wasn't a Gryffindor for nothing, and he was always the more reckless of the two brothers.
“F-fuck y-you…” He stuttered out with great effort, voice breathy and strained.
That was the wrong thing to do. Mother’s eyes widened, before she was casting the curse on him again, no mercy in her eyes this time. Sirius started screaming instantly this time, his face wet with tears. The pain felt like it would last forever. Distantly, he heard a voice shouting that sounded like his brother's, but that couldn't be true, Regulus never raised his voice, he thought it beneath him. Maybe the pain is finally getting to my brain, he thought idly. Then the pain was gone, and he couldn't even move enough to cry relief.
The world was going dark, and he couldn't care. He hoped Regulus wouldn't hate him for dying.
As soon as he woke up, he was sitting up, asking where Regulus was. The face that greeted him was Effie's, and she seemed both relieved that he was awake and concerned all the same.
“Regulus is not here Sirius. You're safe, you're at my home, Potter Manor.” Effie told him gently, but Sirius wasn't listening. Regulus wasn't here, he didn't care. Sirius had left him and Regulus didn't even notice. He couldn't stop the tears from coming.
******
Sirius didn't know how long he had been in Azkaban. The days were starting to blur together, which he knew wasn't a good sign, but he couldn't bring himself to care.
He thought too much about Regulus these days. He wondered if he had a cell here too.
A chill went up his spine, and the tell tale moaning of the dementors approached.
“No no no please no please I can't please please!” He begged but it was no use.
“Reggie please come save me please I'm sorry! I'm sorry please! Reggie please!” His pleas turned into screams as the dementors got closer and closer.