– ☆ –
REGULUS POV
The first thing he remembered was the feeling of not being able to breathe, of his lungs collapsing in on themselves as they slowly drowned, the world gradually fading to black around him as the pressure in his head grew. In a desperate, futile moment of panic, Regulus drew in a breath of air, inhaling water and filling his throat, his mouth, his lungs, with even more water. Exhale, inhale, choke. The world growing fuzzy around the edges of his vision. Exhale, inhale, breathe. He was breathing. He no longer felt like he was drowning, the water around him had stopped constricting him, stopped its violence, its terrifying onslaught and had stilled.
He blinked the haziness out of his vision and let his eyes adjust, let the feeling of being alive envelope him. He was alive. Flexing his fingers he went to kick his legs only to find the appearance of a tail, he was suddenly hyper aware of the gills firmly tucked beneath his collarbones that were aiding him in the process of breathing again. He was aware of the way his eyes no longer stung and the way in which the water no longer felt like a foreign enemy. The water had not claimed him as one of her victims, instead she had taken him as one of her own. He was a child of the sea now.
Travelling away from the cliff’s rocky edge, the place where he’d been born again, Regulus spent the years learning how to survive in this new climate, how to live in this world he was yet to fully understand. Time passed and he met many creatures, all with their own tales of life as they understood it. In doing so he left his past behind, the memories of drowning in the world he now referred to as home were like faint scars that had faded to the point they were almost gone. Aside from the phantom ache of a life forgotten, Regulus lived like the creatures of the ocean taught him, avoiding the surface and living in the murky depths that called to him with the offer of safety. It was living like this that he came across a shoal of those similar to him, those chosen by the ocean. It was there that he learnt words like ‘family’ and ‘love’. It was there that he was taught about the creatures of the land, creatures to be avoided at all costs. Them and their weapons, their inane curiosity and constant invasion further and further into Regulus’ home, them and their wicked grins and confusing devices that they used to breathe beneath the surface, their metal contraptions they used to delve deeper and deeper.
He was taught they were the enemy and who was he to assume otherwise? Who was Regulus to question those that had taken him in and offered him something more than drifting. Who was he to wish to travel to where the seafoam met the land? Regulus finally understood the ocean so why would he welcome more questions into his mind? He understood the ways in which the ocean shifted and pushed and pulled, tugging at him to keep him safe from passing boats, pushing him into alcoves when divers got too close, pulling him towards the shoal when the feeling of being alone had become too heavy a weight for him to handle.
This was why Regulus couldn’t fully grasp and understand one of his shoal siblings' urges to visit the land. What could be awaiting Sirius there but the same feeling of hopelessness that Regulus’ life had begun with? What could be waiting there but men ready to pick them apart and examine them under eyes of practised scrutiny. The leaders of their shoal had forbidden talk of land, of the secret of the seafoam and yet Sirius had remained curious. It was like he’d never built the wall Regulus had, and had never felt the need to settle with the first home they’d been offered.
“Don’t you feel it Regulus? The call from the land?” Sirius spoke in a hushed tone one night, like he was admitting to a crime far more nefarious than his ache to swim with the foam.
Regulus mulled the question over in his mind, the stars shining brightly above them through the stillness of the surface, “no, I don’t.” Regulus replied.
“Liar.” Sirius scoffed and Regulus had fought the urge to bite back, to reveal that he was lying not only to Sirius but to himself. It was safer that way. To not let the ache consume him, to not let the curiosity get the better of him. Of course he felt it, how could he not? There was something about the land, the surface, the sun kissing his skin that set his heart ablaze with the warmth of familiarity that he craved to lean into.
“Will you come back?” Regulus found himself asking and in the silence he got his answer.
“I’m going to see it all.” Sirius admitted to him that same night after they’d watched the stars for long enough, after Sirius had told him all the truths he wanted to see and mysteries he wanted to solve when he welcomed the land with feet yet to walk a mile. There was a goodbye hidden in those words, an ‘I'm sorry’ sneaked in with the press of Sirius’ lips to Regulus’ forehead, a silent handover of love that left a bittersweet ache settling deep beneath Regulus’ skin, between his scales and etched into his bones.
Regulus put on his best act the next morning when the shoal found Sirius to be missing and no one was any the wiser. He acted out the distressed vision of loss and he held himself with the grief he was sure they expected him to feel. It wasn’t as hard as it should have been and that did not surprise him.
Sirius’ departure had knocked loose the stones holding together the wall of content Regulus had formed in his mind. Had Sirius found his answers? Had he answered the truths and mysteries he’d heard about? Had the call from the land really been worth it? The seafoam whispered to Regulus now, coaxing him out gently from behind his wall. His wall that was crumbling and falling to pieces, his wall that was now broken and leaving Regulus with a view of what could be, with an ache, a desire, stirring from deep within himself. The desire to know.
– ☆ –
JAMES POV
Coming back home during the summer months was something James looked forward to with a startling sense of urgency the longer the days got and the warmer the weather turned. By the time summer hit and he was free from classes tying him down he was already halfway home, halfway to the place where he could be openly and boldly himself.
Growing up with the sun on his skin and the wind carrying salt through his hair, the sand warm as the soles of his feet connected with it, James had the scent of the beach pressed so firmly into his very being it was almost as if he was a part of the landscape there. It was where he found he belonged, where he felt at home. The waves called to him, where the seafoam met the shore.
It was the simplicity of home that led James to let his guard down, to be himself and exist in a space that he’d fine tuned to be a haven of acceptance. It was the simplicity of the small cottage just a few minutes walk away from the water, the dessert shop that his parents owned on the pier being just a ten minute bike ride away and the rocky alcove known to no one but James himself, hidden a ways away from the main attractions of the small beach town. It was these little places he knew like the back of his hand that had him returning with such fervour each year. It was these places that were the very foundation of who James was at his core.
Flowers lined the garden his parents painstakingly took care of, white daisies blooming under the summer sun. Trees with fresh leaves offered them shade as their branches hung across the path and made contact with the roof of the patio James was standing under. He’d arrived a few days earlier and had spent the time so far catching up with his parents, with their dog, with the parts of himself he’d left behind. He brushed the cobwebs from his bike, sheltered beside the patio where it sat every year waiting for him to return. He was to stop by the shop today, to see the view on the pier and inhale the air he’d achingly missed as he made his way to the place he could never forget.
People crowded the pier and lined the windows of his parents' shop. Children tugged on their parents' hands and couples awkwardly brushed shoulders in line as their older variants grinned at one another across small round tables. Everything felt more simple and full of life, full of joy and wonder here. James loved it. He thrived off it. He longed for it when the loneliness of the night crept in.
Kissing his parents both hello and see you later James took off again, towards his real destination, his real calling. He ached for the small alcove he called his. He’d stumbled upon it back when he was a child, determined to travel as far along the beach as his tiny legs could carry him, slipping through cracks in rocks and beneath tangling vines until he’d found the hidden path leading to the secluded beach within the small alcove. It was his own little safe haven, a place he went to to swim, to lay in the sun, to scream into the sky. It was the place he allowed himself to feel all his emotions at once, the place he allowed them to come tumbling out of him as he broke the dam holding them back. He prided himself on his composure when he was around others, he prided himself on being the bright sunspot in everyone's lives and he admitted to himself that sometimes he just needed to scream and let it all go. Sometimes he just needed to let the walls down a little and breathe. A simple exhale, inhale, and scream.
He drops his bike unceremoniously against the cave wall, hidden from the main road, and makes his way along the path he’d taken a million times before. Breaking into the alcove for the first time in months James exhales slowly before he’s pitching forward into a sprint, his feet digging into the sand first before making contact with the water. He slows to a stop once the water is at his knees, panting softly as he feels the wind whip through his curls, and then he takes a deep breath in and lets out a frustrated scream. A scream full of all the words he hadn’t said, to people he’d dared not talk back to, to people who had frustrated or annoyed him, to moments wherein all he’d wanted to do was curl up and cry. He let the wind take them away and the alcove swallow them whole.
Faintly he heard the sound of clapping, slow and precise it picked up in volume as James turned his head to the source of the sound. What greeted him was the vision of a boy peering at him, elbows propped up on the ledge of the rocky pool that was at the back of the alcove. James liked the alcove for this reason, the small swimming pool-like enclosure of water separated by rocks from the rest of the ocean. They quirk an eyebrow, a small amused smile painting their features, lit up by the glow of the slowly sinking sun still high in the sky but low enough it's rays angled into the alcove. Their skin was shining softly, so pale it almost seemed to radiate a soft hue of blue. Their hair damp, half dry and fluffy, hung in loose waves around their face. They looked enchanting.
Leaning forward onto their elbows they watched James with an inquisitive expression, like he was a creature in a zoo, something foreign and never before seen. There's a sharp, almost unnoticeable, intake of breath from them as James steps forward and then halts noticing the way they freeze at his movements.
“Hello?” James says, hoping his voice will carry across to the person. Hoping he comes across as harmless, as someone who is also curious.
There’s no response and if it weren’t for the slight tilt of their head as they continued to stare at him, eyes digging holes into him with their intensity, then James would’ve thought he was being ignored.
“I’ll be here all week,” James jokes, “that is, if you’re waiting for another show. Afraid I got most of it out just then.”
A smile, followed by the shake of a head turning away to hide the sudden display of affection.
James can’t help but smile in return, though they wouldn’t have seen it as their eyes were no longer on him, it lit up his face and crinkled his eyes in the way that made people's shoulders sag in relief upon seeing it. A smile that was so unbridled and full of adoration it almost felt overwhelming to be offered it.
He starts up moving again and suddenly their eyes are back on him, searching, and so James starts talking, “I said I’ll be here all week, but I meant all summer really and like I don’t know when you found this place but if anyone was to have first dibs it would be me and my nine year old self.” He pauses, “we can share though– no, yeah, definitely. We can share. I guess maybe we should exchange names? Or you could tell me to leave you alone, or something, otherwise I’m just going to ramble at you every time I see you here. See, I can’t help myself, and don’t get me wrong I love silence. Silence and I go way back in fact— just not in my favourite space, with a stranger, you know? And not to say I need to know everything about you but you know, putting a name to a face would be enough to make me feel better. Really.”
Getting closer James could see the storm of grey’s that made up the other’s eyes and drew James in like the rain clouds that called to him in the winter, like a storm they struck lightning down James’ spine and his words catch in his throat. His head spun and he felt his breath hitch as he stared, jaw having gone slack as he pulled to a stop at the edge of the pool.
“Hello– I’ve already said that, um, I like your eyes, what I mean is uh… they’re beautiful!” James felt the words tumble forward from his lips and he cringed inwardly at how awkward he sounded, “I mean, they just, they remind me of storm clouds gathered over the sea.”
A rosy hue dusted the other’s cheeks, their mouth parting as they let out a little exhale, a soft ‘oh’. James understood that, he felt much the same, the emotion that a singular soft word that was barely even a syllable could convey was a lot. “I’m James by the way,” he manages to say, trying not to just be slack jawed and in awe as his eyes trail downwards and– “you have a tail.” he states more to himself then to them.
A tail.
The person in front of him had a tail. James blinked once, and then twice, and then just to be sure he closed his eyes for a few seconds before opening them once more. “Well, that’s different.” James chokes out in shock.
The sound of a soft snort has his eyes darting back up to catch the deepening red flush on the other's face as they turn away once more and push off the wall, away from the edge of the pool and backwards into the middle. James stares and watches as the person? Merperson? Fishperson? Swims in circles, passing underneath where James has climbed up to let his legs dangle into the water. He should be alarmed by this he knows, but he'd always believed in the supernatural, the mythical, the stories adults told children to get them to sleep. He'd never stopped believing and so there was no hurdle for James to jump over when it came to accepting that this was happening. There is something so trusting in the way they are behaving around one another now, like they knew the other meant no harm just from their presence alone. As the sun washed over them and the tide slowly crept into the alcove, as James chattered away about all the things that had welled up inside of him and had him screaming to the ocean here, as the dark haired person with the tail that shone a brilliant shade of blue listened, their eyes never leaving James, as all of these things were happening an agreement transpired between them.
This space was theirs. It was not to be revealed to others. They were not to be revealed to others.
“–and so then she looked at me like I was the idiot! As if I was the one who’d left my part of the assignment to the last minute and I hadn’t in fact already done half of her part for her.” James threw his hands up in disbelief as his company hummed in acknowledgement, “exactly! Like I mean, what was she expecting? That I’d cave and just do it all for her?”
James sighed, “okay okay, don’t look at me like that, so what if I eventually caved? I didn’t want to get a bad mark and the professor said we had to sort all internal conflicts ourselves. Ugh, it was so stupid…” trailing off James let himself look out past the head peering from beneath the top of the waters surface and felt his heart sink as he watched the sun kiss the sea.
Twisting his hands uncomfortably in his lap James exhaled in resignation, “you know if someone had told me talking to a mermaid about my problems would help I would’ve sought one of you out years ago.”
Cold water hit his chest and tickled his chin, eliciting a laugh from him, “okay, maybe not just any mermaid. Afterall, I doubt they all listen as well as you do.”
A hum of appreciation, soft and melodic, that James could feel in his chest, reverberated across the small distance between them. “Well…” James began awkwardly, picking himself up from the ledge and dropping down onto the soft sand on the other side, “maybe I’ll see you tomorrow but if I don’t, if the tide takes you away… thank you.”
As his back is turned and he’s halfway to the alcove’s hidden entrance he hears it.
“Regulus.”
James grins and turns around, watching the startled expression flash across the other’s face, “goodbye Regulus!” James yells and raises his hand in a wave, a feeling of incomparable warmth blossoming in his chest.
– ☆ –
Coming back the next day there is a sick feeling of fear settling at the base of James’ throat, at the bottom of his stomach and weighing his shoes down as he drags himself through the entrance to the alcove with a silent prayer on his tongue. He’s pleading, praying to a god he doesn’t know, aching to be seen again, to be listened to again, to be heard. He’s almost too scared to look, to step closer, to pull himself up and onto the ledge, but he does it anyway.
He reaches forward, on his knees, to let the tips of his fingers broach the surface of the water of the pool. A ripple and then a hand reaches out to grasp his fingers and he yelps in surprise, almost falling forward and face first into the water, but he manages to stabilise himself at the last moment.
“Jeez louise you can’t do that!” James exclaims as Regulus chuckles, spinning in a circle in front of James.
Regulus stops his spinning by settling next to James, head resting on his arms folded beneath him atop the rocks, next to where James’ legs are now bent and in the water below, “tell me more.” Regulus says.
“More? You want to hear me vent some more?”
Regulus huffs and shakes his head, “yes and no. Vent to me but, if you could, tell me about your world.” He says, a silent ask in his words, as if it had taken him all night to come to that decision.
“What do you want to know?” James asks and he can’t help the further blooming of the flowers in his chest at the look of started adoration Regulus gifts him with.
“Everything.” Regulus exhales, like it’s the first time he’s giving over a piece of what he yearns for. Like it’s the first time he’s voiced his desires to the air. There’s a sudden lightness to his features, a wonder in his eyes and his lips are parted, ready to ask a million and one questions.
James can’t help but give in and talk until his voice is hoarse.
– ☆ –
“Why haven’t you left?” James asks one day before taking a bite from an apple.
“The tide.” Regulus replies, “it gets high enough most nights to let small fish in but not high enough to let me out.”
James hums, swallowing, “do you not get bored? I know I’m here a lot, but not that often.”
Regulus shrugs, flicking his tail up and out of the water briefly, stray droplets of water catching on the linen clinging to James’ frame. “Sometimes, but... it’s a new feeling.”
“New?” James questions, leaning forward, apple forgotten in his hand.
Regulus hesitates, biting on his bottom lip as if he's unsure of how to phrase what he wants to say, “I hadn’t known boredom until you’d shown me the feeling of excitement.” He says softly.
The words wash over James and he is suddenly awfully aware of the numbers on the clock in his head, of the shortening of time, of the weeks, days, minutes, hours and seconds passing by. He wishes, not for the first time, but perhaps with more intensity than ever before, that he could stop time. He wishes he could stay in these moments forever, remaining trapped in a loop of this summer for eternity.
And if he saw a shooting star on his way home that night and made that wish same again, who was he to say that it wouldn’t work if he tried hard enough? If he wished hard enough maybe it would come true.
– ☆ –
“Guess what!” James grins, hands behind his back as Regulus leans up onto the rocky ledge and gives James an exasperated look.
“What is it?” He asks, trying to feign at being unbothered but James doesn’t miss the way his eyes keep flicking to where James’ hands are hidden from view.
Coming closer James pulls out the book from behind his back, “it’s a book, I thought I could read it to you today? Maybe… if you wanted to listen that is.” He trails off.
Regulus’ eyes widen a fraction as he sinks back down into the water before reappearing after a moment, having submerged himself momentarily. He stares at James for a moment, like he almost can’t believe he’s there. He does that occasionally, letting himself disappear for a moment before reappearing, almost as if he’s checking this isn’t all a dream. James finds it endearing the small smile he lets slip everytime he sees James again after doing so.
“I’d like that.” He says.
James leans his weight against the wall, setting the book up in front of his face, Regulus on the other side.
“The title of this book is, ‘The Little Prince.’” James begins.
“Wait, why this book?” Regulus interrupts, curiosity already getting the best of him.
James feels the tips of his ears grow hot and he leans forward to obscure the rest of his face from view, “just, your name.” James mumbles into the pages.
“My name?” Regulus probes, fingers coming up to wrap over the top of the book and pull it down so he can gaze curiously into James’ eyes.
His cheeks are burning hot and he coughs, letting his eyes focus on the expanse of water beyond Regulus, “your name, it means little king or prince. I thought it was fitting.”
“Oh.” Regulus exhales his little soft barely a syllable word and it’s all James needs to know he made the right decision in bringing the book with him.
– ☆ –
There’s a hand around his ankle and James is being pulled into the water below, having taken his shirt off and gotten ready to submerge himself; he's beaten to the chase as Regulus pulls him under.
Coming up for air he’s gasping and laughing, the feeling of Regulus’ hands on his waist lifting him up, supporting his weight as they float easily in the water.
“I’ll get you back for that.” James hisses, no malice in his tone and hair dripping down the back of his neck and across his face.
“Oh you will, will you?” Regulus teases, hands leaving James’ skin as he circles lazily around where James is standing, tail brushing his legs ever so occasionally.
“I’ll try at least.” James huffs and Regulus hums before coming to a stop once more in front of James.
They stare at each other for a moment and James wishes again he could stop time. There’s a silent understanding between them as they toe the line between friendship and something more. There’s a silent admittance of like calling to like and pieces of a puzzle they didn’t know were missing just falling into place. It’s alarming how things like this click when you least expect them to. It’s alarming in the way that James feels himself wishing more and more, praying as he falls asleep to be able to hold the sun at bay everytime it kissed the sea and told him to wish Regulus a goodnight.
Summer was drawing to a close and the days were getting shorter, the nights colder and the tide was reaching the height of which Regulus could return to the vast expanse of the ocean.
– ☆ –
“You're lovely.” James exhales, shaky, “and how I love being lovely with you.”
Regulus pauses his little tirade, his babbling of what life is like down below, to stare at James. “Lovely.” He repeats and James nods.
“So lovely.” He says and he watches as Regulus’ lips quiver and he shakes his head as if denying something going on up in his brain.
Regulus’ hands are on his shoulders and James finds himself leaning forward into the touch and the warmth seeping from Regulus. “I can’t help it, the thought’s been on loop in my head today.”
There's a small bark of laughter and Regulus closes the distance between them, pushing himself slightly up and out of the water so he can place a kiss atop James’ head, “you’re lovely too.”
And if that didn’t shatter James’ heart into a million pieces and leave it still beating erratically inside his chest he would be lying. There was something so out of this world being adored by someone like Regulus, someone who laughed like the wonder of the world was new to him, someone who asked a million questions and spoke with a softness James had done barely anything to earn and yet treasured with every breath he took. Someone who James had come to know so intrinsically he didn’t know how he would be able to say goodbye.
– ☆ –
“Next year,” James whispers, hands carding through the waves of Regulus’ hair, “you’ll be here next year won’t you?” There’s a desperate plea in his words as he closes his eyes and lets his forehead rest against Regulus’.
“Yes, yes of course James. I’ll be here next year and the year following, for as often as you return I’ll be here. No matter what anyone says or tries to do to stop me.”
“I don’t want you to get in trouble, to lose your family. I don't want you to be alone again. I'm not worth it.”
James feels it as Regulus shakes his head, “I wouldn’t be losing anything, you are more than family to me. You are worth so much more than anything else I have ever known.”
“Oh…” James exhales, breath shuddering out of him like a crashing crescendo having waited for this moment, “more than family.” James finds himself repeating, not allowing himself to believe it.
Regulus laughs and it sounds wet, sad, bittersweet.
“So much more than those who remain in my shoal, so much more than you could even know.”
James crumbles and feels the slide of tears down his cheeks, of them touching his lips and tasting of salt. He feels overwhelmed with a sort of love he didn't know he needed, a love so soft and unspoken of in this world that he's worried going back is letting it slip through his fingers.
There’s the brushing of Regulus’ nose against his and then the softest press of lips to his own to fizzle out his worries and it’s like coming home. That feeling of warmth and acceptance. That feeling of being whole. It’s like nothing he’s ever felt before and everything he’s ever needed. Pieces of a puzzle slotting into place and waves pushing them together, the swell of heat in his chest as the flowers there bloom with all the colours of the rainbow. It’s warm and bright and lovely. Oh so lovely.
The sun and the sea kissing at last, a goodbye looming on the horizon.
– ☆ –
REGULUS POV
The first thing Regulus remembered was the feeling of not being able to breathe, of his lungs collapsing in on themselves as they slowly drowned. This feeling now was a lot like that. That feeling of the crushing weight of loss, of missing, of longing. He felt it settling atop his heart and he finally understood what Sirius had meant all those moons ago. He finally understood what it meant for the land to be calling to him, to be begging him to come home.
He’d said goodbye to James, he’d kissed him until his mouth had grown numb and his tears had dried up. He’d promised him to be here when he returned, to keep their secret and to collect more tales to tell him as long as he did the same. And yet there was something in his mind that had him stumped, this feeling of all good things coming to an end being something he could change circled like a pesky thought in his head. Because truly, why did they have to come to an end? If he had the ability to change his fate, to step out of the shadows and into the light why couldn’t he? Who was he to let the fear grip him and hold him back from being happy? From being at home?
Letting things like different lives stop him from experiencing joy, experiencing wonder and excitement. He didn’t want to let that happen. He didn’t want to let it go, he wanted to grab ahold and lean into it, to have it and experience it everyday for the rest of his life. Had that been what Sirius had been alluding to? Had this been what James had been placed in his life to show him? Had this been what the elders of his shoal were keeping from him? What the seafoam had been whispering to him this whole time?
The bittersweet ache in his chest could be something he nursed until he saw James again. It could be something he cherished and held dear, or it could be something he fixed, something he did something about. It could be the tipping point towards the push he needed to live a life for himself not controlled by the waves or the shoal or the fear that came with change. The fear that came with stepping across the border to the other side. It was bravery he needed and so he clung to the image of James in his mind, he clung to the words Sirius had left him with, he clung to the love they had poured into him and he made up his mind to change his fate. He headed to the shore.
The closer he got the louder the voices amongst the foam grew, encouraging him and urging him on towards the place where he’d be born again. It is only when the seafoam washes him anew, whispering into his ear and bathing him in its tears, tears of happiness and joy, that he whispers the softest of words, “thank you.”
He’s on shaky legs when he reaches the shore and wishing the seafoam goodbye. He looks down at it as it laps at his feet and curls over his toes and he can't help but feel the weight wash away.
With one final push the ocean sends him on his way.