The Lions Heart

Regulus Black always thought that he had his life under control after he left Grimmuald Place and moved to France to live with his Uncle Alpharad, he never had a reason to question that he wasn't in control of his life anymore. He was had gotten a hold on his emotions better now than when he was a teenager struggling with his identity, even if he was always certain of who he was. He knew how much he hated his given name, the frilly dresses and uncomfortable heels he was stuffed into everyday. What felt like pounds of make-up onto his face every damn day, he hated everything about his life prior to now. The only positives in his life? His brother and his friends. Sirius Black was the only constant in his life, he was the center of Regulus' world for the first 11 years of his life. Until he met his brothers best friend, James fucking Potter. James Potter became the center of Regulus' universe the second he met him, hiding behind his brother because he was embarrassingly shy as a small child. He can remember the early days when it was him, Sirius, and James. They were the three musketeers, over the years they picked up Peter and Remus, all of them becoming like a big family. They always spent as many summers as they could at the Potter Estate to get away from the likes of Walburga and Orion. 

His parents

Although he shares the same DNA as them, Effie and Monty have always been more of his parents than Walburga and Orion were. The Potters loved him, while Orion was too busy chasing the bottom of a whiskey bottle while his mother was too busy hitting them to love them. He remembers that first year that Sirius had to leave for school, he remembers clinging to Sirius as they lay awake the night before he left for school, remembers how he screamed wishing to be taken with him, watching his brother be ripped out of his arms. He can sometimes still feel the sting of the slap his mother gave him, as well as the tenderness of the bruises on his ribs from where she kicked him as she screamed at him for acting out. For that stunt he wasn't allowed to eat for a week, curled up in Sirius' bed crying as he listened to his parents fight downstairs. He can't remember much from then to when Sirius came home for Christmas Break, he thinks he purposefully pushed those memories down. All he can remember is the big smile that was on Sirius' face vanished in an instant when he saw the state of his little sister. Sirius was furious at what his parents had done, he marched straight downstairs with Regulus tailing after him, begging him that it was okay. Sirius was beaten so badly that day that he couldn't walk, laying black and blue from head to toe on the expensive wooden floors that they would later be made to clean up. Little Reggie was forced to watch, his fathers vice grip on the back of his neck keeping his eyes trained on his mother hitting his brother over and over again. 

He had to carry Sirius back up to his room, not leaving his side for days until he was able to move so he could shower and wash the dried blood off of himself. They both clung to each other the entire time Sirius was home, taking hit for each other when the other did something to make either of their parents mad. He remembers the day Sirius left to go back to school, they said their teary goodbyes in private the night before, neither wanting a repeat of what happened the last time. Sirius slip Reggie a piece of paper with the instructions, 'Go there if it gets too bad there, pack up everything here and go there. If you go there, I'll meet you there. Where you go, I go Reggie. You're my sister Reggie, I'll follow you to the ends of the Earth.'  As much as he would've loved to runaway to wherever the place was that Sirius had given him, he told him that he would be okay and waiting here for him when he got back. Those next few months were very different from the last time, sure he still got hit a few times but nowhere near the last. When Sirius came home, the first thing he did was drag Regulus up to his room and wrap his arms around him, holding each other like they were about to be ripped apart forever. Then, they sat on the bed as Sirius told all the stories of that previous year, possibly overexaggerating in some bits to entertain Reggie. 

Little Regulus was in awe of all the things his brother did at school, as well as slightly jealous of the boy who had taken so much of Sirius' attention, seeing this Sirius said 'Don't worry Reggie, James may be my best friend but you're my family. I can love you both, making sure that you both can feel how much I love you both.' That quickly squashed any worry the younger Black had about this James boy, now slightly anxious for the day that he gets to meet Sirius' best friend. Now, Regulus was practically bouncing off the walls to meet James, practically counting down the days until it was here. Packing all of his things into his trunks a week before he and Sirius were set to leave, when the day finally arrived they both couldn't wait long enough to run out to the car waiting to take them to the train station. Which is where he met James Potter for the first time, knowing that as soon as he laid eyes on the boy who's skin was perfectly sun-kissed with bright brown eyes behind his round circle glasses with a bright smile on his face as he laid eyes on both of the Black's. 

"Sirius! Oh my gods I've missed you so much! Is this little Reggie?"  James says happily, walking up and taking Sirius into a tight hug and noticing the girl hiding behind his best friend.

" James! I've missed you so much too, and yes this is little Reggie." Sirius says joyfully back, looking over at his shoulder and frowning as he takes in how nervous Reggie is. 

He walks back over and wraps his arm around her shoulders, muttering into her ear, "Come on Reggie, James is super nice I promise. You're going to love him." as he tugs Reggie towards James. 

Her eyes firmly trained on the ground until he sees a pair of black, shiny dress shoes, his eyes flicking up to meet the owner. The only thing that is running through her mind is "Gods this boy is perfect." 

Her whole face flushes, watching James' dark skin do the same thing, his bright smile never leaving his face as he sticks his hand out between them. "Hi! I'm James Potter, Sirius has told me all about you, only good things of course." 

Reggie stares at his outstretched hand for a second before taking it, feeling how warm and soft the skin is while shaking it with a shy smile on her face, " Hi, James. I-I'm Regina, but everyone calls me Reggie. Sirius has told me all about you too, good things too." 

He doesn't know what sparked the thoughts of the two he doesn't want to think about. Sometimes they just happen, sometimes its because he sees something that reminds him of them. Right now though? Probably the ice hockey rink, since James and Sirius are both professional hockey players. Regulus has kept up with their careers as much as he will deny it. They were, and still are, the most important people in his life. Even after all this time he still loves them, he'll always love them more then anything in this universe. He loves them, and they love how in control he is of his life, even when he was stuck under his parents thumb he still was able to control his life. 

Regulus Black is always in control of his life. 

Until this moment, he was perfectly fine until he saw a flash of the two faces he hoped he never had to see again. James Potter and Sirius Black, his brother and the love of his life, the starting Centre and Right Wing on the Boston Lions Professional Hockey Team. Of fucking course the first time he goes on a date after his transition he sees the two people he wants to see least in the world, besides his parents, that he has not spoken to in 7 years. Of course he knew what team they both played for, he had been keeping track of their careers since they moved from London to the States for University. Regulus, however, did not know that his date had purchased tickets to one of their games which is where he finds himself now. Starring at his brother and the love of his life on the ice like there is nothing else matters in the world. He can remember watching them act like idiots, even more so than when they are off the ice, sometimes taking the game a little too seriously. No matter how many bruises and concussions they suffered at the hands of this game, turning Regulus into a sputtering worried mess, they still loved the game. So, this is where he finds himself, stuck in the stands while he listens to the people around him go crazy as their respective teams come out onto the ice. Frozen in shock and fear while staring at the players on the ice, eyes keep bouncing back and forth between the two players, as he feels his stomach dropping to the floor as his heart seems to stop. 

He vaguely hears his date, whose name he thinks is Grant, "Regulus, what's wrong? Are you alright?" he shouts slightly over the loud cheering in the arena. 

Regulus somehow manages a nod, his eyes still trained onto the players on the ice. He turns slightly towards Grant, shouting back in his general direction, "Y-Yeah, I'm fine. My stomach is just feeling queasy, I'm going to run to the loo really quick." He does not stick around to wait for a response, rushing to the closest private bathroom he can find. 

He hurries and locks the door behind him, his breathing and heart rate picking up by the second. He rips his jacket off of himself, throwing it onto the floor as starring at it like its the worst thing on the Earth. His hands running crazily through his hair, pulling harshly at the dark curly strands, tears welling up in his eyes. His breathing keeps picking up until he's hyperventilating and rubbing a hand harshly against his chest. His eyebrows scrunching together as tears silently fall down his face, a frown making its way onto his lips. His fingers coming up to pinch the bridge of his nose, blowing a harsh breath out as he tries to get his breathing under control. 

"This can't be happening. This isn't real. Fucking wake up Regulus!" he mutters insanely and angerly under his breath.

He paces the length of the tiny bathroom, he doesn't know why but he starts ruthlessly punching the hard cement walls of the bathroom as his vision grows blurry from the tears. He eventually stops when the pain is too much, before he leans his back against the wall of the disgusting public stadium bathroom and buries his face into his hands as violent sobs wrack his whole body. He doesn't know exactly why he's crying. The panic of seeing what used to be the two most important people in his life, who he had left behind without a word. The sadness of seeing them, of being in the same room as them knowing that they do not want to see or talk to again with the way he left. The anger he feels when he looked at how happy they seemed to be without them, like he didn't even exist to them anymore. Whatever the feeling, with shaky hands, he reaches into his pocket to pull out his cell-phone, calling the one person who can help him in this state even if it is the last person he should be calling right now.

They answer after the first ring, the faint sound of cheering in the background, "Reggie, love is something wrong? Where are you?" a feminine voice that he has always associated with comfort, now shining with the concern and love only a mother could provide.

"Maman, please I need you, come to the private bathrooms by the concessions at the Lions stadium." he mutters shakily, the tears very evident in his voice.

***

A soft knock sounds on the door of the bathroom, momentarily silencing Regulus' cries as he peels himself off of the floor to drag himself over to the door. He unlocks it and slowly pulls it open as a woman rushes in and wraps her arms around his body, which causes him to start crying again as he melts into her warm embrace. There is something about Euphemia Potter's embrace that can make you so vulnerable and so comfortable at the same time, that makes even Regulus Black cry like an toddler who just fell down. They stand there in silence clinging to each other, the only sound being Regulus' sobs filling the same bathroom. After a respectable amount of time to have a breakdown in a public restroom being held by the love of your life's mother, Effie pulls back a little to hold his face in her hands as her thumbs brush the tears from his face.

"Reggie, love what happened? Why is your hand bleeding?" she asks in her soft voice, laced with her thick Spanish accent, looking slightly up at him as she waits for him to collect himself enough to formulate the words to answer her. Tears lightly start to spill out of his eyes again, as he hastily wipes them away with the sleeve of his shirt.

"I-I was on a date, why someone would choose a hockey game as a first date amazes me, but I had no idea they were playing tonight. So when I saw their faces on the screen, I just sort of panicked I guess." He mutters under his breath as he plays with his rings, looking down at them as they shine in the light, refusing to meet her gaze.

She sighs under her breath and tilts his chin up so he is looking at her, her smile soft as she leans forward and lightly kisses his forehead. When she pulls back she looks into his eyes as she mutters softly under her breath," You can not avoid them forever my love, you're going to have to see and speak to them again, hopefully sooner rather than later as they both miss you terribly- do not roll your eyes at me Regulus Arcturus Black it is true they miss you terribly. While yes those boys would wait forever for you, they are loosing hope that they may never see you again, and they're terrified of that reality. They may be angry that you left without a word, but the worry of never being in your life, and you in theirs, is way stronger than their anger. Now, you know Flea and I will not force you to speak to them before you were ready, but we think it is high time that you speak to them again. If not now, then soon, please. Sirius is getting married in a year and a half and I know that you will hate yourself forever if you do not reconcile and go to his wedding. I can not begin to imagine what is going on inside your head right now, but Regulus you need them just as much as they need you."

Regulus is surprised to say the least at Effie's words, being rendered silent and nodding slightly ashamed for letting this all drag on for so long. They stand there for a little while longer before Effie says she better go back to her seat, as Monty is probably wondering where she has run off to, and Regulus decides it is time to go back home. Not before Effie levels him with one of her exasperated looks, telling him he needs to go to the hospital to at least get his hand looked at, making sure that nothing is broken first. He rolls his eyes fondly and just barely ducks so that the shoe she threw at him misses his head and thuds against the wall behind him.

***

He sends his date an apology text, citing that he feels ill and is taking the train back home and that he hopes they could reschedule in the future. As he's leaving the stadium, he pulls his jacket tighter around his frame, trying to ward off the harsh coolness of the Boston air. He takes a quick run to the hospital, sitting in the emergency waiting room for hours clutching his now swollen and throbbing hand to his chest. Just for them to tell him that there is nothing wrong with it, and that the swelling will go down on its own, they clean his bloody knuckles up and send him on his way. He finally makes it to the station and gets on the late night train to head back to Brooklyn, he pulls his phone and headphones out of his jeans pocket, shoving the headphones into his ears. He pulls up the game he had just escaped from to watch the boys play. As he watches, James and Sirius both are very clearly showing off for the crowd, scoring almost all of the goals for their team which ultimately leads to their victory. Finally after the near 5 hour train ride, he is finally making the walk down the street to his small townhouse in upstate Brooklyn. When he finally unlocks the door to his house, he takes off his boots, setting them neatly by the door for when he decides to leave the house next. He hangs his jacket up on the wall before walking down the hall to the bathroom, stripping out of his sweaty clothes and tossing them into the bin with his other clothes he needs to wash. He lets the water warm before he steps under the hot rays, a small smile gracing his features as he thinks about the big smile he managed to catch a glimpse of from the camera, from James and his brother. 

***

James is buzzing with joy, he had just led his team to another victory, marking their so far undefeated season which has just solidified their spot into the Frozen Four. When he finally gets to take off his sweaty gear and jump into the stalls for a quick shower, he is still grinning like an idiot by the time he gets dressed and is waiting by the doors for Sirius to finish making sure his hair is perfect for Remus. After screaming for Sirius to hurry up for the hundredth time, the man finally walks out with his bag swung over his shoulder, the same idiotic grin on his face as James. They're talking about the highlights of the game they just played when he can spot his parents standing at the end of the hallway, with big proud grins on their faces as they look at 'their boys' as they had always called him and Sirius. Ever since the boys had met first day of school when they were 11, they had been attached at the hip like they had known each other their whole lives. For a long while, people had suspected that they were a couple, until one day when Remus Lupin showed up in their third year. That's when everyone got to watch Sirius trip over himself to try to get the other boy to go out with him. Thankfully, Remus had agreed to go out with Sirius, and here they are over a decade later getting married in a little over a years time. James can remember how bad Sirius had, and still has, for his fiancee. Watching the normally confident man turn into a stuttering and blushing mess just by Remus looking at him, James remembers laughing with Reg-. James' smile falters as his thoughts drift off to the one person he so desperately wishes was here with him now.

Reggie 

James thinks miserably, the one person who could turn James into the same mess that Remus turns Sirius into. He remembers the last time he saw her, its been over 7 years now, closer to 8 since her birthday is in 2 months, and his eyes start to burn with unshed tears. She looked so beautiful that night, so happy and carefree, excited about her birthday the next day. If he had known then that he would never see her after that night, he would hold onto her and beg her to stay, to never leave him. James was, and still is, in love with Reggie to this day. He has searched everywhere for her, he's never given up on the fact that he may see her again, begging the moon every night for her to come back to him. These past few years without her have been horrible, sure James may have only been barely 18 when he left, but he felt the loss deep inside of him when he couldn't get ahold of her the next morning and when Sirius had come into his room sobbing that she and all of her stuff was gone when he woke up. They both sat there and cried for hours about her leaving, they don't know what could have caused it because they had been there just a few hours ago, had hugged her and laughed with her just a few hours ago. They searched for the first two years after she had left, Sirius mourned the loss of his sister after two years, coming to terms with the fact that she didn't want to see him ever again. James never did, still hasn't given up hope that he will see her again. 

He shakes his head to get rid of his thoughts of Reggie, plastering his smile back onto his face as he comes face to face with his parents, wrapping his arms around them and Sirius as they both gush over how well they did tonight. He can tell that Sirius is immensely pleased with the praise, his smile getting even wider when a strong set of arms wrap around his waist and a kiss is pressed into the crook of his neck by Remus. He turns around and pulls him in for a kiss not suitable for being out in public with not shame, making James grin at the slightly embarrassed blush that spreads down his neck and disappears under his shirt, even if he makes no move to stop his fiancee's wildly inappropriate public display of affection. James turns his gaze back to his parents to find his mother looking at him with a knowing look in her eyes, making his stomach drop as his smile falters again. She pulls him into her arms, her hands lightly running through his still damp hair. 

"¿Estás pensando en Reggie otra vez luz solar?" she mutters into his hair, causing James to squeeze his eyes shut so the tears don't fall, nodding his head.

"Sí, mamá, la extraño mucho. ¿Por qué aún no ha vuelto? Duele mucho no estar con ella." he mutters tearfully into her shoulder, letting a few traitorous tears slip out as he hold onto her even tighter. 

" No conozco a mi amor, tal vez tengan miedo de volver después de haber estado ausentes por tantolargo. Volverán, confía en mi dulce James." she whispers into his hair before pulling back and wiping the tears off of his cheeks, smiling up at him with a twinkle in her eye, one that James can't name but makes him feel hopeful that she is right and Reggie will be back. 

He has failed to notice that ever since a few months after Reggie left, his mum refuses to say 'she' always saying 'they' when Reggie is mentioned. He doesn't dwell on that though, instead he pulls his friends into a hug, suggesting they go out for drinks to celebrate this win, hopefully with many more to come.