Universally Acknowledged Truths
It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single witch in her prime ought to be in want of a husband. If said witch also happened to be one of the most sought-after bachelorettes in Wizarding London and had her pick of any available (and sometimes not so available) wizard she desired, she ought to take advantage of that situation. Instead, the aforementioned single witch spent her free time in her flat, which she shared with her ex-boyfriend's sister, also her best friend's ex-girlfriend. It was all rather complicated.
Being the Brightest Witch of Her Age did not necessarily translate to Hermione Granger’s personal life. While her days in the office were filled with excitement - passing new house-elf rights laws and brokering deals for protected land rights for Centaurs - her nights were spent on her red couch watching trashy Muggle television and eating takeout.
Witch Weekly constantly monitored her state of singleness. Her former roommate Padma Patil even had a weekly column dedicated to Hermione’s unsuccessful dates, the relationship status of her past lovers, and even the likelihood of Hermione producing children. It was humiliating. That is why Hermione chose to stay in. Why would she subject herself to that type of scrutiny?
Who would have thought that being assaulted by a troll and befriending her rescuer in First Year would lead to all this attention? Harry Potter, “the chosen git that just won't quit” as she liked to call him, may be her best friend, but it was bloody inconvenient. If at 11 she could have looked into the future and seen all of the trouble he would cause her, she probably would have just stuck with being the lonely, know-it-all swot.
So, while the other single witches and wizards met at the pub, Hermione sat with her favorite Chinese takeout. Chopsticks in one hand and a book in the other, she absentmindedly lifted the Mongolian Beef to her lips.
The front door opened and shut with a slam and a boom as Hermione’s roommate and best friend bustled in. Ginny Weasley never did anything quietly or softly. Quidditch equipment, bags, and shoes fell away with each step as she excitedly made her way into the kitchen.
“‘Mione, ‘Mione, ‘Mione,” she blustered, “I have some exciting news!”
“Oh, do you?” Hermione rolled her eyes.
“Yes! Theo and I are going to set you up on a blind date.” She jumped a little with her excitement.
Ginny had been trying to set Hermione up for years. It amazed her that Ginny continued to try. You’d think she would give up by this point. It’s not like Hermione didn’t date… In the beginning. After her and Ron’s relationship faded away, she went out. She wasn’t a complete nun, but nothing lasted more than a few weeks. Every few months Ginny would have another man that she insisted would be “perfect” for her. And sometimes, she would go on the dates only to leave feeling disappointed.
Three months ago Ginny ran into Theo Nott at the Leaky Cauldron and they instantly connected. Many people that Ginny would never settle down. She seemed completely content to spend her nights in stranger’s beds, but one night with Lord Nott and she was a goner. Hermione rarely even saw Ginny between her Quidditch schedule and nights with gorgeous, sexy Theo.
She was happy for her friend. Honestly, she was, but now Ginny was convinced that she needed to find herself someone to settle down with too.
“Oh no, Ginny. Not again.” Hermione shook her head. “It’s a disaster every time!”
“Not this time! I promise. This time I know, deep down in my gut, that it’s right.”
“You say that every time. And every time I go to dinner or coffee it's good at first, until he realizes that the 'Brightest Witch' nonsense is all fake for the newspapers and he gets bored.”
Ginny shook her head in exasperation. “What about Oliver Wood? You two dated for months thanks to me!”
“Oh yes. And that ended so well, didn’t it?”
“How was I supposed to know that the idiot was actually just in love with Harry and wanted another shot at him?”
Hermione smiled to herself. Her time with Oliver wasn’t terrible. They had become friends, and things were only slightly awkward at the occasional dinner with her, Harry, Ron, and Ron’s wife, Susan.
“Plus, I know for a fact this man won’t be intimidated by your big brain.”
“Who is he?” Hermione asked.
“Nope! Not telling you. You have to be surprised. All I can say is that he is a good friend of Theo’s.” She added ruefully, “I’ll admit I was hesitant at first, but after having gotten to know him I can safely say that he is just what you need, Mi. Trust me.”
Hermione was tempted to ignore the pleading in the redhead's eyes and just say, "Forget it." But she could give up one evening. What would it hurt?
“Alright. When am I to meet this dream man?”
Ginny squealed and clapped her hands and then threw her arms around her roommate. For such a badass on the Quidditch pitch she really could be such a girl. “Tomorrow. We’re meeting Theo at the Leaky at 7 PM.”
Shaking her head, Hermione laughed. “Alright, alright. But if it sucks, I can leave, right? And I’m never doing this again.”
“Deal. And wear the black dress.”
“First you’re telling me who I should date, and now you’re telling me how to dress?”
“You know that you look so hot in that dress. I’d screw you.” With a smirk and shrug Ginny sauntered off to collect her gear.