Chapter 1
Here he was, once again. Life had been bearable for a couple of weeks, but now he was that lifeless version of himself again. A lifeless James, a sun who couldn’t shine.
“Oi, Prongs, wanna go to Hogsmead?” Sirius, his best friend, asked.
James didn’t respond. Not because he didn’t want to, but because he was scared. Scared Sirius would hear the sadness in James’ voice and worry about him.
“Prongs, could you please say something? Something is wrong, I know it. Can I open the curtains?” Remus asked politely.
James didn’t respond. He couldn’t.
“James, if you don’t respond in five seconds I’ll open the curtains” Remus then said, sounding a bit more strict.
James still didn’t respond. He still couldn’t. So Remus opened the curtains of James’ bed.
“Don’t worry, Pads and Wormy are to Hogsmead”
“Don’t you want to go as well?”
“Prongs it’s 2 days after the full moon you think I have the energy for that?”
“Right, sorry, I shouldn't have brought that up sorry Moony”
“Don’t dare apologise, Prongs. Not your fault, okay? You should get some rest. Want to watch a movie together? I have some chocolate, we could share”
“Wait- sharing chocolate? Who are you and what have you done with Moony?”
“I am God and I kidnapped Moony” Remus said and James couldn’t help but smile at that, even though it still felt weird.
“Want to talk about it?” Remus asked.
“I don’t want to burden you with my problems”
“You don’t burden me, James. I’m here for you”
“You don’t have to”
“I want to. Some people want to be there for you, James”
“Well, I suppose that’s the first time”
“No, it’s just the first time someone actually tells you that”
After that, it was just silence.
“You’re hurting, aren’t you?” Remus asked.
“Not as bad as you are”
“But you’re still hurting. So it still matters”
“It’s just… People always say that I’m like the sun but what if I can’t shine? And really, most of the time I’m fine, and I might be the sun and I’m shimmering beautiful and I almost never break, but when I do it’s in a million pieces”
“And then you feel like that for a couple of weeks or months, and one day you wake up and you’re either super energised or you just feel normal?”
“Yeah, exactly but when I don’t feel alright it feels like I’m never going to be alright again”
“You should go see a therapist, James. This sounds like what Barty has”
“I don’t want to talk to my parents. I mean, they’re the sweetest people in the world but sometimes that’s the problem. I don’t want them to worry about me”
“James, we're talking about Effie and Monty. You could be the happiest person all the time and they’d still worry about you”
“And I don’t want you to worry about me. None of you, not you, not Sirius, not Peter, not Lils, not Reg. And now, could we please just watch that film?”
“Okay James, that’s okay. I won’t force you to talk, okay? Just know you can” Remus says and looks for his chocolate.
“Stole my chocolate again?” Remus asked, acting like that was the biggest crime in the universe (well, in Moony’s universe it was).
“It’s in my nightstand” James said and then he realised what he also hid there.
And Remus found it, but he didn’t say something about it.
“I won’t judge you. And you don’t have to talk about it until you want to, okay? Don’t be sorry for me for worrying about you” Remus said kindly.
“Thank you” James whispered and he really was on the verge of tears at that point “Please, don’t be mad at me for crying”
“Never. Want to talk? Or do you just want a distraction?”
“Talking hurts too much now”
“Later then?”
“Please” James responded with tears in his eyes.
“Cuddles?” Remus asked, understanding that James really didn’t want to talk about it right now.
“Cuddles” James answered, and Remus started to cuddle him.
“People are gonna think we’re gay some day” James said.
“Nuh, only you’re the gay one” Remus chuckled, and James coughed in a way that sounded a lot like ‘Sirius’, which made Remus flush.
“Shut up”
“You should say that to Sirius”
“Bet he says ‘make me’”
‘Sounds like a plan”