June 1980.
Dorcas felt so hollow these days. She couldn’t shake that numb feeling rotting her brain every time she woke up, or how mechanically she did everything : breathe in, wake up, breathe out, eat breakfast, breathe in, go to work, breathe out, come home, and then repeat. Everyday of every week. There was always the occasional mission from the order, and those did always bring her something. Guilt. Regret. Anger. Feelings. So everyday she wakes up longing for the next time she’ll feel something.
But this morning was different. She was happy, actually. She had spent the night tangled up with her girlfriend kissing and kissing and losing herself in her lover’s skin. She looked at Marlene. She was so beautiful. Her mouth was slightly opened and she was drooling a bit on the pillow. Dorcas smiled. "I have a feeling today’s gonna be a great day!" She thought as she stood up.
She walked down the stairs to get her daily coffee. As usual, she found Marlene’s father, Sebastian Mckinnon, sipping on his tea whilst ready the Daily prophet. At first, Marlene and Dorcas stayed at the McKinnon household after their graduation of hogwarts due to their lack of fund to find a home for themselves. But, as the war grew harder, and it began having a visible toll on the blonde’s mental health, they both decided that staying here would be for the best.
But the war *was* tough. So it was very unusual for Marlene’s dad to smile so brightly reading the news paper.
"Oh hello Dorcas ! Didn’t see you there. He said. I got good news for you !"
Dorcas picked her favorite cup, a simple black one with green accents. The colors reminded her of the slytherin common room, but she’d never admit it. Not even to herself. She made hers lecoffee and began drinking it.
"Always glad to hear those. What is it ?" She asked, smiling gently as she leaned on the counter and she brought the drink to her lips
"They lost one of theirs" he grinned.
Dorcas tried her best to stay rational : she knew there was no way this was about one of… the people she tried forgetting about…. It just. couldn’t.
I mean, out of every-
"The black heir ?"
Oh.
"I think his name is Regulus black ?"
Oh.
"They don’t specify what happened in the article so it must’ve been something about you-know-who."
Oh.
"But, on the bright side, he’s a Black, so he was probably high ranked !"
Oh.
"It’s nice knowing we’re not the only ones losing allies, right ?"
Before she could think it, the words were slipping out of her mouth.
"No."
Dorcas was still leaning on the counter.
She still held her cup to her lips.
She still remembered the happiness she’d felt as she woke up.
Marlene was still sleeping.
Her dad was still smiling.
The sun was still shining.
Dorcas was still breathing.
But Regulus wasn’t.
No.
No.
No. No.
Nonono.
Nonononononononononononono Nonononononononononononono Nonononononononononononono Nonononononononononononono.
That moment was probably when it hit her.
Dorcas felt sick. Without a word, she ran back up the stairs to the nearest bathroom and…
She didn’t throw up.
She didn’t cry.
Even though she really wished she could. She wished she could get whatever she was feeling out.
But she could only ask herself in her mind over and over :
What was our last moment together ?
She couldn’t remember. Was it /the/ fight ? Were they smirking at each other in the corridor like they always would ? Were they debating on a book, going in circles, because they were both too stubborn to admit they were wrong ? Were they hanging out with all their friends in the boys’ dorm, laughing ?
it probably didn’t matter, now, in the grand scheme of things. Because Regulus was dead. And he wasn’t here to remember.
But that must be precisely *why* Dorcas was so worked up on figuring out what it was.
Because if she had forgotten, she’d never get their last moment back.
She’d never get *him* back.
That moment was probably when the throwing up started.
Then she stopped.
And she still couldn’t remember.
And Regulus couldn’t either.
That was probably when the crying started.