Dreaming Love

Stacey and I? We kissed. No?
More like I kissed her? Eh kasi naman? Why does she have to be so cute? What do you mean she's crying because of me? That it's me and not that Ian Ven person. Stacey likes me? I'm not so sure. But ...

One thing I know for sure is that I like her and I'm going to show her that. I'm going to pursue Stacey Sevilleja.

That night, Stacey fell asleep and in the morning, she left without me knowing. She just left a note on the coffee table near the sofa I slept on.

Sorry about last night. But I won't forget. Jhoanna you kissed me.

My cheeks burned and my smile was impossible to contain. I kissed her! Not in a dream but in reality. Tangina ang tapang mo non Jho!

What now? Ano na kami? We haven't really talked about that yet. Gusto ko naman na pag usapan. Pero syempre gusto ko parin mag effort kung sakali mang magsasabi na ako formally. Stacey deserves the best- if not perfect.

For now I need to figure out how to approach her after all that happened.

It's Monday morning at kahit na hapon lang ang pasok ko ay naghahanda na ako. Am I excited kasi may class ako ngayon with Stacey? Syempre YES! Pero do I know kung anong gagawin ko pag nagkita kami? Syempre no. Pero sure na ako sa desisyon kong magpapansin sa kanya. Di ko lang alam paano gagawin. For starters?

To: Sevilleja buddy system
Good morning Stacey
See you sa school

Jhoanna stop smiling! Wala pa nga yung reply eh.

Sevilleja buddy system
Stacey? Not love anymore?

Wtf? Saan ba ang susi at nang makapunta na sa school ngayon na??

To: Sevilleja buddy system
Lovehahaiakqkaishdsksk

Jhoanna bakit nasend? Malala ka na Jho! I fumbled with my phone to delete the embarrassing reply.

Sevilleja buddy system
Nabasa ko na.
Ramdam ko yung kaba

Of course kakabahan? Ikaw ba naman ma expose ang lame side? I was about to type in any sort of excuse I could think of when another message popped up.

Sevilleja buddy system
kabadingan

Wtf oo na. Ako na yung bading. Sino ba ang hindi? Salamat sa lahat at hindi siya totally straight?

It was an early dismissal sa first period ng afternoon class ko and so I decided to check myself first in the mirror. The biggest mirror I could possibly find is in the bathroom. Hindi naman sa nagpapaganda o kung ano pa. Pero kasi? Finally! I'm gonna see Stacey after that night. Even though we still communicated after that event, it seemed like the both of us were holding back from opening that certain topic. Because it would be too awkward. On my part, mas gusto ko mapag usapan personally, not through text. It was our first kiss in reality.

I checked myself in the mirror, trying to brush my hair with my hands and smoothing out any crease I could find on my clothing. Okay na to. Naiihi na ako so I decided to pee first before getting inside the classroom. Miss MICE can be very strict when it comes to her class being interrupted and I wouldn't want to be chewed. Not in front of Stacey hehe.

My phone vibrated and so I checked the notification. Weird ba umihi while nagce cellphone? Bahala na basta galing kay Stacey!

Sevilleja buddy system
Excited to see me?
Well alam ko namang miss mo na ako.

Tangina grabe naman timing mo magpakilig Stacey. Isn't it weird? Smiling while in the bathroom peeing? I heard the main door of the bathroom creaked and a person walked in. Male late na ako but what's late if I could reply to Stacey's message first? So after I sanitized my hand before I could walk out of the cubicle, I typed in my reply.

To: Sevilleja buddy system
Paano mo alam na miss na kita?
Love?

I smirked. You think hindi kita papatulan Sevilleja? Not now when I know I have even the slightest chance.

I turned the door handle to finally go to class where Stacey is. But before I could totally open the door, someone shrieked. Surprised, I pushed the door open hard and it made a loud thud. And then silence wrapped around the comfort room.

Stacey with her back on me met my eyes in the mirror. Her mouth still parted, her face is somewhere between red and pink. And then realization hit her. Well me too? What am I supposed to feel?

She dropped the phone she was holding and she seemed to have not noticed? Kaya ako nalang ang pumulot. I never meant to see na convo pala namin yung naka open. I accidentally pressed the send button because I was panicking and my hands are trembling. When I looked at the screen, my eyes widened.

To: Jhoanna Love
Missdinkitajajakajshs

I felt my whole body burn with heat. What the fuck??? Hindi naman ako ang nagtype non diba? Or ako? What is happening? And Jhoanna Love? Love? Baka namamalikmata ka lang Jho! Sumusubra na pagka delulu mo.

I slowly stood up and met Stacey's eyes. Her face was still red and she grabbed her phone and stormed out of the cr.

Wait what the freak just happened? Di naman siguro to panaginip no? I looked at my reflection in the mirror. Damn mas pula pa pala ako kay Stacey! I pinched my cheeks to check if I was dreaming. This is real? Jhoanna sumakses ka na?

Ngayon mas lalong di ko na alam pano haharapin si Stacey. But I have no choice cause I'm running late at ayaw ko muna mag absent sa major. No choice? Mama mo Jho, nangangalay na nga panga mo kakangiti.

When I reached the classroom, I immediately spotted Stacey. Our eyes met for a brief moment but then she looked away. Balik sa usual ba to? But after what happened earlier, di ko na iisipin na galit siya sakin tuwing iniiwas niya yung tingin niya. Am I delusional? Bahala na, si STACEY na yan eh!

I settled in my usual seat and miss MICE arrived with the usual resting b face. Or mas malala ngayon?

"Settle down everyone." Her tone is commanding and everyone immediately recognized her aura by her tone. Galit na naman to.

"Kakatapos ko lang mag check ng tour diaries niyo finally. And to tell you honestly? I'm disappointed. 2nd year na kayo malimali parin grammars niyo? Yung iba naman unrelated sa instructions na ulit-ulit kong inexplain." her voice is calm but my classmates are all looking guilty.

"May maayos naman na nakagawa specifically the pair of miss Robles and miss Sevilleja here." with that, my classmates' heads all turned to me and Stacey who is seated at the back. Well ako kasi yung gumawa? Inis parin ako kay Stacey dahil dyan.

"But." Bakit may but?
"What is wrong with you two? Did you know the buddy system is made also so that you can learn to get along with anyone? Kasi sa industry class, hindi ka mamimili kung sinong tao ang makakawork mo or magiging client mo." what's that got to do with our tour diaries?

"Miss Robles, miss Sevilleja, did you not get along well during the tour?" Pano mo nasabi? Both Stacey and I didn't answer. Okay naman kami non ah?

"Wala? If so, bakit dalawang magkaibang diaries yung pinasa niyo? It was already instructed that the pair would do it together." That's a big deal pala? Baka meron lang tong si miss kaya nagsusungit. Dadamay pa kami. But wait, so Stacey made one and submitted it? Akala ko ba ako ang gagawa?

"Dinala ko dito yung mga kailangan i revise na paper. You can resubmit it next meeting. The pair of miss Robles, you will have to rewrite yours together. Kunin niyo lang dito sa table, class dismissed." Or may problema si miss sa love life? Ba't big deal yon?
What now? I'll have to write it with Stacey?

"Oh. And also, miss Sevilleja I liked the romantic touch." miss MICE then left. Huh?

Everybody immediately approached the table when miss MICE left to check if their papers were up for revisions. When the classroom is empty, tumayo ako at lumapit sa table where only mine and Stacey's paper are left.

It's true. Stacey did submit a diary. Bago ko pa man mapulot ay may humablot na sa papel ni Stacey. I looked at my sides to see Stacey hiding her paper on her back. I tilted my head and she shook hers. Cute. Hindi ko ba dapat mabasa?

"Akala ko ba ako lang gagawa?" I asked as I leaned on the center table of the classroom. Stacey's lips parted and she licked it. War flashbacks! Wag mong isipin Jhoanna. Maawa ka sa bading mong sarili. Stacey sat at the nearest chairs.

"It was a pair activity, unfair for you to do it alone." she said her eyes not meeting mine.

"You could have just told me. Napagalitan tuloy tayo." My tone is calm naman pero bakit ka nag pa pout Stacey? Hindi ka cute ka!

"Tapos na. Can we just do it now para matapos na?" she said at naglakad para kunin ang mga gamit niya na naiwan sa upuan niya.

Sungit naman? I bit the inside of my cheeks to suppress my smile. Bumalik siya sa center table dragging along a chair. I tilted my head and she raised a brow at me and gestured at the table. I raised my brow and pouted, dragging another chair to sit on the opposite side of the square table.

Her brow furrowed and threw a judging look on me and the chair I'm sitting on.

"Lapit ka. Ako magsusulat, basahin mo lang yung gusto mong madagdag sa diary." she said and pulled out a yellow pad. She started writing nonchalantly and never looked up at me again. I pushed my chair just enough to have at least one seat distance.

I started scanning the diaries I submitted, looking for possible phrases that could be useful.

"Do we include the airplane ride to Cebu?" I asked to start the task.
"And also the arrival at the hotel? Maybe we can include the not so satisfying breakfast buffet?" I continued.
Silence. I looked up at her when I received no response. Her gaze was fixed on the chair I'm sitting on and then it climbed up to my face. Am I imagining things or is she really looking at my lips? Unconsciously, I licked my lips and adjusted my glasses. Our eyes met and for a while, none of us dared to speak up. Stacey's lips parted as if to say something but she only cleared her throat.

"Why?" I asked.
"Wala. Can you please come a bit closer? Basahin ko nalang para matugma ko yung details." she said and tugged on my chair. Huh? As in malapit pa? May balak ka bang patayin ako Stacey?

With her hand still at the side of my chair, tugging it closer, I had no choice but to awkwardly adjust so we could be closer. Little by little, the distance narrowed leaving only a few inches, just enough so our arms don't touch. Familiar vanilla scent immediately enveloped my system as I tried to take deeper breaths to calm down. Jhoanna ang bading mo!

Satisfied with the distance, Stacey leaned in on the paper I'm holding, squinting her eyes as if to focus on the words and details.

"Can I read the paper you submitted too? Para lang mabilis ko rin ma identity kung saang part tayo tugma and saang part natin dapat iinclude or i improve." I asked still looking at the paper I'm holding.

"No." she then refocused her attention on the paper.

"Why? Unfair naman, binabasa mo nga yung akin." I said and then pursed my lips.

"Wag ka nga magpacute?" she said rolling her eyes.
"So cute ako?" I plopped both my elbows on the table, palmed my face with both of my hands and pursed my lips.
"Shut up!"
"Cute ako love?" Jhoanna nanginginig ka!

Stacey blinked. Once, twice and then she smirked. Uh-ohh.

She copied my posture and then she winked at me. Heat spread through my face. She's close. Like really close.

"Mas cute ako love" she tilted her head and pursued her lips, almost slipping up her facade and giving out a sly smile. Tangina ang ganda. Oo na mas cute ka.

She smiled and then I lost my cool. I covered my face with both of my hands. I can feel my cheeks burning, even my ears!

She laughed heartily. The kind of laughter that sends shivers down my spine. I peeked at her laughing, her eyes are crescent shaped- almost closed and her shoulders are shaking. Her right hand is covering her mouth

Ahhhhh.
This is worth it. Bahala na mapahiya basta tumawa lang siya ng ganito palagi.

I caught myself smiling unconsciously as I removed my hands on my face to see her clearly. When she finally stopped laughing, we locked eyes and there was an immediate shift in the air. The tension I couldn't deny. The underlying condition of what we are. Of what we will be. And of what I wanted us to be.

"Stacey." I asked calmly, testing the waters.
"Hmm?" She leaned back on her chair.

"About the other night-" my voice trailed off and still it was cut off by Stacey's immediate response.
"You kissed me, Jhoanna." her face is unreadable and yet her eyes are telling me she's expecting something. But what could that something be?

My lips parted and I looked away as heat creeped up from my neck to my head. Ano nga ulit dapat yung sasabihin ko? Lord tabang!

"I did. What does that make us?" I asked while my gaze are lowered to my hands which are sitting on my lap, twitching and trembling from the tension. Really, confrontation is my weakness. But I wanted something to happen between me and Stacey. If it's Stacey, I'm willing. Tapangan mo lang Jho. Wag ka muna iiyak.

Stacey lifted my chin and palmed my cheeks with both of her hand. She started wiping the sides of eyes and I watched her as she smiled at the look of my face.

"Bakit ka umiiyak?" Natatawa niyang tanong.

"I'm nervous. Like-... Like really nervous." I admitted, feeling weak by the look of her eyes, full with open understanding.

"Why?" she asked now with a soft smile. Now she's rubbing my cheeks and pinching it.

"Kas- kasi-" I trailed off, feeling small and I lowered my gaze back to my trembling hands. Why am I suddenly chickening out? Sobrang tapang ko ngang humalik sa kanya tapos ngayon simpleng usap lang, di ko pa magawa?

"Why are you soooo" Stacey pinched both of my cheeks hard and forced me to look back at her again.

With her hands still on my face, her gaze traveled from my eyes to my lips. This time I'm sure. I'm not imagining things. Stacey is looking at my lips while licking hers.

"Can I kiss you?" What the fuck is wrong with you Jhoanna?! May sira ba utak mo at sa maling bagay ka tumatapang? Eh sa gusto ko ng kiss eh? Wtf!

Stacey seemed shocked. Caught off guard, her lips parted and then her eyes softened. She started leaning closer and I did the same. I can feel her breath caressing softly and her vanilla scent lingered around us.

There was a knock and then the door creaked open.

"Stacey?" a mans voice and both Stacey and my eyes widened and we both snapped back to look at the door. Did he saw? Wala naman sa akin pag nakita nga kami. Heck I'd even be proud of it. I'll brag about it. Pero Stacey might not want that. I don't even know if she's totally straight and just confused or if she ever wants to come out as one for the girls if ever.

Stacey stood up and faced the guy completely, leaving me hanging and confused. Now that I got a clear look at the guy, I recognized his face. It was the same guy who gave Stacey the flowers before the tour.

My head raced with the possibilities.
Oo nga pala. Stacey has him. I don't have Stacey. That thought spread ache through my chest and yet I didn't cry. Wag ngayon. It's not confirmed yet kung sila ba. Stacey wouldn't kiss me if she's with someone already. I just know she's not that kind of a person. Pero Jhoanna. Stacey didn't kiss you. You kissed Stacey.

"Why?" Stacey asked the guy.
"I was just wondering if andito ka pa. I passed by your classmates kasi kanina and they said you could still be here. Buti na lang naabutan." the guy smiled through his statement.
"Uh-huh? And?"
"Oh, are you perhaps busy?" he then peeked at me from behind Stacey and I lowered my head down, not from shame but from helplessness. Oa?
"Gusto sana kita yayain later mag dinner-" hindi ko na tinapos yung sasabihin niya. I can't.

With trembling hands and feet, I gathered all my things and walked out of the classroom. Stacey called me but I can't find the courage to face her. Ang drama mo Jho kahit kailan. Ano ba kayo ni Stacey?

I'm buried in my comforter, sleeping the slight ache away. Itutulog ang lahat, mawawala na to pag gising. At bukas, magpapapansin na ulit ako.

Bumangon ako para uminom ng tubig. I already had dinner and I'm now in my comfortable pajamas. Siguro Stacey also had dinner with that guy, Ian Ven was it? Of course Stacey has the right to let people court her. She is single and no one owns her. She must be enjoying her dinner right? Alam kaya ng lalakeng yun na di kumakain si Stacey ng cucumbers? Sana hindi. Sana hindi sila mag enjoy.

With my glass half filled with water, I absentmindedly drank from it. Walking aimlessly until I reached the sofa, I sipped on the water and looked at nowhere. I sat down, curled my feet up and drank on my water again. Eto ba yung water therapy? Baka effective nga.

As I drank the last drop of water, my doorbell rang. Sino na naman to? Must be Sheena right? Mga ganitong oras nangugulo ang batang yun.

I lazily dragged myself out of the couch to open the door.

"Yes-" what the actual fuck? Why is she here?

"Hi?" Stacey with an awkward smile greeted me.
"Stacey? Why are you here?" I asked at lumingon lingon baka sakaling may kasama siya papunta dito like Sheena or ate Aiah. Cause why would she come here alone?

Stacey pouted and looked down. She's trembling, must be from the cold since it's already night and she's not wearing any jacket over her pink cropped top.

"Nevermind. Come in."

Stacey followed me inside and we both sat on the sofa. Based on what she's wearing, she probably went outside somewhere. So pumunta siya? Pain registered through my chest and I looked at the opposite side of Stacey.

"Galit ka?" Stacey asked in a small voice.
"Bakit naman ako magagalit?" I asked still not looking at her. Right. Bakit naman?
"You didn't reply to my messages."
"Sorry, lowbat." Ba't ka pa mag tetext eh may iba ka namang kasama? Okay lang naman sa akin, pang next time nalang ako.
"Galit ka?" Stacey asked again.
"Bakit mo nasabi?" Jhoanna that was probably sarcastic.
"Eh kasi. You're not even looking at me right now"
This time I turned to face her and I caught her pouty face. What's with her acting all cutesy? Palibhasa alam niya kung pano ako kunin tsk.

Wait.

Wait a damn minute!

Stacey wearing a pink crop top and black pants, sitting on my sofa looking guilty and pouty. Me wearing my blue pajamas printed with chicks. The empty glass of water on the coffee table. The conversation we just had.

This oddly feels familiar!
That one dream specifically!

No? This couldn't be happening right? Or baka naman nananaginip ako? Ulit? The very same dream? Would that even be possible?

But I'll have to test! If it's the same as that one dream then based on what had happened, Stacey would say 'Hey, say something'.

"Hey, say something." ???
"Like what? Hindi nga kasi ako galit."

If it's the same then Stacey would reply 'eh ano lang? Are you-'

"Eh ano lang? Are you jealous?" Just kill me now! Okay last. Pag lumapit siya sa akin-

My eyes widened when Stacey stood up and walked to my front, looking down on me while I was looking up at her.

Tangina shit! This is exactly what happened on the third dream?!

I looked down, avoiding her gaze but she quickly grabbed my chin to meet my eyes again. I grabbed her hand which is holding my chin and escaped from her hold and tried my best to look down again. I can't risk it. Stacey what are you doing? Di mo na ba naaalala?

Stacey clicked her tongue. I thought uupo na ulit siya but then she bended her knees, kneeling so she could look me in the eyes. This is seriously bad for my heart! I swallowed, hard because I swear I could feel my heart escaping through my throat.

"Are you jealous?" inulit pa talaga.
"I'm not. Wala naman dapat ika selos. Sino ba naman ako? You're not even-"

My sentence was cut off when Stacey's lips met mine. Shocked, my eyes widened and I froze on my spot. Are you seriously kidding me?

Stacey is kissing me! She initiated! I kinda expected it based on the dream but damn. It really did happen. Stacey must have forgotten that dream?

When Stacey pulled back, her eyes widened. She looked shocked. Finally? You finally remembered? It looks like Stacey finally realized what was happening based on how her faced turned extremely red and how she seemed to have lost her strength as she flopped on the floor.

For a while, silence enveloped us. We both sat there shocked and utterly embarrassed about what just happened. About what we both knew would happen if Stacey hadn't realized.

I buried my face on a pillow near me. Hiding from the embarrassment. Hiding from Stacey who looked like she was malfunctioning. Girl same? What are we even supposed to do or say?

I never could have thanked Sheena enough when my phone ringed with her call. I answered it while Stacey looked at me with asking eyes. I showed her Sheena's caller id and she nodded her head and stood up to sit back on her old position on the sofa. I put my phone on speaker mode.

"Yes bebe?"
"Ate ko Jho, you know it's Monday night right?"
"Alam ko Shee, why?"
"You know I'm in this place with ate Aiah and ate Maloi, it's fun here-"
"Sheena what are you all doing in the club on a Monday evening?"
"Pano mo alam?" Sheena asked as if I couldn't here the loud music and noises in the background.
"I'm not going" my gaze shifted to Stacey who's now fidgeting on her seat. Cute.
"Maglalasing ba kayo?"
"No po, just wanted to go out and Mikhs is coming here later para sunduin kami."
"Okay, take care y'all" I said and ended the call.

My attention went back to Stacey.
"It's late na. I'm not mad kanina. Do you want me to drive you home?" I asked and she pouted.

I snorted and she looked at me with sharp eyes. Oops.
Stacey seemed to have gained her composure. She smirked and confidently sat comfortably.

"Let's get back to where we left. You know it's the part where you're going to kiss me back hard right? Kasi sobrang selos mo." She teased and then she laughed hard despite the fact that she is burning red as a tomato, mirroring me.

I covered both of my ears, embarrassed by the words coming out of Stacey's mouth. Stacey what are you doing? You know damn well kung anong kasunod na mangyayari!

"Shut up shut up shut up." I chanted continuously as Stacey laughed on her seat.

When her laughter died out, Stacey sat straight and faced me. Her face is serious yet her eyes have a gentle and soft look.

"So nagseselos ka nga?" she asked now with no evidence of teasing.
I pouted but my eyes remained on her.
"Wala naman akong karapatan" I answered a matter of fact.
She smiled.
"Don't say that. I don't just kiss anyone Robles."
"So what does that make us? Ano ako para sayo?"

She smirked, confident yet clearly not a teasing smirk.

"Do you like me?" Yes and no. I love you. My heart raced and it thumped loudly I couldn't even hear what I was saying. Still, I'm sure I replied:
"Yes, I like you Stacey." my voice trembled but I'm so glad I finally let it out.

"Good. I like you too." Then she stood up and walked pass me. She went to the door and was about to open it. Aalis pagtapos non? Hit and run?

"Dito ka na matulog" Jhoanna mga desisyon mo sa buhay huhu.

Stacey turned to face me. She tilted her head and smirked then she covered her chest with both of her hands. My eyes widened at the realization and heat spread through my face.

"It's- it's not like that oy gaga ka"
She laughed and then walked back to the sofa.
"Just kidding"
"So saan ako matutulog?"
"Sa kwarto ko." she raised her brow and smiled teasingly. Before she could even say anything, I cut her off.
"Shut up. Sa sofa ako matutulog. It's comfortable here."
She nodded her head. I stood up to guide her to my room and she followed me.
"You can wear whatever clothes I have in that closet. I have new sets if you don't like my old clothes and I also have an extra toothbrush na sa cr. Just call me if you need anything else." I said and got myself a comforter and a pillow.

"Sure ka ayaw mo tumabi sakin?" Stop teasing me baka gawin ko nga!
"Shut up." I said and turned my back to leave the room. Before closing the door, I called her to ask an important question.

"Love." she turned to face me.
"Hmm?"
"What are we?" Our eyes never left each other, never breaking the connection and never brushing aside the tension we both felt.
"Ligawan mo muna ako" she said seriously, not a teasing remark.

I smiled and replied "Copy miss ma'am"

Before I could fully close the door I muttered. It was almost a whisper but based on the gentle smile on her face, I think she got it.

"Dream of me, Love."