Ian Ven? Me?
Kilala niyo ba ako? For starters, the name is Jhoanna Robles. I am 19 and I am in my 2nd year of BSHM. Other than that, I am very lazy. I don't try, I don't fight, and I don't usually exert effort for something I know I can't win or get. I haven't been in love. I didn't have a crush until Stacey. I don't know what I'm supposed to do. But I do know that I should move on. Not only because may manliligaw siya kung di dahil nadin hindi siya bading or however you may call it. I know I can't have Stacey. It sucked but that's what I should believe. That's why I don't try, I don't fight and I don't exert effort. Because she is someone I can't have. Kaya nga mag mo move on na ako.
But me moving on doesn't include forgetting what happened on tour. They will remain my happy memories of Stacey. Something mine, something I will remember. The days I had with my first ever crush.
Ping
I checked my phone's notification. It was a message from ate Colet.
Ate Colet
Jho, lumabas ka naman. Di ka na namin nakikita after ka namin sinalubong after the tour.
Hindi ka naman namin miss.
I smiled at ate Colet's message. It's been a week since the tour. A week since I started my moving on phase. Gumana ba? I think so. I think wala na. Crush lang naman kasi eh. If you're asking about Stacey? Hindi ko din alam kumusta na siya.
To: Ate Colet
Hindi ako lalabas hanggat di niyo inaamin na miss niyo na ako.
Bumangon na ako pagkatapos kong isend ang message. It's now Saturday. If you asked if nanaginip ba ulit ako kagabi dahil Friday? The answer is no. Would I consider that a good thing? Very much a yes. Kahit pa sabihin ko na may part sa akin na gusto mangyari yun.
If you asked about the Monday class? Hindi nakipagmeet sa amin si miss MICE. She just told us to submit the tour diaries and other requirements sa office niya. At dahil ako lang ang gumawa, ako lang din ang nagsubmit. Hindi kami nagkita ni Stacey kahit isang beses after tour.
It was now 10am at dahil sa message ni ate Colet ay napagdesisyonan kong lumabas at ayain sila. Would I invite Stacey? No. Would I invite everyone? No. Si ate Colet at si ate Aiah muna ngayon. Kailangan ko kasi ikwento. My first ever crush, my first heartbreak. Oa? Haha. Hindi ko naman sasabihin kung sino eh.
Ping. I thought it was another message from ate Colet kaya binuksan ko ito at binasa.
Sevilleja buddy system
Good morning love💕
Moved on na ako. Wala na dahil simpleng crush lang. 'love 💕'
Wala na. Hindi na crush.
Sevilleja buddy system
Ignored parin this day?
You know you can actually tell me what I did wrong right?
I felt a pang of my heart when I read her last message. Stacey has been messaging me since pag uwi namin galing tour. At first, nagrerespond pa ako. It would be rude to not do so. Pero dahil gusto kong mag move on at kalimutan ang mga paroparo sa tiyan tuwing nagpapop up ang text niya, I slowly detached my messages. It was subtle at first. Removing the 'love' and the flirtiness each time I reply. Pulling back slowly so she wouldn't think I'm ignoring her and the friendship we had made along the tour. Was I guilty? Ngayon oo. She's asking what she did wrong. What hurts me is that she did nothing. And I am only to blame for catching feelings I shouldn't have. Crush lang daw eh bakit ganito? Crush parin ba to? I mean crush parin ba yun?
It was afternoon when we met up at one of the cozy cafes from around where I live. Ate Aiah, sipping on her usual matcha, raised a brow at me. While ate Colet leaned back on her chair with crossed arms.
"So you were saying you've had your first crush on tour. Sino Jho?" ate Aiah asked.
"Isn't it obvious? Stacey right?" ate Colet said.
"Hindi naman eh. Basta it was someone from the tour." they both raised their brows at me, judging my answer. Bakit ko pa kasi aaminin. Hindi ko naman na crush.
"Sure whatever" ate Aiah unusually rolled her eyes. Alam niya pala yan?
"Sure nga"
"So? Anong nangyari?" tanong ni ate Colet.
"Wala" I answered plainly. Wala naman talaga di ba?
"Wala? Edi sana hindi mo nalang kinwento Jho?" inis na sabi ni ate Colet. Sorry naman?
"Eh kasi, first time ko eh. Syempre gusto ko malaman ng mga ate ko." I said as I lowered my head to hide my pout.
"Ahhhhh, cute cute naman ng baby na yan" ate Aiah hugged me and kissed me on my forehead. I smiled and looked at ate Colet who's now shaking her head and a gentle smile on her face.
"Pasalamat ka mabait ako ngayon Jho"
"Yeiii, ganyan lang yan porket may nangyayari na sa kanila ni Maloi Jho." pang aasar naman ni ate Aiah.
Now it's my turn to give ate Colet a judging look.
"At kailan mo balak magsabi?" ate Colet just laughed at me.
"No Jho, ikaw pa yung tinatanong namin. Sure na ba talaga na wala lang yung crush mo?" alam ko naman na ate Colet was just trying to divert the topic. Pero parang wrong timing ata ate Colet. Sana hindi ka nalang nag talk.
"Whose crush?" Stacey emerged from behind me and Ate Aiah. Ate Colet yung puso ko!
Stacey is looking very pretty. Pretty naman siya lagi. Eto ba yung epekto ng one week ko siyang di nakikita?
She then casually sat beside ate Colet, which is conveniently in front of me.
"Si Jho kasi-" ate Aiah never finished her sentence when I covered her mouth with both of my hands. Napatawa si ate Colet habang si Stacey ay nagtaas ng isang kilay. Our eyes met and I instantly looked away. Ironic. Dati siya yung ganito.
"Ehem" ate Aiah chuckled when I released her and gave her a warning look. She must be enjoying this. Pag ako talaga nakaganti!
"By the way Stacks, hindi ka ba nagseselos?-" ate Aiah was cut off again when Stacey almost immediately answered.
"Nagseselos" wala pa nga eh.
Both ate Aiah and ate Colet laughed.
"Wala pa nga eh" tama ate Colet. Kanino ba siya nagseselos?
"I was gonna ask. May nangyayari na kasi kay Maloi and Colet here" ate Aiah even gestured with both of her hands to ate Colet.
Stacey was caught off guard. Her expression is a mixture of confusion and shock. She then shifted her gaze back and forth to the two seniors at the table.
"You mean finally?!" she said it with so much conviction. Na parang pagod na siya kaaantay kung kailan mangyayari to.
Ate Aiah laughed while ate Colet covered her face in embarrassment.
"Pagod na ako kaka advice dyan kay ate Colet eh" Stacey said and took a deink of ate Colet's coffee. Oh?
"So hindi ka magseselos?" ate Aiah asked the question I aslo want to be answered again.
"Bakit naman?" she said like it's too confusing for her that we are asking that question.
"Kasi sobrang close niyo ni ate Colet na parang kayo yung mag mu?" Natigilan ang lahat ng bigla akong sumagot. Jho? Ano na namang pinaggagawa mo. Di ka naman kasali sa usapan!
I saw how Stacey's lips parted and her eyes a flicker of surprise. Totoo naman sinabi ko ah? Tumikhim si ate Colet and everybody else at the table tried to gain their composure.
"Boang. Si Stacey? Yuck! Parang kapatid ko na yan eh." ate Colet said, playfully gagging so she could show how much she hated the idea.
Stacey looks offended, di ko lang alam kung saang part siya na offend.
"Ew din sayo ate Colet!" She said and stuck her tongue out. Ate Colet mirrored her face. Parang mga bata.
"Palibhasa hindi na yan nagseselos kasi may manliligaw na" ate Colet teased. Ahhh. Tama.
"Yeiihhhh grabe naman kayo. Mukhang kami nalang ni Jho ang single?" Ate Aiah cheered and teased.
I laughed awkwardly.
"Tayo nalang kaya te Aiah?" I said and nudged her shoulders and then winked at her.
"Jho wag ka na diyan. Alam mo namang loyal na yan sa 'best friend niya" ate Aiah pouted at ate Colet's words.
I laughed at ate Aiah's red face and was about to join the teasing when she threw dagger looks at me.
"No Jho. You don't get to say anything hanggat di mo pa kinikwento yung naging crush mo sa Cebu." Now it's my turn to be embarrassed.
Di na ako naglakas loob na tumingin kay Stacey. I can't. She might notice. They might know. Bakit ka takot Jho? Wala naman na di ba? Di mo naman na crush di ba?
"Oh? Sino dun?" Stacey asked. Why would she freaking ask me that? Oa mo Jho. Syempre friends kasi kayo?
I looked up at Stacey. Her expression impossible to read. Her lips was curled into a smile but it doesn't reach her eyes. It doesn't look like the smile she always wore on tour.
"Ummm. Secret?" I answered unsure. "Pero wala naman na. I've moved on" I added and leaned back on my chair casually as if to prove it's nothing to me.
"Boring mo naman Jho. You should try to explore more. Marami kayang naghahabol sayo." ate Colet said.
"Grabe naman sa boring. Pero it's true Jho. You should try to entertain people. Enjoy your youth or something like that" ate Aiah then chuckled.
"I'll try." Kailangan ko rin ata. Pang distraction lang or something. Baka pag sinubukan ko, ano? Basta.
"Yun oh! Then Jho there's this girl I know-" ate Colet was cut off when Stacey suddenly stood up.
"Mauna na pala ako sa inyo girls, I have somewhere to go pa kasi." Stacey said, her gaze fixed on her phone. Her brows furrowed and her smile gone. Must be an emergency? Napansin din ata ng girls ang expression ni Stacey.
"Is it an emergency? Gusto mo magpasama Aubrey?" ate Aiah asked.
"No, Ian Ven" Stacey said dismissibly at nagmadaling umalis.
Ian Ven? Ahhhh. Baka yung manliligaw. Hindi naman na masakit. Moved on na ako. Di ba? Hindi talaga masakit, para lang akong kinagat ng dinosaur.
When Stacey is already out of sight, I stood up. Ate Aiah and Ate Colet looked at me.
"Uwi narin pala ako. May tatapusin pa kasi akong requirements eh" sabi ko habang nagkakamot ng batok. Gusto ko lang mapag isa.
Though hesitant, ate Aiah just nodded and hugged me good bye. While ate Colet asked me if I needed help and so I just answered I can handle it.
I was watching a movie at home when my phone vibrated. At first, hindi ko pa to pinansin dahil baka text lang sa gc or kung di kaya ay sa school. My phone vibrated again and this time, it wasn't' just from a text. It was a call. From Stacey.
About 5 seconds of ringing and then the call was cut off. Pinatay niya. Ano kayang sadya non? I was left staring at my phone na ngayon ay nakapatay na until it light up again with another call. This time it was from Sheena. What does people need from me? I glanced at the tv. I don't even know kung ano na ang nangyayari sa pinapanood ko. I irritatedly paused the movie and answered Sheena's call.
"What is it bebe?"
"Ate Jho" maingay ang background, maraming tao at malakas ang tugtug. Malamang nag club na naman to.
"What? San ka na naman?" I asked now concerned, baka sino pa kasama nito.
"Ate Jho wag ka muna magalit." her voice hesitant.
"You're making me worried Shee. Are you safe?"
"I am ate Jho. But I called for a different reason."
"Don't tell me magpapasama ka na naman dyan?" Ayaw ko pa naman mag inom ngayon.
"Judgemental mo naman ate Jho?" Her voice clearly offended. "Nevermind that! Kaya ako tumawag kasi. Si Stacey kasi. Lasing na. Pwede ako patulong please? Umuwi na kasi si Mikhs kasi may emergency sa company nila." What?
"What? Okay just send me the details. Papunta na ako." I said at pinatay ang tawag para magmadaling mag ayos. Tsk ano na naman to? Akala ko ba magkasama sila kanina ng Ian Ven niya?
Moved on na ako di ba? Argh! Hindi ko na crush. But.....
Tangina mas higit na ata to sa crush! Bahala na masaktan.
When I arrived at the place Sheena told me, I immediately saw them at one of the table. Their back facing me, pero kilala ko naman yung mga likod nila. Especially Stacey. I sighed a breath of relief when I noticed there's nobody around them. At least they are safe. Lumapit ako sa kanila at napahina ang lakad ko nang marinig na humikbi si Stacey. Why is my baby crying? Shit!
"Eh- kasi...- naman...sino ba kasi yung- crush niya?" crush nino?
"Mas ma- maganda ba sa akin? Bakit- why di nalang ako?" kung ako yan, ikaw palagi pipiliin ko.
"Tapos- .... Tapos mag eentertain pa siya ng iba kasi.. kasi- maraming naghahabol sa kanya? Di- di ba niya alam na" she stopped talking and took another sip while Sheena struggled to get the glass of liquor away from her hand.
I know I should be helping. But my curiosity wants me to keep listening. I know masasaktan ako, pero gusto ko paring malaman kung sino ang nagpapaiyak sa kanya ng ganyan. Hindi ko naman aabangan sa kanto. Siguro? Pero tangina niya para ganyanin lang yung taong literal na panaginip ko. It must be that Ian Ven right? Ian Ven when I catch you!
"Di ba niya alam na... Na first year pa lang hinahabol ko na siya?" Ouch di naman talaga masakit. Swerte naman niyang hinahabol mo.
"Wala lang ba sa kanya yung mga-" she can't even finish her sentence because she's crying. Damn you Ian Ven!
I decided na lumapit na sa kanila para makauwi na rin sila. Di ko na rin kaya makita si Stacey ng ganito. May collateral damage eh haha.
But before I could even show myself to them, Stacey continued.
"That damn cheater!" Tama that damn cheater talaga!
"Jhoanna that damn cheater! How dare she call me love and then act like it was nothing?!" Then she continued crying. While me?
Huh?
Me? Love?