Harry was seven and he knew a thing. His uncle and aunt hated him. And his cousin too.
He had to do all the chores he could at home and it seemed it was normal, that everybody had to do that. But he knew it wasn't like that, cause the people around him didn't. Sometimes he wondered if he was cursed or if he had done something so wrong that he was going to be punished for his whole life.
When his "family" - only later on he would've understand that family wasn't only blood, but it meant also love and trust - wasn't around he used to go to the garden and sit under a tree.
One day Megan, the neighbors' kid, greeted him, while she was on the other side of fence. They started talking and, like kids usually do, they became friends.
Megan was the only bright thing in his life, he used to call her playfully his hope. He longed for their moments together, playing hide and seek or climbing the tree. She was reckless and funny and smart and she was free.
They didn't really talk about his situation at home, but thanks to her he decided to be strong. He knew he could do this, bear his relatives without becoming just a puppet in their hands.
The day he turned ten, 31st August 1990, Megan prepared cookies for him and they spent all day in his garden, laying on the grass.
While the sun was setting, Megan turned to Harry "I have to tell you something"
harry looked at her "tell me anything, I'll listen"
"i..." she struggled finding the words "I'm not a girl. I'm a boy" she finally said
harry had a thoughtful expression on his face "oh, that's ok, i... I didn't know it. so if you're a boy what's your name?"
"well, honestly I don't know" the kid shrugged.
"I can give you my middle name if you want" Harry said.
"what is it?"
"James, it was my dad's name"
"James, I like it"
and so it was decided. James and Harry became even more friends, cause they found comfort in each other, Harry understood James and James was Harry's only source of love and affection.
Then Hogwarts happened and Harry didn't see James for almost a year. He never talked about him to his new friends, thinking they'd probably not understand. He tried to impersonate the hero, the chosen one, but it wasn't easy.
summer 1992, when he came home, James was waiting for him. they spent the whole summer talking and Harry told him about magic. He knew he shouldn't, but he always told him everything.
One night they camped in the garden and, when they saw a falling star, they kissed and it was sweet and still childish, the taste of something they didn't understand yet.
Hogwarts happened happened again. He knew he had to get back to school every September until he was 18, but he still couldn't believe he had to stay away from James. He tried to think it also meant staying away from the Dursleys and spending time with Ron and Hermione, but he still missed him.
Second year was more difficult: they had a lot to study and he discovered he wasn't so smart, despite being the chosen one, plus he
sent weekly letters to James, to keep him upgraded about his life. They didn't really talk about the kiss, they both knew it was weird and they didn't want to be more outcast then they already were. Harry searched in the library but he didn't find anything about two boys in love or a boy with a girl's body, so he just kept quiet. The whole petrified people thing scared him and he was really confused about the voice he heard.
During that summer, James was away with his parents in France for most of it, so they didn't really hang out like they used to.
Harry's third year was even crazier than the first two. He wondered if every year things would get progressively worse with voldemort until the end. the end of what, he didn't know and he didn't care about it, as he hoped everything would get better in the following years.
Before Christmas, he secretly met James in the woods behind Hogsmade.
They joked and they told each other about their schoolmates and the gossips. Then, in s quiet moment, James took Harry's hands: "I like you Harry, i mean I like like you" he said emphatazing the word like.
"but you're a guy" Harry answered, feeling a little bit dumb. And James smiled, that smile that meant that it was ok if he didn't understand and that he would've explained. That's why he loved him so much, he always felt comfortable with him.
"you know, we've been taught that only a guy and a girl can fall in love, but also a guy and a guy or a girl and a girl. and there are people who feel different from their body like me. And clothes and makeup don't have a gender, everyone should wear what they like. There are a lot of labels and groups and they aren't really accepted by society, but one day they will, I will" he smiled again "I can explain to you some things if you want, you don't have to answer me after this, you can wait as long as you want".
so James went on and after that Harry knew he liked him back, but they decided to not tell anyone. They wrote themselves letters and promised to see each other in the summer.
Third year finished and even after everything, Harry was so happy to see James again. They went on walks and climbed the same old tree, laughing at how big it looked just some years before. Harry loved spending time with him, but sometimes he was distracted, thinking about the magic world and everything he just discovered, about Sirius and Peter and the Marauders.
The day before Harry had to leave with the Weasleys to go to the quidditch world's cup, they were sitting on the same old tree, when James sighed : "I can feel it, it's the end of a an era" his eyes were sad.
"what do you mean?" Harry asked him.
"I mean we're no longer kids, we can't pretend everything's fine anymore, we've both got problems and I'll always be there for you, but I think we should face the fact that our life are taking different paths"
"You're serious?" Harry didn't believe it. He loved James or so he thought. "you've always been my polar star, a landmark in the mess that's life"
So they broke up, promising they would remain friends. Harry felt so weird, but he understood James' reasons and he trusted him.
Fourth year was a nightmare. Harry came home with constant panic attacks and flashback from Cedric's death. James noticed his bad moods, so one day he took him to the beach, where his parents had an holiday house, and for that only day Harry felt a little lighter. That weekend they stayed at the house and James remained on his side the whole night, waking him up from nightmares and offering him a glass of water. Harry felt so fucking lucky to have someone who knew everything about him and who he could trust that much. He hadn't had a lot of time to think about other things apart from voldemort, but he realized James had been right and that they were probably better off as friends.
Fifth year and then sixth year. Harry was entirely terrorized. He tried to play it cool, but he had just lost Sirius and there were continuous dangers from everywhere. He could feel that the final confrontation with Voldemort was getting closer and closer.
The summer of 1995 he hadn't been able to see James and now owls were compromised so he wouldn't dare to write to him, scared someone could find out his most secret secret. That he liked boys and girls. He had thought about talking about it with Hermione, cause she was empathic and sweet and probably knew something about it, cause those kind of things were more talked about in the muggle world, but he always felt too scared so he kept quiet.
Sixth year was accompanied with the new discovers he made with Dumbledore, that new thing with Ginny and the so called obsession (Ron's words not his) with Draco. He had to admit Draco was definitely handsome and captivating, but he knew he wasn't a good person and he suspected he was a death eater. Plus Harry grew closer to Ginny and she felt so right, like comfort and strength together, she was one of the most powerful women he had ever met and he fell for her. On Christmas holidays he was at her house and they spend a lot of time together, doing homework or talking or snogging. one afternoon they were sitted on her bed and she seemed a little weird. "hey it's everything okay?" Harry asked concerned.
"I really like you harry, but there's a thing I've never told you or anyone else..." Ginny mumbled, not looking him in the eyes.
"you can tell me, I won't judge you" he said smiling encouragingly. He couldn't help to feel a deja vu when she said: "I... wasn't born like this, I was like all my brothers and when I told my parents I was a girl they were so happy, they've always wanted a daughter, so they halped me with some charms and magical pills to make me look more like a girl" she paused, still afraid to look up "I know it's weird and new to you and if you don't like me anymore that's ok, please just don't insult me"
he gently pulled her chin up smiling "I totally understand that, you're not the first person like this that I know and it doesn't change how much I like you"
"you know someone like me?" she asked surprised.
"yes, I do, but he's a guy, he's a friend of mine, a muggle" he told her everything he knew about people like them, though he didn't explicitly said he was bisexual or that he had dated that guy, cause he didn't want to ruin a moment that was about ginny and he was also used to keep parts of him secret, not cause he was worried of a reaction, but just because those information were only his, he'd always been taught he shouldn't overshare things about him, cause in the end people didn't really care.
Harry didn't attend the seventh year at hogwarts. he went away with Hermione and Ron looking for horcruxes to finally defeat Voldemort. He had never felt more alone and stupid. people were dying to oppose to someone who only wanted to kill him, people were dying because of him. So he tried his best to do everything right, but Hermione was tired and Ron left and Harry had never felt more of a failure before. Before Christmas he decided to go near the old dursley's house and out in the snow, near the tree he saw James. He wanted to go there and hug him, but he couldn't risk James' safety. Hermione was waiting at their tent. "where have you been?" she asked
"I went to my old house, saw someone I know, but I didn't talk with anyone"
"you know what, I've always felt like you tend to separate your two lives, the magical and the muggle one. It almost seems like you hide part of your personality and you never talked about home and maybe it's cause it wasn't a real home to you. but I still think there's something more, you don't wanna tell us". she said thoughtfully.
He look her in those eyes that had always understood him and supported him and he told her the truth. He told her about the abuses he suffered since he was a kid, about James and how he'd lit up his days and about all the other little things. And she truly understood him and he felt hopeful in the mess that was the war.
Ron came back and Harry forgave him in one second, just happy to have back someone he could call family. Then they got caught and taken to Malfoy Manor. Draco recognized him but told everyone he wasn't sure and Harry didn't understand why, but he felt extremely lucky.
The war finally ended, but Harry was paralyzed, thinking about all the young people and friends that had died during the final battle. He had people he loved and that cared for him, but he felt so alone, on his own. And he realized he's always felt like that, but he had also always moved on, so he held on his loved ones, hopeful for something better.
He testified at Draco's trial and that guaranteed his freedom, but they didn't talk after that.
One day he was out drinking a coffee with James, that had had top surgery just eight months before, and they were celebrating the monthly anniversary, when James told him he had found a cute flat in London, but that he needed a flatmate. So Harry told Draco and he couldn't imagine that in a year his childhood boyfriend and his old nemesis would fall in love.
He was still dating Ginny and they were living together in Grimmauld place. He felt like the luckiest person alive having her on his side, watching her every quidditch match and being the boyfriend of a successful woman. They got married in 2001 and after a year she got bottom surgery at St Mungo, that granted her a uterus and the possibility to have children.
Harry knew he was on his own, he had always been, but now he could hold on to his friends and his wife.