Explanations, Apologies and Realizations (Part II) - The Narc and The Jock
<Now playing ‘When I’m Gone’ by 3 Doors Down>
Gary: There's another world inside of me that you may never see.
Gary Oak had had the dream high school scene: he was popular, went to the coolest parties, kissed the hottest guys and girls (did more than kiss); on the outside looking in Gary Oak had it all.
But, not all that glitters is gold.
Gary: There's secrets in this life that I can't hide.
When you’re popular, in any particular setting, people tend to tell you what you want to hear rather than what they really think.
It’s why he hung around his grandpa’s clinic on free days, the main reason why Gary wanted to go into medicine: medical professionals don’t bullshit, they tell it like it is.
Gary: Somewhere in this darkness
There's a light that I can't find.
From the middle of freshman year onward, Gary Oak had spent almost every second of the day trying to be what people expected him to be. He changed his clothes, cut and restyled his hair… He started to say and do things he honestly didn’t like doing but felt like he had to do–things he had to do to in order to fit in and be popular.
Gary: Maybe it's too far away?
Maybe I'm just blind?
…Maybe I'm just blind.
But, it wasn’t until now that Gary realized that he spent so much time changing himself and being who other people wanted him to be, also made him realize that those self-same people would drop him like a tire iron if he fucked up just once.
Gary: So, hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared
And, love me when I'm gone.
You know what? Fuck them. Fuck them all.
Come Monday, he’d start doing his own thing. Oh, he’d keep up the mask for now, but everything else? Fuck what they thought.
Let’s be honest, none of the people in Gary’s “friend” circle gave a shit about him before he changed, and they still didn’t give a shit! He knew they never gave a shit! The only reason they let him hang out with them was because they ran in the same circles–to hell with that!
Gary: Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good.
Gary was done trying to change himself and pretending to be someone he wasn’t just to keep the assholes away.
He was done caring about what other people thought about him.
It was high time to stop caring about what others thought about him, and focus on himself for once.
Because he knew that it was good to be selfish. Sometimes it was good to just sit back and take a breather, to put yourself and your wants and needs first instead of always thinking about the people around you.
Gary: So hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So, love me when I'm gone
…Love me when I'm gone.
In regards to Flash, his issues had less to do with peer pressure (although that did play a part) and more about being spoonfed ideas and behaviors that equate to the worst aspects of hypermasculinity.
Flash: When your education x-ray cannot see under my skin
I won't tell you a damn thing that I could not tell my friends.
His dad wanted him to be a man – the beatings, the verbal abuse, all of it was to make him a man. And part of being a man means doing shit you don’t like and taking it without complaint. ‘Cause if you did… God help you if you did.
Flash: And roaming through this darkness I'm alive, but I'm alone.
Had Flash said this to literally anyone else, their responses would almost always be: “Grow a pair!”, “Stop bitching”, “Man up already!” or some combination or variant of the three, and maybe a smack upside the head or condescending laugh or eyeroll.
Gotta keep the stiff upper lip, never cry or people will make fun of you for being a pussy, never fall down or you’ll lose the respect of those around you, never let them know or guess what you’re feeling or suffer the consequences if it goes against what everyone else is doing.
But, sometimes… There are times when Flash just wanted to scream. L-like being in the middle of a crowded room screaming and cursing at the top of your lungs and nobody’s even looking at you.
Flash: Part of me is fighting this
But, part of me is gone.
Oh sure, Flash would blow off steam when he’d go to the gym and take his anger out on punching bags, but that just wasn’t enough.
Driving out to a deserted area or going onto the roof of a building and screaming at the top of your lungs sounds good in theory, but then you gotta deal with a sore throat and a noise complaint or two.
Same goes for crying. Aside from the inevitable headaches, there was also the fact that he’d get his ass whooped for being a pansy ass and if he wanted to cry so damn badly then I’ll give you something to cry about!
Both: So, hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared
And, love me when I'm gone.
Honestly, Gary thought that Flash was just like all the other jocks in his friend circle: strong, popular, objectively handsome, and an unrepentant asshole. And the same went for Gary in Flash’s eyes–thought he was just an obnoxious twerp with good grades and a cool car.
But what you see isn’t always what you get.
Flash: Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good.
Before today, Gary and Flash both thought that they would have little to nothing in common with these kids outside of going to the same school.
Needless to say, they were both sorely mistaken.
And, honestly? Gary didn’t know how to feel about that.
Flash: So, hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So, love me when I'm gone
…Love me when I'm gone.
Not to say that finding common ground with another person or having the same likes and dislikes as another person is a bad thing, but it does come with its downsides. After all, people who are too much alike are just as capable of clashing as those who have little to nothing in common with one another.
Gary: Maybe I'm just blind?!
The trick of it is to try and find someone who doesn’t just share the same characteristics or values as yourself, but is also different in personality. It’s why Flash got along so well with Luna, she was soft-spoken and zen where he was loud and sociable. She was level-headed and calm and would help him see things from an unbiased, open-minded perspective.
Flash: So, hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong.
Hold me when I'm scared
And, love me when I'm gone.
Before today, Flash and Gary never considered each other friends. Casual acquaintances yes, but never friends.
But maybe… maybe that could change.
Gary: Everything I am
And everything in me
Wants to be the one
You wanted me to be.
I'll never let you down
Even if I could
I'd give up everything
If only for your good.
Concurrently speaking, the jock and the narc didn’t know what they were to each other, or what or how they should refer to each other.
But the possibility of friendship? That’s as good a place to start as any.
Both: So, hold me when I'm here
Right me when I'm wrong.
You can hold me when I'm scared
You won't always be there
So, love me when I'm gone.
Flash: Love me when I'm gone, whoa…
Gary: Love me when I'm gone
When I'm gone…
Both (echo): When I'm gone…
When I'm gone…