so kiss me
James had always been a terrible liar. Which is why he made a habit of always telling the truth.
Well, almost always.
When Mary had confided in James that she developed a crush on Lily over their summer together, he was thoroughly shocked. She seemed ashamed in wanting what would make her happy. James wouldn’t have that, so he told Mary he had developed something over the summer as well. She had trouble believing this to be true due to the fact that:
he always came to her when he had a new plan in asking out Lily and he always came back to her for comfort whenever he was rejected.
James had become absolutely infatuated with Lily Evans when he first laid his eyes on her at the beginning of their first year at Uni. It took a while but James had managed to (mostly) get over her during summer break.
Instead of being honest with Mary and risking her sacrificing her feelings for Lily for their friendship, he lied.
He had good intentions so it wasn’t that big of a deal.
Right?
One lie led to the next and the next and now James could barely keep up with everything.
So when James saw Mary and Lily approaching him at a party he said he’d be at with his pretend partner, he freaked out.
“You wouldn’t mind kissing me, would you?”
The man in front of him grimaced.
“That’s certainly the best pickup line to use if you’re craving rejection.” Based on his inflection, the man in front of James seemed possibly amused. It was hard to tell what he was feeling based on his facial expression though. He had a slight scowl that seemed to have been carved into his marble face. In fact, all of him looked sculpted. His bone structure was too perfect to have been simply a work of nature. Even with the dark lighting of whatever house party Sirius had dragged James to, he could still make out the gray hue of the man’s eyes. There was something slightly familiar about them.
“I’m not hitting on you.”
“Reverse psychology too, where exactly are you going with this?”
How could James’ line of reasoning be explained in any rational way?
“I’m trying to convince my friend I’m here with a date. She’s too scared to ask out my other friend Lily because she thinks I’m not over her. The only way I’ve been able to convince her I am is by pretending I’m in a relationship.”
“How noble of you. Too bad I’m not big on lying.” The man in front of him started to walk past James. Either out of instinct or desperation, James snatched his arm.
Once he realized what he did he let go immediately. What was he thinking? At this point, he just needs to tell the truth. Sure, maybe Mary would be upset and not go after Lily, but if he had to beg strangers to kiss him to keep up the ruse then it had to stop.
The man turned around. James expected him to (rightfully) tell him to fuck off or slap him. Instead, he did something that took James by surprise. The man kissed him.
James had snogged a couple of girls in secondary school, but none after he met Lily. Maybe it was because of such a long break from kissing that made what was going on so explosive. The music that seemed to be playing so loud only seconds ago was muffled. All he could feel were the hands on his jaw and the lips interlocked with his. He eagerly ran his hands through the dark curls on the man’s head. He felt as if he was out of control of his own body. All rational thoughts were overcome by sheer desire. It didn’t matter why the man in front of him was doing this, what mattered was that he didn’t want him to stop. Why should he care what his name was if he was making James feel so good? The only important question at the moment is how someone could make a kiss so pleasurable.
The man pulled away as quickly as he had drawn James into their kiss and turned around as if he were looking for something.
“You okay?” James asked.
“I’m fine, it’s nothing.”
“Are you sure? It certainly doesn’t seem like nothing.”
“I gave you what you wanted, didn’t I? Leave me alone.” With that, the man walked off. This time, he didn’t turn back.
Before Mary approached and interrogated, James decided it was best to head back to his flat. He probably should have told Sirius, but the thought didn’t cross his mind. The only thing he could think of on his walk home and descent into slumber was the kiss he had. The stranger he had interacted with for maybe five minutes had taken over his mind.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Three days later, James realized something about the whole ordeal. He should’ve asked for the man's name. It wasn’t like the man had seemed to ever really want to interact with James again but it still would’ve been nice to know. Now all James would know him as was “The beautiful stranger who knew how to use his tongue”. James mourned the loss of ever knowing this man’s name while eating his toast.
“You’ll never guess who I just saw on campus!” Sirius announced as he burst into the door. James thought he would never live to see the day when Sirius was awake before him. Somehow, Sirius had been slated for an 8 am class at the start of the term. This meant he was wide awake and full of energy before James was even finished with his breakfast.
“Who?”
“My brother.”
Sirius and his brother had… history. Growing up the way they did it was no surprise their relationship was complex. According to Sirius, the two were each other’s closest friends (“until I met you of course Prongs”). As the two grew older their relationship grew more strained. It seemed things were beyond repair the night Sirus ran away to live with the Potters. Sirius’ brother seemed to live up to the family name. Even though Sirius swore he never wanted anything to do with his brother again, James could tell how much he missed him. The only thing that kept Sirius from admitting this was his stubbornness. It took three years for the two to talk again. What broke their streak of no-contact was a phone call Sirius had gotten the past summer. Regulus ran away from home on the night of his 18th birthday and was staying with his friend until he was able to move into his dorm at Uni. It had taken all summer, but over time the two were able to forgive each other. There was still work to be done but there was progress. Sirius had stopped seeing him as the son of his parents and started seeing him as his brother again.
“How was it?”
“He was being a little shit of course. That’s just his personality though. It’s just so jarring to see him actually on campus. I even saw him at that party last night,” Sirius said as he took a seat next to James and took a bite of his toast.
“Really? You should’ve introduced me, you know it’s quite weird that we’ve been friends for nearly a decade yet I’ve never met him.”
“My excuse for parents didn’t want you radicalizing their other child. They couldn’t bear the thought of having another ‘disappointment to the Black name’” Sirius said mid-chew with a sarcastic flare.
If asked about his family life, Sirius wouldn’t truly open up about it to other people. He would never pass a moment to talk shit about the monsters that raised him, but only a few people truly knew how badly they messed him up. When Sirius had told James the full scope of how awful they were, James promised he would do whatever it took to get him away from them. It was quite a big promise to make at 13 yet he managed to keep it. Every school break Sirius was welcomed to the Potters home. It was only 3 years later that Sirius escaped his house and fully lived with the Potters. Even though he physically made it out, mentally Sirius still could find himself in 12 Grimmauld Place. James still kept up with his promise. James was always there when something brought back memories and held Sirius until he was done shaking and managed to bring himself back into the present.
“Well, you know who I saw at the party?” James asked, He jabbed Sirius’ arm and raised his eyebrows.
Sirius rolled his eyes. “James we’ve been over this.”
“I know I know. You think that your feelings for Remus are one-sided and that he just sees you as a friend which is so very-not-true. Anyone in a 50-kilometer radius can sense the tension between you two.”
“Are you and Pete ever gonna stop with this?”
“I’m 99% sure he was staring at you from across the room when I saw him. I could tell by the yearning in his eyes.”
“Why were you busy looking at him when I heard your little date was there.”
“Hey, this conversation isn’t about me. Stop trying to avoid your feelings for Remus, which are by the way, very mutual and reciprocated by him.”
“They’re not! I act like an absolute idiot around him. Besides, why would he like me?”
James swatted him. “We are not starting the day with negative self-talk. You’re quite literally perfect. Remus likes you, I know because I’m his friend. I know why he likes you because I’m your best friend. There’s so much good about you that it’s impossible for anyone not to like you.”
Sirius smiled and tried to conceal the redness that was quickly spreading all over his face and neck.
“Thanks for the mini-therapy session.”
“Not a problem. Now that you’ve finished my toast, I think I’m gonna go and get ready.”
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------—----
Mondays were usually quite drab for James. Not much went on for him except his classes. He was expecting his day to follow his usual routine for the start of the week. That all changed when he saw the man from the party. Before thinking, James started following him.
“Hey, you’re the guy from Friday night,” James said once he caught up to him.
“Here to ask for another kiss?”
“No, I actually wanted to ask for your name.”
“That would make us not strangers, which I’m not really in favor of.”
Was he always like this?
“I think kissing makes us more than strangers, does it not?”
“You’ve never kissed a stranger at a party before?”
James suddenly felt a little embarrassed. “I never said that!”
“Of course, you haven’t.”
“What's that supposed to mean?”
“You’re literally lying to your friend to spare her feelings. You’re too pure-hearted.”
“You’re saying it like it’s a bad thing.”
The man scowled before replying, “Have you never thought about how that’ll all end? You’re lying to your friend, don’t you think she’ll realize?”
“To be honest, my brain lately has just been preoccupied with why you decided to kiss me.”
Oh god.
Did he really just say that? Like, out loud?
He chuckled. “Didn’t know I was taking over your head like that. Don’t get too full of yourself, it wasn’t because I was enchanted by you or anything.”
“Why did you do it then?”
Instead of replying with some smart and slightly demeaning comment, the man stopped walking and looked down at the asphalt beneath their feet.
Now it was James’ turn to laugh.
“Come on, you can admit you like me. I won’t judge,” James said.
“It was because my ex saw me.”
“Did they end things with you badly?”
“I was the one to break it off with him. We were just hooking up.”
“That’s not that bad, it has to be something deeper than that.”
“You must’ve forgotten I’m not obligated to tell a stranger about my personal life.” The man opened the door that James realized he had been following him towards.
“Unless you decide you want to join class with me, goodbye,” he added before shutting the door behind him.
James now knew one more thing about him, he loved a good dramatic exit.
He pulled out his phone to check the time. He had about four minutes to walk across campus for the class he remembered he had today. Once again, the mystery man was distracting James.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------—----
It was that same evening that James realized the sheer chaos he brought into his life with that stupid kiss. Seriously, what was he thinking?
“You weren’t thinking mate,” said Peter. He was sprawled on the sofa of James’ flat as James paced around the lounge and explained the whole situation to him. After telling his first lie to Mary, James realized that he needed someone to rant to about every lie that came out of his mouth from there on. Out of all of his friends, Peter was the one most likely to keep any secrets he told him.
“Mary keeps asking about my boyfriend, and I don’t have one!”
“You could just fake break up, or you know, tell her the truth.”
“Both of those situations end up with Mary not wanting to ask out Lily and hating me!”
“You’re being a tad dramatic.”
“How would you feel if you found out that your friend has been lying to you for weeks?”
“... Okay I may see your point now.”
James flopped onto the sofa next to Peter and groaned in frustration into a pillow.
“Why do I do stuff like this?”
“Because you’re James Potter. You have more heart than brain and care about your friends like they’re your whole world. No matter how this ends, Mary will know you had her best interests at heart.”
Before James could thank Peter for his kind words, he heard a key unlock the front door. Sirius and Remus walked into the flat while giggling like children.
James lifted his head before asking, “Just what are you two up to?”
“I’m making sure Sirius studies for one of his exams, apparently he left something here that he desperately needs before we go to the library,” Remus answered.
“It’s a necessity!”
“Yet it's not important enough for me to know about?”
“The only reason I didn’t tell you about it is because I knew you’d refuse to let me stop by if you knew what it was,” with that, Sirius dragged James and Peter together to where he was standing in the lounge.
“Moral support.” he declared.
“You can't be serious,” Remus lifted his eyebrows.
“Oh, but I very much am! It is my nam-”
“I swear if you finish that joke.”
Sirius erupted into laughter. James turned to face him and saw the pink spreading across his face and neck. Just hearing the joy coming out of Sirius made him want to join in with the laughter. He’d do anything to keep Sirius in this state of joy. Of course, he wants all of his friends to be happy, but Sirius has been through so much that he doesn’t deserve even another second of pain in his life.
“He has a point Remus, Peter and I make amazing moral supporters,” James said. It was probably a good idea to take his mind off the inevitable doom he’ll be facing soon if he keeps lying.
“You did come all this way for us, it’d be a waste to not let us cheer you on while you revise,” Peter added.
“See, we need Peter!”
Remus sighed. “All right, if you two are up for it, I guess I can entertain the idea of ‘moral support’.”
Sirius grinned and once again pulled James and Peter towards the door.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------—----
“You know I thought an art history class would be fun,” Sirius was leaning his chair back from the table at the library the four boys occupied.
“It seems like it’d at least be easy, just looking at paintings and stuff.” Peter said from across the table.
“Peter, you study communications. You can not be talking right now!”
It had been nearly an hour since they began “studying” and it seemed they all accepted defeat when it came to getting any actual studying done.
“I don’t totally get why I even have to take this class. Sure I’m a fine arts major, but I’m planning to make new pieces. Reading about old white men and their pieces will not help with that.”
“Maybe it’ll fuel enough rage in you that you can take out on canvas?” Remus joked. He was sat next to Sirius and making sure he didn’t lean too far and take a tumble.
“Well, I did almost stab my computer when reading that scholarly articles about Las Meninas.”
“Your war cry from that night still haunts me,” James added.
“What haunts me is how you came into my room and tried to psychoanalyze me afterwards!”
“I’m just putting my education to use,” James was studying psychology in hopes to become a child therapist. He knew from the second he met Sirius that he wanted to help as many people as he could.
“Well, I wish I could do that for this bloody class. Remus, should I switch my major to English? Imagine all the classes we’d have together then.”
“When was the last time you read a book?”
“Excuse me, I am quite the bookworm!”
“Who’s your favorite author?”
“Jane Eyre.”
“That’s a book you walnut!”
“James, please enlighten Remus here on how tree nut based insults cause irreparable damage to the psyche.”
“Sorry mate, haven’t read anything about that yet.”
“Speaking of reading, should we get back to that textbook Sirius?” Remus asked.
“My eyes hurt whenever they start to see the letters on those pages. You might have to read it to me.
Remus rolled his eyes but obliged. As Remus was recounting the importance of Romanticism in the art field James and Peter snuck onto their respective phones. James had done a good job distracting himself until he saw a text notification from Mary. Suddenly everything came back to him.
I’m lying to my friend who will undoubtedly find out and decide I’m a terrible person who’s also a pathological liar-
Sirius’ head fell onto Remus’ shoulder. He froze in place.
“Did he just… fall asleep?”
“Looks like it, maybe he finds your voice soothing?” replied Peter.
Remus blushed beet red.
Peter took a picture of the scene in front of him and James while laughing. James couldn’t help but join in.
“I’m up!” Sirius jerked awake. He turned to face Remus and looked down to the shoulder he had been using as a pillow moments before. He turned an even deeper red than Remus.
“I think it’s time for us to head back home,” James tried to help Sirius out of the awkward situation he found himself in now.
“Yup! Couldn’t agree more!” Sirius jumped out of his seat, fueled by mortification.
“We should have these study dates more often.” Peter added, he looked to James who had taken note of his word choice.
“Oh totally,” he replied.
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------—----
Apparently sticking your hand in between closing lift doors wasn’t a good idea. James still did it anyway. It turned out to be a good choice today. Inside the elevator was the same scowling man he saw at the party. His gaze was glued to the ground as James entered the elevator and pressed the button of the floor he needed to go to.
“If you’re attempting to stalk me, you’re doing a poor job at it.”
James laughed.
“We’re bound to bump into each other if we go to the same school.”
“I was really trying to avoid that.”
“You were right by the way,” James said.
This was the comment that shifted the man’s focus from the floor. His icy gray eyes met with James and reflected the intrigue James was feeling back to him. Why did they look so similar?
“About?”
“Kissing you was a bad idea. I’ve gotten myself in such a mess and I don’t have a clue on how to get out of it!”
“How tragic.”
“Did the kiss at least help you with your ex?”
“I think you’re forgetting that we’re strangers.”
“Oh don’t start with that! My name is James. What’s yours? There.”
The man rolled his eyes and scowled.
“If you keep making that face it’ll get stuck like that.”
“Who are you, my mother”
James couldn’t help but laugh. The man had a sense of humor.
“If I tell you my name will you stop following me?”
“I’m not trying to follow you! You’re acting like I'm a stalker or something.”
“Really seems like it.”
“I didn’t even see that you got into this lift!! The only reason we’re in here together is because of the stars aligning.” James wiggled his eyebrows.
“I’m sure….”
“I’ll buy you lunch if you tell me!”
“First you force me to kiss you, now you’re co-ercing me into lunch?”
“How am I co-ercing you?”
“By knowing I’m a broke uni student and using it to your advantage.”
“Oh come on-“ James was interrupted by the doors opening to the ground floor of the building they were in. Regulus looked to the open doors then back to James.
“Your manipulation worked, let’s go before I change my mind.”
—---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------—----
“So let me get this straight… You kissed me, a perfect stranger, to prove to your friends that you’re capable of relationships that don’t consist of hooking up with random strangers?”
The man, who James now knew as Regulus, glared at him.
“It was a lapse of judgment.”
“And here you were acting all high and mighty for not ending up in a mess like me. Looks like we’re both,” James picked up one of the discarded pickle slices from a sandwich on Regulus’ plate, “in a pickle!”
“God you’re childish”
“And not ashamed of it!” James plopped the pickle into his mouth and enjoyed the face of disgust Regulus made at him.
They were at one of the more popular dining halls on campus during rush hour, yet James didn’t notice much other than Regulus.
“Why does Barty even care so much about your sex life?”
“I doubt he cares too much. He’s just looking for a way to get under my skin. Everything started with him making a joke about my inability to hold a romantic relationship. Of course he had to say it when everyone else was around.”
No matter how hard James tried he couldn’t conjure an image of the people Regulus described. Maybe James was just struggling to grasp the idea that Regulus chose to have friends.
“They made a bet that I couldn’t get and stay in a relationship by the end of this term. Friday night they made a joke about it and…”
“You realized the love of your life was standing across the room and you decided to make your move?”
“Has anyone ever told you to try shutting up for more than a few minutes?”
“No. How do I do that?”
Regulus let a slight smile escape. He has dimples. Christ.
“James! Why didn’t you tell me you were here?”
James turned to find Mary behind him and Lily a bit farther in the distance. His first thought was hoping they were on a date. The second was wondering what they would think he was doing here with Regulus. Mary looked away from James to the man across from him.
“Oh, hello there!! You must be the one James is always telling me about.” Regulus raised his eyebrows. James looked at his spoon and wondered how effective it’d be to dig his own grave with. There was no way Regulus wouldn’t tell her the truth. After months, the ruse would be up and Mary would never go after Lily.
“Aww Jamie, you told your friends about me? You’re such a sweetheart.”
What.
James wasn’t dreaming, right? If only there were a way to discreetly pinch himself to check.
“What are you doing here?” James asked Mary in an attempt to distract from what Regulus said (or what James had heard from a stress-induced hallucination).
“Lily and I are just grabbing something to eat… I’m thinking of asking her out soon”, Mary replied as a blush spread across her face.
“Finally! What took you so long?”
“I thought you were bluffing about your boyfriend until I saw you two last weekend. You really should have introduced me sooner, James.”
All James could muster up was a nervous laugh.
“Well, I should really get going, I hope I’ll see you two again sometime soon. Maybe we could set up a double date.” Mary winked before heading towards Lily.
James slowly turned to see Regulus who, despite all odds, was smiling…?
“You are so terribly screwed over,” Regulus chucked.
James facepalmed and groaned. “Do you take joy in my misery? What do I even do in this situation?”
“Well, you could let Mary keep on thinking that we’re a couple.”
James looked up to the enigma in front of him.
“Huh?”
“It would solve both of our dilemmas, you won’t have to worry about hurting any of your friends' fragile feelings,” Regulus said in a mocking tone, “and I can prove my friends wrong.”
“You want to… fake date? Like the trope?”
“The what.”
“Like in rom-coms!”
“You watch those things?”
“YOU HAVEN’T???”
“Why would I subject myself to those abhorrent things?”
“Alright, well that’s going to change. As your new fake-boyfriend I think we’ll have to watch some to study up.”
Regulus rolled his eyes.
“It would be an in public only arrangement.”
“Let’s work out the finer details over text.”
Regulus tentatively handed his phone over to James. He typed his number into Regulus’ contact with the name “Jamie bear ❤️❤️😘” before giving the phone back. Regulus squinted at his screen in disbelief.
“You were the one who gave me inspiration!!”
“I was trying to embarrass you, not encourage any pet name use.”
“I think you’re just jealous you don’t have a pet name yet.”
“I'm filled with envy.”
“Don’t worry I’ll come up with one soon, anyways I should get going. See you soon?”
“I’ll text you when I’m free.”
James left the dining hall with a smile on his face and pure giddiness thrumming inside him. Keeping up with the lies was hard, but having someone else to help him now would make it not so terrible.