twenty five.
Sirius had never thought of herself as selfish. Many things, yes, but selfish was not one of them. Arrogant, self centred, petty; maybe. And she had never been called selfish, not to her face and she hoped never behind her back.
That night was intended to be something fun. A celebration of the life they all presumed they had lost. Sirius hadn’t wanted to go. Her baby sister’s birthday was always a sore spot for Sirius, rendering her still in her bed most of the day; only emerging to use the bathroom or when Remus pushed her to eat or otherwise take care of herself. But tonight, persuaded by James to celebrate what would be a twenty-fifth birthday, Sirius had dressed up, everyone had dressed up, to go for a few drinks and to dance for a while.
Sirius hadn’t been aware that it’d be more than her friends present. Upon turning up, and seeing James sat with none other than Evan Rosier and his bastard bitchface of a boyfriend Barty Crouch (Junior), Sirius’ brain immediately switched from her dissociated state to what she could only describe as some form of betrayal. Two of James’ ‘friends’, the only two Sirius would directly label as a problem, were draped over each other, never afraid of public affection, their legs visibly intertwined beneath the group’s table, except the rest of the group were mostly void, besides James, Pandora, Evan and.. That thing. Sirius knew, already, that Marlene and Dorcas were coming late, that Lily and Mary wouldn’t be attending due to their own lives; but him, Remus, James (who she was now incredibly pissed off at), Pandora, and the two queers from Scream? Not fair, not fun and definitely, definitely, not the right way to be ‘celebrating’ her sister.
Despite Sirius’ scrunched up face, the familiar tugging of Remus’ hand pulled her forward, and toward the three tables, presumably pushed together, surrounded by singular chairs. As Remus pulled out a chair for Sirius to sit, he leaned down to simply whisper in her ear “Remember, love. They were her friends, hm? They care about her too.” Sirius had to chew on her lip to resist the urge to spit out that Barty and Evan had never known her sister like she had, had never comforted her breakdowns and meltdowns, never taken a hit for her like she had. With her hands clenched around her bag, on her lap, Sirius only seemed to relax for a moment as Remus’ hand passed over her back to rest around her shoulder, though the rigid demeanour only returned the minute she heard the frankly inelegant and discordant screech of Barty’s laughter. Sirius found herself staring at James, who had only passively said hello to her (with no response), and gone right back to his conversation with Pandora, her brother, and her brother’s greasy, abrasive boyfriend.
“Fell asleep right on top of me that night.” Though Barty’s laughter had crawled in both of Sirius’ ears, scratching around the insides of her skull, it had all died down. Everyone was quiet, and moments later, as Barty’s glass hit the table again, gently, and he leaned over it some, peering into the lingering bubbles at the button, Remus’ finger began to trace Sirius’ tattoos on her bare upper arm. Soothing her. Sirius only began to realise that when he realised who Barty was talking about. “Snoring, like a little kid, even drooled on me, I think.” Evan let out a short laugh, though Sirius could see his fingers intertwining with Barty’s beneath the table. Disgusting. Talking about his sister like they weren’t just like her. Like they weren’t part of the reason she turned out how she did. When silence fell again, not even Remus’ gentle touch could stop Sirius from glaring directly into the side of Barty’s head, manifesting burning holes in his hollow skull. Before Sirius could look away, become distracted by some other group nearby, or by Remus, Barty caught her eye. The glare shared was mutual, though Barty was tonguing at the metal of his lip ring, giving a smirk to his otherwise cold gaze. It sent a small shiver up Sirius’ spine, though she ignored it the best she could. She would continue to ignore it the best she could. They were guests to this group hangout, uninvited or not, and embarrassing herself in public like this was nowhere near the top of her list.
James was the one to break the silence. Sirius wasn’t sure whether he had seen the exchanged glares of Barty and Sirius, though it was obvious Evan had by his method of distraction; pulling Barty’s face towards his and pressing a gentle kiss to his lips. Sirius would’ve gagged, thrown up right there on the spot, but James’ usual demeanour seeming more fragmented than usual was enough to draw Sirius’ attention away from the emo Ken doll and his lapdog.
“I’ll buy, yeah? Pads, Moony, what are we drinking tonight?”
Sirius had hated Barty since her baby sister met him. She hadn’t hesitated to start hanging out with slim shady and his emo counterpart. It pissed Sirius off. First, get sorted into a completely separate house from herself, befriend freaks who bully first years, and then start acting like their parents? Acting like a stuck up, rich prick? It was their fault. Evan and Barty almost single handedly made Sirius’ baby sister act the way he did, grew her up before she reached fourteen. Or at least that’s how Sirius saw it.
“I’m driving.” Remus had told James, though it was muffled with how distracted Sirius was staring daggers into the boy diagonal from her; who was far too focused on his boyfriend. “Just get me a Coke or something, yeah? Love? What’re you feeling?” Being addressed pulled Sirius’ attention back to Remus, giving a faltered smile and addressing him, and only him, ignoring James even as he got up to grab their drinks. “Rum and Coke?” Sirius nodded in response to Remus’ request, internally blushing at how well he knows her, despite their years spent together. But, after James’d left, Remus had to show off just how well he knew Sirius, and what she was thinking at any given moment.
“Go apologise, love. Or just go speak to him. He’s going to think you hate him.”
“I’m angry at him, Moony.”
“I know. But you don’t hate him. You could never hate him, you would’ve done something about it by now.”
And that was true. Sirius knew it was true. So, up she got, leaving Remus making conversation with Pandora; probably about her knitting or something. Sirius wasn’t fussed. As long as Barty wasn’t speaking to him at all.
Upon reaching the bar, Sirius found James leaned against it, facing the bartender, fidgeting with a ring on his finger. Not Lily’s ring, Sirius noticed, as James had worn it every single day since they had split (despite them still being really good friends), labelling it a reminder of ‘what he’s lost for not letting himself grow’. But instead, James wore a ring Sirius couldn’t make out in the low light, and had no time to stare at once James saw her.
“Pads- I.. I’m sorry, okay?” Was the first thing that left his mouth, and Sirius felt a small section of her heart be chipped away and fall from her chest. “I know you don’t like them. I know you hate Barty but- look.. They were.. They were… her friends too.”
“Oh, and you were too?”
Sirius saw James tense against the bar, saw how rigid he got just from the mention. James had never spoken to her sister, as far as Sirius understood and knew. She never even contemplated that she’d be wrong. “Were you her friend, James? No. I’m her sister. I get her. I’ve always got her. You should’ve let me decide who was here on the worst day of my year.”
James paused. He didn’t respond. Luckily, the drinks came in time, and right as James went to pick up one of the trays, leaving the next (covered with small snacks instead of drinks) for his second trip to the table, another figure appeared behind Sirius, scooping up the second tray with both hands and giving James a laugh. That obnoxious, grating laugh.
“I’ve got it, mate.” Barty hummed, giving James a rye smile, then Sirius a much dryer one, almost a smirk if anything. “You alright, Black?”
“Fine, Barty.”
Silence fell. Sirius could see how tense James was, but was only angered even more at how relaxed Barty seemed. She also hated the new tattoo on his neck, a constellation she recognised far too well. Next to it, a diagram of the gemini constellation. It filled Sirius with pure rage. There was no other way to describe it. She felt her fists clench, nails digging into her palms, trying her best to remember Remus’ soft tone of voice, his hands on her skin, waking up next to him every morning.
Unfortunately, that didn’t work.
“She hated tattoos, Crouch.”
“What?” Barty laughed through his words, Sirius only a few steps behind him, back toward the table.
“Serpens. She hated tattoos. She thought they were tacky.”
Sirius watched Barty’s smug look be wiped clean from his face. Hearing her own voice like that was startling to herself, so she was hoping it had done the same, idealistically worse, to Barty.
But, no. Barty laughed. He laughed, face stone cold, raising goosebumps on Sirius’ skin.
“Fucking funny, that-” Barty breathed through his laughter, James having taken the tray off of him and placed both down on the table; everyone now watching. Sirius heard a chair scrape, presuming it was Evan, but kept her eyes trailed carefully on Barty. “That- Oh, God.” Barty wiped his eyes, faux crying, as overdramatic as always. “That’s fucking funny. You? Talking about it like you ever know everything? Please, Black. That’s so fucking funny- say it again! Say it again! I wanna laugh like that again.”
It took time, but slowly, Barty’s incessant laughter, repeating of Sirius’ words, repeating of his own taunts, crept up inside of Sirius’ stomach and finally burst out of her mouth.
Her tone cold, Walburga-like in a way Sirius hadn’t heard it be in years, she spat down toward Barty’s shoes, only to look back up into his eyes, wide with the shock of Sirius’ gaul.
“You’re pathetic, Crouch. I don’t understand how she could ever have liked you. It’s an insult to her life that you’re even here ton-”
Barty grabbed Sirius by the shirt. It would’ve gone further, would’ve ended up in an entirely destructive encounter, but James stepped in. Being taller than Barty, and bigger than Sirius overall, his body easily stopped the conflict about to erupt.
“Wow- Woah! Pads..” His eyes wide, hurt, Sirius couldn’t look. So instead, she trained her eyes around the table of ‘friends’, Remus and Evan stood next to one another, both with varying degrees of anger flaring behind their eyes. Evan, however, had a red tint to his cheeks, his gaze trained on the hand clutching Sirius’ shirt. “Let’s.. Let’s go outside, yeah? For a smoke. A bit of.. Fresh air?” James cleared his throat, eyes watching Barty’s hand slowly uncurl from it’s place, lowering to his side.
Without words, Barty filed out, slipping through crowds of people all seeming to be watching. Evan followed, and then James with one final look of.. Disappointment? At his best friend. Sirius hesitated, ready to sit back down with everyone she called dear to her, but Remus stepped in.
His hand wrapped within Sirius’, giving it a squeeze. “Outside.” He told her, and she understood; she needed to calm down. To breathe. To smoke.
Chilled air hit Sirius’ skin, though the adrenaline pumping through her made her bare arms numb to it. Barty, Evan and James were stood just a few feet from the entrance, Evan and Barty sharing a cigarette, passing it between the two of them. James was talking, though the general bustle of the city centre kept Sirius from hearing what he was saying. But, from his hand gestures, Sirius could tell he was stressing - he was apologising. When Sirius and Remus were spotted, Remus already pulling his pack from the inside pocket of his jacket, Sirius saw Evan nod in their direction, James stopping everything he saw saying and walking straight up.
As Remus passed Sirius his lit cigarette, Sirius holding it to her lips with a deep inhale, James began to talk. To ramble, to apologise. Sirius wasn’t listening, though. Her eyes stayed on Barty, who had his eyes trained on her, even when exhaling smoke through his nostrils.
“And, and I just- I don’t want you to argue with him, Sirius, this night, it’s for- it’s not for-”
“Her name was Serpens, James.”
Sirius’ eyes finally back on James’, she didn’t feel the gradually decreasing distance between herself and the man she had declared her arch nemesis in her second year of school.
“I- Serpens, yeah.” James bit his lip, chewing on it, beginning to avoid eye contact desperately. Sirius felt Remus’ hand tighten around hers, before letting go, and-
The first hit wasn’t from Barty. Sirius swung, almost defensive, without thinking. Not a punch, not a slap, but a scratch right across his cheek; though Barty didn’t cry out in pain.
The onslaught of hits weren’t exactly visible to many. Sirius wasn’t sure what happened. She remembered getting punched, hit, her hair grabbed (which reminded her far too much of a similar situation, in her fourth year at school, in which Barty pulled a chunk of her hair out that still grew awkwardly). She remembered Barty mumbling all sorts of how angry he was, she remembered hitting him back, scratching him, pulling a ring from his ear with no hesitation.
Nobody pulled them off each other. Sirius could’ve sworn she saw Evan staring at Barty from the sidelines, Remus stood dead still, James fidgeting.
What stopped the fight was Barty’s weight on top of her. A knee to her chest, a hand in her hair, and a sickly grin looming over her.
"Have you ever thought that maybe you're just fucking selfish, Black?” Barty laughed, before coughing twice and spitting bloodied spit to the pavement. “Have you ever thought that maybe there's two sides to what happened? Reg died because of you. We lost our fucking friend directly because of you running off to have your happily ever after with Potter. You left, and he died.”
Sirius’ heart stung. Her whole body stung, actually, now that the adrenaline was morphing itself into pure fear, pure and unadulterated upset. She might’ve choked out a sob, she wasn’t sure, though she vividly remembered clutching at the wrist holding her hair, scratching at it in a desperate attempt to get Barty to stop. But either way; Barty didn’t quit. He had a point to make. And if Sirius knew one thing about Barty Crouch; it was that he didn’t just stop when he had something to say. Thing is, Sirius didn’t know what he was saying. Didn’t know what he was rambling on about. Maybe she’d hit his head one too many times, maybe he’d finally snapped and gone insane. He’d been on the brink of it for years; that much was obvious.
“And you know what? You're not even fucking grieving.” Barty spat again - this time down toward Sirius’ body, onto the gap where her shirt had been ripped in the throw of punches. “We miss him every single fucking day. You miss the girl that waited for you at that fucking window every night, who left the light on for you just in case you came back for him. We miss the boy that stayed with us through thick and thin, like his sister never fucking did."
Before Sirius could respond, or fight back, or get in the final hit, Barty forcefully let go of her hair, letting her head hit the concrete with a firm sound, and began to walk away. He was walking funny, and Evan ran after him. Of course he did. Barty Crouch and his fucking lapdog.
Sirius didn’t stand at first. She didn’t even move. She heard voices, quieter and muffled, almost as if the whole world had just been submerged in water. Vaguely recognising Remus, she began to laugh. And laugh. And laugh.
“Fucking funny, isn’t it?” Sirius asked, feeling a hand lug her up to stand, then feeling a connected arm wrap itself around her waist. Remus held her upright with his own weight, though he was silent. “Stupid… stupid fucks, Moony.. Thinking they know my sister better than I do. And on her birthday too..”
It was James who spoke next.
“Sirius..”
The name, the voice, wavering with emotions unbeknownst to Sirius, brought her back to the present. Her vision focused, climbing out of a tunnel to the outside world.
They were stood, facing the direction Evan and Barty had left in, James facing towards his two childhood best friends.
It didn’t take a genius to figure out what James was thinking.
“Oh. So you’re going to go with them.” Sirius muttered, using her free hand to wipe her mouth; briefly seeing blood tattering her sleeve.
James muttered something, but the ringing in Sirius’ ears made it impossible for her to hear.
“Go.” She told him, probably interrupting, as James snapped his mouth shut, and without another thought, turned around and began to run.
-
“Fucking bitch.” Barty spat again, into a small plastic bowl Evan had made him hold up to the front of his mouth. “Today of all days.”
“I know.” Evan shook his head, pressing a kiss over the cut he’d just cleaned, and then a bandaid over the top. He leaned over Barty at his place on the kitchen counter, tapping a small speaker to turn it on. As their playlist began to play, Evan went back to what he was doing, gently cooing at Barty to get him to stay still.
Barty’s heart thumped, and no longer from the adrenaline, but from the acknowledgement of the sheer luck within him to still have Evan with him after all of this time. Evan, who held his hand through everything, who woke him up when he was tossing and turning too much, and Evan who supported him in any decision he ever made; morally grey or not.
“She’s such a.. Ugh.” Evan rolled his eyes, too focused on Barty to spit out the words. After getting a nod in agreement, Evan looked up to Barty’s face, briefly glancing at the tear in his earlobe, before drawing his attention back to the cuts and scrapes littering his face, the bruise forming around his eye.
“What?” Barty laughed, putting his spit-tray down, and lifting his arms up to pull Evan closer, in between his legs.
“That was just insanely attractive, you prick.” Evan laughed, and Barty laughed with him, soon abandoning the caring for Barty’s wounds to kiss each other, again, and again, and again, Evan making sure to keep his hands to himself in fear of touching somewhere that’d hurt Barty. “I love you.” Evan muttered, right against Barty’s curved up lips, before letting out a small sigh and pulling away from him; leaning their foreheads together. “Reg would be proud of you-”
“Rosie, don’t, babe-” Barty groaned, but began peppering small kisses on Evan’s face.
“He would.” Evan insisted, returning the few kisses that landed on his lips. “Sister or not. She was being a prick.”
“Damn fucking right she was.” Barty laughed a bit louder, then winced at the pain in his mid-section that arose. “Ow-”
Evan couldn’t help but grin at him, pressing a final kiss to Barty’s lips. “Stay still, I’m almost done, I’ll get some painkillers.” As Evan shifted from between his lover’s legs to get to the bathroom, there was a few firm knocks on the door. Barty jumped down from his place on the counter, ready to open it.
“If that wannabe Hailey Williams has come back here looking for a fucking fi- Potter?”
Silence fell, and Evan stuck his head out of the bathroom to find his best friend, second to his sister of course, stood red-eyed and picking at his shirt sleeves in the doorway.
“I didn’t know where else to go.” James muttered, kicking the ground and making a point of making direct eye contact with Evan.
Barty and James never particularly got along. James had tried at first, when his friendship with Evan first began to bloom, but Barty was never reciprocal. James didn’t seem fussed, because Barty still defended him in conversation or arguments with Sirius and defended them hanging out; so James knew Barty did somewhat care about him deep down.
Evan, however, brought James inside and flicked the kettle on. “Sit.” He pointed to the island within the kitchen counters, and James pulled out a small stool from the inside cabinets, leaning his head on his arms.
“I’m so pissed at her.”
“Join the club.” Barty muttered, Evan pushing him to sit down by James. Evan sat opposite them, though his hand intertwined with Barty’s on the island.
“It’s just-” James groaned, gently thumping a closed fist against his forehead. “She doesn’t even know.”
“She doesn’t even begin to know.”
“Exactly!”
The kettle hissed, and Evan went to stand, but Barty stopped him and got up to get three mugs out. By now, with years of friendship and hangouts, hangover mornings and afternoon tea with Pandora, all three knew each other’s preferred strength, sugar, and milk by heart.
“I had to text Marls and Dorcas and tell them not to come. They were in a taxi on the way there.” James muttered, rubbing his eyes beneath his glasses, before giving up and taking them off, placing them in front of him. “It’s just- in front of everyone. It was your idea.” He gestured at Evan as he said that, who just gave a dry laugh.
“Yeah, went fucking brilliant, didn’t it?”
“Are you alright?” James turned to Barty, and Evan expected a spat between the two of them, but Barty simply turned around with two mugs, and placed them on the island.
“Yeah. Couldn’t be better, actually. Pained. But she deserved it.” Evan had never heard Barty be so casual with James. It made him snicker a little, until Barty corrected himself. “Reg doesn’t deserve to be remembered like that.”
The three all shared a silence, glancing at one another interchangeably, before Barty finally sat with his mug in hand.
“Not the first fight I’ve been in- not the first barfight either-”
Evan laughed. “That time with the pool cue was fucking funny.”
Barty laughed with him. Even James joined in for a moment. “It probably won’t be the last one. So don’t worry your intelligent little head, Potter. I’m fine.”
James watched him, watched how blase he was about it all. The pit in his stomach only grew, which he knew was only for his care for Sirius. How much he loved her. But he was so, so.. Inexplicably angry at her. His grip tightened against his mug, and both Barty and Evan must’ve noticed; as Evan reached across the table and took it from him.
“Are you going to speak to her?” He asked, an eyebrow raised.
“I don’t know.”
“I think you should.” Evan and Barty looked to each other, clearly talking in a language of facial expressions known to only one another. “I think it’s time she really got it, you know? Not- everything, obviously. But.. yeah.” Evan shrugged, sipping from his drink. James sighed, gently thumping the table with his fist.
“I’m angry at her.”
“Rightfully.”
“She doesn’t get it.”
“No, she doesn’t.”
Barty and James held eye contact, something meaningful being passed between the two that Evan understood. His ideas were confirmed when James stood, thanked them for the tea, and scrambled out of the door.
“Did he run here?” Barty asked once the door shut, and the two laughed together, into their mugs.
-
Sirius had been sitting under the shower for maybe thirty minutes at this point. It was stinging, and hurting, but Remus had set out ointments and plasters and bandages for her, as well as an ice pack. He hadn’t said anything as he did, and Sirius knew how pissed off he was. She wasn’t used to it, the cold anger of Remus Lupin. She hadn’t experienced it since school. Not like this. They argued, and they got angry at one another, but Remus’ eyes, free from their usual light and admiration, were practically alien to her.
He was showing he was still there, though. So Sirius knew things weren’t on the ropes, that he was going to leave. He did this even when they argued - leaving things out, leaving coffee on her bedside table for when she woke up, leaving breakfast out, leaving notes to show where he was going and when he’d be back.
Upon finally stepping out, Sirius took a long look at herself in the mirror. Her face was cut, bruised, but the blood washed clean away. Her hair, tattered and knotted, but the dried blood washed clean away. Her hands, nails broken, knuckles bruised, but the blood washed clean away.
Making eye contact with herself, Sirius saw her mother. Walburga Black, towering over her child with a sneer tainting her lips.
“Not my child.” Sirius heard, barked, but echoed through the long halls of The House of Black. “No child of mine will act like this. I told you to keep it short, did I not?” Sirius pulled her hand through her hair, eventually shaking the vision, the flashback, from her mind, and turning her attention to the various first aid materials Remus had left for her.
She dressed; Remus’ shirt and her own sweatpants, taking one final glance at the reflection of her mother in the mirror, before opening the bathroom door.
Remus was sitting, awfully comfortable for a shitstate of a night, on the couch. Glass in hand, book in the other, one leg over the other. Despite Sirius being awfully loud, Remus never looked up. She knew what that meant. He was angry, and he was going to stay that way until something changed. Sirius was yet to figure out what that was.
Remus was smarter than her, partially. Common sense wise? Yes. Academically, they had always been on the same level within school. She was sure Remus had pieced something together and was simply waiting for Sirius to figure it out and fix it.
She didn’t know what, though. Not yet.
Sirius was attending to her hair, in her bedroom, when she heard a knock at the door. Hearing Remus get up, she never moved, not until she overheard the conversation.
“James? Yeah- yeah she’s here she’s-”
Without thinking, Sirius stood and walked to the door, wrapping her hair up in a bun as she did so.
“Why are you here?” She didn’t mean to make it sound so aggressive, so cold, but James didn’t flinch. He stood his ground, stood right in the doorway, drenched by the rain and in only the outfit he’d been wearing all night; an open shirt, white t-shirt, and his favourite pair of jeans, loved for so many years they were long worn.
“I’m angry at you.” James stated, keeping his eyes on the ground. Despite how confident he seemed within his stature, he was still fidgeting. “I’m angry at you and how tonight went.”
“You invited them, James. And you ran off with them after.” Sirius spoke, pointing a finger in James’ direction. Remus walked between them, retaking his place back on the couch, with his book.
“I- Sirius.” James began, slowly walking his way over to where she was standing, looking as non-threatening as ever. Sirius didn’t back up, simply out of habit, but regretted that as soon as James continued to talk. “Sirius, you acted ridiculously. Barty- Barty had a right to be there. Evan too. You were mean, you were- you were so fucking mean.”
Sirius shook her head, turning away from James to lean her back against the counter. “He deserved it. He didn’t have any right to be there. He didn’t know her like I di-”
“Yes he did!” James yelled. Sirius hadn’t heard him yell in.. ever. Not at all, actually. Not like that. James barked his laughter and playfully raised his voice, but raw anger like this was unrecognisable. “He did, Sirius! He spent years with-”
“My baby sister!” Sirius finished, yelling back, uncertain of how else to respond. Remus, on the couch, didn’t flinch. “Trying to shag her! Getting her in trouble and pulling her away from what was right! He made her like that, James! He made her the person she was when, when, when-”
“When you ran away?” For the first time since he arrived, James looked directly into his best friends’ eyes. And for the first time since eleven years old, James didn’t see his best friend. Not the Padfoot he had nicknamed, not the Padfoot he had gotten the train with to school every September, not the Padfoot he helped escape from a home that never showed her love. He saw what Regulus had always told him. That whilst Sirius had cared, for years, she had left him alone in that house. James could’ve sworn he saw every moment that he had witnessed Regulus get upset about it, become frustrated purely at the mention of his sister, or begin to sniffle and wipe his eyes (never cry) at the idea that the person he’d grown up with never knew who he truly was.
“You never knew her, James. You never knew what she was like before. They changed her, they fucking morphed her into what I hated, into the opposite of what I am and the opposite of what she was supposed to be!”
“But that’s fucking ridiculous, Sirius!” James smacked his hand down on the counter, making Sirius jump and turn to face him, and Remus briefly turn his head; before returning back to his book. “You can’t start a fight with someone because they know someone different than you do! Maybe Barty spoke to her for longer, spoke to her and knew her in a different way than you did. Maybe, just fucking maybe, Sirius, it wasn’t Barty and Evan who changed her, but it was the household you left her alone in.”
Sirius was going to respond, but James kept going. “You left her alone with the mother you knew was going to end up killing her. You left her alone with your father and your extended family and you didn’t even.. Think. You didn’t even think to go back for her. He waited.”
“Oh, and how the fuck do you think you know that, James? Did you ask her? Did you perform a séance to speak to my dead sister?”
James smashed a mug. If he hadn’t, Sirius wouldn’t have stopped. So, it had some merit to it. Maybe he was just angry, angry enough to do damage he wouldn’t even dream of doing in any other emotional state. It clattered, into three separate pieces, and landed on the tiled floor. Sirius watched in shock, but James didn’t even recoil from the noise.
“Shut your fucking mouth, Sirius. You’re acting so fucking selfish. Barty and Evan were his friends. His best fucking friends.”
“Her friends, James. You didn’t even fucking know her-”
“Know him? Sirius I fucking loved him.”
Silence befell the room. The entire apartment. Sirius and James held eye contact until James almost yelled out in pure frustration, walking his way across the room and tugging at the dining chairs as he walked past. “You are so fucking oblivious to everything everyone else has going on sometimes. Do you get that? No, no you don’t, you don’t because you get so wound up in what’s going on with you that you don’t see it. How you feel about it all is fucking fine, Sirius. But Barty was his friend, too. Evan was his friend, too. You? You were nothing near a friend, not after you left.” He paused, suddenly tears in his eyes, inhaling a trembling breath. “He died, in part, because of you leaving him.” Finally, James turned away from Sirius, to face the door, breath still quivering and stature becoming more closed in upon itself, clutching his own hand and fidgeting with the ring on his finger. “And you’re too blind to see that. I’m sorry you are, Sirius. But I can’t talk to you until you can see properly.”
With that, James pushed his glasses up his face again, nudging them so with his knuckle, before exiting the Black-Lupin apartment without looking back.