Regulus has never really truly been happy in his life. There’s always been something wrong. When he lived at home, he had his brother, but their parents were horrible – No one can really be happy and live in that house. – When he finally went to Hogwarts, he was supposed to be happy. He was out of the house most of the year and he could finally be with his brother again, but that’s not how it turned out. No, when he started at Hogwarts his brother had replaced him with James, the same James Potter he had spent all summer talking about. Honestly he shouldn’t have been surprised to find out the Potter guy had taken over his role as Sirius' brother.
When he got sorted into Slytherin, Sirius stopped talking to him altogether. He doesn’t know if Sirius was mad about the sorting or if he simply forgot about Regulus and to be honest, he doesn't know which option would be worse, so he never asked. He learned early in life not to ask if he doesn’t want to know the answer.
Recently Sirius and him have started talking again, so it doesn’t really matter much anyways – or at least, it shouldn’t have mattered, but he’s a Black so he’s still holding a bit of a grudge. Somehow he’s also still holding a grudge on his boyfriend. Yes, he ended up dating the James Potter, the same guy who stole his brother and who ruined his life. The universe must truly be having one big laugh about this, because there’s no other explanation, except for the universe to be playing a joke on him.
James didn’t just ruin his life though, somehow he also ended up saving it. Regulus was very deep down in a hole, when James came along and made him fall in love with him. Regulus somehow simultaneously loves and hates this golden boy at the same time.
“Hey love?” He hears James ask, because only Regulus Black can be thinking about how much he hates someone while cuddling with them. They’re currently in Regulus' dorm, his friends know about them and most of James’ friends do too. It’s only Sirius who’s stayed oblivious about this, honestly he doesn’t know anymore whether Sirius really is that dumb or if he simply doesn’t want to realise it and therefore subconsciously holds himself back from seeing it. Regulus is laying with his head on James’ chest, drawing his own initials over and over again on James' stomach.
“Mhm?” he hums, showing that he’s listening.
“So I was thinking-” James start
“Uh oh, that sounds dangerous” he teases with a laugh. When James doesn’t laugh he turns around to look at him. “Jamie, what’s wrong?” he asks as he sees the nervousness in James’ features.
James being nervous always makes Regulus nervous as well, because James is never nervous. James has always been bad at showing emotions except for happiness, Regulus has been working on it with him. And on top of that, James is the picture perfect example of a Gryffindor, which means he throws himself into life threatening situations basically daily, without even blinking an eye. No, James Fleamont Potter does not get nervous about anything. So seeing it really puts Regulus on edge.
“I was just thinking… shouldn’t we tell Sirius soon?” James asks. He’s biting his lip nervously and looking away. Regulus just starts laughing, he can’t control himself because honestly he thought it was something bad with how nervous James was. James looks at him with a look of betrayal “Hey! don’t laugh at me, it’s a genuine question”
“Sorry darling” Regulus says as he stops laughing in favour of kissing James neck.
James moves away from him “Regulus, can you please focus. This is important to me”
Regulus closes his eyes and sighs loudly, before opening them again, looking at James. “James, Love. You know we can’t”
“Why not?”
“I mean first off all, I don’t want you to die and I don’t think you have a death wish either” He starts, half jokingly, before he turns serious “Second off all, I’ve just started talking to my brother again and I really don’t want to put that at risk”
“Are you sure that’s all?” James mumbles, he sounds slightly annoyed which confuses Regulus, because they both agreed not to tell Sirius yet.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” Regulus now feels himself getting annoyed as well. He knows they should stop it there before Regulus splits.
“Nothing”
“No, tell me what you mean!”
“It’s just-” James ruffles his hair nervously with his hand “Sometimes it feels like there’s another reason you don’t want us to be public”
“Well it’s not like it matters much, most of our friends know anyways”
“So I can tell him?” James asks, a wide grin covering his face. Regulus feels horrible for having to make that smile disappear, but he really doesn’t want to put his relationship with his brother at risk.
“James that’s not what I said” He says and James' lovely smile fades as quickly as it came, it’s such a shame when James is not happy. It’s such a shame when James’ smile disappears, it’s like the clouds covering the sun, making the world seem less bright and more grey and sad. James is the sun, he’s warmth and happiness, he’s the thing that keeps the entire universe alive and spinning. without James everyone else would simply wither and die, just like the flowers without the sun…
but just like James is the sun, Sirius is Regulus' star, his north star. Without Sirius he’d get lost, he’d never be able to find his way home. James is very important to him and he’d do anything for him, but so is Sirius. Regulus just got his brother back, he can’t put that at risk… not even for James’ smile.
“What exactly did you say then Regulus” James asks carefully.
“Jamie, isn’t it enough that some of our friends know? Why do you want to tell Sirius so badly? Why does anyone need to know, can’t it be enough that we know?”
“If you’re ashamed of me just say so” James snaps and no words have ever shocked Regulus more, where did James even get that from?
“No, James of course not. I’d never be ashamed of you”
“Well then why don’t you want to tell people?”
“Why do you want to tell people so badly? Are you only with me to be seen with me?”
“What?”
“Yeah that way everyone can see how you ‘saved’ the poor little Black boy, how you saved both of them. Do you crave validation that much?”
“Do you even know me?”
“Yes, which is why I know you have a saviour complex”
“I wouldn’t date you only for that”
“Wouldn’t you? It kind of seems like you would since you want to show me around like some kind of prize. If you want a medal for how good you are then go date Evans instead”
“Low blow Regulus” James says, clearly hurt. They’ve fought over Lily a lot, way more than they should. Regulus wants to feel bad for hurting James, but he can’t find it in him.
“Just get out Potter!” Regulus hisses through his teeth, he needs time to collect his thoughts before he says something he’ll regret.
“What?” he hears James whisper, his voice cracking in the middle, but to be completely honest, Regulus doesn’t care much right now.
“Get the fuck out of my dorm!”
He feels the bed shift underneath him and he risks looking at James, seeing him throw on his clothes before looking at Regulus one more time. He can clearly see James waiting for him to take it back and when he doesn’t James turns around and leaves.
Only when the door has closed behind the older boy, does Regulus let the tears flow down his cheeks. He sniffles and rubs his tears away harshly with a closed fist. Pathetic a voice that sounds like his mother’s says in his head.
Well Regulus thinks to himself as he rubs away the new tears already collecting in his eyes, if James wants everyone to know about them, then let him learn by himself why it’s such a bad idea. Then it’ll be Regulus who gets to say I told you so when it all comes crashing down.
“James, what’s wrong?” he hears Remus voice asks as he feels the bed move, probably from the other boy sitting down.
James is lying under the blankets in his bed, he hasn't moved since he came back from Regulus’ dorm.
10 minutes ago Remus and Peter came back from the library, it didn’t take them long to realise something was wrong, because it’s not like James to act like this. James is always the happy and bright one and he knows he should keep up the act so they wouldn’t realise that something is going on. How would he even explain this to Sirius without telling him everything, but he can’t do that to Regulus, he loves him. That thought sends another fresh wave of tears. He tries to suppress the sob he feels coming up his throat, he really does try, but it’s pointless. He feels Peter sitting down on the other end of the bed than Remus, putting a hand on James over the covers.
“James, you can always talk to us about anything. Is it about Regulus?” Peter asks. Of course James has never told them about him and Regulus but he knew that they knew about it anyways.
Just hearing his name makes his heart clench “I- I love him, but I thi- think he’s going to break- break-” James can’t even let the words leave his lips. He feels like the moment the words are out, they’ll become true.
But of course the other boys understand anyways “Oh James” Peter says while Remus asks “How do you know? All couples fight, I’m sure you’ll be alright”
James shakes his head even though they can’t see it since he’s still under the blankets. “No, this- this time was dif- different” he hiccups through the tears, barely able to get any words out from how much he’s crying.
“Get some sleep James, I’m sure it’ll all solve itself tomorrow” Remus says, before standing up.
James doesn’t get to answer, not that he was going to anyways, because in that moment the doors barges open. James doesn’t have to see to know that Sirius just came back from his detention.
“Is everyone ready for a fun evening!” the older Black brother exclaims excitedly. It clearly doesn’t take long for Sirius to spot James, because next time he speaks, his voice is closer and more quiet and calm. “Prongs are you alright, mate?”
James doesn’t know how to answer, because he knows he can’t lie to Sirius and he knows the moment he opens his mouth he will tell everything. Luckily James doesn’t have to say anything because Remus does it for him “he’s just tired Pads. He’s going to sleep early, so it’ll just be the 3 of us and the girls tonight.”
“Are you sure James, because-”
“Just let him get some sleep Pads, he’ll join another day” Remus interrupts. Honestly James has never appreciated Remus more than right now.
“Okay” Sirius says carefully.
Then all James hears is the 3 other boys leaving the dorm, and then nothing, it’s quiet. James doesn’t like when it’s quiet, because that means he’s alone with his thoughts. When there’s people, they can distract him and he doesn’t have to think.
He quickly comes to a decision and throws the covers off him, staring at the roof a while before getting up. First thing he does is take a shower, rinsing off any sign that he’s been crying. Afterwards he throws on some trousers and a gryffindor jumper. He looks himself over in the mirror, checking that all signs of him crying are truly gone. When he’s satisfied, he walks out of the dorm, down to the common room where all his friends are. He puts on a smile, knowing it’s fake, but sure he’ll be wearing a real one after some time with his friends, the people he loves more than anything in the world.
"James! You came!” Marlene exclaims, throwing herself on him, she’s clearly already drunk off her arse.
James laughs, hugging her back, before taking the cup of alcohol that Remus is holding out to him, he nods to him in thanks and takes a big sip.
He then moves to sit down beside Lily on the couch. For the next hour they all drink, talk, laugh and play some games. To be honest, spending time with his friends is getting his mind off Regulus, most of the time at least. Sometimes small things happen that make him think of Regulus and honestly he considers leaving many times throughout the night, to go talk to the boy he loves. It almost drives him crazy not knowing what Regulus is thinking or feeling, if he’s going to break up with James or not. He knows that both him and Regulus need some time to think through it all before seeking each other out though. James knows he’ll just make everything worse if he goes to find him now. So he stays. For a whole hour he hangs out with his friends and tries to think about the boy with the black curls as little as possible.
Suddenly the door to the common room opens, which is not what’s weird, since it could just be someone out after curfew with their friends. No, what’s weird is the slytherin boy walking in, flanked by his blonde ravenclaw friend, the brunette slytherin girl and the two slytherin boys behind him.
“Reggie? What are you doing here?” Sirius asks, clearly just as shocked as James feels.
“Hello to you too my dear brother, me and my friends thought we’d join whatever shenanigan you’re all doing tonight” Regulus answers, as the blonde ravenclaw girl waves with a giant smile. The younger Black brother is up to something, James can see it in the way he’s acting, in the way he walks as if he doesn’t have a care in the world or the way he stands straighter than normal, if that’s even possible. He can see it in the tilt of Regulus' lip and the mischief in his eyes.
“Well of course, sit down” Sirius says, starting to make space on the couch he’s on. Barty and Evan sit down on Sirius' couch, Pandora sits on the armrest of the couch James and Lily are on, while Dorcas sits on her girlfriend's lap. Regulus, like the menace that he is, sits on the couch beside James, squeezing James between his boyfriend and Lily. He feels an electric flash shoot through his leg, due to Regulus’ own brushing against it. He’s hyper aware of Regulus’ leg against his and he can barely concentrate on anything else. He feels his throat run dry and quickly takes a sip of his cup.
“So what are you all up to this time?” Regulus asks, looking around.
“Just playing some games and talking,” Mary says.
“Well I have a fun game that we could play” Regulus says with a smirk. James turns to look at him, he knows Regulus and he knows that he’s up to something right now.
“Sure, baby black. What is it” Marlene asks excitedly.
“Don’t call me that!” he hisses.
“Call you what? Baby Black”
“If you don’t stop right now McKinnon, I will drown you in the black lake”
“I’d like to see you try,” Marlene teases.
“Don’t test me” Regulus makes a move to get up, but Lily reaches over James and pushes him back down.
“You two, stop acting like children” Lily starts and they both open their mouths to argue, when she continues “Regulus, what’s the game you wanted to play?”
“It’s a muggle game called two truths and a lie. I heard you guys play muggle games all the time, so I thought you might like it. Basically you tell three things about yourself, two of them has to be true and one of them a lie, then everyone else tries to guess the lie”
“But we already know everything about each other, so wouldn’t it be too easy?” Sirius asks.
“Stop complaining”
“I’m not com-”
“Anyways, I don’t think you know everything about each other, so I’m sure it’ll be fun” Regulus interrupts his brother.
James has no clue where Regulus is going with this, but he already knows it’s not gonna be good.
“Sure! I'll start!” Sirius exclaims and James sees Regulus roll his eyes at his brother. “my two truths and a lie is…” he pauses, clearly thinking of what to say. “Got it. I’m allergic to bananas, I thought abuse was normal and I have batman underwear”
“What’s batman?”
“It’s a muggle superhero Reggie, do your research”
Regulus decides not to continue the argument, he just yet again rolls his eyes.
“Ooo I know this one” Remus says, leaning back in his chair.
“Which one is it, Remus? I mean obviously it’s either the first or last one and it makes more sense for the banana one to be a lie because I could definitely see Sirius having batman boxers” Lily ponders.
“I’m not saying anything, it wouldn’t be fair” Remus says.
“Yeah, I’m guessing Banana is the lie too” Mary guesses while everyone else just nods in agreement.
When everyone turns back to Sirius, waiting for the answer, a wide grin forms on his face “You’re all wrong, I am allergic to bananas and I sadly don’t have any batman boxers, I do have Spiderman and hulk though”
“Honestly I don’t even know the difference between all the muggle superheroes, there’s so many” James admits
“I mean that’s fair, I’m a muggle and I don’t even know the difference between all of them” Lily says.
“Lily!” Remus suddenly exclaims “I have an idea, can I borrow you for a second?”
“Um yeah, sure” she shrugs. They both get up and walk over to a corner, where they start whispering in hushed tones. No one can hear what they’re saying.
Everyone just looks after them confused until Pandora says “Well, guess it’s my turn now” and everyone turns back to look at her. “I love butterflies” she says the first one with a small shiver and James thinks it must be the fake one. “I’m a ravenclaw” she continues and well obviously that one is true “And last but not least, I was almost put into hufflepuff, but I started asking the hat questions about how it works so it put me into ravenclaw”
“Obviously the first one,” Peter says.
“Yeah, I remember that you were a hat staller and I know that you’re in Ravenclaw, so the first one is clearly the fake one” James joins in.
“Nope,” Pandora says, popping the P. “I mean the last one was almost true, but with slytherin instead of hufflepuff… But yeah, the last one is the incorrect one”
“Can I do one now?” Lily says as she walks back to the couch she was sitting on, a blush is covering her cheeks, that she’s clearly trying to hide it with her hair
“Sure Lils” James says, giving her a reassuring smile, she smiles back to him gratefully before flopping back down beside him.
“So, well my two truths and a lie is.. I have ginger hair, I’m a slytherin and I um… I’m in love with Pandora Lestrange”
“Lily, you have to tell two truths, not two lies” Sirius says obliviously.
“I only have one lie”
“Well you’re not a slytherin, so-” finally Sirius seems to realise what is going on “Oh, I see. Sorry, I’ll shut up. go ahead”
Lily rolls her eyes at him, before turning them towards Pandora hopefully. Pandora has a big smile on her lips, somehow even bigger than her usual, James didn’t even think that was possible.
“Really?” she asks carefully, Lily just nods before Pandora is up and sitting on her lap with a leg on each side, kissing Lily passionately. James smiles at them, he’s so happy for them. Lily is one of his best friends and he wishes her all the happiness in the world, yet a small ugly part of him is jealous. He knows he has no right to be, but he is. Remus and Sirius are happy and in love, so is Dorcas and Marlene, Barty and Evan and now Lily and Pandora too. James wishes he could have that with Regulus, don’t get him wrong, he loves Regulus and he’s happy to have even the smallest part of him. But he still wishes he could cuddle with Regulus at group hangouts, or kiss him in the hallways, or wake up with him in the morning without having to leave at like 4 am to not get caught. Now he doesn’t even know if Regulus wants him anymore, all because he couldn’t leave it alone. All because he wanted more and couldn’t just be happy about what they have… had. James corrects himself in his head.
Lily and Pandora break apart for air, but they’re still looking at each other in a way that seems so private James has to look away. As he diverts his eyes, his blik catches Regulus already looking at him. There’s something in his eyes, but James can’t quite figure out what. He just can’t quite figure out what Regulus is up to.
“Your turn Potter” Regulus says and James looks around to find everyone waiting for him.
“Oh yeah, sure. So um” he pauses to think about what he could say, honestly he doesn’t care much about the game right now, he just wants to talk to Regulus, the nerves are killing him. But he can’t just drag Regulus away, that would seem weird since some people here don’t even think they’re friends, and one of those people is James’ best friend and Regulus’ brother. James doesn’t care, but he wouldn’t do that to Regulus. He wouldn’t out Regulus to his brother like that. So he thinks about what two truths and a lie he can say. “I have a scar on my left leg” no one here really knows that, since it’s on the inside of his upper thigh, so they’ll probably guess that one to be false. “I want a motorbike like Sirius” he tries to find a last one, but doesn’t find anything so he just says an easy one, “and my favourite colour is red”
“I think the lie is the scar one,” Dorcas says.
“Yeah, it is the scar one, why did you make it so easy James, that’s just boring” Sirius says annoyed and disappointed in his best friend.
“Actually-” he starts
“No, the wrong one is the motorbike one.” Regulus interrupts. “He does have a scar on the inside of his left thigh and he doesn’t want a motorbike because he just knows he can use Sirius’” He sounds almost bored as if he hasn’t just dropped a bomb and everyone is gaping at him in shock or surprise or both.
“How do you now that he doesn’t want- Wait James how the fuck does my brother know you have a scar there? Clearly we can’t see it when you stroll around naked, so the only way to see it is if- James Fleamont Potter have you been fucking my baby brother?!”
James doesn’t know what to say or do. Not because he can’t come up with anything, but because he’s too busy thinking about what this means? Does it mean that it really is over and Regulus just outed their relationship so he doesn’t have to break up with James, because Sirius would kill him? Or does it mean that Regulus is finally agreeing to telling everyone about their relationship? Luckily he doesn’t have to answer Sirius because Regulus decides to do it in his own way and on top of that finally giving James the answers he’s been waiting for since he left Regulus’ dorm, earlier that evening.
“You wanted this, so here you go” Regulus whispers to him, before turning back around to the group “Guess it’s my turn now.”
“No, Reggie, James needs to-” Sirius seethes.
“My two truths and a lie” Regulus yet again interrupts “is. My birthday is the 12th of october, I’m a slytherin and I’m James Potter’s boyfriend”
“Your. birthday. is. in. december!” Sirius is seething so much that James is surprised he hasn’t exploded yet or that smoke isn’t coming out of his ear.
“Exactly” Regulus says with a smirk.
“James Fleamont Potter, I give you 5 seconds!” Sirius yells, but James doesn’t care if he kills him now, he’s floating on cloud nine. He’s just so ecstatic Regulus isn’t going to break up with him and on top of that, now everyone knows about them. James no longer has to hide his love, now he can scream it from rooftops. He just needs to survive Sirius Black's wrath first.
Regulus turns to him with a mix between a smirk and a smile “you should probably run love” and with that James lips tugs upwards in a big smile as he risk his life by pressing his lips to Regulus’ before getting up, sprinting out of the common room and through the corridors.
He can hear Sirius running right behind him and he speeds up, hearing a “yes, you better run brotherfucker” which just makes him laugh. That night both boys get detention, but a detention has never been worth it as much as this one. Not only didn’t Regulus break up with him, he also finally told everyone about their relationship so they don’t have to hide anymore and Sirius didn’t kill him, since the teachers caught them before he could and after the teachers were gone Sirius had calmed down and the two best friends had a long and much needed conversation.
All in all a pretty good evening.