It's nice until it's not. That's how it always goes. You're having a nice time at the house party, laughing and sipping on something fruity that Marlene handed you as Lily tells the story of how James broke his arm last week. The music isn't too loud and you think you might go find Sirius soon so that you can be near him when midnight hits. Not that he'd be anywhere but by your side, of course.
But then something in the room changes. Maybe a big group of people shows up or the music gets a little louder and the lights a little dimmer but suddenly you don't feel as steady.
"Love, are you alright?" Lily gently grabs your elbow and you flinch. Her expression is soft but her eyes are worried. You've clearly zoned out enough that it's noticeable.
"I'm fine," you say, smiling tightly. "I'm going to get some water." You slip away from the circle and into the kitchen, abandoning your cup on the first flat surface you find. There isn't anyone in here but the tightness in your chest does not abate. You clutch the sides of the sink and try to breathe.
A knock on the counter alerts you to someone else in the kitchen. You whirl around and find Remus looking a bit worried. "You look pale," he says. "Do you want me to get Sirius?" You haven't seen your boyfriend in a little bit, but you're pretty sure he's playing drinking games in the next room.
"No," you say quickly. "No, I'm fine. Thanks, though." Remus looks reluctant to leave you. All of Sirius's friends take your wellbeing very seriously, not just because you're fairly vital to his -- they like you.
"Hm," he says. Everyone has a hard time fooling Remus about anything. "Maybe some fresh air?"
"Good idea," you say. He allows you to slip past him and you really hope he's not going to tell Sirius. You'll get some fresh air and then find your coat and send Sirius a text that you've gone home and not to worry. There's no reason to tear him away from the party because you're overwhelmed.
The front porch is deserted. Abandoned cups and a few cigarette butts litter the railing but the cold air makes you feel better immedietly. A few deep breaths serve to calm your racing heart. Laughter and music bleed into the night and you really want to be on your own couch right now.
The front door opens. You know it's Sirius.
You turn and take a step towards him. He meets you in the middle, a hand on your elbow. He runs his other through his own hair, a tell that he was worried.
"Did Remus find you?" you ask miserably. Though Sirius has told you a million times that he will do anything for you, sometimes actually asking is the hardest part. You feel a bit sick that he's come out here when he should be having fun inside.
"What?" He blinks. "No. I just noticed you were gone." His dark brows draw together and he reaches out slowly, in case you don't want to be touched. But you don't move, so he gently places a big, callused hand around the curve of your jaw.
"You did?" It's a silly question. You know that Sirius, while a bit all over the place and loud and much more alive than you've ever been, is so keen on you being in his life that he'd do pretty much anything to keep you around. He bought you a helmet for his motorbike even though you swore you'd never ride it, just in case. He made everyone swap out the hand soap in their flats after you told him that a popular brand irritated your skin. He kisses you extra when he's got a bit of stubble because the tingle makes you giggle. Of course he noticed that you were gone.
"Are you being serious?" he asks. His thumb settles at the corner of your mouth for just a moment before he tugs you into his hold, the hand on your jaw moving to cup your head. "You are so silly sometimes."
"Sorry," you say into his silk shirt. He hasn't got his jacket on but he's still much warmer than you.
Sirius tuts. "None of that." He pulls back to look at you again, eyes pouring over your face. "You alright?"
You nod because it's true, now. You're always better when he's holding you. "Just got a bit overwhelmed inside."
"Do you want to go home?" He doesn't ask questions, doesn't tell you off. He never does. So you only feel a little guilty when you nod. "Let me get our coats and we'll be off."
He makes for the door to the house again and you snag his fingers. "Are you sure, Sirius?" you ask. "I can go home. You don't have to leave." He sighs, but it's fond.
"Come here." He tugs and you go willingly back into his arms. This time he rests his hands on your lower back, dangerously close to being cheeky. "All I wanted out of tonight was to kiss you at midnight, yeah? And I can do that at home. And if we do it at home, we can do it naked."
You laugh, shoving your face into his collar. "You're unbelievable," you say.
"And you're pretty." He presses his lips to your temple once, twice, before releasing you. "Don't go anywhere."
You take a moment to look at him in the moonlight. Rumpled, tall, dark, and handsome, and all yours. "Wouldn't dream of it."