A Most Tasty Trial
“So, tell us again, Kagamine,” Konata was saying. She had that damned cat-like smile plastered on her face, her large green eyes fixed on mine with an almost hungry look. “Tell us the whole story.”
It was about two hours later, and we’d arrived at school toward the tail end of the first period. Later than either of us had ever been. Thankfully, the second period of the day was a study hall, so I’d been able to join class 2-E for a little while to chat.
“It’s really not a big deal,” I said, throwing up a hand as if to dismiss any possible concern. “We both just overslept, and I’m honestly surprised it hadn’t happened before today.”
Miyuki took a bite of her pain chocolat, and shared a slight smile as she wiped a crumb off her cheek with practiced movement.
“That’s rather odd Kagami-san, didn’t your alarm go off at the ordinary time?”
I replied that it had.
“Then you must have slept through it…”
“But that’s never happened before,” Konata said, and leaned forward in her seat. “Should we designate today as a holiday?”
“Let me see… Coming of Age Day is next week, but as far as I know there’s nothing significant happening today either in Japan or abroad that would conflict with designating today as Hiiragi’s Day Off…” Miyuki giggled. She hadn’t even needed to open her planner to consult the calendar.
Miyuki, you are too good for this world. Your vast intellect and earnest desire to help others could be utilized in a million better ways than this…
Konata shivered and her expression changed, her voice and movements becoming more animated with each word more haunted than the last. “Do you think this has something to do with hormones? Maybe you’re coming down with something! Patient-zero for a whole new pandemic, or an even more sinister outbreak of anthrax—!”
“Anthrax?! First of all, extremely dated reference. Secondly… Gah! You’re both over-thinking this. Mom had her hands busy with the pre-spring cleaning, and I dunno, we were both just… Really tired. It’s as simple as that.”
“Pre-spring cleaning, huh?” Konata didn’t seem convinced.
“Yeah, it’s just like I said. Is this some sort of interrogation or what?”
“Our mom gets in this crazy high-energy state every few months,” Tsukasa chimed in. “Even though it’s only January, she wanted to get on a head start with everything. So because of that, she was so focused on cleaning that she probably forgot to get us up until it was too late. It’s kind of funny, really…
“She should be done with the cleaning by the time we’re home, so tomorrow we’ll both be here bright and early. I can’t imagine getting up in the morning and jumping right into so many different chores… I wouldn’t know where to begin!”
I blinked and crossed my arms, a swell of confidence rising in my heart. Tsukasa’s delivery was perfect. With that open, warm smile, how could Miyuki and Konata ever resist that charm? And there was nothing insincere about what she said, either! She knew I didn’t want to explain the dream I’d had. And that was more than enough for her.
That sort of effortless kindness… It was something I wished very much I could channel, but I hadn’t pulled that particular omikuji when I was born.
Miyuki took a sip of her green tea, washing down another nibble of her breakfast pastry. She daintily placed the cup down on the table between them and looked upwards, a quizzical yet satisfied look on her pale features.
“Well, thinking about it again, it makes total sense that such a confluence of events could have just such a result. That both of you would end up late on the same day—a once in a blue moon phenomenon!” Miyuki had the quietly energized look of someone who’d just discovered a new physical law of the universe. Miyuki, so trusting, so earnest! It was enough to nearly bring to me to tears…
…
Wait. Done by this afternoon? Shit! We left the playroom a total disaster!
“Hold on a second, Miyuki,” came the voice of a certain blue-haired shorty to my left.
I groaned but Konata shushed me, her gaze locked on Tsukasa. Her whole stance had changed: somehow she’d gotten up to stand and no one had noticed. That sharp expression, both hands on the desk in front of her… There was no room for any confusion. She was without question trying to get to the bottom of what had ‘really’ happened.
“I’ll ask again, what the hell is this?! Are we in Ace Attorney now??” I huffed.
“HOLD IT!” Konata said, pointing at me. “I am addressing the court now, based on Hiiragi Tsukasa-shi’s witness testimony.” Then came a very unnecessary hand slam down on the desk.
I heaved a heavy sigh.
“Your logic is sound, Miyuki-dono.”
Tsukasa mouthed ‘shi? dono?’ at me across the table. ‘Legalese’ I replied, then smacked myself. Tsukasa couldn’t have possibly read that off my lips.
“BUT, and this is the clincher. If I know Hiiragi Miki-shi, I know if nothing else she’s never worn down, under any circumstance. She’s capable of a million-and-one things, even totally fatigued! She would never forget to check that her youngest daughters weren’t awake and preparing for school on time. Q.E.D., the twins’ story just doesn’t hold up. I rest my case, your honor.” She dropped back down in her seat, grinning like an imp.
“Wow” Miyuki asked. “Izumi-san, you surprise me sometimes with how insightful you can be… You really thought that through.”
“Yeah, I’m impressed.” Tsukasa agreed, nodding. Wait, whose side are you on here?!
“’Your Honor?’ Who in the world is the judge in this scenario?” I said, bewildered. In my head, the phrase ‘may it please the court’ drifted to the surface of my mind like a still lake. Two men on a boat, right around Christmas… I could even hear the loons calling. Or was that a parrot? “No, no, I’m NOT getting dragged into this insanity. GRAH!!!”
“And there’s that famous Kagami temper. I was counting on that for gauging your reaction… Just a little more and I’ll trigger the confession event!”
“Something has been bugging me about what Tsukasa-san said,” Miyuki pressed, cutting across Konata. With just a subtle adjustment of her glasses and her posture, she had become the true image of a prosecutor. Compared to her, Konata was a bumbling first year associate, there only to support the firm’s partner. As if to confirm this assessment, her glasses’ frames caught one of the overhead fluorescents with a sharp glint.
“You said your mother typically is able to clean your home in just a single day. First of all, if this is a ‘pre’ spring cleaning, why bother with spring cleaning at all? It would seem a single cleaning for a season would be sufficient. Second of all, don’t you both have a rather large home, with five bedrooms? Estimating the square footage would put it slightly above the average size for even the largest homes in Kuki city. How in the world would it be possible for her to clean all of them sufficient for spring-cleaning in just a single day?”
“AGH, HOW SHOULD I KNOW?!”
“Quiet down you four!” Kuroi-sensei yelled. She sounded annoyed, engrossed in her phone. The muffled sounds of a mobile game could be heard even above the rest of the chattering class. “And anyway, Kagami-chan, aren’t you supposed to be back in 2-D for the start of next period?”
“Ah, excuse me Kuroi-sensei. Yeah guys, I guess I should get going,” I said, standing up. “This was getting kind of weird anyway.”
“Prisoner’s dilemma…” Konata murmured, her eyes now shrouded in a thick darkness from which only tiny pinpricks of evil light shone.
“Prisoner’s what now??”
“Now that the two culprits are separated, it’ll be all the easier to catch them out in their testimony… They’ll turn on each other, it’ll be easy. Given the option between trying to agree with one another for a low sentence, or selling the other one out for their innocence, 9 times out of 10 they’ll—” But this sort of insane muttering I simply could not abide a moment longer, especially since I was already turning to leave.
“Oookay crazy, well you have fun with that. See you all for lunch?”
Tsukasa and Miyuki both nodded with a smile. Konata shrugged and grinned.
“It’s just game theory, Kagamine…” Of course, everything is a game to her. The world should fear the day Izumi Konata becomes a lawyer. Or wait, was she a cop in this scenario?
Back in my own classroom, I couldn’t help but smile. Even though it had been quite a silly and dramatic conversation given the sheer unimportance of it, it had honestly been really fun. What was it about our friend group that kept me coming back for more? What made it so special? I looked out the window just as the first few flakes of snow had started to fall from the gray skies beyond. The sounds of excitement and clamor of voices barely reached me, so lost in that happy moment.
My phone buzzed, shaking me out of my reverie. Looking down, I saw it was a text from mom.
“Need to talk to you girls after school, important. Love, Mom.”
Damn. She definitely found the playroom. And what was it with parents feeling like they need to sign every text they send?
I sighed, a little pleased that at least now Tsukasa and I wouldn’t have to bend to Matsuri’s whims. But I'd need to talk with Tsukasa about this, that was for sure.
On a snowy day like today, I suppose you get an equal measure of good luck for every mote of bad luck that accumulates… Poetry, or a game mechanic? I realized with thoughts like that, I should probably spend less time with that Izumi…
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