A healer and a doctor walk into a bar
Draco apparated to the lab early the next morning. He went to the living quarters to put his things away, and made himself his coffee. Ready to face the day, he set off to the lab.
No surprise, Hermione was already there. “Good morning Malfoy. I didn’t expect you so early.”
“This is what time I’m usually up and about. I had to fix my coffee or I would’ve been here a little sooner.” He took a wonderful sip.
“What do you mean fix your coffee? It looks like there’s nothing in that except black coffee. It’s like staring at the void in a cup.”
“There’s one cream in it. It’s good for your teeth to cut the acid.” He took another sip.
“Tea is even better. There’s no acid. That way milk and sugar is just an added bonus.” She took a sip of her own cup, which looked like milk and sugar with a hint of tea.
“I’m pretty sure there’s acid in tea, but with the way you drink it you should be fine.”
“There is not you lunatic!”
Draco stared at her like she’d grown a second head, but decided this fight wasn’t worth it. “Let’s agree to disagree. Is it okay if I do a full autopsy on the merperson if you haven’t already? I think that would be a good place for me to start.”
“That’s fine. You also don’t have to ask for anything here. You have permission to do whatever you want.”
“Oh, I can do whatever I want huh?” He bounced his eyebrows a few times.
Her face reddened. “Not like that! Just go cut open your merperson and hush!”
Draco chuckled and put a warming spell on his coffee. He washed his hands and donned PPE. So far he was impressed by the amount of supplies her lab had. Everything he thought he could need was available .
He went into cold storage and pulled the body out of the locker. Thanks to the stasis charm placed on the merman, he looked as if he had just met his end. He levitated the body to a nearby table and ensured all his tools were within arms reach. Finally, he set to work.
He made a traditional Y shaped cut down the chest with his scalpel. Pulling the grey skin back, Draco noticed it was much thicker than a humans. The bones looked a little odd as well. They were opaque instead of solid white, and if he had to guess, some of them were probably hollow.
He spoke as he worked, a charmed quill and scroll taking notes of his words. Cutting through the sternum did reveal those bones hollow. Interesting, he thought. He made sure not to damage the fragile bones as he pulled apart the rib cage. This is where the main differences between merpeople and humans showed itself.
He had one lung, and even it was small compared to a normal lung. In humans, the right lung has 3 lobes, and the left lung has 2. This lung had two lobes, but its total size was equal to about the size of a human one. Draco removed the lung and set it to the side. The heart didn’t really surprise him. It was significantly larger than a human heart, but the overall anatomy was the same.
The most interesting part of the thoracic cavity, however, was what surrounded the heart and lung. A sac of fluid totally encased the two organs and filled the entire chest. Draco had no idea what the liquid was, but he assumed it let the merpeople breathe underwater. He took several samples of it and set it aside to analyze later.
Moving to the abdominals, Draco found more deviations from human anatomy. 4 kidneys and 2 livers. He removed these organs as well. The merman had no bladder, so Draco traced vessels that were connected to the kidneys. He found what he assumed would function as a ureter, and followed it to where it connected a gland.
“The patient appears to have a functioning lymphatic system connected to the renal system. It is unclear if this lymphatic system is the only one, or if there is a separate one for immune purposes. I am taking biopsies from several glands of multiple locations to see if they all correlate to one system.” The quill hurried along the parchment as he spoke.
Draco inserted a long needle into the abdominal aorta to see if he could acquire a blood sample. With or without the status charm, post mortem blood draws were always tedious. Luck was on his side, and he was able to obtain multiple samples.
He moved to the last, and his least favorite, part of the autopsy. The brain. He never knew why he hated it so, but something about seeing another human’s brain screamed a wrongness in his. Alas, he powered through, and used the bone saw to remove the top of the skull. He was immediately shocked. Without seeing another merperson brain he couldn’t be sure, but he was almost positive the brain wasn’t supposed to look like this.
It was far too small for the skull. It also had several lesions covering several lobes. After weighing it, he cut it in half and then each half into equal slices. He was surprised to see the lesions also spread to the amygdala and brainstem. Without a doubt Draco was able to claim this merman’s cause of death as the brain stem lesions. Those alone would have put him in a coma and rendered him unable to control his respiratory system. Even without needing air, merpeople still needed oxygen. Without the ability to process it, he slowly suffocated. This would explain his going to sleep and never waking up.
Draco packaged up half of the blood and gland samples he had taken, along with several brain slices, a kidney, and half of a liver. He quickly duplicated his notes and added them to the collection he had made. This data should be enough to get Theo started in his own research. Since he couldn’t come get it himself, Draco apparated it into his office and quickly returned to the lab. Thankfully, Theo had been with a patient so he wasn’t able to hold him up with a chat.
Draco returned to the main lab with his samples and organs and set them down in a desk he decided to claim as his own. His brain asked him if he intentionally picked the one directly across from Granger, to which he replied, “no brain, there’s no reason I’m here except it’s a good desk.” His brain rolled its eyes, which was impressive.
He quickly organized everything into neat little piles so he could find things quickly. He also located a microscope and a centrifuge and brought them to his desk. He added a sample blood and thoracic fluid to the centrifuge to begin spinning down, and finally got to look up at Granger.
Her desk was a mess. Paper and books were everywhere. Several scrolls and quills floated around her and wrote everything she said, even the things that sounded like nonsense to Draco. Her hair was huge, and Draco knew that meant she was starting to get stressed.
“Hey, when was the last time you got up from that desk?” He hoped his face showed the concern he was feeling, and not whatever uppity expression people accused him of wearing.
“Oh, um, I don’t know. Since before you got here, I think, I just feel like we’re running out of time.”
“Well we better not be, I’m just getting started. I got a load of data off to Theo so he could start working on it. Come on, let’s go have lunch while my samples spin.”
Her face showed an expression he didn’t recognize. It was as if she was remembering something she hadn’t thought of in a while, but it was gone as quick as it started.
“Sure, let's do it. Let me warn you, I make a mean grilled cheese and tomato soup.”