1978
I heard telephones, opera house, favourite melodies
I saw boys, toys, electric irons and TV's
My brain hurt like a warehouse, it had no room to spare
I had to cram so many things to store everything in there
10th of March 1978
“Happy eighteenth Moons!” James shouts cheerily as he throws himself onto the sofa beside Remus, a giggling Lily falling into the seat beside him.
“Ah, cheers Prongs,” Remus offers him a half-hearted smile, “good party by the way, thanks.” He gestures with his empty butterbeer bottle around the common room, where music is blasting as people gather around the room with drinks and smiles.
“Anything for our Moony, you know that – glad you’re enjoying it mate.” James shoots him another grin and then sits in dopey silence for a minute before being called away by Frank to settle some debate over quidditch strategy. He leaves Remus with a cheery slap on the back and promise to catch up later on in the evening. As he wanders away, Lily shifts herself over to take his spot on the sofa.
“What’s getting you down Rem?” she asks softly, laying her head on his shoulder. Tipsy as she may be, Lily has always been the most observant out of all of Remus’ friends. James always tries to be there when he can, but when you’re so wrapped up in your own brightness it’s difficult to see when others are being swallowed by the dark.
Remus’ gaze shifts over to the drinks table, where Sirius is chatting up some girl from Ravenclaw. She’s batting her eyelashes at him and giggling obscenely at something he’s just said, Remus wants to be sick at how embarrassing it is.
“Is this about Sirius?” Lily probes gently when her previous question receives no response from her friend.
“Of course it’s about bloody Sirius.” Remus says shortly, going to take a swig from his bottle only to find it empty and instead slamming it on the floor with far too much force.
“Maybe you should give things another go with him?” Her tone is light as she raises her head from his shoulder to look at him, but this is not the first time she’s presented Remus with this suggestion.
“I’ve told you, he didn’t take our relationship seriously.” Remus’ jaw is firmly clenched as he mutters his response through his teeth,
“I know Rem, but if he-“
“No Lils,” Remus turns to face her quickly, seething with quiet rage, “We were together for months and he still wouldn’t accept that he was queer. I wouldn’t have minded of he’d asked for time or help, but instead he had to go ahead and act like it was something filthy, something he didn’t want to be a part of. And ever since I ended things he’s had the audacity to waltz around acting as though we’re both chums, as if nothing ever happened and he can stick his tongue down the throat of any girl he wants and I won’t bat an eye!”
“Remus, I’m sorry-“ Lily reaches out to grab his hand, but Remus stands abruptly,
“I need another drink.” Remus is so blinded by fury as he marches towards the drinks table that it isn’t until he is almost there that he notices Sirius intertwined with the girl from before, mouths latched around each other in such a way that Remus wonders absently how they manage to breathe. He almost turns on his heel and walks away but he’s so desperate for a drink right now that he pushes down whatever he’s feeling and shoves past them to the table.
“Hey Moony, how’s it going?” Sirius disentangles himself from the girl he’s been snogging just to interrupt Remus as he pours himself a cup of firewhisky. That in itself is enough for him to down what’s in his cup and pour himself another.
“Oh, one of those nights is it?” Sirius eyes Remus’ cup with a hint of admiration, he’s always been a bit of a lightweight, “Pour us one will you? Wouldn’t want you showing me up!” Sirius barks out a laugh at his own comment,
“You’d be on the floor in minutes Sirius, why not have a butterbeer, that’s more your pace.” Remus says bitterly, beginning to walk away, not entirely sure where he’s heading but keen to put distance between himself and Sirius.
Predictably, Sirius follows like a lost puppy, Ravenclaw girl firmly forgotten as he tails Remus in search of the reason for today’s tantrum.
“No need to be like that Moony, it’s your birthday!” Sirius tries in an upbeat tone as he trails after Remus, who merely scoffs in response. “Have- have I done something to upset you?”
“Oh no, the great Sirius Black could never have done something wrong,” Remus keeps on moving as he talk, pushing his way through the crowd as he heads vaguely in the direction of the boys’ dorms, “Whatever gave you that impression?”
Sirius looks confused and slightly hurt as they finally reach the bottom of the staircase. He grabs Remus’ wrist to spin him around so that they’re facing each other,
“Seriously Moony, what did I do?”
One glance at the earnest look in Sirius’ eyes and Remus’ anger immediately dissipates, leaving him only with a dull resignation.
“I don’t know Sirius, what did you do?” he says quietly, pulling his wrist from the other boy’s grasp before turning on his heel and stalking up the stairs.
~
It’s Peter who finds him up in their dorm around an hour later. Remus is lying on his bed and examining the canopy above, a bitter resentment pulsing through his veins.
“Hey Moony, you’re missing your party.” Peter tells him softly as he pushes the door open and pads towards Remus’ bed, “Everything okay?”
“Yeah,” Remus’ voice comes out scratchy, he takes a moment to clear his throat before continuing, “I, um, just needed a bit of alone time.”
“Okay mate, fair enough.” Peter is now standing awkwardly in the middle of the room, “Will you be down soon though? We’ve made you a cake.”
“You made me a cake?” Remus lifts a sceptical eyebrow at the ceiling,
“Well, I say made, mostly decorated. Mrs Potter made it of course… and decorated it I suppose. We kind of just stuck some candles in it and put it on a plate.”
At this, Remus can’t help but huff out a laugh.
“Okay Pete, I’ll be down in a minute.”
“Brilliant, I’ll stick some Bowie on for you!” Peter says happily, practically skipping towards the door, delighted - no doubt – at the prospect of one of Euphemia Potter’s cakes which, Remus has to admit, is one of life’s greatest pleasures.
With a resigned sigh, he pushes himself off the bed and smooths down his jumper. During his sulk, he’s had time to reflect on the whole Sirius situation. If Sirius is so keen to pretend that nothing has happened between the pair, that all is well and they are just normal friends, then Remus is adamant that two can play that game. He can be just friends with Sirus, he’s done it before, what’s so different about now?
~
“I propose a game of spin the bottle!” Mary shouts suddenly, as though struck by the best idea ever. Despite Remus’ groans of disapproval, this proposal is received with a series of cheers around the seventh year dorm.
As the early hours of the morning had drawn in, McGonagall had made an appearance in her tartan dressing gown to send the remaining party-goers to bed. Never ones to back down from a challenge, the marauders had simply moved the party up to their dorm with Lily, Mary and Marlene in tow.
The record player in the corner of the room is blasting Queen as the seventh years pass around bottles of firewhisky and a dangerously green looking homemade witches’ brew.
“Sirius, you can go first, being the whore that you are,” Marlene says happily as she takes a swig of a sweet-smelling ‘cocktail’, pushing the empty bottle on the floor towards Sirius.
“D’you know what, I’ll take that. Sirius the whore at your service,” Sirius jokes with a mock bow, giving the bottle an eager push.
The bottle starts to spin and Remus starts praying to a god he doesn’t believe in in an attempt to escape its accusatory point, subtly shuffling closer to Mary in hopes of outrunning it as the bottle begins to slow.
Five pairs of eyes find their way to Remus, the sixth looking anywhere but him. The bottle has made its choice.
“I think that’s pointing at Mary, isn’t it?” Remus tries weakly, making Sirius finally look up,
“Yeah, yeah, I think you’re right Moons,” he joins in gratefully, “c’mon Mary darling, pucker up buttercup!”
Much to the disgruntlement of both Sirius and Remus, Mary crosses her arms and shakes her head,
“Nice try sweetheart, but the bottle has clearly chosen our dear Remus over here.”
Lily and James, being the only people in the room who know of Sirius and Remus’ full history, both give Remus a sympathetic look.
“No, I don’t think that can be right,” Sirius tries again half-heartedly,
“Oh c’mon Sirius, most people would kill for a chance to lock lips with heart-throb Remus Lupin!” Marlene slurs in outrage, causing Remus to look up at her in surprise.
“What are you on about Mar?” he says in exasperation,
“Well, who here has ever had a crush on Remus?” Marlene’s own hand is the first in the air, shortly followed by Mary’s. Remus blinks in surprise,
“C’mon Mar, this isn’t ‘Never Have I Ever’,” Lily protests,
“Just put your hand up Evans.”
“I hate you,” the redhead grumbles as she slowly raises her hand, her boyfriend reluctantly following suit,
“Right, so just me and Pete then,” Sirius rubs the back of his neck awkwardly,
“Um, sorry Sirus,” Peter puts his own hand in the air.
“Why are you apologising to me? Why would I even care what you think about Moony?” Sirius blusters, his face quickly flushing a beetroot red, “He’s just Moony, so what if you all like hi- ow!” Lily, much to the appreciation of Remus, gives Sirius a firm kick to shut him up.
Seconds pass, feeling like hours as the seven Gryffindors sit in the most awkward silence Remus thinks he has ever endured. Sirius looks like he wants the floor to swallow him whole as James and Lily eye him with concern. Mary’s eyes are calculating and Peter’s are confused while Marlene is too drunk to process anything that’s going on.
“Guys, why have we stopped the game? It’s kiss time!” Marlene announces delightedly, looking around at all of her friends’ glum faces, “Kiss! Kiss! Kiss!”
James silently passes Sirius a bottle of firewhisky, from which he takes an understandably long drink. Remus, deciding that this is probably a good idea, finds a bottle abandoned near him and does the same.
Marlene makes an impatient noise which causes Lily to give Sirius a gentle yet firm shove,
When Sirius’ eyes finally meet Remus’, he forgets everything that has come between them, he forgets their friends’ expectant gazes as he stares into the silver depths of Sirius’ eyes.
Silver has always been a werewolf’s downfall.