Velvet Bond

What a shitty day.

First Regulus had to poke his head out of his house to go and give back James' cloak to Remus, then Lupin and his multiple questions- that Regulus didn't want to respond, being too tired to even keep his eyes open- and now?
Now Regulus wanted to curse so much since he heard that familiar voice behind his back but obviously he had to be momentarily frozen at the sound of it, not expecting it at all, and right now his mouth was as useful as a fucking icicle in winter- so basically useless in all of his being in Regulus' opinion.

Fuck, fuck, fuck- what a fucking, shitty, day.

Why James was here? How did he find him? Or did- did Remus rat him out? Did James know that- Regulus closed his eyes, sighing loudly.
Not now.
It was not the right time to fall under some sentimentalism. He was James and they were not acquainted anymore.
They were almost strangers. It hurt- it hurt so much to say that James passed from someone that he loved to a mere stranger, to someone he knew to someone he didn't anymore- but he was over.
They were over.

What a shitty day.

He breathed again, in and out, in and out, in and out and then with all the calm in this world Regulus decided to just turn and see his eternallove enemy.
"Hi James." Regulus turned, smiling, even though he could feel the lips tremble and the eyes watering, the hands were shivering and he could feel some spasms coming out from his fingers, like they were trying so hard to reach the man in front of him but his mind was slowly winning against their will.

James was in front of him.
James was there- he was there- James- James- the named formed on his lips, on his heart- he was there- theretheretheretheretherethere- his heart was pounding the sound of his name, the letter, the music in it, the melody.
James was there-

After so many years of distance he was now standing beautifully as the first time he looked at him. Ethereal and untouchable. Even though Regulus could see the black shadows under his eyes, the slight accent of bear on his face, the little crack on his glasses, the wrinkles on his forehead, he was the same.
James. His James. Always the perfect James. The only person who was capable of receiving his love, of breaking his wall and reaching his heart.

And Regulus had a really, really, really shitty day.
So all of his good intentions were slowly going to hell.

"Y-wha-oh-" James stuttered like five words together and Regulus found his stunned face too beautiful to be true. He liked to play with him. He wanted to play with him.
He missed him. "Regulus. Are- are you? Are you? You?" Regulus hands twitched again, he almost needed to touch him.

"Oh James- you caught me- and now? What can we do?" Regulus smirked again, biting his lips, assessing James' body with his eyes and James almost fell backwards from the shock. It had always been funny to tease James.
"What? Do you greet an old acquaintance of yours in this way? How cold- I'm almost wounded." Regulus continued, he wanted to see a reaction on his man. He wanted to see the hate in his eyes so he could cling on that hate and go on, pass by, save Harry and say goodbye to everyone.

Please keep hating me.
It was almost a plea, a need, a pray, because James' word was enough to make Regulus change all of his plans, make him go on and live, make him go and fight, make him go and survive. All of which Regulus was now not particularly interested in.

Regulus hissed in pain when he felt his back crash on the wall behind him and the last thing he expected was to find James pinning him against the wall, trapping his body and feeling his hand on his curls, keeping his head smashed near the tough surface of the house. Unexpected. But not unwanted.
"Regulus." James whispered in his hear and Regulus almost moaned at that call, his body trembling with something that was a mix between adrenaline and pain. The hotness coming from James' body was a lot to handle.

"James" Regulus smiled when he felt the grip on his curls became even tighter and Regulus was curious- did James remembered that he liked it rough and fast? He involuntarily licked his lips.
Not the right moment- Regulus quickly tried to remember the situation in which he was in, but the temptation was too much.

"Stop-" James hissed in his ear and Regulus stopped, just to start over again.

"What? It's not the part in which we snog senseless and everything is forgotten? A happily ever after." Regulus smiled and he hoped that the night bus would come soon, or the situation was going to be bad-

"We are not in one of your book, Black. What are you doing here? Spying on us?"

"Ouch- did I get degraded to Black now? No more first name? And I surely don't need to spy on you- I already know enough- don't you think?" Regulus grinned but James seemed to not be too happy about it because he pulled again Regulus' hair and this time he hissed in pain, the concussion was not making anything easier, damn Bellatrix. The only good thing was that after hearing that James softened his grip and Regulus wanted to smile again so bad. James still cared for him after all- but what else was he expecting- it was James.

"What-what happened to you?" James whispered, his gaze looking worriedly at his face and then tracing a trail with his fingers along his features, probably noticing the purple and yellow bruises on his face and on his neck- and Regulus could not do anything but shiver under his hands, not ready to feel again that lightly touch on his skin.
"Who did this to you?" Regulus closed his eyes, the roughness in James' touch had been switched with something different, still on the watch but more affectionate, like James too, as Regulus, had succumbed to the electricity around them, to their magic mixing, to their feeling resurfacing. Something that had been there, long time ago and that now was almost gone, but still lingering around them.
James was so worried about Regulus that every wall between them crumbled down, leaving the two men looking at each other, naked, hurt, tired.

And that, Regulus thought with the last bit of logic he had, was the right moment to attack and escape. A punch well served in the stomach when the other person is not expecting it is the best way to put the said person out of the game. Regulus read it in a book so it must be true.
So- he was a son of a bitch?
Yes.
Did he regretted it?
No- not really. He had to do this o Regulus would never see the light of his house again, James would have kept him forever and he probably would not have complained- and it was not right. He couldn't put him, or better them, in such a danger. And Regulus had still so many things to do, a lot of meeting to attend, keep Voldemort under his radar, see how much he was going to lay in that bed, when he was going to wake up, find all the horcruxes, and most of all protecting himself from feelings and sentimentalism. James was going to be a distraction in his life and he couldn't afford one right now. Time was clocking, tick, tock, tick, tock- he wanted to finish it all.

So- well- it was time to run.
Run away from him, from that house, from James, from Harry and Lily, from his brother.
Regulus was being a coward right now?
No. He was just taking the decision for the both of them. For all of them.
Better being hated than dead, he could support their hate, it was a long time since he made peace with himself with this thing, but he couldn't make peace with their death.
And James, being- well James- would have been a martyr, trying to protect everyone even if it meant putting himself in danger- and Regulus wasn't going to accept it.
James was the good one, a father, a son, a husband, a friend, a brother, always been. Regulus was not. He hadn't even been capable to be a good brother for Sirius so what was Regulus expecting?
Story closed.

The bus was here and he had just one time to look back at the man who was now standing on his knees watching him go away, for the second time in his life. And the hopeless pit that he found instead of his eyes made him almost- almost- feel bad.
"Time to goo-" the driver said, his head picking out from the seat and Regulus started to go and never turn his head, too painful to let James go.

"Regulus- Regulus wait!" James screamed behind him. "What- what are you planning? Did- did you attack my mother? Was it you? I beg you Reg- please- tell me you didn't- you can't!" James was begging him, and Regulus- Regulus was a weak man. He couldn't let him believe that he planned that attack. He simply couldn't.

"I'm not working with Bellatrix, James. You can trust me on this- I'll-" Regulus went on the bus and then turned the last time to face him, still on his knees. "I'm going to make everything right. You just have to do as always. And do not follow me." And with that the bus left, fast as always and James soon disappeared from his vision, still on his knees but Regulus hoped a little more conscious.

--------------------------

Remus almost choked on his drink when he found himself under that strict gaze.
"I can't believe you! Are you betraying Sirius?! I've seen you all giggly over that man out there! In his own house- Remus I can't believe you of all people!"
Giggly? He?
Over Regulus??!
Never. They were barely friends- they could stand each other just because right now Regulus was their best alley but they had never been friends. Lover even less.

"What?" Remus said, almost coughing his lungs out, trying to not die right there. "First of all- How the hell did you see that? It's dark as hell out there-" Remus asked patting slightly on his chest and breathing heavily.
"Secondly- can a man have his private life?"

But Dorcas was so furious that he was barely capable of stopping her from punching him on the face. "Dorcas! Just-" Remus widened his eyes. "Just stop! And low your voice!"

"I can't believe- Marlene told me that James told her that Sirius told him that you two were having something going on- a bit of arguing but I didn't think that it was going to turn out this way!" Dorcas arched an eyebrow, his rage under some control and Remus could finally let go of her wrist without being scared of getting punched. "Are you crazy Remus?!"

"Wait- what did Sirius told James? And why did he tell that to Marlene and not to me! Incredible!" Remus was shocked- he and Sirius were fine! Fine!
Or well they were trying to get fine after a bit of commotion and hard words but- but what the hell? He needed to talk to Sirius to tell him that if he had something to say it was better to say now and- no alright- later.
Right now he had to take care of Dorcas.
"No alright- first- How can you think about that? I would never, like never betray Sirius! He's my reason of life, Dorcas. So watch your mouth!" Remus almost growled and Dorcas shut her mouth, maybe thinking that arguing with a fucking werewolf was not so good.

"Then what- why? You were kissing him! I- I saw- I saw-"

"What? What did you saw Dorcas? Nothing- fucking hell this is crazy-" Remus was going out of his mind, what did he do wrong? "I was just hugging him, it's different. I was merely wishing him happy Christmas- can't I now? You know- having friends?" Remus explained calmly, getting angry was not the right solution but he could feel his temples hurting, surely tonight he was going to have a bad headache.

"Do you have any other friends besides us?" Remus arched an eyebrow looking at her skeptically who gaped at his reaction.

"Really? This is your best?" He clapped his hands together.

"Okay sorry, sorry- my fault- for- screaming and everything else-" Dorcas said, apologetically and a little embarrassed. "But well- it seemed different from here-" she mumbled. "Sorry. I was wrong." Remus sighed, she was just worried for Sirius so he could let it pass.

"Remember, the time I'm going to hurt Sirius again it'll be over my dead body. Alright?" And that will never happen, Remus thought, passing a hand through his hair. Where was James? Didn't they have to dine? He said that it was almost time.

"So? Who was him? You don't hug just anyone-" Dorcas said but Remus was already taken aback from his conversation with Regulus.

How could Remus take some info from Albus? Where did Regulus find the other two?
Regulus must be very capable, but again- he was a death eater so maybe he had something, a trail- maybe Voldemort itself? And where did Voldemort escape? Was he so easy? Remus doubted it, but Regulus was one of the best student at Hogwarts so everything could be.
And No one heard of Voldemort for a long time- what was he scheming? Did Regulus know? Well- probably? But he was the one who betrayed him at the end of the day- he fought with him right? To save Harry, right? They must have collided at a some point? Or not?
Did he have to tell Albus about Regulus' help?
No. No way. Regulus trusted him.
Well- trust was a lot- Remus just found himself in the right place at the right time.- so it was more about luck than anything else- but whatever.

"Regulus- just what are you scheming? I'm going crazy here." Remus muttered to himself without really noticing, too lost in his thoughts. He needed something. If Remus was capable to find something from Albus and to tell Regulus maybe he would have been more prone to tell him something.

"What?" He widened his eyes, he didn't see that Dorcas was still there, her arm crossed, a little shocked. Oh no. What now?

"What?" Remus replied, pouring himself another glass of water, he needed something stronger but he wanted to wait till the end of their dinner. And this came again to where Remus was at the start- where was James? Maybe he had to look for Sirius instead? Did something happen?

"W-what- Remus what did you just said? About Regulus?" Dorcas asked, almost painfully and Remus cursed internally, what did he say? He couldn't even remember- did he just betrayed him? Fuck- Regulus was going to kill him- oh he was so, so, so done.

"Nothing- Dorcas it's nothing. You can't-" she couldn't know.

"Please Remus you're talking about my best friend- I need to know- I deserve it! I- I need-" Remus closed his eyes he couldn't see Dorcas begging him to know about Regulus. "I need to know how he is- I- I don't know anymore-"

"But Dorcas there is nothing happening! His name it must have slipped-" but Dorcas glared at him. "Cas I need him to work everything out and if I betray him he'll never help me again, you can understand that." Remus wanted to scream so bad but he couldn't, at this rate everyone in that house was going to know that Regulus was helping them.

"He'll never know. I swear. I can keep a secret." Remus arched an eyebrow not completely sure about it. With Marlene in her grip it was difficult.
"Maybe you forgot but I was a Slytherin, and one of the best. I was friend with Bartemius Crouch and Regulus Black, those are achievements-" Remus growled because she was not entirely wrong and he was going to fail. What arm could Dorcas do? None.

"Dorcas I really-"

"Think of Peter, Remus. He betrayed you but if there was the minimal chance that he did that to help you? To actually be good and- and- if there was a last chance to meet your friend- and- this is Regulus. He was my best friend. I left him and- and now- you're saying that he's maybe- he's one of us. He's- you know- I need-" and like that Dorcas was crying, not a lot, just some drop but Remus was weak in front of tears and she was not entirely wrong. If Remus knew that there was a last chance for Peter to redeem himself- well he would want to know it too, he would want to believe in that, to grasp that little bit of hope and take it to his heart.

"Alright- he's just helping us." And Dorcas was already jumping at that but he was quickly to stop her. "Stop- wait. I don't know anything too, I just happen to be lucky and see him, so he couldn't ignore me. I just know that he was the one that saved Harry and me- and well- there is a little more but right-" he was stopped by Sirius entering the room.

"Guys! What you're- oh my god Dorcas are you good? Oh fuck- Jesus- did- did you fight with Marlene?" Sirius run to her, immediately hugging the girl and Remus smiled.

"It's okay bud- just- I'm happy all of you are here. Okay?" Dorcas said and Sirius shrugged his eyebrows together.

"Of course darling, of course we're here. And I don't plan to go away, right love?" Sirius winked at him and Remus' heart melted, Sirius was so stupid sometimes.
And insecure.
And cute.
And adorable.
And overthinking.
And-
He loved him. Stop.

"Yeah love, don't ever think of getting rid of me-" he got near his boyfriend kissing loudly his cheek and Dorcas smiled with them, Remus didn't know if it was exactly for them or if she was thinking of Regulus but he was happy to see her smile.

"Then- shall we go? James has just arrived-"

"Where did he go?"

"Dunno- maybe out for a bit? It's snowing outside, you know he likes it."

"Yeah- probably-"

"We're going on later-" Dorcas whispered in his ear before taking his seat next to Marlene who greeted him with a warm smile.
When they walked in the room the table was set up, Lily was smiling at them with Harry in his high chair. James passed through them, caressing his child on the head before taking his seat, in front of Sirius.
"Are we ready?" James asked but Remus could see that something was off.
The smile was barely visible and his hair was ruffled and shaggy like he passed the last hour with his hands in them, an habit he had when feeling stressed.
But earlier James was fine right? Or so he thought- James had become extremely good at hiding his emotions. Or well- he had always been good, James didn't want to be a burden so he was used to put himself second.

They nodded at his question nonetheless.
What? Remus asked silently to Sirius but he shrugged his shoulders with a grimace on his face. Wonderful. Maybe James was having a breakdown and none of them knew of that. But they could do as much for him.

"You alright?" Remus managed to whisper to James after the dinner and he nodded, giving him a stiff smile.

"All good mate, thanks. Just a bit of thinking- nothing to worry about, I swear." Remus knew a lot about James and his swears and what he knew what that they weren't reliable. "And tomorrow is Christmas- so let's forget about it, okay?" James smiled again and this time it seemed more natural, just a bit tired, but who wasn't?

"Your glasses are cracked James." Lily came from behind and that managed to make him laugh.

"What is James if he did his glasses broke?" Sirius said Remus rolled his eyes, quickly adjusting them.

"So- are we in for a game? A movie?"

"A movie! Pretty please??" James suddenly screamed like a baby and sometimes it was difficult to distinguish between him and Harry.

"Jaaames-" Sirius started but the look in James' eyes? That man already won the fight.

"Miracle on 34th street- it's wonderful-"

"Is that one about Santa Claus?"

"Merlin Dorcas did you never, ever watch it? Fuck- alright lads we have a winner-" James clapped his hands together and everyone smirked. James was their life. Literally. If he was sad they were all down and it was bad for their mood.

"Who wants some hot chocolate?" Lily chirped in, with a shy smile and Remus winked at her. Everyone was ready to pull up his hand and with that the question was closed.
Remus hoped for the better, have a nice Christmas and nothing to think about.
He was happy just like this.

--------------------------------

Christmas 1978,

My Dearest Regulus,

Merry Christmas, love.

I find myself -almost- smiling as I sit down to write this, knowing that you’ll be holding this letter in your hands soon. The thought of you, curled up by the fire, perhaps with that slight, irresistible smile you give when you're amused, is enough to warm me more than any blanket could. Or well- I would be making me happy if you didn't have to go back to that fucking haunted hose always full of monsters there - I know you'll say that everything is okay but I can't believe you.

Anyway-

It’s funny— Christmas has always been full of noise, family, and friends for me. But this year, all I want is to be close to you. The world could be bustling around us, but as long as I’ve got you by my side, nothing else really matters. You are my quiet in the storm, my stillness amidst the chaos, and in your presence, I’ve found a kind of peace I didn’t even know I was missing.
I'm being too cheesy right? I know but I can't shut up about you.

I’ve been thinking about the way your eyes light up when you laugh, how I’ve been lucky enough to witness those rare moments where you let your guard down. You don’t know how much that means to me. There’s something magical about seeing the real you—the version you hide from everyone else—and knowing that you trust me enough to share that part of you.

This Christmas, I don’t need anything else but to know you’re happy.
To know that you feel loved, cherished, and safe with me first but I wish you were loved and cherished by your parents as well, even though you're going to say that everything is fine with them.
I can’t wrap it in a bow or tuck it under the tree, but I hope you feel it in every word I say, every touch, and in the quiet moments when it’s just us.

I'm not the one good with words and letters, this is mostly your thing.
Hope to find you well.

You’re the brightest star in my sky, Regulus, and I’m endlessly thankful to have you in my life. So here’s to many more Christmases together, love, and to all the moments in between.

Yours, now and always,
James.

Ps. There is this wooooonderful film about Santa Claus and a child- it's called Miracle on 34th street, we have to watch it as soon as possible

Pps. I miss you.

Ppps. Take care.

-----------------

Christmas passed quickly.

Too quickly for them, for James who wanted to escape reality for a bit more, who didn't want to think about everything for some more hours, who just wanted to give Harry a nice childhood.
Did Regulus really mean that? Was Regulus serious? Or he just wanted to escape from his grip like a prisoner searching for salvation? Did Regulus bluff?
But why would he? It wasn't like James could do anything about him, Regulus chose them years ago and right now it was too late for everything else.
Was it?

Or maybe James was just scared.
Scared of facing the reality of that.
If Regulus did change side was he able to face him again? To work with him? To suppress his feelings? James did say something awful the last time they talked, something he didn't want to remember.
But at the same time was he able to forgive him?
Did Regulus change? How much? Why? What happened? And his face? His injuries? Was Regulus not a part of them? Did they do that?

Fuck- James' head was bursting.

Christmas passed too quickly and the next day came with a ticking bomb, ready to explode.
Their door opened, the members of the Order of the Phoenix started to appear, in their eyes there was a little bit of uncertainty, why did Albus call them?
What did Moody want again?

"We're going to attack, we think that this is the right time to take down some death eater." Moody announced suddenly to all of them, firmly, without a second thought.

"When?"

"On 31st of December, during the party hosted by the Malfoy. Everyone who is important will be there." A second passed in between, recognition in their eyes, everybody knew about the famous party that the Malfoy planned every 31st of December, Sirius attended there too, like most of them. Even Dorcas once.
"Let's kill all of them. I'm tired of all of this." Moody said at the end and James found hard to breathe, only one thought in his mind, only one name.

Regulus.

Will Regulus be safe?