Velvet Bond

"What the fucking hell" Regulus was able to say with a pang in his heart, seeing the hurt face that Harry made when he disappeared in the air did a bad joke in his heart.
"I'll kill her, I swear" mumbled at the very end, when he saw the house he had been keeping an eye on.

And yes-
Bellatrix was there.

But his presence wasn't needed since James' father was already sheltering his wife with his own body. But she didn't need saving, her body posture was strong and tight, her hand on the wand firm and her attention fully on the target.
They were a force of nature together, even though they had so many years on their shoulders, so many worries, they were still able to fight until the end.
They were the ultimate force of the Order.

"Don't worry, I just had to make sure of something- your little family is still safe." She laughed at them, like they were the funniest joke on this heart and Regulus was as shocked as them, what was she thinking?
"For now I mean, unfortunately you have a little angel protecting you." She said again, pulling at the trail Regulus put on her and he cursed like a fucking sailor.
Obviously she had notice the trail.
She was not as stupid as Rabastan.
She was a fucking Black, no one in the Black family was naive or inattentive.

Regulus felt the cage of lies squeeze his neck even tighter, cutting off his breath, everyday it was worse and worse, like a chess game that was reaching its climax.
But it wasn't finished, not yet, not now.

Bellatrix could have suspicions.
Bellatrix could have been cunning.
But so was he, and so far Regulus had made no mistakes. Not as long as Voldemort had not woken up.
He still had protection.

And then the Aurora started to appear.
Malocchio, Frank Longbottom, Alice, Remus and in the very end Lily with James, Sirius and Harry.
And as he saw the little child the tight grip around his throat became more bearable, like he was finally finding his goal, like everything was going to be good and perfect, like the tidal wave was going to dissipate and leave the brightest sun on the sky.

"Keep your eyes open, Euphemia Potter." Bellatrix said and then she disappeared in to thin air, before anyone could move to trap her. Regulus didn't know if she had been intelligent or absolutely stupid.

As they run to hug Euphemia, Regulus knew that it was his time to go. It was not safe for him to stay there for too long, he gave a last glance at the baby and with a boulder in his stomach he left. He had to think something to block Bellatrix, or the next time would not be a simple warning, but a fucking massacre.

Little did he know that at the very end his presence had been duly noted.

------------------

The moment James' eyes rested on the slender figure that appeared near the house, his soul almost jumped out of his body. Just the sight of the man was able to made him forget about everything that was happening right now in front of his eyes, and well- he couldn't feel bad right now.

Not when finally -finally- James had been able to see Regulus.

The man slowed down his pace, a sudden calm took place in his heart, as if just the sight of him made his mind quite. As if his only presence was able to stop his thoughts from flowing away.
James took a moment to drink in how elegantly Regulus was leaning against one of the many brick buildings that composed the neighborhood.
Regulus- fuck- looked so casually handsome; so out of place in a charming way.
His dark coat and elegant figure, his sinuous and lithe body — it all created a stark contrast with the muggleborn frolicking across the almost-empty streets, moving towards the closest underground station at the end of a long day. Just
Regulus’s personality was imbued with a deep form of respect for traditions, yet he oozed almost an exotic aura. His black hair a bit longer, so the curls were a bit disheveled, the pink lips held in a straight line, thoughtful and concentrate. His posture straight, like he was preparing himself for a battle, but his features were smooth and beautiful.

And after so many years they spent apart James had only one word in mind to describe the man who he was still in love with.
Art. Raw, scary, brave art.

Fuck- he missed that man. He missed him so much and he didn't even know until that day. He thought he went on from him but he just deluded himself.
He tried to say his name, to call for him, he mimicked the letters, R, E, G, U, L, U, S, but the words were trapped in his mouth, like he had a giant cap in his throat.

Regulus wasn't aware that he had been seen, otherwise he would not casually stay there and watch everything with his attentive gaze.
No. He was hiding himself from them, form him.

Regulus was probably there- because- because- he knew?
About his mother?
About the- about the- was he part of-

And James paled.

Because he suddenly remembered.
He remembered that they were not fighting for the same cause, for the same people, for the same army.
Regulus was not with them, Regulus probably knew what his cousin was going to do and he only came to see the aftermath of such incident. Maybe to help her to- to- take his mother and- nononononononononononononononono.

No.

N O.

JUST NO.

PLEASE NO.

Regulus- Regulus knew how fucking important was his mother for him, for them, for Sirius. Maybe he hated James, maybe he despised James, but not Sirius. He couldn't- he wasn't- please no.
He couldn't love a man who tried to do this to his mother.
He couldn't.
But he was doing that nonetheless.

As he fell on the ground Harry started crying again and- and he didn't even had the fucking strength to go to his own son, to go to him and try to reassure him.
What a fucking failure- first as a son, then as a dad-

"James" Sirius crouched near his slumped figure.
"James- hey buddy- she's okay, your mother is okay. Bellatrix didn't even got near to her. You father and your mother are strong."
He felt a cold hand circling his neck, and he was able to regain a little bit of reality in that, but not enough.

His mother was going to suffer in their hands and he- he was ogling about Regulus? What king of- of shit was he? What the hell was he thinking about?
"James- shh- it's okay, it's fine, it's okay" Sirius' arm found his waist and he plopped against his body, trembling and sobbing, shaking his head because no- nothing is fine. They stayed there like this for some minutes, while he tried to calm himself, to stop sobbing on his best friends' shoulder.

"James- can you walk? You're freezing so is better if we go inside- it's- it's okay?" Remus voice came through the veil and was bale to shake it off a bit.
Because he was absolutely freezing and he had to go to his mother and see how she was doing and ask for her forgiveness and then go to Harry and see if he was okay and if Lily needed something. There was even his father who probably needed some help, hell he almost saw the love of his life getting kidnapped so he probably was out of him. And- and then he had to tell Sirius about Regulus and if Sirius had a breakdown he must be there for him too and then there was Regulus, Regulus, Regulus-

"James stop."
He snapped his gaze towards Remus who was looking at him with something indecipherable in his eyes, a mix between worrisome and- was he mad?
At him?

"What-?" He was able to say, maybe the first thing since they arrived there.

"Stop thinking, stop- saying the, then, then. Right now you have to take care of yourself. We're all adults here and we're capable of being on our own for a bit, until you stay better."

"But Harry needs me, I can hear him crying. And my mother is probably scared and my father is worried sick and Lily is too stressed and-"

"I said stop James." Remus repeated and James mouth snapped shut.
Fucking hell, Remus was terrifying when he wanted to.
With his werewolf's aurea he was able to make him silent.

"Let's go James, here let me help you." Sirius said from behind him and he was finally able to find some strength in his legs and walk towards the house.
But first he looked back last time, he just had a mental break down about Regulus but he needed- he wanted to see him again. And again. And again.

Fuck- he felt so weak because if Regulus decided to come back in his life he probably would accept him without a second thought because Regulus Black had been able to break down his defenses and enter his heart full time, even after years, even after betrayals, lies, disappointments.

Regulus Black was- was fucking poison, he was able to destroy everything in his life and maybe he was a bit harsh about him but what could he say differently?
Regulus was able to illude them, to make him and Lily believe that they were something, they were reaching something just to come and say that he did it. He had taken the dark mark. He had chosen them.

"Oh James, honey, please, I'm okay. Literally nothing happened." Euphemia Potter met him on the front door and hugged him tightly. James could do nothing but return that hug, smell his mother's scent once again, she was fine and was there with them, Bellatrix had had no time to do anything. She had clashed with Euphemia Potter not considering that his mother was the strongest woman he knew, Bellatrix did not considered that his mother would not give up or be found unprepared.
Euphemia was a force of nature and she had won that day and was still with them.

"I’m sorry I let you down,” James confessed, it was easier to tell her everything when he didn’t have to look at her, “I’m so sorry that I failed you, this family.”

“It’s okay,” his mother said, “You’re safe now, aren’t you? I'm safe too. So it’s okay. I’m proud of you.”
James bit his lip and willed his tears to stop from falling. Euphemia ran a hand through his hair and the touch was so featherlight that it barely registered in his broken mind.
“I love you,” She said, “You survived. You’re going to be okay. Now is the time for you to forgive yourself.” She probably didn't know why James was asking her forgiveness, why he was so wrecked, that seeing the man he loved on the other side of the street, not only- of the war, made him crack, crumble, break.
She didn't know this.
But she was able to comfort him nonetheless, she was able to understand that right now he needed that, that right now he needed to hear that she was proud of him.

How lucky was he?

They made his mother sit, while she told Alastor what happened - almost nothing because it had been all prevented- and James was finally able to let her hand go.
"I don't know what Bellatrix Black was doing here, but she didn't try anything. I think she just came here for an inspection. Maybe she thought we were not at home. Maybe she was searching something here, from us. I don't know. But she run away when you all came here. I just called a patronus as soon as I recognized her. Monty was with me." And finally James was able to take a breath.

His mother was fine.
His mother was okay.

He was fine.
He was okay.

He reached out to the back of his head and ran his fingers through the soft hair, as if he could still feel the ghost of her fingers pressed against his scalp. He turned around and found that Remus and Sirius were staring at him with worried eyes.
He opened his arms and Sirius moved immediately, running forward and pulling James into a warm embrace. His hands carding through his hair as his mother’s had. He closed his eyes and let their connection flare back to life once again. They were his family. He was theirs. He was never letting them go.

James was in Harry's room that night, watching his son's sleeping figure when Lily came through the door, handling him a cup of camomile.
She passed a hand in his curls and then she did the same with Harry, who snuggled at the contract.
"What happened today, James?" Lily asked after some moments of silence, as if she was almost scared of the response.
Did she saw Regulus too?
Or did she was worried about him?

He took a sip of camomile, taking his time, because with Lily he could take his time, because she was able to understand him and his times, his needs, and because he still felt so weak, to love a man whom he should have considered to be as good as dead, to love a man who had not been a part of his life for some time.

"I've seen Regulus today."
Lily froze and paled at the same time, her green eyes became bigger, like assessing his words.
"He was here, outside. After we rescued mom."

"Oh- ah- what?”

"And- and fuck Lily. Mum was scared to death and I was drooling after a man in the meantime. Pathetic. And then I thought that I was drooling after the man who probably staged all of this." James laughed bitterly, he felt acid coming from his stomach, he wanted to throw up. He closed his eyes not wanting to recreate the same scene as before, he could control his emotions, he had to control his emotion, no one needed to see him cry.

Lily passed a hand through his hair and he sank in the contact, glad to not be judged by her.
"It's not your fault, it's what you feel James."

"I shouldn't miss him so much. I literally shouldn’t.”

"Shut up- no one can control their emotions. And even if you still drool after him? There's nothing wrong. You're not giving him news about the Order or something."

"He's so beautiful Lily. Handsome. Mesmerizing. Really. My focus was just on him, only on him. And he couldn't care less."

"Maybe-"

"No- not maybe. He chose them. It's okay. I'll get over it this time. I swear."

"Maybe it's not so easy. Maybe it's not only black and white. Maybe he was-"

"Don't." He stopped her there. "Thanks Lily but- I already feel bad about this, I don't need to feed my illusions." He snuggled on her neck and she sighed.

"I- I don’t- alright James.” The woman said, “But please don’t fault yourself too much. It's normal to be- to miss someone. To love someone. We can't choose the person we fall in love with. It's about emotions and hormones." He smiled at the girl, if he asked she would probably start to explain how human mind worked and how exactly the synapses did their business.

"I can try-“ James mumbled, even though he already found it difficult. Pictures of his past with Regulus were already taking place in his mind, the moments they spent together, the times were they both searched each other.

"And remember that we're all here for you."

"I know, thank you Lily."

How lucky was he?

-----------------------------

February 1977,

James released a long breath he didn't know he was holding when he felt the tip of Regulus’ fingers pointing to his knuckles.
Reg didn't take his hands fully in his own.
He didn't grip him tight as if he had the physical strength to keep him grounded. It was just a simple touch as light as the touch of a feather along his skin.

It was barely there.
As always.
Regulus was always there but almost tiptoeing around him, maybe because he was scared, maybe because he didn’t want to be in the middle of something, maybe because he liked to stay in the shadow, in contrast to Sirius who liked to shine and to be in the spotlight.

James could barely feel it as if Regulus’ skin was his, as if there was no difference nor distance between them. Regulus wasn't pulling him down to reality, holding him with force, he was just there as James fought himself to get free from his monsters. He was just there and that was more than enough for James.

The night had started- good.
There was this Ravenclaw’s party and all of them decided to go and have some fun, but at the very end it didn’t go so well.
James didn’t know if it was something that triggered his panic attack or if it had been dormant inside his head, ready to explode.
But here he was, hidden in the bathroom hoping to disappear or to make his mind go numb and shut the fuck up.

At the very end Regulus came.
How lucky was he?

James was finally feeling the cold, invisible grip of bloody hands around his throat, disappear as Regulus’ simple touch of fingers against his knuckles spread warmth and a sense of safety all over him. It felt peaceful even if his mind felt otherwise, the panic and fear lingering at the back of his mind.

"James, focus." said Regulus, his eyes taking every inch of his face, studying him in silent with no judgment, taking in every horror, fears and scars that he had to offer.

"Trying." He murmured, his voice sleepy even if the last thing he wanted to do was to sleep. Because his mind didn’t found peace, not yet, and he did want to see the monsters plague his mind. See his mother death, death eaters attacking them, Sirius full of his parent’s blood.

"Name five things around you." Replied Regulus, now tapping his fingers around his wrist as he moved his other hand toward him but still out of reach, his eyes questioning James silently.

James nodded without saying nothing out loud but sometimes Regulus knew how to read him in a way that still left him speechless, with wonder.
He was so worried and mindful, Regulus was sure he didn’t know how to love but James felt so fucking good around him, listened to, cared, loved.

"Now, James." ordered Regulus, frowning at him, tightening his hold at the back of his neck.

"I know I'm here." answered James, not feeling very much motivated to speak or to pay attention to anything other than the fact he wasn't in his dreams anymore.

"Are you?" asked Reg, raising one of his eyebrows at him, his fingers moving from his knuckles to trace patterns onto James’ palm. None of them acknowledged how his hands were shaking. And James nodded silently in response, ignoring the lingering shadow behind him.
"I'm here with you James" asked Regulus, again, and he only had to see the way James throat moved, and the way his fingers twitched to stare harder at him.

"5 things around you. Now." said Regulus, his other hand giving a tight squeeze to the back of his neck.
"Come on, James." whispered Regulus, now playing with the hair at the back of his head, pulling strands of hair and still tracing circles on his wrist. This felt so intimate, he wanted to ask regulus if he knew what the hell he was doing, this caress so easy, so calm, so close, profound.
“Please.” He added at the end.

And he liked it so much so that he didn’t want to delude him.

"Clothes." started off James, his eyes staring for a moment at the clothes that Regulus was wearing that night, a nice blue blouse, black elegant trousers.

"What else?" asked Regulus, pulling gently on the strands of hair at the back of James’ head while his other hand still held his.

"Love, keep going.” whispered Regulus and James hummed, moving his head away to look around further.

"Walls." whispered, they were blue, so blue. He liked red more.
He wanted his bed.

"What else do you see?" questioned again and his eyes darted around their room to land on their little desk by their bed.

"Floor." He was not good at that. He already had some problems focusing on normal days, figures when he was so tired and worried.

A tired yawn pulled him out of his thoughts and he felt the first tingles of tiredness wearing him down. He swallowed tightly, pushing the panic which came with it, and blinked his eyes with force, pushing himself further into Regulus’ side. And he welcomed him with no complaints.
He snuggled even more against his legs, he liked to be so near him, he liked that they managed to get this close, he liked that Regulus had opened up to him. And he wanted to get the most from this.
If Regulus was kind enough to stroke his hair like this he would stay there.

"Tired?" asked, with a low and gentle tone, digging one of his fingers into his skin He didn't want to face the truth now. He just wanted to be with Reg, in their little world for a little bit more.

"Yeah." answered James, the undesirable truth, heavy on his tongue, and tiredness pulling his eyelids. It felt like a blanket of shadow and darkness were closing over him even if he didn't want it.

James felt his breath stutter when Regulus looked up at him, his eyes filled with silent promises, determination and endless support. It had taken James a long, a very long time, to come to peace with acknowledging his emotions and letting others see it, to let go some of his walls he had built around himself.

''It’s better now?”

''A lot.'' answered James, smiling at him.

“We’ll talk about it, okay?" Regulus searched his eyes and he could nod. Because he would not tell Regulus that sometimes he felt overwhelmed, that sometime he felt as if the world was spinning too quickly and that he find difficult to follow. That sometimes he felt like he was just surviving, going on, without a really meaning after his actions. And this made him go crazy, he had to have a fucking goal in his life, he had to be necessary, he could not be replaced.
He didn't want to be replaced.
So he needed to be better, to be the best captain at quidditch, he needed to help Peter with his homework, to make Sirius laugh, to buy Remus chocolate. Because in this way he would not be replaced.
He was going to be the best.
He was going to be-
He was going-
He was-

No.
Today he wasn't.
Today he couldn't.
He tried and tried and tired- to laugh, to make people laugh, to be the same, casual, usual, a friend, a lover, a brother, a player.
But at the end he failed.
And he was- he was-

"We’ll talk about what caused this, alright?” regulus said again and he returned to him, he looked into his eyes and he felt safe. He didn't know what regulus needed so he didn't need to do anything.
There was only a black space near the name Regulus.
And it was good.
Because it meant that James was doing good.

“I- I Don’t want- I don’t know if I want. It’s- it’s stupid, I mean I have a pretty and nice family and-“

“Shut up.” Regulus said seriously. “Don’t compare your problems to what the others have. It’s not safe. It’s not right for yourself. To your mind. It's okay to just shut everything down sometimes and you have to do it more.” Regulus tightened his grip on his hair and James didn't find it bad. He liked it. He really liked it.

“Whatever.” He mumbled and Regulus rolled his eyes, smacking lightly his head and James was able to make the first smile that night.

“You’re more stubborn than me, fucking hell.” Regulus muttered. “If you don’t want to talk about it, it’s okay, but let us help you. Like you always help us. It’s okay to ask for help. And my idiot brother would be more than happy to listen to you, so please- use him as you please. It's what he deserves.”

“Mean, your brother doesn't deserve anything.” He was able to mumble and he saw that a small smile appeared on Regulus' lips, like he was expecting it.

“I knew you were going to say this. But I’m serious. Treat him like your lapdog.” James laughed because- well compare Sirius to a dog was so fucking fitting that it was funny.

“Alright." James huffed. "But we’ll do this together.”

''I know you have me. I know I have you. I trust you.''

And how lucky was he?

-------------------------

"Already back lad?" Barty welcomed him in shorts, shirtless. Evan few steps behind him, hugging his waist tightly and his heart squeezed at the sight. They were so in love that they deserved everything they couldn't have when they were younger because scared and frail of being themselves.

"Merlin, you don't want to know what happened this morning" Regulus huffed and Barty laughed while pouring himself a glass of water.

"With you always happens something."

"I went to Diagon Alley, alright? And finally, finally after a fucking month I saw Harry- god my heart made a twist-"

"And the dad with him-" Evan chirped in from behind Barty and Regulus rolled his eyes. Idiots. But yes. The father behind him was- well let's say that he didn't had the chance to relieve himself in the last time so maybe his hormones were a bit high- but he was handsome and hot as hell. James made his stomach churn with desire and it was no good because he was with Lily.
He was happy with Lily.

"Yes, and the dad." He admitted low, like he was thinking to something impossible.

"Did you snog him?"

"If only I had had time!"

"Oh-" Barty turned excitedly towards Evan. "It's the closest thing to a love confession that we could ever hear from Regulus."

"They grow up so fast"

"I can't believe it, Evan- our baby- is getting older-"

"Shut the fuck up idiots."

"Yeah really Evan, let the boy talk. Insensible."

"As I was saying-" Regulus gritted. "The trail I've left on Bellatrix obviously activated."

"Oh God, I can't believe- what a fucking witch-"

"Yeah- so I had to leave everything and when I arrived there- she didn't want to attack Euphemia but see if she really had a tail. She felt it. She knows something."

"Fuck-"
There were some minutes of silence, the three boys taking in the news.

"If you're still here it means that you're still safe." Barty said. "But let's still be careful. Extremely."

"I know." Regulus said nodding. "And then I was thinking about a distraction, to make Bellatrix lose her fucking face."

"A distraction?" Evan said and Barty smiled.

"It's time, right?"

"Yeah, we need to find the horcrux at the Gringott."