Velvet Bond

Remus was like- going crazy. Literally.
Everyone was babying him and the most thing that he hated was that.
He nearly died?
Yes.
Was it the first time?
Fucking not.
Remus already went through a lot of shit, he was bitten and he transformed since he was fucking four years old, he went through worse experiences than that and he never, never, was treated like that. He was grateful to the Potters, Sirius and everyone, really grateful, and fuck- he felt almost bad for being so insensitive about their fussing but it was too much, he could barely go to the bathroom alone without them carrying him.

"I'm going out for a smoke" Remus said to the people who were in the room with him.
It was near dinner time so everyone was at home after a day at the Order or with the Aurors. The only good thing was that Voldmeort's attacks were less, nothing too bad happened in those days and it made everyone think in fear and panic.
What was he up to?
Was he trying to do something bigger?
That- the unknown, the silence, the stalemate was scary.

"Wait for me" Sirius said taking his coat but he couldn't right now. He loved Sirius but he needed to go alone.
He needed to think, he needed to recoil his thoughts for one fucking second, think about what the hell was going on in his life, Greyback, the fact that he was dead, that someone helped him and he didn't know who that man could be, then there was the deal with the pack, the next moon, the wolves, the Order, Voldemort and last but not least his relationship with his boyfriend.
Sirius.

A mystery.

They were good since he arrived at home injured.
But- but it was different.
Sirius seemed on tiptoes with him like being still angry with him and at the same time sorry and guilty for being angry and- he was tired of this situation. He- he couldn't go on like this, he wanted to be with Sirius like before, without being worried about him leaving or getting angry, or- or doubting about their relationship.
They had to talk and resolve but he couldn't bring himself to.

He was drained.

"Alone Sirius. I want to go alone. Thanks." he gritted out and Sirius backed down, he was sorry but they must understand when they all went overboard.
He was fine.
Fucking fine!

Effie took Sirius shoulder, giving Remus a nod while telling Sirius to help her with the dinner and he was able to take a breath. He smiled lightly at Effie and at her perception because she was a fucking angel who understood perfectly every situation.

"Fucking hell" Remus muttered, leaning his head on the door and taking out a cigarette from his pocket and lighting it.

When had things start to go so bad?

He could barely remember at when they were younger, free and without problems, and counting that they were barely twenty-one it was worrisome.
He huffed again, the smoke calming his nerves, he closed his eyes, trying to stop his mind from racing.
What they were missing?
Albus was not telling them everything.
Why did they didn't affront Voldemort directly?
They knew his places, they knew where his followers gathered and they even catch a glimpse of him sometimes- so why? Why they retreat at that time?
Someone could have gotten him.

"I see you're still alive, remarkable." A foreign voice came from his back and he had his wand in his hands in literally two seconds, he fucking drop his shield, he made himself a target- fuck.

But when he took the figure in to his eyes he lowered his wand, sighing deeply.
"Woah- man- I'm innocent. Sorry."

"Thomas you fucking idiot- are you dumb? I could have killed you-"

"You could have tried, I give you that. But don't underestimate us wolves just because you have learnt a bit of magic." The man smirked at him and Remus nodded along.
Silence fell between them, Remus took another cig and offered that to Thomas but he declined.

"That shit could kill you, you know?"

"Well- if not this it could be the war or the moon." Remus smirked and Thomas scoffed. "This way I got to choose, don't you think?"

"Please- don't go all sad and depressed with me now. I'm not here for that."

"And why are you here Thomas?" Remus glanced at the windows and he was Monty looking out worried, he nodded at him and mimed an okay with his hand.
Thomas was safe.
Thomas was good.
Thomas was pack, pack, pack.

"Just- I was passing by. I didn't know if you were still alive. Wanted to see with my eyes."

"You knew that I was alive, you can feel it, like I can feel you."
Because now we are a pack.
And Thomas knew this too.

"Well- alive, but- walking? Talking? Thinking? I mean- you didn't see yourself but it was pretty crazy out there-" Remus shivered. The memories did not came back but he could feel the sensation on his skin very well.

"I'm all alright thank you. I have a ton of people inside who are enough worried about me." Remus said and Thomas smiled again.

"You are lucky Remus John Lupin. Don't ever forget that. They love you I can feel it in the wards, in the air, in the atmosphere."

"I know" Remus said simply, because he was not daft. He knew that. They would die for him and he would die for them.
And then the silence fell again.
Remus was going to ask but he was afraid of the answer.
And Thomas knew this.
Thomas could sense this.
So they both waited.

Remus had the words on the tip of his tongue but he couldn't go on.
Why me? Who was the man? How did we escape? How Greyback died?
He was afraid of memories.
He was afraid of knowing.

"Let's get to the point. What happened out there Thomas?" Remus finally asked, the sky dark among their heads was being their inspector. Thomas smirked, but Remus could feel that he had been afraid too. He took a deep breath, preparing himself to explain.

"Well- the first part- I think you know very well- you were being chased and almost killed. I had to intervene. Don't ask me why. Don't. Because I don't know. Because- maybe my wolf thought that it was not right, that we were all the same so why- why should you die for that? We are a pack, if we start to kill each other who is safe anymore?"
Remus nodded, because it made sense.
They were already a minority, they were able to survive by relying on each other, if their trust also failed, what would they be left with?
Loneliness and pain.

"And-" they both shivered. "And- well we were able to resiste until morning, but nothing more. He was ready to finish you off. He was going to. I was too weak to meddle in anymore so- I thought it was the end. After you I would have been the next one."
Remus gulped, taking out another cigarette.
But he already knew that.

"Then you fainted and that man arrived. I mean- nobody cared about me so I could see everything pretty well- he asked him something, I couldn't understand what but the man must not have been happy with Greyback because he killed him. Like that. He was dead." Remus widened his eyes, if thinking that the man who populated his nightmares was killed like that was- destabilizing.
Grayback was just a man after all.
A monster- but a man.
And he had been killed like one.

"Then he stayed with you. I thought he was going to kill you but- he hold your hand until the other man arrived." The other man must be Moody.

"He hold- my hand?"
Remus widened his eyes.
So- maybe it was not an hallucination. Maybe- there was really someone and he called that someone Sirius and- what the hell? Embarrassing. A stranger hold his hand while he cried his boyfriend name, losing tons of blood.
Marvelous.

"Who? Who was that man Thomas?"

"Fucking hell I know Remus. I would have already used his name, don't you think?"

"I-" Remus thought about it for a minute, his brain racing. Did they have another alley? Strong enough to know their position and to safe him? Strong enough to know that Greyback was going to kill him? Strong enough to know Voldemort's plan? A spy? "Alright- but- someone? Something? Anything? Thomas you must know-"

"I don't know! I don't fucking know- goodbye Remus. Glad to see you alright." Thomas moved away from the wall he was leaning in, going near the gate to take his way and disappear until the next fool moon. But he couldn't. He will not let him go.

"No- wait! Thomas! You can't go away like this! How was he? You-"
Thomas stopped abruptly, breathing heavy.

"I don't want to remember. It's- everything- it's too much- what I'm feeling it's- Remus- you didn't were-" they both stopped. Thomas was not looking at him in the eyes, like he was ashamed of that, of being so afraid of a memory. But he could understand him.

"I- I understand Thomas. And I'm thankful for you. I'll always be. Because without you I would be dead. Without your help-" Remus stopped. He couldn't go on. "But- just this time. I'll not ask you anything else. Never. Just-" this time.

"I- Remus- I don't even remember him clearly- he was young- or he seemed young. I don't want to exaggerate but like you age? Something like that- and-" Remus closed his eyes trying to understand who could that man be. Someone like his age? And he had been able to kill a man so coldly? Maybe- maybe Peter? Maybe Peter decided to betray them to have Voldemort's trust?
Maybe-
Maybe-
No. No it couldn't be. He sacrificed James, Lily, Harry.
Peter- Peter was gone and he had to understand that.
Peter was a traitor.

But there was neither person that did the same for them.
Maybe their misfortune was switching, maybe-
Maybe-

"And-" Remus reopened his eyes when he didn't hear the other man go on.
And-?" But Thomas was frozen in his place, looking down, the newspaper of the day on the floor, they didn't get it that morning, he should probably bring it inside.

"Him." Thomas said and Remus watched him again, his eyebrows arched, him?
Him what?
Thomas met his gaze and he probably saw the question in his eyes.
"That man is the one who saved you. It's him." Thomas pointed at the newspaper and Remus looked down immediately at the photo who was moving in the paper. A serious young man was displayed on the front page and-

His heart stopped.
The man.
That- he was-
"Him?"

"I'm sure- fuck Remus- we've found him. It's him-"

Regulus Black; what to know about the new Lord
by Rita Skeeter.

It was-Regulus Black?
THE descendant of the Noble House of Black betrayed his Lord?
What? Was it a weird game of the destiny? Was Thomas wrong?
But then he thought of James and everything became clear. It was- so fucking evident.

Things were bound to get complicated.
"Oh fuck-"

Regulus Black saved him.

 ----------------

May, 1977

James climbed the stairs that went on the Astrology tower.
They could find a better place, easier to reach?
Yes.
Would they go there?
No. Regulus liked it there, because he could stargaze and James was his mere subject, whatever Regulus wanted he was going to do it.
And it was not because he was utterly and endlessly in love with him.
Absolutely not.
So he climbed those fucking stairs every time, at least it was good for his stamina.

"Hi darling" James said reaching the place and he found Regulus there, his eyes focusing on something he could not see on the sky. He had never been that good at stargazing or remembering the various stars or their stories.

"Mmh" Regulus hummed and Jame knew that something was bothering him that night. They were past the 'mmh' fase, now James could go out bragging about receiving a small smile from the boy and it was a HUGE improvement.

So James waited.

He waited for him to tell what it was wrong.

Did he do something in the past twenty-four hours? No- he didn't think so.

But he waited.
He was not very good at that- but he exercised with Regulus. Because if he didn't want to talk he wouldn't, if he wanted to he would.
No one could make him do something he didn't want to, and James learned that from the start.

"James-" Regulus started but he stopped himself after a bit. "I'm- tired and- I'm wondering-"

"About what darling?" James said, keeping his distance. He knew that Regulus needed his space, his thoughts needed to be free.

"Why do you always come to find me? I always asked myself why THE James Potter wanted to pass his time with someone like me-" Regulus scoffed, shaking his head when he saw James entering the room.
James was a bit speechless, but he was now used to his antics, to Regulus dark thoughts about himself, to his perception about his value in this world.

So he got along.

"There is nothing wrong with you Regulus." James said almost guilty and Regulus must know that, must have known that James did everything with a goal.
And well- he was not wrong.

It was real that James firstly went to Regulus to understand him, to make him change his mind so then could have gone to Sirius and be like the old days. He deceived him. He kept telling him that Regulus was fine like that when in the very end, if James watched real closely, he was trying to change him and to fight a battle that wasn't his. The Black brother's needed to do this on their own.
Who was he to meddle?

"Please James- let's be honest. I always knew why you did this- why did you stick around even though- I'm me" Regulus moved his hands to his body, like he wanted to cover something that he didn't like first.

James was not happy about this conversation.
He came here to stay with him but tonight Regulus was lost in his head, words were said and James always got angry when Regulus couldn't see himself right, he got angry when Regulus saw himself or described himself with his parents eyes, with their criticism and bad things.

"And I understand that- that you wanted me to change Potter- and I should have told you that this isn't going to happen, that Sirius doesn't want to have nothing to do with me, that we are lost and everything- but I was egoistical too- I wanted to keep you near, to- to- to take away something from my brother- to have you, the golden boy with me for a bit, to see you struggle to play quidditch with me, to see you worried about me, to see you caring about me."
Regulus moved always from the window, interlocking their eyes for the first time and Jame saw they they were wet and red.
Was Regulus crying?
For him?

"But then I started getting jealous of you, I started wanting to be with you -like always- like a lovesick child, I tried to attract you, put on the clothes that you like- because maybe- maybe the- THE James Potter will finally notice me and not Lily Evans not the other third year girl but me. And I found myself completely in lo-." Regulus stopped, putting a hand on his mouth and James' heart froze.

What-

"Regulus what?" But the younger boy wasn't watching him anymore.

"Nothing. I said nothing. I'm just tired and- and maybe sick. I- fuck-nothing- forget about this" James watched his face again, the moon was paling his skin even more and Regulus seemed a bit sickly, but it was too dark to understand well.
"The only thing that I wanted to say is- I'm finished, with these rendez-vous, I'm done, done, done. At the end of the day I'm the one suffering, because I'll never be the person that you want me to be. And- and staying here, near you is every day more difficult because you'll not like me but I'll always like you- every fucking day it's the same-" James heart stopped.
Had Regulus just insulted him, confessed him, rejected him or what?
Why him it was always a fucking mess- he was good with words, with twisted game and it was fucking impossible to understand him sometimes.
But- James did not heard wrong.
Did Regulus-?

“Regulus” James put his hands up where Reg could see them to stop his rumbling.
He was trembling. Regulus just confessed to him and- and his heart was floating, his mind was racing, the only thought in his mind was to keep him close, because if Regulus had walked away from him, they would never meet again.

Regulus was fucking good at hiding and even with their map was almost impossibile to find him.

“I’ll admit getting close to you was all a plan at first, I mean- Sirius was miserable and- and I needed to do something. But I didn’t stick around just because I thought I could make you two as you were as kids. I'm not here to use you for my- my nonsensical plans. I won’t be like them, I won't be like your parent who uses you for their needs. And I won’t let you let me be like them. Because I like you like this. I like you- as you are, so shut the fuck up.”

"No. You are wrong. You like your idea of me with your standards-"

"Regulus- I could list everything I like about you here and right now. I like staying with you in every free moment that I have, I like your silence, I like your passions, I like seeing you riled up because the fucking main character of your book is stupid, I like when you insult me, I like when you scrunch your nose in distaste, I like when we go meet the house elf, I like when you smile. Fuck- I love when you smile, and I want you to do it more often but then everyone would like you because I don't know if you are aware of how fucking beautiful are you when you smile. I like your freckles, your hands, your eyes. Don't let me start ranting about your eyes because they are the most unique thing I could ever see in my life and I'm a fucking wizard so I see a lot of unique thing in my life. Should I go on? Because I can tell you how I like when you-"

Eyes bigger than a doe’s, Regulus stared James down, making him shiver.
"I- I think- okay" Regulus coughed, covering his smiling mouth. "I understand. If you say so-" and James swear to Merlin that he would pass every fucking day reminding him how much worthy was he.

The corners of James' lips quirked up into a smirk.
“But I'm pretty impressed. I thought you hated me.” James teased the younger one and he blushed heavily, tilting his head. "You couldn't resist my charm at the end" at that Regulus rolled his eyes and James laughed.

Regulus Arcturus Black was going to be the death of James.
The way Regulus smiled at him he would never forget, the way his eyes glistened in the light that streamed through the window. He was so handsome that James was going to die of cardiac arrest. It wasn’t often that he felt so attracted to someone that his quiet heart actually made some noise.

“Oh- don't get too cocky. I hate you James Potter. Every inch of you,” Regulus replied. “I just changed my mind, like- right now. I was lying before. Never liked you.”

Leaning closer, James shoved his hands in his pockets with a stupid smile on his face. “Liar." He whispered. "You like me. Oh- you like me so much. So so so much.”

“No, you're wrong. I hate you,” Regulus said, blushing more and more at every inch that James took towards him. He couldn’t resist any longer.

“So- If I hypothetically wanted to kiss you- would you let me? Yes or no? Should I go away? I could totally go and-”

"Don't you dare going out from that door, you stupid idiot." And then Regulus took him by his tie and make them meet their lips, sealing their breath together.
And James gave in to his desires.

He kissed Regulus as if it was their last day alive, as if sharing oxygen was the only way to survive. His mouth tasted like bitter coffee, the polar opposite of his lips who just tasted a cup of chocolate.

One hand behind Regulus' neck, the other on his waist, James pulled Regulus closer, closer, closer, like he wanted to enter in his ribs, like he wanted to be a part tangible of him, a part of his body.
He tilted his head to the side in order to deepen it further.

“Tell me no,” James whispered, leaning his head against Regulus own. "We shouldn't and you know that."

“What if I don’t want to?” Regulus replied, eager, his eyes closed, lost, ghingheri at their contact.

James took Regulus' wrists and pulled them from his tie, placing them in his curly hair, he needed to feel his hands between his hair, to feel that he was kissing the boy he pined for too much time. It was a bad-good idea. He leant back in once again to capture James' awaiting lips with his own.
"I like you Regulus, so so so much."

Their kisses were sloppy, desperate, and hot in a way that made James forget his own name, their location, the war and everything else. As Regulus licked into his mouth, James moaned and Regulus whimpered with him, doing that again and again.
When they finally broke apart, Regulus lips were kiss-swollen.

When James returned at his common room later, his lips almost hurting and red from the kisses he felt that the heavy burden on his shoulders was finally up, broken. He had Regulus and- well- he didn't know how. Having Regulus' affection was something that one could only hope to, the boy who was constantly cold and scared and hidden cared like no one else did.

He started to climb the stairs, his heart light and joyful- but well-

Nothing good could last forever.

Sitting on the sofa in front of the unlit fireplace was Lily Evans, and James Potter once again found himself in the throes of an existential crisis.

 ---------------------

Remus was outside from quite some time, at a certain point they even heard some shouts but they didn't dare to go out and watch what was happening.
Remus- well- truth be said they were making Remus go crazy.
James knew that.
But they couldn't do less.

After that he, Lily and then Remus got injured, his parents when into an overprotective mode and started gettin worried for every little thing. And Remus was not used to that.
He had always been very independent about his things, with his father out all day and his mother ignorant about the wizarding world he learnt everything by him and himself, so being so pampered and cared of- could be quite extenuating for him who wanted to appear strong.

"Remus dear, the dinner is almost-" his mother started to say but then they all watched to his face and almost got scared.
Remus was paled as hell, his eyes a bit wide and his eyebrows arched.

"Uh- love?" Remus said almost scared, unsure.
Weird. In those days hearing them calling each other with pet names was a bit strange. They didn't really make up from the fight they had, they just went on with the flow that was happening.

"Yes?" Sirius said, his eyes almost popping out of his head, biting his lips.

"I don't know if it's a bad or good thing-" Remus had the news paper in hand and well- that was not a good thing. On the news paper there was a lot of shit those days. Someone had died? Some they knew? Someone important? Voldemort attacked them and they didn't heard of it? Fuck- James was shitting himself out.

"What Remus? What, what, what?" Sirius jogged, reaching his boyfriend.

"Your father is dead. Regulus is the new Lord Black"
And the silence that fell was the loudest sound of it all.