Velvet Bond

April 1976

Remus was a bit off those days.
And he was not because he found the fact of being ignored by his three best friends upsetting. They could do whatever they wanted.
In fact, they shouldn't have to put up with him for so long in the first time.

So when they started going off into the library - the library! Just this made Remus understand a lot of things, they were like allergic to that place - he understood that they were almost done with him and he probably was fated to not have a real friend.
And it was not why he was angry, or sad, or bad.
Not at all!

It just made him think that they were right to ignore him, he was a monster, a mistake in the system, he should not be at Hogwarts, so- he couldn't really blame them.

But it stung a little bit nonetheless.
It stung to know that he probably didn't deserve to have real friends.
It stung to found out that the only person who discovered his secret at the end ditched him, maybe too bored or too annoyed or- well whatever it was going on with the at the moment.

"How are you doing Remus?"
But as he was going in to the Shrieking Shack with Poppy, and as he was going to face another of his insufferable nights as a wold eh didn't have time to think at them, he didn't have time to brood about his life, about his misfortune, about everything.
His mind was only settled to the pain and the damage that he would cause himself that night.

He sighed, used to that while he responded to the nurse.
"It's fine Poppy. Nothing new. Just the usual." and she watched him with such sad eyes that he wanted to reassure her that everything was going fine, that nothing worrisome really happened so he'll be okay once again.
Even after so many years she didn't get used to leaving him there alone while he was in pain.

Maybe Poppy was the real person who accepted him, alongside his mother and his father. He sighed again.
Not now, really, now wasn't the right time.

"Alright Remus, I'll see tomorrow morning at sunrise. I'll come as fast as possible." She said to him, caressing his cheeks with her cold fingers and he huffed again at her worried face.

"We've done this already Poppy. There's no need to run. I'll be sleeping anyway."

"I'll run If I want to, young man. So shut up and let me do my job" she said and he laughed, he felt the sound of that, he usually laughed a lot when James was around but in those days he was almost absent.

Gotta study a bit, man, or I'll hear from mum and dad this time. he said to him, but they could easily study together so Remus knew that it was a lie.
And there was also the fact that James was not a good liar, not like Sirius. So he immediately knew that they were doing something without him.

If they wanted some space they could have just said it.
Remus was not going to ruin their relationship.

And like that eh was left alone.
He sat on the mattresses that they put there and he started singing a lullaby, the one that his mother sang to him when he was little and scared. The headache was starting so it was almost time for him to transform, and he felt his heartbeat rise up.
He closed his eyes, trying to not cry.
Right now he was at the bottom.
He sighed again, maybe for the tenth time that night, but the he heard something.

"Hey bud" James appeared and he widened his eyes.

"James! What the hell-" he watched frantically at the moon, he was here, and the moon was almost at his place.
"James, you have to go, now!" He moved around trying to catch his arm and throwing him out, but James laughed it off.

What a fucking idiot.

"Rem!" Sirius said happily entering too and Remus was paralyzed for a moment, and he swore that the headache just triplicated.

Here idiot two.

"How dumb are you? Do you know what's going to happen? Fucking hell-" Remus mutter to himself expecting to find Peter behind them. "Go! Just go away!"

"Peter- uh" James started to say as if he didn't say nothing to them "Is having some problems turning back, but he's here too!" He explained and he watched them like he was assisting a comedy. "We are all here" James said like it wasn't the dumbest thing to say when you were in front of a fucking werewolf during a full moon.

This situation could be represented as if the killer in one of his books tried to kidnap the main character and the idiot instead of running goes to him willingly and brings with him all of his friend and say: 'hey buddy, you seemed a bit lonely so we are here to make you happy, let's hang out together, ohh watch these knives, they are very pretty, is this one of you hobbies? Nice!' and then the killer proceeds to kill all of them.
The same fucking thing.
Remus would bang his head on the fucking wall if it wasn't already pounding like crazy.

"I don't care right now James, guys you have to go- and- what do you mean Peter is trying to turn back? From what? No actually I can't care right now- just-" he sighed again and he felt like an old grumpy grandad who was too tired of living.
And right now he was tired of everything.
"Just go okay? We'll see each other tomorrow"

"Just see, my moon. You'll be happy about it. Don't worry" Sirius said grinning and well- that were the last things he heard before getting on his knees and screaming his lungs out, his bones breaking and his heartbeat accelerating.

Pain, pain, pain.

But he found himself calmer that night than ever.

***

He woke up on the mattress and- well- it was not as bad as he thought.
He could move.
Quite easily.
Everything hurt as hell as always, his limbs seemed they had been almost detached from his body and his joints made weird sounds. But there were no deep injuries on his body, he was not bleeding openly and he actually could move his legs without Poppy's magic or her healing spells.
It was little- but for Remus- for Remus was everything.

"Remus! Hi! How are you this morning?" The nurse came in and he almost smiled at her. He was tired as hell but eh could remember of being happy. Of Moony being happy. Something good must have happened. He remembered running wild in the grass and hunting bunny.

But how?
He was dangerous.

"Well-" he tried to say but his mouth was almost blocked, his brain too tired to formulate a coherent sentence. "Good" he said before falling backwards, his legs too tired and weak to keep him up.

Fortunately there was Poppy there, but he closed his eyes before seeing how the nurse caught him with her magic and brought him in to the castle.

***

Remus remembered a dog. A black and big dog near the wolf.
And they were playing.
He was playing.
The wolf had found a friend.

And then- a stag.
One of the most beautiful animals he had ever seen, the stag was running alongside them, his antlers big and beautiful, he was almost strutting and it was almost weird.
How animals could strut?

A rat run between them and he found him funny.
He was tiny and little.

Remus opened his eyes. And the he closed them again, too much light for them.
What the hell-?

He tried to grab the water that Poppy put near his bed but he found a hand already there, giving the water to him, he reopened his eyes and he found Sirius' face in front of him.

"Hi dear" Sirius said and he tried to ignore how his heartbeat speed up at that.
James should stop to say those nicknames to them, because Sirius too had piked up that habit and it was not good for him and his heart.

"Hi" he grunted and he tried to sit on the bed.
James and Peter appeared from nowhere and helped him get up.
"How are you here? Did Poppy make an exception?"

"Absolutely not. We snuck in obviously" James said like he asked to most stupid thing and maybe he really did. But they hated him now, so he didn't understand why they were here now.
Or why they were there yesterday.
It was all confusing.

"So? How are you feeling? How did it go?" Sirius grinned like a maniac and he shrugged his eyebrows. Their silence treat was over?

"Uhm-" they watch him expectantly even though he didn't know what they were expecting from him. "Well-? I mean you really made me almost have a heart attack yesterday but at the end everything did go well. None of you has died so a win is a win."

"See! I told you so guys! It went marvelous!" Sirius clapped his hand and he was even more confused.

They.
Were.
Weird.

Nothing new.
But they went from ignoring him from days to staying near his butt constantly.

"Well- if you could explain to me, I would be grateful" he said maybe with a bit too venom that he actually wanted to sound but hey- he was angry with them!
"I mean- you did ignore me for weeks and then you appeared yesterday and made me almost faint- because I was transforming with you! And now you are all here- and-"

"Oh sorry bud we didn't want to neglect you, but we were uh-" James stared to say but then he stopped himself-

"We just wanted to-" Peter continued and he was getting tired, his headache was still there, he was hungry and the full moon was still near to upset his humor.

"We planned to-" Sirius said but stopped himself midway.
And he was fucking done.

"What? What? You planned what? There is no need to hide that from me, there is no need to lie, if you are bored of scared of me, disgusted by me I can understand. If you don't want to talk to me any I understand that. But tell me? At least have the courage to tell me so! I hate liars!"

"What?" James widened his eyes and for a moment- just for a second- he thought to have fucked up everything.
"Are you crazy?"

"Bud what are you saying?"
But they were interrupted by a black dog that jumped on his bed.
The same black dog of his dream.
The black dog that appeared where Sirius was a second ago.

He must be hallucinating.
Maybe Poppy gave him some drugs.
Or he fell hard and he had a concussion.
But right now there was a dog on his bed.
He was touching a fucking don on his hospital bed.
And- the dog was Sirius?

"We wanted to surprise you! Sirius- it was mostly Sirius who thought of this- that Moony attacks humans but he doesn't attacks other animals so we could become animagi so you wouldn't be alone anymore! Fuck we're sorry you thought that- we- we didn't realize- fuck-" James put his hands on his hair, explaining everything fast and confusional and Remus was capable of opening his mouth and then he closing it.
Just that.
For quite a bit of time.

He watched James and Peter and then the dog and then James and Peter agin.
"I- I-" Remus stuttered.
It was- fuck he felt his heart explode.
No one- ever thought of this, they- they did it for him-?

"You- you did this- for me? Really?" He whispered, still not believing it even though he had a fucking black dog who was licking his hands on his lap. The dog was huge. And fluffy. And beautiful. But it was Sirius so obviously he was beautiful. He caressed his fur and it was really soft, he could sleep on it.

"Fuck Remus yes! You are very stupid for being a swot!" Peter blurted out, his eyes still big and unbelievable. And then-

Remus started to laugh- he was almost crying from happiness- no one, literally no one ever did something this big for him.
"I- I-" he wiped his eyes. He was out of himself right now, so happy he could scream. "So you didn't hate me? For who I am?" He whispered again.

This time Sirius went down and tuned back.
"No Remus, we all love you." Sirius hugged him, with James and Peter. "We are sorry that you thought like that. You are our moon, moons. My moon. This is why I call you Moony. You shine when the night is dark"
And the breath got stuck in his throat.
He didn't know that, he didn't know any of that.

And well- that was the moment in which he knew that eh loved Sirius.
Because he could be the moon.
But the moon couldn't shine so much without his stars.
And Sirius was the brightest of them all.

"You are all fucking crazy" he stated to them and they grinned widely.
He loved them
They were his crazy

"Anything for our moony".

--------------

Remus didn't really remember much of the following few days or what happened before. It was all blurs, flashes, pain and-

He had been scared.

So scared.

He remembered his mother?
Maybe- or did he imagine her? He didn't really know.

He remembered Sirius?
That- that one was probably a dream- Sirius didn't cry from him- he had to do this since he was four, it was nothing new.

He remembered Effie taking care of him?
Well- that was the most real thing, she was always like that- did she feed him?

Fuck it- he really hated head injuries. He could feel a bulge on his head and it was hurting like hell.

Remus tried to turn his head and open his eyes, but a force or better- his weakness and his injuries held him in place.

Remus breathed heavily once again, trying to fight the gravity that was pulling his body down and then he finally opened his eyes.
Good job.
Now he had to go and get some water.

No body was nowhere to be seen so he couldn't ask help, but he wasn't even in the mood to do so, he hated feeling like that, he was perfectly fine.
Nothing to worry about.

It was ten minutes later and well into the night when Remus finally stumbled to get himself a glass of water, he had some sweat down his forehead, but he did it so he wasn't complaining. His mind was a bit foggy and he coughed a bit when he pulled something in his abdomen, but otherwise he felt rather good.

"Merlin, this time I got really near-" To death.
Remus whispered to himself and then groaned in pain, he wobbled into the kitchen and when he arrived there he had short breath from the fatigue.
He shook his head almost laughing, he was pathetic, he couldn't even move around as he pleased.
But then he rolled hie eyes remembering that if James or Poppy would hear his thoughts they probably would smack him on the head.

It had been fucking scaring and he probably was alive thanks to something, like a deity or Godric Gryffindor himself.

He perused the kitchen cabinets looking for a glass while thinking about how the hell he was able to get out from that situation.
It had been lucky?
Did someone help him?
Fuck his mind was blurry, the only thing that he remembered was Moony and in how pain he was, how he didn't understand what was happening around him and why another wolf was attacking him.
He plucked one out and ran it under the tap to wash out any dust that had settled in.

He close the water, his mouth frowning, his mind full of thoughts and almost dropped his glass of water when he found Sirius standing on the other side.

“Fuck, you move with the feet of a deer,” Remus snapped, almost shitting himself and putting a hand on his heart.

"Practice" Sirius gritted out before crossing his arms and looked down on him with a disapproving grimace.

“What?” Remus widened his eyes at that, he didn't really know what was going on inside his head and he was not sure about their relationship right now.
He didn't know- maybe after the little stunt he pulled last night Sirius would leave him for good.
He was too dangerous.
Sirius didn't deserve someone like him.

"Why the hell are you standing up?" Sirius whispered angrily, he didn't want to wake anyone up but Remus already knew that they would soon be at each other's throat.

"Uh- I wanted- a glass of water?" Sirius got nearer and he shrugged his eyebrows.
Would Sirius punch him?

"Next time you call me, Remus." He wanted to roll his eyes, he didn't need their help. "I'm right there Remus and I'll help you." and Sirius pointed at the couch next to the sofa in which he was sleeping and Remus was even more confused.

"Why?" He blurted out.
No hard feelings between them?

"What why?"

"Why are you sleeping there? Oh my god, Sirius did you sleep at all?" Sirius had like- hollow under his eyes, his eyes usually so bright and clear were dark and tired, his lips were bitten and broken, Sirius used to rip the skin out of his mouth when anxious and it seemed that he was doing it again.
His hair was so messy that he probably could find a bird in there, like he didn't wash them in days and a small hint of a beard was beginning to spread across his face.

Sirius didn't usually have beard.

But oh-

Sirius was beautiful.

So he really couldn't stop himself and he brought a hand to touch his skin, now a bit rugged, beard was something that Sirius didn't have usually but- hell- Sirius was good in everything.
"Fuck- you are beautiful even like this" Remus whispered and Sirius' eyes widened, caressing the hand that was on his face with a delicacy that made him shiver.

It was just impossible to stay away from Sirius.
Remus could try all he wanted but he was around Sirius' finger, he would have killed form him, he would have died for him, he would have fight for him.
He was fighting this fucking war for him.

The got even nearer, he now felt Sirius' breath on his face, they eyes interlocked, a feeling that they both knew too well. Remus dropped his gaze on Sirius' lips and the man licked them in a way that made his stomach churn.

But Sirius got away, breathing heavily and passing a hand through his hair sighing.

And fuck what the hell was he thinking about?
They didn't really needed that.
Not now, not when Sirius was angry with him and he had failed him so much.
And Remus had to keep his dick in to his pants.

"I'm sorry Sirius I didn't think-"

"Remus don't apologize right now, okay?" Sirius snapped and Remus shut up immediately, looking everywhere else but in Sirius' direction.
"Come on, I'll take you to the couch"

"I'm not a baby, I can go there with my own two feet" but he was already tired and Sirius gave him that look, like knowing about his conditions better than himself.

"You are injured and almost died on that sofa three days ago, so shut up and let me help you" Sirius was getting angry but the last thing he wanted was to be treated like a child.
He did this every month.
He was okay.
He didn't need help.
He was in pain like crazy, his legs were bouncing and his hips hurt like a bitch but he was fine, he was used to this. It was okay.

"I'm fine, Sirius, really-"
And he expected Sirius to burst out, telling him to fuck off and doing whatever he wanted but instead Sirius looked into his eyes, there were tears at the bottom of them and Remus was really taken aback for a minute.
"Sirius-"

"It's- it's okay- just wait a bit- I'm okay, it's fine- I'm-" he was rubbing his eyes frenetically and Remus panicked, Sirius was crying. Sirius was crying and Remus did that. "I'm okay, right, fine, I'm brilliant and-" he sighed, like mentally restraining himself "fine, fine, fine"
Remus made Sirius cry.
Again, again, again.

"Sirius, O Merlin, o my god- why are you cry-"

"Why? Why am I doing this?" Sirius gritted out while he grab his arm and put it around his shoulder to help him reach the couch and this time he didn't complain.
"Why am I doing this, do you ask Remus?"
Remus plopped tired on the couch, and then he watched him worried.

"I don't understand-"

"Don't-" Sirius started to laugh, still a bit of tears in his eyes.
"Remus John Lupin, you can't ask me why. Are you fucking with me right now?" But he didn't even wait for his response.
"I watch your dead corpse come through the fucking door two days ago! You were out of yourself, bleeding like crazy, screaming in pain while Poppy treated you and you ask me this? You didn't even seem to recognize me! And you- you are here telling me why am I doing this? Remus! What do you think? You can't be fine!" Sirius was crying and he wanted to scream so bad but instead his voice was cracking and he felt his heart crack with him too.
"I couldn't do anything to prevent that so at least, please Remus, please let me help you. I stood there, frozen while you were carried, while Poppy operated on your unconscious body, while you cried. You can't- you can't Remus, just- no-"

Remus didn't think-
Remus thought, that he was- he was fine- it was-
Remus thought- oh god he was such an idiot.

"Sirius I didn't think- I'm sorry- please- sorry- came here. I'm here. I'm safe. I'm with you. It was not your fault. It's okay darling, see?" Remus tried to get up but he winced in pain when his hips wasn't able to hold his body up and Sirius sat on the couch with him.

"Obviously you didn't think- you are mostly fine now but fuck Remus these two days had been awful. I've- I've seen the person I love getting ripped out by a fucking asshole, while I could do nothing. You didn't think- fuck- I thought it was all my fault, that Moony was angry with me, that- that- that-"

"No- no love, no. Please don't think like that. You didn't do nothing. Fuck- I'm sorry Sirius. I'm so sorry. I'm good now. And I will be even more in a few days- I swear-" he took Sirius' face into his hands and watched him in the eyes, Sirius huffed under his breath, cursing and Remus laughed a bit.

"You fucking martyr" Sirius said putting his head on his torso gently and Remus stroked his hair, trying to untie the knots that he had.
Now he understood Sirius messy appearance.
He got them so worried.

"We still have to talk about us" Remus whispered, he was ruining their moment but he couldn't stop himself.
He was afraid that Sirius took pity on him because he had been injured.
He was afraid that in the morning Sirius would have disappeared, that in the very moment he healed Sirius would be angry with him again.
And he couldn't illude himself like that- he couldn't support Sirius far away again.
"I- are you pitying me right now Sirius, are you doing this only because I'm injured?"

"Merlin Remus, no." Sirius snap and he shut up.
"What the hell are you thinking about? I'm doing this because I love you, you dickhead. And my love didn't disappear because you had been an idiot. I still love you tomorrow and the day after."

"Oh-"

"Yeah- oh- fuck for being a swot you are really stupid." Sirius rolled his eyes. "But yes- we have to talk about this" he pointed at them with his fingers. "We have to start again, and this time- no huge secrets between us- we both did wrong. But not now, okay?" Remus nodded, he agreed with Sirius and he was a lot better.
Like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders.
Remus could now think about healing.

"Sleep with me?"
Sirius nodded and put his body near his, Remus wrapped his arms around his hips and Sirius snuggled on his neck.
"I'm fine Sirius, I swear it. I'll promise to do better."

"I don't need you to do better love, I need you to be safe. You idiot." Sirius said lightly again his skin and Remus felt a shiver along his body. "And now sleep, you fucking idiot. You are in pain and probably tired for the blood loss."

And so Remus did.

With Sirius' heat he felt into a dreamless sleep, hoping that when he would wake up all that crazy shit that was going around them, would be gone.
"Just remember that you are my moon, Moons. You shine when my night is dark, I still need you. I'll always need you." He hard a whisper and he found himself younger, a teenager who had just discovered that he loved Sirius Black.

And nothing seemed to have changed since that.

Remus woke up with a ray of sun that stuck into his eyes.
He tried to crinkle his eyes but a weight was blocking his arm from doing so, so he opened his eyes and started to look at Sirius who was hard asleep near him.
The fact was- he was really enjoying that position but he really needed to piss, so he armed himself with effort and started take out his arm, trying to not wake up Sirius who clearly needed some sleep.

But well- he failed.

"Where y'going?" Sirius mumbled shooting his eyes open and Remus cursed under his breath.

"I have to take a piss, sleep a bit more love, come on" he whispered while e started to caress his hair but Sirius pouted, snuggling up to his chest even more.

"Mmh- no" Sirius complained. "Piss here, I'm sure Effie wouldn't mind"

"Sirius- I love all of you very much but I would totally mind" Remus opened his mouth shocked at Effie's voice and he blushed so hard.
Damn Sirius
"Good morning love, how are you feeling, today?" Effie said to him, with a huge smile on his face and he smiled with her.

"I'm fine- thank you for everything-"

"He's in hell of pain, don't believe him" Sirius mumbled again, getting up from his spot, and finally. He hated the attention.

"Sirius-" Remus sighed, he had to restrain himself from smacking him on the head.
"I feel a lot better-" he said at the end, watching Sirius in the eyes and daring him to contradict him.

"Well- I'm glad to hear that. Poppy will be happy too, she worked really hard to heal you. But Remus- no more intrepid action now, you are on bed rest for a bit."
He tried to argue but one look from Effie and he understood that it was already written, he couldn't do anything.

"Fine."
But he got up and Sirius snorted.
"What? I already said that I have to go to the bathroom."

"Mate!" James screamed and run to him, he actually feared for a moment that he would jump on him, but he stopped himself earlier.
"Oh god, you don't know- I died inside. Remus I love you so much, really, really, so please- don't scare us like that again-" James hugged him and Remus nodded.
He didn't know.

"I'm sorry- I didn't know that he would be there"

"Don't kid about this buddy, you will not apologize on this- just- it's good to have you now." James smiled at him and he noted how even he was a bit rugged up, the smile didn't quite reach his eyes. It must have been really hard on them.

"Don't- don't worry honey. Go and refresh yourself a bit, then if you feel like you can tell us what happened."

And well- it was okay by him, the real problem was that Remus too would like to know what happened.

"Good morning Remus" Monty told him, while putting a bowl in front of him with some eggs.

"Good morning" but he had already half of the eggs in his mouth so it came out a bit weird. "Merlin, thanks, I was starving."

"Don't worry Rem, we got others along with biscuits and fruit, don't choke on yourself" Lily came from behind his back and planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Hi Lils"

"Hi Rem, good to see you standing." And he nodded at her.
He was glad too.
He didn't remember much but the pain- oh well- the pain was a lot.

"Harry?"

"With his dad" the girls said and he moved his gaze and he saw James trying to make Harry drink some milk. Remus always liked to see how James was around Harry, he-
He brightened up.
If that was possible- because james was already a sunny person but with Harry, well- they all knew that he would have been a pretty good father.

"Your mom couldn't stay here for long, but she'll pass again in the afternoon. We thought you would heal better here, where Poppy could come through the Portkey and watch your progress. Is that okay? If you want to stay with your mum we can find something else."
Ah right- now he remembered his mother coming there, he was a bit dissociated at that time but well- he had been rather happy, his mom was really strong and were always capable of getting him better after a rough night.

"No, no it's okay to stay here, if it's not a problem for you"

"Don't be silly dear, we are happy to have you here" Effie said and Remus relaxed on the chair.
He felt loved.

Sirius came back from the bathroom and passing through the table in which he was eating caressed his neck, a gentle touch but it was enough for Remus to lean into his hand. Sirius was telling him that he was there.

And Remus knew that they still had to talk about everything, that they got a bit heated up in those two weeks and that they argued a lot, but they would be there for each other always.
Remus smiled and so did Sirius.

"So- Remus- I'm sorry but probably Moody would be interested later- if you want to tell us what happened. Why was Greyback there? Did you kill him right?" Monty asked and he out his fork down.

"Oh-mmh-" he coughed, sipping a bit of water. So that time had come, right? He didn't really want to remember that time but he probably should.
"He wanted to take care of a nuisance" he grimaced, remembering his grin, his hollow voice and those eyes.

"You-?" James said, shrugging his eyebrows.
Yeah it was a bit weird, he didn't know why but in Voldemort eyes he was a nuisance.

"Yeah- I mean- it was Voldemort who ordered him to do so."

"So- it was not Greyback but- You Know Who- who send him?"

"Yes, he told me so" he nodded. "I- didn't know what to say and he didn't go on because the transition had already started so we couldn't talk much after, he start to follow me-" his breath was getting quicker, his wounds were aching and his head was foggy.
Remus was not at the Potters right now, he was back there, he was fighting for his life again,his hands were trembling, Moony was screaming, the wolves were howling.
It was hard to breathe- hard, hard, hard-
"And he-"

He was there, he was there, he was there.

"He followed me- and I run, I run and I run- but he was fast- faster than Moony- and I run- run- run-"

Greyback was behind him

"And there was no one to help me- and the pain-"

Run, run, run, Moony had to run

"And Moony cried, cried, cried-"

Why is he doing this?

"He didn't understand why he was chasing us, it was so scaring-"

It doesn't matter, just run, run, run

"Remus!"

He was there. The wolf was behind him.

"Rem- Remus- just- stay with me. It's okay, stop- you don't have to go on-"

Remus was still there- he didn't escape him- he was- he was-

<"Moony- please-"
He choked a scream, he was in pain, he was in pain. He couldn't breathe, he couldn't- someone- help- please- he didn't want to die.

He didn't want to die.

"Shit Remus, breathe, you are going to worsen your condition, you are going to hurt yourself, stop, stop, stop."

But pain meant that one was alive

And then-

They were back to normal- the moon was gone- the sun shone on their head but he was still in pain. So much pain.
And he was still scared.
So much scared.

And Greyback was watching him- he was afraid- he was so afraid, he was going to die, without Sirius, without James, without his mother, until-

Until-

Until-

"Love, please. I'm here" a hand was pressed behind in neck, it was cold against his hot skin and he shivered again that. He snapped his eyes open and he saw his surroundings. He took in the house, not the forest, the humans, not the wolves.

Lily.

Effie.

Monty.

James.

Harry.

Sirius.

Sirius. Sirius. Sirius

He took a deep breath and finally his head cleared, his eyes focused again, the wolf inside him calmed down and he was able to stop himself from thinking the worst, his skin didn't hitch anymore.
Merlin- it was bad.

"I'm- I'm okay" he choked out, Sirius' hand still against his neck, his touch firm against his skin and right now it was what he needed something to hold on into reality. Something that made him stay here. That made him understand that he was alive, alive, alive and fine, fine, fine.
"I'm fine" he repeated again, more convinced, thanking Siris with his eyes and Siris grinned lightly at him.

"I think that for today we are good, right? Remus doesn't need to go through that again, it's enough right?" Sirius said and he felt cold at hearing his tone of voice.
Pure ice. Something scaring and dark, something that was screaming Black not Potter. And Remus liked that. Because it was for him.

There were some minutes of silence, everyone looking at Sirius behind his back and Remus would have loved to see his face right now.
His protectiveness.

"Alright, you are right Sirius, we asked too much and too soon. Sorry Remus."
Monty said out of blue, clapping his hands together and putting some more plates on the table.

"No- there is no need, don't worry- I'm-"

"Do you want a bit of fruit Remus?" Effie told him, smiling widely at him and he nodded, glad to not be questioned anymore.

Mostly because-

-he wasn't the one who killed Greyback.