Eclipsed

The silence in the Gryffindor dormitory hung heavy Wednesday morning. They’d all gotten up, gotten ready to go, hoping that Remus would be feeling better by the deadline they’d given him. He wasn’t, so Sirius, his face etched with grim determination, approached the bed. Peter hovered by the door nervously, while James sat on his bed, simply waiting to see if he’d be needed. 

Without his usual guide, James had been relying on Sirius, Peter, and Lily to go with him between classes. While James himself felt confident enough at this point to go alone with his cane, his parents and the school had requested that he not, due to the many dangers that came with moving staircases, Peeves, and the increased level of violence in the halls between blood purists and muggleborn or ‘blood traitors’. Looking out for James, on top of everything with Remus, worrying over Regulus, and the St. Mungo’s applications… Sirius thought he’d explode if one more thing went wrong. 

"Remus," Sirius began, his voice gentle yet firm. "We need to talk."

"I said I'll be okay, I just need to sleep a bit more," Remus said, a flicker of defiance igniting in his voice as he rolled over. But his bravado faltered as a wave of nausea washed over him, his hand clenching into a fist over his mouth.

Sirius took a deep breath. "Remus, love," he repeated, this time with a hint of urgency. You haven't eaten almost anything in days, you haven't left this bed, and…" He hesitated, then blurted out, "We have to tell Madam Pomfrey, today. I'm sorry."

The effect was instantaneous. Remus' eyes snapped open, a look of sheer panic flashing across his face. His breath hitched, his chest rising and falling rapidly.

"No!" he gasped, his voice a strangled whisper. "Sirius, please, I… I'll be alright tomorrow, I promise."

Sirius' heart ached at the sight of his boyfriend's distress. He knelt beside the bed, his hand gently resting on Remus' arm. "Moonshine," he said softly. "You're not alright. You haven't been for days. We can't just wait anymore."

James, sensing Remus' mounting anxiety, rose from his bed and joined them. He knelt beside Sirius, his hand outstretched towards Remus. "Remus,"Remus, mate, Madam Pomfrey- she's the best, you know that. She takes care of you every month. She'll get you sorted."

Remus' breathing grew erratic, his voice a desperate plea. "No, I can't… I can't…” 

His voice trailed off, replaced by a series of shallow gasps.

It was like their first years of school all over again: Remus was having an anxiety attack. Although it had been a long time, they all remembered what to do. "Alright, alright," he soothed, rubbing his hands up and down Remus’ arms. "Easy, Remus, easy Moony. It’s okay."

But from the way his breaths continued to come, quickly and raggedly, it was clear Remus wasn't listening. 

James, sensing the urgency, spoke up. "Peter," he called out. "Go get Madam Pomfrey, please!"

Peter nodded, bolting out of the room without question.

The next fifteen minutes stretched into an eternity. Sirius continued to talk to Remus in soothing tones, James filled a glass with water and handed it to Sirius who placed it on the bedside table, so it would be ready for whenever Remus needed it. 

The dormitory door creaked open, and Madam Pomfrey, her stern face etched with concern, entered the room, followed closely by Professor McGonagall. With a quick glance at the scene, McGonagall ushered the other boys out, leaving her and Pomfrey alone with Remus.

There were hushed conversations, murmurs of reassurance, and a strange silence that spoke volumes. Finally, the door creaked open again. Madam Pomfrey and McGonagall emerged, supporting a bundled-up Remus between them. His face, usually pale, was now flushed, his eyes downcast. He looked truly awful, especially after nearly a week without eating anything substantial, or getting up to shower or change. 

The silence from him was jarring. It was the quiet of resignation, of a battle lost before it even began. Remus, who had fought against going to Pomfrey with such vehemence, now offered no resistance.

They knew Remus would hate this, being paraded out through the common room like that, but he’d seemingly given them no other choice, and he didn’t seem to be fighting it at all. 

As the other Marauders collected their own schoolbooks, and made their way downstairs, a hush fell over the common room, whispers and glances between them and the portrait hole that Remus had been ushered out of only moments before. 

Sirius’ face fixed itself into a nasty scowl. 

“DON’T YOU ALL HAVE ANYTHING BETTER TO LOOK AT?” he roared, before leaving James and Peter, and stomping out of the common room sliding through the portrait hole. “FUCK OFF!” 

All of a sudden, James felt a soft, cool hand on his shoulder, and he saw the configuration of colors he knew was Lily. “Err, everything okay?” 

James shrugged, unsure how to begin. 

“We had to get Pomfrey involved,” Peter quickly said, “and neither Moony nor Padfoot took it well, as you can see.” 

James took Lily’s arm, and the three of them headed out, ignoring the stares from their housemates. 

“So it was more than a cold then?” Lily asked, and James shrugged again. 

“To be honest, not really sure,” he replied, Peter humming in agreement. “But he should’ve gone sooner. I don’t know why Sirius didn’t just…” James sighed. “Whatever. What’s done is done, and he’ll be right as rain soon enough.” 

The oppressive silence in the boys’ dormitory stretched into the evening, with Lily and James curled up on James’ bed chatting quietly, and Peter sat slumped on his own, playing a game of chess against himself, the weight of worry pressing down on each of them. Sirius had yet to return from his hospital wing internship, and they were hoping that he’d bring good news.

Finally, just as the last rays of daylight faded, the dormitory door creaked open, and Sirius stepped into the room. Relief washed over James, tinged with a new wave of concern.

"Sirius!" James exclaimed, his voice filled with a mixture of relief and apprehension. "What's going on? Everything alright with Moony?"

Sirius sank down onto his bed with a heavy sigh, his hair falling over his eyes like a curtain. "Sorry, Prongs," he mumbled, his voice hoarse. "Got held up talking to Madam Pomfrey… and Remus' parents."

James' heart skipped a beat. “Remus' parents? Why would they be here?” he stammered, a knot of worry tightening in his stomach.

“When they got to the Hospital Wing this morning, Remus got all quiet; wouldn't speak, wouldn't respond to anything... Scared Pomfrey half to death. Since nothing was showing up on her diagnostic spells as being physically wrong with him, she had to call them and tell them she was going to take him to St. Mungo’s, but they told her they’d come through and take him themselves.” 

"When they got here, they… they told Pomfrey that…" Sirius continued, his voice cracking slightly. "Well, apparently, out of fear of… of further stigma against him, you know, since being a werewolf just isn’t enough on one person, they… they never told the school that he'd had this muggle thing, it’s called a ‘major depressive episode’, the summer after fifth year."

Lily, and Peter exchanged bewildered glances, and James' grip on Lily's hand tightened. Remus' sudden weight loss and strange  behavior during the summer holidays that year, his rigorous "yoga" routine and newfound vegetarianism, had been a mystery they'd attributed to Sirius’ stupid, drunk ‘prank’ against Snape. Now, it seemed there was a much darker explanation.

"So… the whole yoga thing?" Peter asked hesitantly.

"No," Sirius shook his head, a bitter laugh escaping his lips. "There was no yoga. He just starved himself half the summer and was in the hospital the other half.” Sirius paused, looking over at them from where he was perched on Remus’ bed. “His mum… she gets them too sometimes, apparently. Hereditary, she said."

The revelation hung heavy in the air. 

"What about now?" Lily asked, her voice tight with concern. "What’s happening?"

"He's gone to St. Mungo's," Sirius explained. "A mind healer’s got to figure out if he needs medication again, what triggered this episode… the whole shebang."

A heavy silence descended once more, but unlike before, this silence wasn't steeped in dread, but in a newfound understanding. Their friend, their brother, was hurting, but he wasn't alone anymore.

"They said it's only gonna be a few days in the hospital," Sirius added, a flicker of hope returning to his voice. "Just to figure things out, get him stabilized again."

The carefree joy of their usual evenings felt a million miles away as they took in this information, unsure what the next steps would be. 

"There's… another thing," Sirius said hesitantly, a flicker of something warm flickering in his eyes amidst the exhaustion. "Apparently, Remus… he told his parents about us."

Three pairs of eyebrows shot up in surprise. Remus, usually so private, had confided in his parents about his and Sirius’ relationship?

"Hope told me that they were… surprised, of course," Sirius continued. "But mostly… relieved, I think. That he had someone close to him. They trust us, you know. Said she always knew Remus needed a strong support system, and they were glad he had me, and all of us, of course."

A small smile tugged at the corner of Sirius' lips, a flicker of warmth breaking through the worry etched on his face. 

“Did Lyall have anything to say about it?” Lily asked, and Sirius laughed, the sound clogged with the congestion from his earlier crying. 

“I think he said maybe two sentences the entire time he was there, and one of them was very short, and of course in Welsh, and the other was asking about the bathroom. I don't think he's spoken to me directly one single time.” 

They all laughed, bursting the bubble of tension that had formed inside the dormitory. It was a shitty time, no doubt about it, but knowing Remus had confided in his parents, that they were supportive, brought a sliver of comfort. He’d be okay. 

A little over a week later, the dormitory door swung open, revealing a familiar face. Remus, looking worse than usual but better than he had before, came through the door.

"Hello everyone," he said, a hint of a smile in his voice. "Did you lot manage to survive without me for a whole week?"

Relief flooded James’ senses. He hadn't realized how much he missed his friend, the quiet presence that usually sat beside him in every class. "Remus!" James cheered, standing from his bed and reaching out for the Remus-colored blob in front of him. "There you are! We were starting to think St. Mungo's had decided to keep you for good."

Remus reached for James’ hand, meeting it and pulling him into the hug he knew James wanted. 

“Hey Prongs,” He said, releasing him and turning to Sirius. "Hi, love. What did I miss?"

Sirius, his face etched with a complex mix of emotions, stepped forward and pulled Remus into a tight embrace. Remus stiffened slightly before hesitantly returning the hug. It was a brief moment, loaded with unspoken words and unspoken relief.

After an hour or so of catching up on the gossip and the assignments Remus had missed, he told the boys he was tired, and got ready for bed early, pulling the curtains shut around him. Sirius slipped in behind him a couple moments later, the obvious effects of the silencing charm shimmering around their bed curtains. 

The following morning, Sirius cornered James, Peter, and Lily in the common room while Remus was still on his way down.

"As you all saw yesterday, except for you, Lily, Remus is back," he said, his voice low. "But... he's not quite himself yet."

James frowned. "What do you mean? He seemed… well, a bit tired, but alright otherwise."

Sirius sighed. "He's pretending, James," he said grimly. "St. Mungo's sorted him out again, got him started on a new medication, but… he doesn't want to talk about it."

Lily, ever perceptive, placed a hand on Sirius' arm. "He'll need time, Sirius. This is a lot to process."

Sirius nodded, his gaze flicking towards a seemingly disinterested Remus across the room. "I know," he sighed. "Could you all just… play along? Like nothing happened, until he's ready to talk about it."

Understanding dawned on James' face. He knew all too well the feeling of hiding a problem, fearing rejection or judgment. "Alright, Padfoot," he said, his voice firm despite the worry in his heart. "Sounds good."

The following days were a delicate dance. Remus went through the motions, but the shadows in his eyes remained. James, used to Remus' witty banter in every class, found himself constantly enduring a polite hum beside him during a whispered joke, or a silent walk in the corridors between classes. 

There were subtle changes, though. Remus ate more, a flicker of his usual dry humor occasionally surfacing. Things were getting better. 

One night, as Sirius sat beside Remus in bed, a comfortable silence settling between them, Remus spoke, his voice barely a whisper.

"Thanks, Padfoot, really.".

Sirius turned to him, a question in his eyes.

"For playing along," Remus mumbled, a hint of a smile playing on his lips. "I just… needed a bit more time. I’m getting there, though, I promise."

Sirius smiled, and tucked a hair behind Remus' ear.

“I know you are, love. You'll be yourself again soon.”