Eclipsed

A very long week had passed since the incident with Snape, but the tension among the Marauders remained palpable. The atmosphere in Gryffindor Tower was strained, and James could feel the unspoken rift growing wider between his closest friends. Ever since he'd returned to the dormitory only two days previously, Remus had been even more reclusive, avoiding Sirius even more aggressively than he had before, while Sirius himself was oscillating exclusively between being angry with his friends and being so painfully sad. 

James trudged up the stairs to the dormitory after a grueling Quidditch practice, eager to collapse into his bed. Hearing voices inside, though, he carefully pushed open the door, walking into a scene that, while it was distressing, didn't surprise him at all. Remus and Sirius stood on opposite sides of the room, both heads swiveled to the sound of the open door. Sirius's hands were clenched into fists at his sides, frustration evident on his face, while Remus's expression was a mixture of hurt and shame, holding his bag tightly against his chest. 

As soon as they’d noticed him, their conversation had ceased abruptly. Remus's eyes flicked to James, and he lowered them to the floor, the way he always used to when they’d first met. 

“Excuse me, sorry, I’ve just– I’m running late to meet up with Lily in the library.” Still healing from the full moon, Remus gingerly walked past James and out the door, not sparing a glance back to Sirius, who was leaning against his bed, watching him go with an expression akin to a child who believed they’d been unfairly punished. 

"Oi, what was that about?" James asked, bewildered. He stepped further into the room, looking between the door Remus had just exited through and Sirius, who was now avoiding his gaze.

"Nothing," Sirius muttered, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Just… stuff."

"Stuff? What kind of stuff?" James pressed, not buying Sirius's excuses for a second. "You two looked ready to hex each other."

"It's nothing you need to worry about," Sirius said, his tone sharper than intended. He ran a hand through his hair, exhaling heavily. "I have to go. Pomfrey's waiting."

"Detention?" James asked, although he already knew the answer. 

Sirius nodded, his expression tight. "Yeah. Almost every day now."

As per Dumbledore’s decision, Sirius was serving detentions every weeknight starting at with Madame Pomfrey, helping out in the hospital wing. 

"Look, if you need to talk—"

"I don't," Sirius cut him off, his voice firm. "I'll see you later, James."

Before James could say anything else, Sirius was out the door, leaving James standing alone in the suddenly silent room. He sighed, running a hand through his hair in frustration. 

“Great chat, mate, great chat.” 

James lay on his bed for a while, replaying the strange confrontation he'd just witnessed. Unable to shake the feeling that something was seriously wrong, he decided to ask Peter, hoping his friend might know something he didn’t, or at the very least, might be willing to commiserate in his misery. 

He found Peter in the common room, hunched over a chessboard, a look of intense concentration on his face as he played wizard chess against the opposing pieces. James approached, pulling up a chair and sitting across from him.

"Hey, Wormtail," James said, trying to sound casual. "Do you have any idea what's going on between Sirius and Remus?"

Peter looked up, his eyes darting nervously before he forced a smile. "Oh, uh, not really. Why do you ask?"

"Come on, Pete. I just walked in on them having some kind of intense argument. Remus stormed out as soon as he saw me. It didn't look like ‘nothing’."

Peter shifted uncomfortably in his seat, avoiding James's gaze. "They're just... dealing with some stuff, you know? It's probably best if we just give them some space."

James frowned, leaning in closer. "What kind of stuff? You know something, don't you?"

Peter's eyes widened, and he looked even more nervous. “I mean, isn’t it obvious? Clearly Remus hasn’t forgiven him for the thing with Snape, and Sirius probably is just hoping that if he looks sad enough Moony will forget the whole thing.” Peter sighed, looking back at the chessboard and adopting a nonchalant demeanor. “Look, they're both just under a lot of stress. Let's leave it at that."

James's suspicion only grew at Peter's evasiveness. "Fine," he said curtly, standing up. "But if you do know something, you should tell me. We're friends, aren’t we?"

Peter lost another piece on the board and looked back up at his friend. "I know, James. I just... I think they need to work this out themselves."

Realizing that he wasn’t gonna get anything out of Peter, he decided to head back to his dorm and get ready for bed, even though it was hardly late. The whole situation had zapped his appetite for dinner, and besides, he could always head to the kitchens with the cloak if he got hungry. 

He hardly noticed Marlene heading his way, and was caught completely off guard by the sound of her voice appearing beside him. 

"James, what's wrong?” He jumped and her lips quirked up in a smile. “Sorry, I thought you saw me coming.” 

James’ expression soured, upset not only by the situation at hand but now at the reminder that his vision was going down the toilet alongside his friend group. "Nothing, Marlie, just thinking about school, that’s all.” 

“Are you sure? You look pretty upset," she said, coming up closer and placing a soft hand on his bicep. 

“I said I was fine, Marlene, Just leave it," he snapped, and immediately regretted his harsh tone as Marlene's eyes widened in surprise and hurt, pulling quickly away from him. 

"Sorry, I was just trying to help," she retorted, mirroring his tone, and started to walk away from him. 

James felt frozen in place, a pang of guilt rushing into his chest. Marlene was only trying to be kind, and he had been such a jerk for absolutely no reason. 

"Marlene," James shouted, chasing after her. "I'm sorry, really. I didn't mean to snap at you."

She turned, her hurt expression softening slightly. "I can tell something’s going on with you guys, but you don’t get to be mean to me because of it, okay?"

James sighed, running a hand through his hair. "I know. I’m sorry. I'm really sorry. It's just... everything's a mess right now. I don't know how to fix it." Tentatively, Marlene reached for his hands again, and he allowed her to take them this time. 

"Maybe you don't have to fix it all on your own,” she told him, pulling him back towards the couches in the corner of the common room, beneath the big window where you could see out across the grounds and up into the starry night sky. They sat, enveloped by the worn, velvety cushions. “Do you want to talk about it?” 

James considered it, then shook his head. “I… I wish I could, Marley, but I can’t. It’s not my business to be spreading around.” She nodded understandingly. “I feel like people are keeping secrets from me, and if that’s the case, then there’s nothing I can do to help either, and that’s what’s really getting me.” 

Marlene took his hand, and wrapped it around her own shoulders, sitting closer to him on the couch. “Well, if I can’t help, then maybe I can be a distraction?” He smiled down at her. 

“I’ll take a distraction,” James teased, and allowed himself to be pulled into a cozy evening alone with her, hoping that the rest of them would work their issues out without him. 

After successfully taking his mind off the Marauders’ internal issues thanks to Marlene, James was settling in for the night. He was showered, dressed in his pajamas, and in bed, ready to sleep. Yet, the events of the past few weeks kept replaying in his mind, and the constant rumination kept taking him down different paths.

The first path involved things that couldn’t be changed, things that had already happened and, without a time turner, couldn’t be helped now. What if James had kept a closer eye on Sirius, preventing him from telling Snape? What if he’d realized sooner that Sirius had been drinking and experimenting with different drugs with his new friends? What if he’d just told McGonagall as soon as he thought his friend might have a problem? These were the things he couldn’t change, and he forced himself not to fret over them for too long.

The second, more dangerous path was the one he couldn’t stop fretting about. If his friends never made up, where would that leave him? Choosing to stay close with either Remus or Sirius was like choosing which finger to cut off his hand—an impossible choice. He didn’t want to make that choice, but with the way things were going, it seemed like that might be the only way forward.

James knew that if he had to choose based on what had happened, it made more sense to choose Remus. Remus was clearly the victim in this whole situation with Snape. However, Remus had made it clear in the past few weeks that he didn’t need James, or Sirius, or even Peter, with whom he’d developed a close friendship outside the four Marauders. Remus had done his best to make himself scarce, leaving James especially annoyed that they’d yet to work out the tracking spells on the map. 

Sirius, on the other hand, needed him. Sirius had been struggling with being kicked out of his birth family, despite the relief of being out from under their control. He was an unofficial Potter now, and even if James stopped being his friend, he’d always be his brother. James couldn’t abandon him, especially not when Sirius was clearly going through a rough patch.

As he lay there, James’s mind kept circling back to Sirius’s mistake. It wasn’t just about the secret; it was about trust. Sirius had put Remus in danger, and that was something James couldn’t easily forgive. Yet, he knew Sirius was remorseful, from the countless times he’d caught him staring at Remus from across the classroom and from how he’d walked into countless little spats between the other two boys like the one he had earlier. 

There was no good solution, and knowing that was possibly the most disheartening thing for James to think about. He’d thought about asking his parents what to do, but knowing that Sirius was also their responsibility was a whole other layer to the situation that he didn’t want to start thinking about this late at night. 

James sighed, knowing that he couldn’t fix everything on his own, but was still determined to try and make things a little bit better. Although sleep began to pull him under, his mind continued to swirl with the tendrils of plans to put the Marauders back together. Tomorrow, he decided, he would talk to Remus and Sirius separately, and see if there was anything he could do to help. 

Just as he was about to drift off to sleep, the door to the dormitory creaked open. Sirius stumbled in, clearly wasted. His steps were unsteady, and he was mumbling to himself. James sat up, concern and irritation simultaneously coming over him.

"Sirius, what the hell?" James whispered, careful not to wake Remus. Peter was a heavy sleeper, and could sleep through an earthquake, but from the rustling beginning behind Remus’ curtains, James knew he’d already been woken up.

Sirius didn't respond. Instead, he half-crawled, half-stumbled towards James's bed and flopped down onto it. He reeked of alcohol and something else—maybe cigarettes or something else. He’d been doing this a couple nights per week since before the incident, but James hadn’t seen him this bad since the night of the incident.  

"James, I... I fucked up again, didn't I?" Sirius's voice was slurred, but the pain in it was unmistakable.

"Yeah, mate, you did," James said softly, not wanting to be too hard on him in this state, but unwilling to lie. "But we can fix it. We’ll figure it out."

Sirius shook his head, burying his face in James's pillow. "I don't know how, Prongs. I just don't know how."

James patted his back gently, trying to comfort him. "We'll find a way, Pads. We'll make it right. But you need to pull yourself together. Getting fucked up like this isn’t helping, not you, not Moony, not anything, okay?"

While Sirius mumbled his continued apologies into James’ pillow, James grabbed his glasses off the bedside table and put them on, preparing himself to deal with Sirius’ issues for the rest of the night. “Who keeps giving you alcohol, Sirius? Where are you even getting this?” 

“I just… I just need it and it’s there,” Sirius says, and James is confused, but there isn’t enough time to clarify before Sirius makes a little choking noise. James barely had time to react before Sirius started to get sick.

"Shit, come on, Sirius," James muttered, quickly getting him off the bed and dragging him to the bathroom. He felt Remus’ eyes peeking from behind the curtains of his own bed, but the other boy didn't intervene.

In the bathroom, Sirius leaned over the toilet, retching. James held him steady, murmuring soothing words despite the mess and the smell. He kept a firm grip on his friend's shoulder, providing what little comfort he could.

"It's okay, mate. Just let it out," James said, rubbing Sirius's back.

After what felt like an eternity, Sirius finally stopped. He was shaking, tears streaming down his face. James helped him rinse his mouth and then guided him back to his bed, tucking him in.

"Just sleep it off, Pads. We'll talk in the morning," James said softly.

Sirius nodded weakly, already half-asleep. James sighed, prepared for the mess he knew would be in his own bed, but he turned to see a perfectly clean, neatly made bed. 

"James," a quiet voice called from across the room. Remus was sitting up in his bed, rolling his wand between his fingers.

"Thanks, Moony," James said, knowing he’d been the one to clean up the bed. “You… you didn’t have to clean that up.” 

Remus shrugged, his eyes dropping onto his quilt. "I know Sirius needs you right now," Remus began, his voice steady but sad. "He's going through a lot, and he needs someone to help him through it. I get that."

James frowned, knowing exactly where this was leading. "Yeah, but I care about you too, Moony. I’m not picking him over you. You’re both my friends, and he really fucked up, and I can’t just leave you alone when he’s really hurt you."

Remus shook his head. "I'm tougher than I look. I’ve been alone before and I’ll be alone again; I'll manage. But Sirius... he's not as tough as he tries to look. He needs you more than I do right now. So, be a good friend to him. Help him get through this."

"But, Remus—"

"No, James. Trust me, please," Remus interrupted, his tone firm, his eyes bright in the dimly lit room. "I'll be okay. Just... be there for Sirius. He needs you."

James stared at Remus for a long moment, decisions rattling in his head. He wanted to be there for both of them, but he knew Remus was right. Sirius was in a dark place and needed all the support he could get.

"Alright, Moony. If that’s what you want, I’ll do it," James finally said, “but I’m not happy about it.” 

Remus gave him a small nod. "That's what I want."

James nodded, feeling a heavy weight settle on his chest. He climbed back into the freshly cleaned bed, exhaustion tugging at him. As he lay down, he glanced over at Sirius, who was fast asleep in his own bed, and then at Remus, who was watching him with a thoughtful expression.

"Goodnight, Moony," James murmured.

"Goodnight, Prongs," Remus replied softly, and pulled his curtains closed.

Decision made, I guess.