Sacred

“Are you all packed?”

Andromeda’s voice was uncharacteristically soft. Everyone’s voice was soft these days. Since the news of the hearing had broken, the Slytherin students had wandered the corridors like ghosts.

No one would come out and admit that they didn’t want to go back, but the evidence was written on every slumped shoulder, every vacant eye, every tight lipped smile.

“Cissa. Are you all packed?” A too gentle hand resting on a shoulder. Andromeda smiling a small, sad smile. Narcissa’s empty, vacant stare.

“Yes,” A whispered reply.

Bellatrix folded methodically. She folded the muggle way rather than flicking her wand effortlessly, or ordering the elves to do it for her. One after the other, she folded and placed robes and gowns into her trunk, then books, then shoes, her combs and hair products. Slowly, mechanically, and without word.

“Bella,” Andromeda said hesitantly. “What.. what’s going to happen?”

“I already told you, Annie.” She said woodenly. “We’re going to McGonagall’s tonight. The hearing is tomorrow. Then we’ll be going home.”

Home.

The word hung in the air between them.

What even was a home?

Andromeda thought of the easy laughter between Barty and the Weasleys, thought of the way Frank and Lucius sat in easy silence. She thought of the way she laid undisturbed on Professor McGonagall’s couch with a book, how a cup of tea appeared beside her without even asking. She thought of the way there was no yelling, no cursing, no blood and no tears.

Was that a home?

She looked up as Bellatrix closed her trunk with a soft click. There was nothing in her expression, no anger, no happiness, no sadness. Just.. nothing.

She was a void.

Andromeda didn’t understand how she could do it, how she could turn off her feelings and be empty like that. She wished she could do it, wished she could feel nothing instead of the rising tide of panic that left her breathless and sweaty. Narcissa’s normally blue eyes seemed clouded over, a drizzly grey instead of vibrant blue as she sat on the bed and stared blankly at the wall, unmoving. She hated this version of her sister. She hated this version of both of them.

“I’m going for a walk,” She declared suddenly. Bella didn’t respond. Neither did Cissa. Andromeda spun on her heel and flew out of the doorway, chest heaving.

And she ran.

She didn’t know where she was running. She just needed to get away. She ran until she reached the doors and burst outside, the cold winter air freezing her lungs and she just kept running. She ran past students, past faculty. She ran til her lungs burned and her heart was pounding and she didn’t stop until she reached the edge of the Black Lake.

No one was there.

Andromeda stared at the inky water. A tear slipped down her cheek.

She didn’t want to go home.

She hadn’t let herself even think the words, refusing to admit it to anyone, not even to herself. But she couldn’t hide it anymore.

She didn’t want to go home.

Her shoulders shook as more tears spilled. She couldn’t control it any longer. She clutched at her middle as a wracking sob tore through her, her knees hitting the stony shoreline painfully.

She didn’t want to go home.

She knew what was coming for them when they arrived at home.

They would be sat down in the study one by one and interrogated. What did they do, what did they say, what secrets did they reveal. Maybe they’d use veritaserum, maybe they’d go straight for legilimency, but either way they’d get the truth out of them. Then would come the punishments for whatever they’d done. Andromeda’s heart twisted as she thought of Ted, of her clandestine meetings in the library. She wasn’t as good as the others at occlumency. Her parents would find it and she would be punished. Then Bella would be punished for not stopping her. Narcissa would be punished, just as a warning.

And life would continue on as normal.

Bella would be married. She and Narcissa betrothed. They would be paraded to balls and teas while the details of their impending marriages were finalized until finally they were shoved down the aisle, wed to whatever wizard her parents selected.

Andromeda stared at the Black Lake, tears crusting to her cheeks.

She couldn’t do it.

The realization washed over her. She couldn’t fucking do it.

But this..

She stared at the water, at the unseen depths beneath the surface.

She was not Sirius. She could not stand in defiance against her parents. She had no one to run to, no one who willing to stand for her against the wrath of the Blacks.

She stood up and walked forward, her feet soaking in the freezing water.

Bella had said it was inevitable. The case was all but decided, and any hesitant votes could be bought. There were no options. Andromeda had no options. Bella would not save her. Sirius would not save her. Professor McGonagall would not save her.

She took another step, inhaling sharply at the cold water.

How long would it take, she wondered. Seconds? Minutes? Would she pass out before the water flooded her lungs? Before panic set in? Would it be painful?

She waded farther out, the water hitting her hips, her stomach, her chest. Her breath came in small pants now as the frigid water stole the air from her lungs. Maybe that would help. She closed her eyes and kept moving. The water rose higher, to her chin, over her lips.

She inhaled.

One last breath and then she would be free.

“Andromeda!”

Rough hands grabbed at her, yanking her backwards. Her head slipped under the water and she came up choking. She fought against the hands, kicked and flailed as she was dragged backwards.

“Let me go!” She screamed. Her nails caught flesh and she raked them down, tearing whatever she could reach. “Let me go!” Terror clutched at her as she was pulled farther and farther away. Water sluiced off of her, her robes dragging in the murky, muddy water.

“Let me go!” She wailed. Finally, finally, the hands released her and she collapsed onto the shore. Water lapped against her soaked legs. Her head collapsed against the sand and the rocks and she began to cry.

Why? Why?

“Why?!” She looked up. A voice was screaming at her. “Why, Andromeda? Why the fuck were you out here? What the fuck were you doing?”

Ted.

Ted was staring at her.

Ted was screaming at her.

She stared at him.

He was soaked, his auburn curls drenched and hanging in his face. His robes were thrown on the ground in a wet heap, his white shirt clinging to his chest. He was shivering, his lips blue with cold. He pulled out his wand with shaking hands and she felt warmth cover her.

No.

She didn’t want to be warm. She didn’t want to be here. She didn’t want to be alive.

“Why?” He asked again. His voice shook. “Answer me!”

“I don’t want to go home.” He collapsed onto the ground beside her. “I don’t want to go home, Ted. I don’t.. I don’t want to go home.” Tears burned her eyes, spilled out. “I don’t want to go home. I don’t want to. I can’t.. I don’t want to go home.” He gathered her into his arms, pulling her against his chest. He was still cold, his body trembling. She didn’t care. She clung to him, her fingers digging painfully into his back as she wept. “I don’t want to go home, I don’t want to go home.” His fingers fisted in her wet curls. He didn’t speak, he didn’t move. He simply sat and let her cry.

Andromeda walked back to the castle. Her clothes were dry and clean, though they still smelled of mud and water. Ted walked with her, her hand clasped tightly in his. They didn’t speak. Ted hadn’t said a word since he’d pulled her from the lake, but he also hadn’t released her. He’d dried them both, her hand still clasped tightly in his and walked slowly beside her, his fingers wrapped tightly around her own as though he were afraid to let her go.

They approached the large doors and she stopped. She couldn’t walk in like this, not with him clinging to her. Bella would be furious.

“Ted,” She said softly.

“Come with me,” He turned to her, his eyes boring into her. “Tomorrow. Come home with me, Andromeda. Don’t go back to McGonagall’s, don’t go back to your family. Come with me.” She stared at him.

“Ted,” She said again. He had to know it was impossible, that there was no way. What would a family of muggles do to protect her against her parents?

“I know you’re scared, I know you feel like you have no options but you do, Andromeda. You can come with me. You can be free.”

But, gods be damned if she didn’t want to.

“I can’t, Ted.” She said quietly. “My parents.. they’d never let me go. Your family are muggles, there wouldn’t be anything they could do to protect me. I’m sorry, Ted.”

“Andromeda,”

“Believe me. If there were a way that I could go with you I would,” Her voice wavered, and she fought back the tears that threatened to fall. “I would come with you in a heartbeat. But there is no way.”

“But your cousin –“

“Has spent his whole life fighting. You only know Sirius from school, I know what he’s endured to get here. He has fought tooth and nail for his entire life to get to where he’s at. I haven’t. They will not let me go, Ted.” He shook his head. “I am sorry,” She said again with a small smile.

“I will write to you,” He said finally. “Do not think that because you’re in that house that I am abandoning you.” Her heart lifted.

“I would like that,” She whispered.

The dorm was mercifully empty when she returned. She didn’t know where her sisters had gone and quite frankly she didn’t care. She didn’t want to deal with Bella’s questions or demands, and she couldn’t stomach Narcissa’s stony silence.

She laid on her bed, not bothering to change out of her clothes. Ted had cleaned them as best he could but she could still feel the grime and mud from the lake. She shivered in spite of the roaring fire in the dorm. No matter how many warming charms Ted had layered her with she could not shake the chill that had settled in her bones.

Tomorrow she would be home.

The thought sickened her. She thought of her mother’s sickening smile, of the way she would clamp her hand on Andromeda’s shoulder. It would be a show of love to the public, but a warning of things to come for Andromeda. The too tight clenching of her fingers warning her not to do anything stupid. And she wouldn’t. Andromeda would look at her mother with adoring eyes and smile for the cameras she knew would be waiting as they returned home. Home.

What even was a home?

She thought of Ted, of the way his lips pressed against hers, the sound of his whispered promises that he would save her, that he would not abandon her, that she would never be alone.

It felt like home to her.