“Now that we’ve gotten the written portion of the exams over with, I feel like it’s time to-“
We? You didn’t do anything but stand there for hours, Riddle. You’d think the minister of Britain would have better things to do than to look at Harry writing on paper for Merlin knows how long…
His hand hurt. Harry was starting to admire his younger self for being able to do this every day for five days a week.
Oh wait, Riddle was still talking.
“Sorry, what?”
The minister looked a tad annoyed at being interrupted and not having been listened to in the first place but repeated what he was saying from the beginning again.
Good. Let him be annoyed, maybe if I annoy him enough he’ll leave me alone? Then I could go back to living my normal, uneventful life. No ministers trying to find out his secrets, no aurors following his every move, no fear for his soulmark to be discov-
Wait, did he just miss Riddle’s explanation again? Learn to pay attention, Harry.
Let’s just act like we heard him.
“Uhuh,” Harry said in a way that made it obvious to everyone that he wasn’t paying attention.
He’s normally better at acting, you know. But retaking all exams of seven school years is mentally tiring, didn’t N.E.W.T.S literally stand for Nastily Exhausting Wizarding Tests? Whoever came up with that name was probably feeling what Harry was feeling right at that moment.
If Riddle were a lesser man he would probably sigh deeply right now, but as it is, he had a reputation to uphold. Patience is virtue, especially when it comes to Harry Potter, Tom had discovered.
“As I was saying. I arranged for the Defense Against the Dark Arts portion to come first because that’s what you’re best at. What spells you have to perform or what you have to fight against was decided randomly, there will be three to four tests for every exam level.”
Right, they had chosen to cut the written portion of the exam back and concentrate on the practical one. Lucky him… faking magical power is harder than it looks. But even so, everyone knew he was powerful now. Was there even a point in faking it anymore? They don’t know how good he is at magical theory, but if he acted weak, casting simple spells, everyone would know he was lying… again.
“Actually, minister,” Mrs. Mcgonagall said “we have decided on two for each. I’m afraid we won’t have time to evaluate all practical tests if we let him take so many per subject. Besides, I’m sure we all know Mr. Potter is fully capable of getting an ‘Outstanding’ for D.A.D.A..” She looked directly at Harry.
Something told him she wouldn’t be happy with him if he faked his exams again.
The backdoor of the testing room opened and professor Pettigrew came through, levitating a familiar wardrobe behind him.
Harry got flashbacks of spiders on roller skates and dancing skeletons.
The professor put down the wardrobe in the middle of the room and spoke up. “I’m sure you know what to do, Harry. Detain the boggart using the correct spell, using your fear’s weaknesses against it or detaining it by other means will also allow you to pass.”
That’s new. They used to only let you pass the test by using the Boggart-Banishing spell. Harry wondered why they changed that.
The minister leaned against the wall, standing in between Harry and the boggart-housing wardrobe so he could watch Harry better. Ah, yes, he had brought that up to The Wizarding Examination Authority a few years ago. This test was graded differently in Harry’s time at Hogwarts. Maybe he should clarify why?
“After all, when you come across a boggart in real life, the important thing is that you get it detained, no matter what kind of technique you use.”
Ah, so Riddle was the reason why that changed. Harry thought. He hated that the grade adjustment made sense too.
“And some fears are too serious to turn into something you can laugh about,” Harry added.
“Exactly.” Seems like Tom and Harry could think alike after all. For a long time now, Tom’s biggest fear has been to never find his soulmate, or worse, to find them and lose them. He can’t possibly think of a way to turn that humorous. He briefly wondered what the boggart would turn into to display his fear since it was pretty abstract.
Meanwhile, Harry was wondering what his own boggart would turn into. Last time he had to face a boggart it turned into a dementor. He had been reading about wizarding prisons, worried about his godfather who was already on the run from the ministry. He had never heard about dementors before then. Riddle had replaced the dementors of Azkaban with spells of his own creation decades before Harry was born. But still, they were around. They still hadn’t found a way to properly get rid of them.
Just the thought of Sirius losing his soul, his soulmate forever being alone in whatever comes after death? It terrified him. So after finding out his boggart was a dementor, he spent the next few weeks learning to perform the Patronus charm.
But he knows that charm so well by now, he’s not afraid of dementors anymore.
What am I afraid of?
Harry broke out into a cold sweat because there was only one fear he could think of. A fear he lived with every day.
Tom finding out who he is.
How would a boggart portray that fear? Would it show a version of himself without the muggle tattoo over his soulmark? Could a boggart turn into multiple people? What if it showed Tom touching Harry’s mark, blue flames spreading over his arm?
He had a feeling of sudden dread.
However the boggart showed it… Tom was not allowed to see. Harry either had to get rid of the boggart before it transformed into his fear or he had to block Tom’s line of sight.
Except that the minister was standing right next to him, so that wasn’t an option.
Tom noticed Harry looking at him, but before he could say anything someone else already started talking.
“Whatever we see here, it won’t be used against you, I promise,” Peter said, noticing Harry was turning pale.
The man was worried about Harry. He always had a soft spot for the boy, with how close he used to be to his father. Harry liked the professor also but he would never let his dad hear him say that. Peter was still a sore subject for him.
“Indeed.”
Tom got closer, laid a hand on top of Harry’s right shoulder and squeezed it affectionately.
He whispered so the rest of them couldn’t hear.
“You’re safe here. No one is allowed to talk about a student’s boggart outside of the classroom.”
“Is that another new rule you added after I left Hogwarts?”
“No, but if any person here tells someone else what your boggart turns into, I will make sure they regret it.” He spoke louder, so everyone in the room received the message. A few of them nodded at Tom that they had heard and understood.
The hand now went from his shoulder to his back. This really wasn’t helping Harry to calm down. He wondered if Tom was doing this intentionally, but it looked like he wasn’t even conscious of the action.
“However, the lessons on boggarts are now done one-on-one at Hogwarts. Your whole year doesn’t need to know what you’re afraid of after all. They could use it against you in another class.”
“What a slytherin way of thinking. Though I would’ve liked one-on-one lessons in my third year. It wasn’t nice that everyone knew I fainted at the sight of dementors.”
He thought back to the quidditch match and Malfoy making fun of his fear of dementors. Tom was right, what you’re afraid of shouldn’t be public knowledge, people will only use it against you.
Tom pulled his hand back and Harry hated how he missed the warmth already.
No, he did not think that. And stop calling him Tom, don’t get all personal with him, you’re supposed to keep your distance Harry!
“Dementors? You fear fear itself?”
That was not what Tom expected Harry’s boggart to be. If he were honest… he had a hard time imagining Harry to be afraid of anything, really. Except my attention, he acts like me acknowledging him or giving him compliments is the end of the world.
“Uhm… no, I fear sinister creatures that suck my soul out and make me lose all happiness.”
Why did people always say that? If he feared fear wouldn’t his boggart turn into a boggart? How does that even work? Is that possible?
“It would be foolish not to be afraid of that,” Tom replied, not at all put off by Harry’s bluntness.
“I’m not afraid of them anymore though.”
Tom would have continued the conversation but someone coughed.
Right, they had an audience. It would be rude to keep talking, these people wanted to get home on time too. He wished he had more time to talk to Harry though, the young man wasn’t usually as open as this. Does being nervous make him more talkative? He should keep that in mind for later.
Maybe one last thing to calm Harry down. He wanted Harry to do well on his tests, after all.
He leaned over to Harry and whispered once more. “Calm down. I will not let you get hurt, if it comes too close I will step in.”
Harry felt a pang in his heart. He knew if he allowed himself to, he could love this man. But he couldn’t do that. He had to fight, for the greater good.
Tom went back to his previous position and gave him an encouraging smile.
Professor McGonagall cleared her throat. “Ready?” she asked Harry.
Harry got into a fighting position and nodded even though he was not, in fact, ready.
Don’t let him see the mark, don’t let him see the flame. If he sees it, find a logical reason for a fear that doesn’t let him know you’re his soulmate. You’ve got this.
Peter unlocked the hinges and took a few steps back so the boggart wouldn’t target him.
The door creaked.
Harry took a deep breath.
The door opened a bit wider and out came-
Harry froze.
It wasn’t a dementor.
It wasn’t a version of himself with his mark bare.
It was… Tom.
The minister just as Harry knew him, had he looked at his right and compared the two, he wouldn’t have been able to spot a difference.
But why? He didn’t understand, he wasn’t afraid of Tom. Was he?
The not-Tom walked closer to Harry.
I’m not afraid. Harry thought. Not of you. Never.
The real Tom knew that too. Harry faced every confrontation head-on, he was one of the most courageous people Tom knew. Everyone else cowered in fear the moment he let out his magical aura. Harry was different.
So why was Tom Harry’s boggart?
The boggart was standing right in front of Harry now.
He-it? He? He had the same soft smile the real Tom had given him only a few moments ago. That same smile Harry loves and hates so much. The one that made him doubt everything he had been taught because he knew that smile was genuine-
Oh…
I see now.
That’s what I’m afraid of.
He let out a weak laugh.
Harry couldn’t think of anything funny right now.
“And some fears are too serious to turn into something you can laugh about.”
What must the real Tom be thinking right now? Harry’s too afraid to look at him.
Will he consider Harry weak now?
Unworthy.
Is he just another person who cowers under Tom’s influence? Will Tom leave him alone now?
Isn’t that what you wanted?
“..using your fear’s weaknesses against it or detaining it by other means will also allow you to pass.”
What is Tom afraid of?
He looked the boggart man in the eyes.
Death.
The man stretched out his hand towards Harry’s face, not breaking eye contact.
Harry was reminded of their first real interaction in Tom’s office. The way they looked at one another, how their magic danced around each other… how freeing it felt.
A warm hand laid on his cheek. Green eyes teared up.
I can’t kill this man.
Harry closed his eyes, willing the tears away.
He was caught by surprise when he felt the other man’s lips touch his.
His first kiss.
He felt a lump in his throat.
No..
He put his hands on the man’s chest and lightly tried to push him away.
This feels wrong. Something was wrong.
The hand caressing his cheek went into his hair, and the other came to stop the hands pushing Tom away.
His heart was beating uncontrollably fast.
Please, I’m scared.
“Stop.” He managed to finally say out loud.
Something in his soul hurt. His magic sensed it too. This… wasn’t right.
His brain just had a hard time catching up with the rest of him.
“I love you.” The taller man said out loud for everyone to hear.
For everyone to.. that’s right. This is a boggart. This isn’t real.
Harry’s mind finally started working again.
This isn’t his soulmate. This is- This is something that could never happen in real life.
Because he can’t know. No one can know.
It would put everyone in danger, Tom could never know that I’m his-
The man continued, this time at a lower volume but to Harry, it sounded like it was his first sound to ever hear.
‘My soul-
No one can know.
And so Harry did the only thing he could think of to get him out of this situation.
He screamed.
Harry’s magic lashed out and launched the boggart against the wall, leaving it no room to escape.
The boggart wearing his soulmate’s face smiled at him.
It mouthed words no one could hear aside from Harry.
No one can know.
Harry fell to his knees and squeezed his eyes shut.
He screamed and let his magic go wild.
No one can know. His mother said.
No one can know. His father said.
No one can know.
…it’s for the greater good.
All the glass in the room shattered and soon Harry’s brain registered that he wasn’t the only one screaming.
He tilted his head up and laid eyes upon the boggart for the last time.
Harry saw it morph into something incomprehensible only to then shatter into a million pieces.
He let out a sigh of relief and fainted.
“After all, when you come across a boggart in real life, the important thing is that you get it detained, no matter what kind of technique you use.”
So does killing it mean I passed?
Harry woke up a few hours later in the school’s hospital wing.
“I have to say, Mister Potter, I thought after graduating I wouldn’t have you as my patient ever again. But here we are.”
Merlin, his head hurt.
He laughed through the pain. “Madam Pomfrey, the truth is that I just really like your company.”
She handed him a headache relief potion.
“Thank you.”
“How about next time you just knock on my door instead of getting yourself injured again?”
With his headache gone, the memories of the boggart all flooded back to him. That could’ve gone better.
“I’ll try.” He got up from the hospital bed and wondered how much time had passed since he fainted, the light in the room was dim so it must have been a while.
“I will go inform the minister you’re awake, he was quite worried about you.” She put away the empty vial and left in a hurry.
Harry cursed his bad luck. He wasn’t prepared to face Riddle again so soon.
How is he going to explain this one away?
I have a phobia of ministers? I’m afraid of intimacy and the boggart just happened to take your form? Men in fancy suits scare me? There’s no way he’ll believe any of that.
He looked around the hospital wing. Luckily there were no other patients to be seen. One of the windows was wide open.
Maybe he should just run away. That seemed to be the easier option.
He got out of the bed.
“Harry.”
Too late.
Harry observed his soulmate. Something was off about Tom’s appearance. He looked like he hadn’t slept in days.
It had only been a few hours, right?
“How are you feeling?”
Tom got away from the doorway and hesitantly crossed the distance between them.
“Better now that I’ve had that headache relief potion.”
Be that as it may, he still wasn’t at his best. He sat down on his hospital bed again. His because this was the one he always laid on when he got injured, and that happened a lot back in the day.
“May I sit?”
Since when did Minister Riddle ask anyone for permission?
Nonetheless, Harry nodded and his soulmate sat next to him on the bed.
“I brought you chocolate. They say it helps against boggart exposure.”
The minister sounded so hesitant… Harry would almost call him shy. This was so surreal. Was he still dreaming?
“Thanks, I love chocolate.”
He didn’t. But this situation felt so awkward that he had to say something.
“So I probably failed that test, huh?”
“Failed? You achieved the highest score. You killed a boggart, something said to be impossible. How could you think you failed?”
“Well, the task was to keep it detained. Killing something isn’t the same as detaining it, is it?”
Tom stared at him like had grown a second head. You just managed to kill something unkillable and you think the professors would fail you for that?
“You passed. The other tests will take place tomorrow. Since we lost a lot of time today and you’re in no condition to fight right now.”
Hey, I could still fight.
“And so, I’ll be taking you home now.”
What.
“You are taking me home? Aren’t I supposed to be the bodyguard?”
“I think we both know that’s just a cover, Harry.”
That was true, but still. Harry was the one who was supposed to protect Tom.
“Well, this is awkward.” Harry decided to finally break the silence as they were halfway to the apparition point.
“You could say that.”
They spent another few minutes walking in silence before Tom gathered enough courage to talk about the topic they both were avoiding.
“About your boggart-“
“I’m not afraid of you. I’ve said that before and I meant it.” He didn’t want Tom to think he was like everyone else, that he was afraid of his power. Even if it would be better for Tom to think that because that would make him lose interest.
Tom tried to speak about what had been going through his mind for the past few hours, sitting at Harry’s bedside. It’s unfortunate that Harry woke up right when he left for half an hour to discuss the rest of Harry’s exams with the professors.
Or maybe it’s a good thing. Harry looked confused when facing that boggart, he probably needed some time to process it. Heaven knows Tom did.
“I know a little bit of how you were raised, or I can guess. You see me as some kind of dark wizard who’s out to get everyone. And I get why some people believe that, I can be intimidating sometimes, but I would never-“ His voice broke.
Harry flinched. Seeing his soulmate so upset was… upsetting. He had no idea what Tom was thinking right now, seeing Harry’s boggart seemed to be as shocking to Tom as it was to Harry. He wondered what the test looked like from an outsider’s perspective. Did it last as long as it felt for Harry? Did Tom hear everything the boggart had said? What did Tom think Harry was afraid of…?
What’s going through your mind right now, Tom?
“If there is ever a moment for you to believe me, let it be now. I would never take something from you that you aren’t willing to give. I’ve never done that to anyone and I never will. I admit I’m attracted to you and I want to act upon those feelings, but if you ever feel uncomfortable around me-“
Words simply weren’t enough. He wanted Harry to feel safe around him, to confide in him. That would never happen if he didn’t make this clear.
And so he laid his right hand over his own chest, looked Harry straight in the eyes and spoke.
“I swear on my magic, I will never take you against your will.”
They watched a golden thread appear between the two of them. It went towards Tom’s hand and wrapped around his finger, almost looking like a ring. It took a few seconds for the magic to disappear.
Harry stared at Tom in awe.
It took a minute for him to catch up on what had happened just now, what Tom had said.
“You shouldn’t have done that, you can’t just-“
Swearing on your magic isn’t done except when in dire circumstances. To do it so casually is careless, it’s idiotic, it’s-
“Sweet,” Harry whispered to himself.
Why did Tom’s gesture make Harry feel so emotional? He was never afraid of Tom hurting him that way, was he?
He watched Tom and decided.
No.
“You’re sweet, Tom. But you really didn’t have to do that.”
Harry crossed the distance between them and let the words flow out.
“You’re right that my fear has to do with the way I was raised. But that’s not what this is. I’m not afraid of that, I’m not afraid of you. I know you have honour, I know you wouldn’t do that to me, even without the vow. I can’t tell you what it is exactly that I’m afraid of. But I promise it’s not that.”
He needed a way for Tom to understand he meant these words. He had to make it clear to his soulmate that everything was okay between them.
Harry put his arm around Tom the same way the boggart had done to him earlier.
“If there is ever a moment for you to believe me, let it be now.”
He returned Tom’s words. As for his gesture-
“I want you too.” He gently kissed his soulmate on the cheek.
He heard Tom’s breath hitch softly.
From this distance, he could faintly smell Tom’s cologne, he could feel Tom’s body warmth, he could taste the saltiness of Tom’s tears-
Tears?
Harry slowly pulled away to look at Tom’s face.
“What’s wrong?” he worriedly asked.
Was I not supposed to kiss you?
“I’m sorry-“ Harry tried to give Tom space but the man pulled him into an embrace.
Tom murmured. “It’s nothing.”
“May I hold you like this for a bit?”
Harry nodded into Tom’s shoulder and wrapped his arms around him, returning the embrace.
Tom might not have found his soulmate yet, but having met Harry, he’s starting to hope he’ll never meet them.