Silver Rings
James:
James couldn’t stop thinking about Regulus Black. Ever since last night at the Astronomy Tower he hadn’t focused on anything. During class he just doodled on his parchment instead of taking notes. Drawings of snitches being caught by a pale hand. The same hand pushing back raven black hair. The hand with rings. More drawings of the hand with rings. He really liked the rings.
When he had gone to sleep that’s all he dreamt of. Lovely hands with silver rings holding his hands, holding him. When he had woken up he had pushed the thought out of his head- focused on breakfast and getting ready. But now he was in History of Magic- which was boring enough already- and he couldn’t stop thinking about it.
Sirius nudged him from behind and he looked up to see Professor Binns staring at him expectantly. He tried to find his voice, “Sorry what?”
Professor Binns sighed, “What years did the Goblin rebellion take place in Mr. Potter?”
“Between 1747 to 1762”.
Professor Binns nodded, “Five points for Gryffindor. Now while Mr. Potter is technically correct-” Binns droned on and James started to zone out again when a note hit the table in front of him. He grabbed it and opened it to see Sirius’s handwriting.
prongs you’ve been zoning out all day whats going on- S
James started to write in his notebook under the pretense of taking notes.
Don’t worry pads, just tired. :) - J
He subtly passed it back to Sirius and before long he heard the scratching of a quill behind him and another note was passed forward.
thats bullshit prongs, i know you when you’re tired and this isn't it, whats up? -S
James sighed, cursing Sirius and how well he knew James. James was terrible at lying to him. He didn’t even know why he was lying to Sirius. Sirius had proposed James getting closer to Regulus in the first place. So why would he be annoyed if James was thinking about him. It was only natural that he would think about Regulus. As he lifted his quill another note was slid onto his desk and a second exchange of notes started.
prongs?- S
James rewrote the note what felt like a million times before sending one back.
Yeah, I’ve just been thinking about Regulus.- J
James could practically sense the confusion radiating off of Sirius from behind him who quickly wrote a note back- his handwriting was a lot messier this time.
regulus? why? because of the bet?- S
James didn’t know how to respond but he was saved by the bell. James had a free period next while Sirius had Astronomy with Lily and Dorcas. James quickly packed up and walked away from the classroom. He stopped walking when he reached the Gryffindor common room. He muttered the password, “Gillywigs” before quickly walking upstairs to the Marauder’s dorm and collapsing on the bed, staring up at his red curtains.
Even now while he thought of Sirius and what to say to him his mind was still preoccupied with Regulus. Why couldn’t he get Regulus out of his head? He flipped over so that James’s face was pressed against his pillow. What did it mean? He hadn’t ever thought of anyone this much except for Lily Evans. James was straight. He supported Sirius but he didn’t like guys. Sure he could admire a handsome man every now and then but straight men did that.
He heard the door to the dorm swing open and he quickly flipped over right as Remus took a step in. Remus looked at him strangely before walking over, sitting on his own bed and unwrapping a chocolate frog. James sighed and turned back to facing the ceiling before a thought struck him. Remus was gay, he just ask him. He turned to Remus who was laying back on his pillows now, “Hey Moony?”
“Yes James?”Remus responded absentmindedly.
“How did you know you were gay?”
Remus sat up away from his pillows suddenly, “What?”
James felt his heart drop. Shit. Was that insensitive? He tried to restate it, “I just mean like how did you figure it out? Sorry.”
Remus leaned back a little but was still sitting up straighter than before, “You don’t have to be sorry James. I was just surprised. I suppose a part of me always knew. Summer before fifth year I met a guy visiting my town back home. He was a muggle but he explained it all to me. Then when I got back I saw Sirius again. Didn’t take me long to realize I was mad for him.”
James frowned slightly, “You just knew? What were the signs?”
Remus chuckled, “What is this a bloody interview? I don’t know, I was always thinking about him. Whenever he touched me I felt butterflies in my stomach. When I saw him put his hair up with his wand for the first time I nearly died. Bet it’s the same as when you fancy a girl. Like how you thought of Lily..”
James leaned back down and crossed his arms. He thought of Regulus a lot. Regulus had never touched him but he could imagine him brushing his arm against James’s arm. He could imagine the soft pressure of one arm against the other and just sitting there in silence. He felt himself breaking into a smile unconsciously.
“James?”
James sat up to look at Remus who was looking at him knowingly, “In my experience, if someone’s wondering if they’re queer, they probably are. Just some advice”. James slowly nodded and lay back down. Wait. He shot up again, “I’m not queer Remus.” Remus nodded, “Who are you thinking about then? You’ve been lost in your head all day so who is it?” James sighed, Remus knew him too well, all of the marauders did.
“Regulus.”
Remus’s eyes opened wide, “Not Sirius’s brother.”
James stayed silent.
“No. James. You’re not having your gay awakening over Sirius’s estranged little brother.”
“I’m not gay”.
Remus scoffed, “Tell me what you’re thinking about Regulus then.” James started fidgeting with his hands, “I’ve been thinking about his hands, he wears these silver rings. His hair too. He has nice hair, it looks soft.” Remus rolled his eyes, “James that is exactly what I thought and still think about when I think of Sirius.” James squeezed his eyes shut tight, “Shit.”
“Yeah”, Remus responded, “Shit.”