Marlene McKinnon hate Dorcas Meadowes.
Dorcas Meadowes hated Marlene McKinnon.
Marlene was a Gryffindor. It was in her blood to dislike Slytherins. But merlin did she hate Meadowes. The way she would fly around the quidditch pitch perfectly dodging the bludgers Marlene would throw at her. The way she walked with her head held high through the corridors with her Regulus. The way she would tuck her braids behind her ears when she was taking notes in class. The way she was perfect at potions and never did anything wrong. There are many reasons for Marlene to hate Meadowes. By now everyone knew the girls hate a rooted hatred for one another, but no one really knew why.
Of course James would ask her why she sends bludgers at Meadowes when she isn’t even trying to score. Of course Mary asked why she would scoff at her boyfriend whenever he brought up his best friend. But she would couldn’t exactly tell them when the hatred started. She knew it was in fourth year and she knew it was when Meadowes was flying around the pitch giggling with Regulus about a joke he just said, but she didn’t know why that made her hate the slytherin girl. Maybe it was because she didn’t like the way her smile was crooked or the way she held her head back with laughter, but something inside of her raged. Ever since then Marlene decided she hated Dorcas Meadowes.
Dorcas hated McKinnon, not because she was a Gryffindor but because of the way her blonde her shined all the time and the way her laugh would disturb her in class after James or Sirius would tell a joke or hex someone. It was the way she would scribble down her notes so messy that no one but her could read them. She knew it was silly and pathetic but something within her knew that she hated McKinnon and she had a reasons and it was no one else’s business as to why.
They have both worked out this hatred for each other so well that no one even asked questions anymore. When their friends would come together to pull a prank, or smoke, they both just knew to stay at the other end of the room anyway from each other. Of course they would both look at the other when they weren’t paying and attention. Of course they would both look for each other in every room they entered. But it was because they hated each other.
That was until Marlene took a walk after curfew through the corridors of castle. She couldn’t sleep, her head was filled with worry for the quidditch finals, her exams, the war, and how everyone else around her was happy but her. James had Lily, Sirius had Remus, Mary had Regulus and even Evan had Barty, but she had no one. Obviously it was different for her, she hadn’t come out to anyone, not even her best friend. She knew James wouldn’t care after all his brother was gay. But something within her said that it would be different for her, that he would look at her in a different way, and she could not risk losing James Potter. She tried telling Lily and Mary but she chickened out every time. Times like this was when she would miss her brothers at home just wishing she could speak to them and get everything off chest knowing there would be no judgement, just smiles and hugs. She was so in her thoughts she hadn’t even realised she had walked to the dungeons. Just as she was about to turn around someone walked into the back of her. And of course it was Meadowes.
Her braids hung down all the way to her waist and she had a little golden hoop at the side of her nose which irritated Marlene every time she saw it. She had big brown doe eyes and dark freckles across her nose. Marlene realised she was staring at her and quickly looked away flushed.
“What you doing down here?”
“Went on a walk to clear my head, didn’t realise where I was.”
Dorcas just grunted in response. Dorcas knew Marlene more than she thought. She knew that when something upset Marlene she would fiddle with the necklace from her brothers, which she was doing now. When you hate someone you learn a lot about them Dorcas realised, like how when Marlene missed her brothers the marauders would shower her with affection, making everything about her, which irritated Dorcas because why would someone want that much attention?
“You okay?”
“Like you care,” Marlene scoffed, “I’ll get out of your way.”
“I wouldn’t have asked if I didn’t care McKinnon, I’m just saying you can talk to me even if we hate each other, there’s no judgement with me.”
Marlene studied her, why would Dorcas want to talk to her? She hated her. But Dorcas had a genuine expression on her face. Why not tell her? So she did.
“Well I guess I just miss my brothers, and how I can talk to them about absolutely anything. I know I have James and the girls but if I came out to them as lesbian I’m scared they’ll shut me out and losing them is the scariest thing right now with everything going,” she stopped for moment not even realising what she said, she just needed to get of her chest, but coming out to Meadowes was not something she thought she would ever do, “Sorry, just been holding that in a while.”
Dorcas studies her, she had her blonde curly hair in a messy bun, her septum piercing was wonky, and she was wearing that ridiculous Gryffindor quidditch top. “I’m lesbian too, I haven’t told anyone either.”
Marlene stood there shocked. The last thing she expected was to have something in common with her. “Oh, well thanks for telling me,” was all she could manage to let out.
“You too.”
“Well I better be heading back before Lily sends out a search party.”
“Oh okay, see you around.”
Marlene walked away heading back for the Gryffindor tower. She felt better after getting that off her chest but she wished it was to anyone else but the girl she hated. But then again, she was happy she shared a secret with her too. It made her see Dorcas in a new light. She was still playing with her necklace. It was a golden chain with an M on it for her name, but for her brothers as well. Having that conversation with Dorcas gave her the confidence to tell James. She couldn’t do it right now but she knew she could. However, as she walked through the portrait into the common room James was waiting for her. He was stood hands on his hips, face like thunder, staring her down. He was wearing an “I love Lily Evans” top with quidditch pyjama bottoms and hair even messier than normal.
“Lily came up to my room sick with worry that you weren’t in your bed. Do you know what she was thinking? That some slytherin had hexed you into next week, that you were in danger!”
“James I am in no mood for a lecture right now, I need to talk to you,” and then that just made his face go from anger to concern, “It’s not bad, I think, I just need to get it off my chest. I’ve been wanting to tell you for a while now but I didn’t know how you would react.”
“Marlene, you know I’m always here for you no matter what,” he said taking a seat on the couch in the common room, Marlene followed him with nerves filling up in her stomach, she knew she had to tell him, “You can tell me anything.”
There was something about James that made Marlene feel like she was protected from the world, it had been that way since they were little. “Right so I don’t really know how to say this but I’m lesbian. I like girls. I don’t even know why I was so scared to tell you because you’re fine with Sirius about it all and told everyone if they had a problem with it to walk the other way,” she was rambling now, “but I was just so worried that you would treat me different and I don’t even know why. Funny thing actually it was Dorcas who gave me the courage to tell you. That’s where I was, I was on a walk to clear my head about it all and bumped into her. And next thing I know I was telling and well her response just gave me the confidence to tell you. Because if I could tell her then why can’t I tell you.”
She was looking away from him once she had finished. She couldn’t bear the thought of him hating her now, after everything they have been through together.
James pulled her into the tightest hug she has ever had in her life which just caused her to start sobbing and she didn’t even know why. She couldn’t stop, sobbing into his chest as her stroked her hair, soothing her.
“Marlene, look at me. Nothing, absolutely nothing could change the way I look at you, you’re my best friend and I am so sorry if I ever made you think you couldn’t tell me this. I am so proud of you and I always will be.”
She was so grateful for James, why she ever thought he would react any differently she didn’t know. James potter was the most understanding person on the planet. “Thanks James, it really means a lot to hear that.”
They were still hugging each other on the couch and Marlene was so grateful to have James as her best friend. She pulled away with a smile on her face again before standing up to go to bed.
“If you ever need anything you know where to find me McKinnon.”
“Will do Potter, goodnight.”
She walked up into her dorm and just wished that Lily and Mary were asleep. She loved them so much but she couldn’t go through that conversation again. Thankfully they were asleep, she crawled into her bed but her mind wouldn’t shut off. She was thinking of Dorcas. She was thinking of her irritating nose piercing. Her irritating way of pushing her hair behind her ears. Her irritating way of flying away the quidditch pitch like she could do it all day. Except her nose piercing wasn’t that irritating when Dorcas would play with it when she was thinking deeply in class. Except nothing about her hair was irritating as it perfectly hung just above her waist. Except Dorcas Meadowes was not irritating when she flying around the quidditch pitch, she was majestic. That’s when it hit her, she didn’t hate Dorcas Meadowes, she fancied her.
When Dorcas got back to her common room she couldn’t stop thinking about how Marlene just blurted out what she did. She couldn’t stop thinking about how her messy bun sat perfectly on the top of her head. She couldn’t stop thinking about how she wanted to fix her wonky septum piercing. She couldn’t stop thinking about the way her hands looked fiddling with her necklace. Whatever she could do she couldn’t get Marlene McKinnon out of her head.
She went and sat next to Regulus on the leather chairs in front of the fire. He was in the middle of writing a letter to his mother about how he was not going to break up with Mary because she was not “pure”. Regulus always stuck up for Mary to anyone who had something to say to him about it, it was something Dorcas always admired about him. She wanted that. She wanted someone to defend, someone to love, and someone to care for. The common room was empty, just the two of them. They were used to sitting in silence together, it became a comfort to them both just knowing they were there without needing to talk. She became friends with Reg in his second year, along with Evan and Barty, she liked her little friendship group and how they would always defend one another no matter what.
“How was your walk?”
“Came out to McKinnon,” she shrugged.
He just stared at her dumbfounded, “You did what?”
“Well I bumped into her on the walk, asked her if she was okay and she came out to me so I came out to her, so she wouldn’t feel weird.”
“Oh, okay then. How was it?”
“I don’t know really, it was nice telling someone else but it was her so I’m not sure how I feel about it,” she was staring into the fire now, thinking why on earth did she come out to her? It felt right in the moment but now she’s rethinking it, after all they hated each other “just hope she’s not going to tell everyone else.”
“She will be thinking the same thing.”
“Yeah well it’s only you, you won’t tell anyone.”
“I guess.”
“I’m going to go to bed, I’ll see you in the morning.”
“Goodnight.”
Dorcas was thankful her and Reg didn’t need to have heart-warming chats, she didn’t need to talk about her deep feelings. She was still thinking about Marlene. How her laugh fills the room distracting her. How her hair was always so shiny no matter what, how she would walk around with her septum piercing wonky and not fix it.
She crawled into her bed but her mind wouldn’t shut off. Marlene had consumed her mind and would not leave. Her wonky piercing, her fingers fiddling with her necklace, her perfect messy bun, and her smile that could light up a room. Does she hate Marlene McKinnon? Maybe she only hated Marlene because she hated her. Because right now she could not find a single reason to hate Marlene McKinnon.
Marlene woke up glad the weight was off her chest and that her best friend had accepted her. She got up and went into the bathroom to brush her teeth until she remembered the realisation she came to last night. She has feelings for Dorcas Meadowes and not the kind she had since fourth year. She groaned as she started getting ready. How could she let this happen? She reluctantly made her way down into the common room to meet everyone before heading down for breakfast. James gave her a knowing smile but didn’t say anything in the full common room. By the time they had reached the great hall Dorcas was already there and Marlene had caught her eye. Butterflies filled her stomach as she sat at the Gryffindor table across from Dorcas at the Slytherin table. She kept taking stolen glances towards the slytherin girl whilst eating her breakfast, wondering how she ever hated her. Because right Dorcas looked to beautiful smiling with her friends and looking down at her potions notes.
Marlene was ripped out of her thoughts as the marauders burst into a fit of laughter next to her. They were always up to something and Marlene was grateful to call them her friends, mainly because this meant she wasn’t at the receiving end of their pranks.
As it was the weekend they had the day to their self so they decided to meet with the Slytherins at the black lake as the summer sun was calling their name. they all headed down in their summer clothes with snacks and drinks so they could last the day soaking in the sun. when Marlene had reached the black lack Dorcas was already down there with Regulus. She was wearing a green strappy top and blue denim shorts that showed off her long legs. Marlene was staring at the girl by now but couldn’t stop.
Dorcas herself was staring at Marlene in the corner of her eye. Marlene had on a pink top that showed off just a bit too much chest with white shorts that showed off her curves. Her curly blonde hair let down hanging just below her shoulders and she had accessorised herself with rings which is what caught Dorcas’ attention the most.
As everyone else came down to the lake the air filled with laughter and squeals from Lily as James picked her up pretending to throw her in the lake. Mary and Regulus where led next to each other looking up at the clouds trying to make shapes out of them. Barty and Evan were in the lake splashing each other while Sirius and Remus hid under a tree for shade chatting about god knows what. Marlene was sunbathing trying to get a tan on her pale skin but she could just feel it burning instead. She stood up shaking off the grass on her legs looking around at everyone so happy and in love. She wanted that. She was going to do something about it.
She walked over to where Dorcas was making a daisy chain near the lake and just sat down next to her.
“You okay?”
Dorcas looked up at her, confused as to why the girl that hated her was asking how she was, “Yeah, you?”
“Yeah I’m fine, thanks for last night, sorry for burdening you.”
“You’re not a burden.”
“Well I just want to say thanks for listening to me, I know I’m probably not your favourite person.”
“It’s fine.”
“Thanks for telling me about… you know, it gave me the confidence to tell James, helped with my feelings a bit too.”
“I’m glad you told James.”
Marlene was staring down at the grass, knees hugged up to her chest. She wanted to tell Dorcas about these confusing feelings but didn’t know how. She wasn’t scared of rejection, she knew Dorcas didn’t feel the same way, but this was all still new to her. And she just needed these feelings off her chest.
“Look Dorcas, I’m just going to come out and say it okay? You don’t need to say anything but last night after my conversation with James I realised I don’t hate you, not really. Everything that irritated me about you are actually things I like about you. Like the way you took your hair behind your ears in class and the way you fiddling with your nose piercing. It fascinates me in good way but I thought it was bad. I’ve realised the feelings I have you or not actually hatred but something else.”
She was fiddling with her necklace now. She knew it was a habit when she was sad or nervous. But she doesn’t really know why she was nervous because she knew Dorcas didn’t like her, not in that way.
“I realised the same thing.”
“What?”
“Last night, I realised that I don’t hate that you don’t fix your wonky septum piercing, that I don’t hate when you fiddle with your necklace like you’re doing right now. I never really knew why I hated you, I guess it was just because you hated me. Because when I really think about, I can’t think of a reason to hate you.”
They were both looking at each other now, cheeks blushed with small smiles of their lips. They both wanted to kiss each other. And they were both about to. But then Barty had summoned the squid from lake and everyone was screaming. Everyone shot up and ran away and just in time Filch came running after them threatening detentions. Marlene could see James running a head of and Dorcas with everyone else and that if anyone was going to get caught it would be her and Dorcas. They ran towards the castle and before she knew it, Dorcas was pulling her into a broom cupboard before Filch could catch them.
It was a tight space. Their bodies where pressed up against each other, hot and sweaty after running in the summer sun. Marlene was grinning up at Dorcas and Dorcas was grinning down at her. Before they knew it their bodies connected and their mouths were pressed up against each other. Marlene had her hands intertwined in Dorcas’ hair and Dorcas had her hands on the Marlene’s back pulling her closer. It was like they were both starving and the only solution was each other.
They had both finally found the someone to care for. The someone to be happy with. The someone to love.