|^| Incorrect Quotes |^|
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(These are what I imagine their relationship to be like,)
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Percy: My crush isn’t picking up on my hints.
Hyacinth: What hints have you given them?
Percy: Well, I think about them a lot.
Percy: And sometimes I even think about talking to them.
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Hyacinth: Okay, I’m going to get the wedding cake.
Percy: Perfect, while you do that I’ll check on the ring bear.
Hyacinth: ...
Hyacinth: You mean ring bearER, right?
Percy: ...
Hyacinth: Look me in the eyes and tell me you are not going to bring a dangerous wild animal to our wedding.
Percy: Whoops…?
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Percy: So you like cats?
Hyacinth: Yeah.
Percy: *tries to impress them by slowly pushing a glass off the table*
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Percy: The first time I saw you, you stole my heart.
Hyacinth: I'm a kleptomaniac, so that doesn't mean anything.
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Percy: Hey, Hyacinth, what do you think it would be like if we had kids?
Hyacinth: What would it be like? Inconvenient, mostly.
Percy: No, I mean, what would they be like, the kids? You ever think about it?
Hyacinth: Can't really say I have.
Percy: You know, for someone as eccentric as yourself, you can be boring as fuck sometimes.
Hyacinth: Sorry, Percy. For what it's worth, I'm picturing them now. A boy and a girl. Two perfect little freaks of nature raised by people who've clearly got no business bringin' up anybody.
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Hyacinth: I’m proud to identify as morosexual. I’m attracted to dumbasses and dumbasses exclusively. Someone asked me what the Spanish word for "tortilla" was once, and now I dream of kissing them under the moonlight.
Percy: What kind of animal is the Pink Panther?
Hyacinth, already taking off her clothes: God, Percy, you’re so fucking stupid.
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Hyacinth: I still have no idea how I’m attracted to you...
Percy with a shit eating grin: Yeah, well, you’re stuck with me, and no take backs, honey.
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Percy: I truly go into housewife mode when I'm someone's soulmate- like, I'll make you pancakes and bacon every morning.
Hyacinth: This is a lie.
Hyacinth: I'm literally dating them. This is a lie.
Hyacinth: THEY DON'T EVEN KNOW HOW TO COOK A PANCAKE, WHAT IS THIS.
(My headcanon is that he can cook really extravagant meals, but sucks at cooking simple things)
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Percy: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response.
Hyacinth: Wow. They sound stupid .
Percy: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense.
Hyacinth: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!”
Percy: I guess you’re right. Hey Hyacinth, I love you.
Hyacinth: See! Just say that!
Percy: Holy fucking shit.
Hyacinth: If that flies over their head then, sorry Percy, but they're too dumb for you.
Percy: Cinth.
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Percy: Pros and cons of dating me.
Percy: Pros. You'll be the cute one.
Percy: Cons. Holy shit, where do I begin-
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Hyacinth: Bro-
Percy: No, no, hold up, rewind.
Percy: My tongue was down in your throat just a second ago and now you're calling me bro??
(And then Hyacinth bursts out into laughter at his reaction)
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Hyacinth: My future partner must be brave, strong, intelligent, successful and organised.
Percy: *steps on a caterpillar and proceeds to drop to their knees and sob while apologising profusely*
Hyacinth: That one. I want that one.
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Percy: Are we fighting or flirting?
Hyacinth: I'm pinning you against a wall with my hand around your neck-
Percy: Your point?
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Hyacinth: Fight me!
Percy: *gets on one knee and pulls out a ring*
Percy: Fight me for the rest of our lives.
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Percy: Hey, random question, what are your favourite flowers?
Hyacinth: Hydrengeas, why?
Percy:
Hyacinth: Were you going to get me flowers?
Percy:
Hyacinth:
Percy: ᶦᵗ’ˢ ᵃ ᵖᵒˢˢᶦᵇᶦˡᶦᵗʸ
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Hyacinth: *seductively takes off glasses*
Hyacinth: Wow...
Percy: *blushes* Haha... what?
Hyacinth: You're really fucking blurry.
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Percy: We should be partners.
Hyacinth: You mean like, partners in crime?
Percy: Yeah... that’s precisely what I meant.
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Percy, talking about Hyacinth: WHAT IN THE NAME OF THE UNDERWORLD! I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.
(this works both ways XD)
Hyacinth, talking about Percy: WHAT THE FUCK! I WAS ARGUING WITH THEM AND I SAID “OOH YOU WANNA KISS ME SO BAD” AND GUESS WHAT? THEY DID. THEY KISSED ME. WHAT THE FUCK WHAT DO I DO.
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*Percy comes home absolutely drunk, undresses, and stands in Hyacinth’s bedroom.*
Hyacinth: Babe, are you.. coming to bed?
Percy: No thank you, I’m sure you’re lovely but I have a girlfriend.
Percy: *Lies on the ground and falls asleep*
Hyacinth: ...
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Hyacinth: *angrily presses Percy against a wall* WHERE'S THE TRAITOR?!
Percy: ...
Percy: Are we about to kiss-
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Hyacinth: I don't need to go to bed. I'm not tired, I'll be fine.
Percy: But, darling, I'll be so lonely without you. Come curl up in my arms so I can feel whole again.
Hyacinth: O-oh. Well. Are you trying to seduce me into healthy sleeping patterns??
Percy: Is it working?
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Percy, throwing their head into Hyacinth's lap: Tell me I'm pretty!
Hyacinth, lovingly stroking their hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.
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Hyacinth: BE A BETTER PERSON!
Percy: WHY?!
Hyacinth: BECAUSE SOMEONE NEEDS TO HAVE MORALS IN THIS RELATIONSHIP, AND IT SURE AS FUCK AIN'T GONNA BE ME, SWEETHEART!
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Hyacinth: Valentine’s day is just a consumerist holiday that holds no real value other than drive people insane buying heart shaped chocolates for their significant others and pos-
Percy: I wrote you a poem.
Hyacinth, already crying: You did?
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Percy: Babe, you're so funny!
Hyacinth, with honey coating her words: We have 1492 days until your tragic premature death. You will break my trust three times before that happens, but I forgive you.
Percy: Awwww, that's sweet of you!
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Percy, sweating: Hyacinth, there’s something I need to ask you-
Hyacinth: Finally! You’re proposing!
Percy: How’d you know?
Hyacinth: Percy, you’ve dropped the ring five times during dinner.
Hyacinth: I even picked it up once.
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