Chapter 1
Sirius lays back in the standard hospital issue reclining chair. It’s not soft or special but it is quite comfy, all things considered. Sirius has spent a lot of time sleeping in hospital chairs, so he feels that he’s a bit of an expert on the subject. Snuggled up under the nice duvet that Lily brought him from the Potter’s home, he tries to relax with his feet up.
There is a fold-out bed up against the wall under the window and sometimes Sirius sleeps there. Though, usually only when somebody else is here to sit with Remus. But today has been a hard day and now he can’t sleep. He just wants to be close to his love.
Outside the window, the wind is howling and the rain is splashing lightly against the window. Every few minutes there is a flash of lightning and a gentle roll of thunder.
Sirius’ mind wonders to Harry. His 7-year-old godson can be so tough and brave for a kid his age but thunderstorms are a weakness of his. He imagines James and Lily curled up in bed, Harry in between them after he was awoken by the wind and thunder.
God, he misses James. He saw him a couple days ago but it never feels like enough time. He needs his brother more than ever, he needs James to remind him to be brave. Maybe Sirius should shoot him a text to see if he’s awake.
Sirius entertains the idea for a few minutes but eventually decides against it. He’d hate to wake Harry if he’s sleeping in bed with Lily and James tonight. Especially, because Lily is so pregnant and Sirius knows she needs all the sleep she can get.
He could always text Regulus since he knows his night-owl of a baby brother would be awake considering it is only 10pm on a Friday night. But he doesn’t really know what he wants from James and Regulus right now. Sirius always feels selfish for wanting comfort and company during times like these. It isn’t about him, it’s about Remus’ health and caring for Remus so that he can come home.
Sirius
10:18 pm: U awake?
He sends the message off and sets his phone to the side, Regulus will reply eventually but there’s no reason to stare at his phone waiting for that reply.
There’s movement from the bed as Remus tries to lift his arms, only to be stopped short by the padded restraints around his wrists. He groans around his breathing tube and Sirius is sitting up in an instant. He’s leaning over the bed and his eyes are watching the monitors around them frantically.
It’s lowly lit in the room but Sirius can still make Remus’ face out in the dim light. He’s awake, eyes wide and fearful as he groans again.
Sirius sees now that Remus is crying, large tears welling up in his eyes and falling down the sides of his cheeks. Remus’ arms and hands continue to struggle weakly with the restraints.
Sirius reaches over to the table behind his chair and picks up Remus’ hearing aids. He pushes the battery door closed and affixes them to Remus’ ears gently. He wants his husband to be able to hear his soothing words.
“Shhh, it’s okay Rem,” Sirius soothes, his thumb rubbing softly on the back of Remus’s hand.
Remus continues to struggle and Sirius can see his throat working as he gags around the tube in his throat. Realizing that Remus is uncomfortable, Sirius pushes the call nurse button and a voice crackles on the line.
“Hello?”
“Hi, er, Remus is awake and is becoming quite agitated.”
The nurse rings off with a promise that she’d be right there and in a couple minutes, she is making her way quietly into the room. She doesn’t turn the light on, instead she leaves the door to the room ajar so that she has enough light to work but not enough light to hurt Remus’ eyes.
“I see you’re feeling a bit anxious Remus-darling, I’m just going to push through some more meds,” the nurse says and begins fiddling with the buttons on Remus’ med pumps and once she’s finished, the nurse turns the machine screen back off.
“Just try and relax as best as you can, the extra medicine will be working soon,” The nurse soothes as she threads down the suction catheter into the endotracheal tube, his O2 sats are fine but she just wants to be sure his airway is clear. “Just close your eyes and try to relax, it’ll help the medicine work faster. You don’t need to worry. The ventilator is breathing for you, you’re getting plenty of air.”
Sirius thanks the nurse before she leaves and then he settles himself on Remus’ bed, cradling his love close.
“Shhh, Rem,” Sirius soothes. “The medicine will make it better.”
He just wants Remus to fall back asleep, he’s supposed to be mostly sedated though that has been difficult to manage during this particular hospital stay. He keeps fighting the sedation and waking up agitated and scared, just like now.
Another gentle roll of thunder and Sirius gets an idea.
“Listen, sweetheart, do you hear it?” Sirius asks, Remus is trembling in his arms.
“Shhh, shhh, listen baby, listen,” Sirius is smoothing back Remus’ curls, wiping stray tears with his thumbs.
“Do you hear the rain, love? It’s so gentle on the window.” Remus attempts to turn his head toward the sound.
“Did you hear the wind and thunder, sweetheart?” Sirius can tell that the medicine is starting to kick in because Remus is finally tolerating his breathing tube again.
“Shh, sweet love, just listen to the rain. It’s so gentle against the window,” Sirius is patting Remus’ bicep softly and Remus is looking up at Sirius now, so much trust in his eyes. He’s stopped struggling and fighting now.
“That’s right, sweetheart, you’re okay and I’m right here and I’ll be here with you the whole time,” Sirius reminds him, not breaking their eye contact.
“Just listen to the rain, baby. It’s like a lullaby, just listen to the rain and you and I can snuggle. Let’s listen to the rain together, sweetheart,” Sirius says, rubbing a soothing knuckle on Remus’ face now.
“Close your eyes and listen to the rain, get some sleep baby,” Sirius soothes, his knuckle still leaving gentle lines of heat on Remus’ face. “Sleep and this will all be over soon.”
Eventually, the medication takes hold and Remus is, once again, sleeping peacefully in his bed. But Sirius doesn’t move now. He just snuggles in and pats his lovers arm and listens to the rain.
Tomorrow will be a new day and maybe it’ll be the day that brings good news. He hopes for it, wishes desperately for it. Manifests it for his darling Remus who has suffered enough and deserves reprieve.
Sirius hopes James can come by tomorrow. He needs his brother to be here for him and with him. To share his misery with another because he can’t share misery with Remus, he has to stay uplifting and encouraging for him.
Eventually, Sirius decides he needs to get up and settle back into the chair beside the bed. He removes Remus’ hearing aids, popping open the battery door to turn them off and stowing them safely in their case on the table.
Sirius settles under the fluffy duvet and checks his phone to see that he’s got a few new messages.
Regulus
10:20 pm: Yes. Is everything okay?
10:35 pm: Is Remus okay? Did something happen?
10:42 pm: Sirius?
Sirius
10:47 pm: Sorry, Remus woke up again
10:47 pm: Nurse had to come and give extra sedatives
10:48 pm: Took a bit for him to calm down
Regulus
10:48 pm: He back asleep now?
Sirius
10:49 pm: Yeah
…
10:52 pm: Reggie?
Regulus
10:52 pm: What’s up, Sirius?
Sirius
10:54 pm: I’m scared Reg.
Regulus
10:55 pm: Yeah, I know.
10:56 pm: Remus is a fighter, though. Always has been.
10:56 pm: The doctors are doing everything they can.
Sirius knows this, of course. He and Remus have been together for nine years, since Freshman year of college. He knew what he was getting himself into by dating Remus and then by marrying him. He’d known Remus was sick from the start but that doesn’t make these long nights in the hospital any easier. He’d do anything to take Remus’ place, to be the one suffering instead of Remus. God knows Remus is a much more worthy soul.
Sirius snakes his hand out from under the duvet and reaches out to take Remus' hand in his. He closes his eyes and listens to the rain, letting it soothe him to sleep. Tomorrow will be a new day with fresh, new chances for everything to get better.