White Christmas
It had been almost two weeks since the party. Lily and Marlene had been a huge help in keeping Remus sober, and after an exceptionally lengthy conversation and apology to Mary, she had been an immense help too. Mary was surprisingly understanding and apologetic about the situation. Remus made sure to remind her that she was in no way doing anything wrong by kissing Sirius every time the topic came up. The three girls and Remus sat together and hung out a lot now. Remus would only ever go into his own dorm if he was sleeping or getting changed. This was mainly to avoid Sirius. Which he had gotten increasingly good at. Every time they would happen to cross paths Remus wouldn’t even glance at him. He would simply walk past Sirius like he was a stranger or keep his eyes on whoever was talking where they were sitting. He was simply happy Christmas break would be soon, and the castle would be Sirius free for two weeks.
“So, Remus, are you going home for Christmas break?” Lily picked up her cup of coffee as she spoke.
“No, I have to stay here.” Remus picked up a piece of toast and began cutting it into four pieces.
“Hey, I’m staying too. We can hang out.” Marlene smiled happily.
“Of course, Marls.” Remus gave a sweet smile in return.
Sirius was sitting with James and Peter. They were close enough to Remus and the girls that Sirius heard their whole conversation. At first, he was excited. The castle would be relatively empty with everyone going home for the holidays. This would finally give him a chance to talk to Remus. But them the realisation hit him. He couldn’t. The realisation hit him like a rock. He, Sirius Black would be stuck in an almost empty castle with the Remus Lupin he was so desperately in love with. These two weeks were going to be absolute torture. They would be the only ones in the dorm. Sirius would have no one to distract him from his broken heart. And with Sirius’ luck Remus would be around every corner he turned.
****
Christmas break had finally rolled around. Remus and Marlene were sitting in the Gryffindor common room. It was a particularly cold Christmas this year. The fire was roaring, and Marlene and Remus were sharing a warm fluffy blanket. It had been a boring two days with everyone gone. Remus had decided to stay in Marlene’s room the past two nights. He was just enjoying the Sirius free castle. Him and Marlene’s days had been filled with sneaking down to Honey dukes for sweets, reading books and talking.
For Sirius Christmas break was off to quite a different start. He had spent the last two days running around trying to avoid Remus, then spent his nights wondering where the hell he was. Sirius was using every fibre of strength in his body to stop him from going to find Remus right now.
****
“Where the hell did you get that?” Marlene asked, pointing to the bag of green plants in Remus’ hands.
“A 7th year Hufflepuff sells it.” Remus answered.
“Oh, this is going to be a fun night.” Marlene grinned.
Marlene and Remus spent the rest of the night smoking joints and laughing.
“Ok so kiss marry kill, James, Regulus and Barty” Marlene giggled.
“Ok, this one's hard. I’m going to say kiss Barty, Kill Regulus, and marry James.” Remus scrunched his face up as he spoke.
“You chose to kiss BARTY over Regulus?” Marlene laughed.
“What? Barty’s hot.” Remus shrugged with a giggle
Marlene erupted in laughter which caused Remus to as well. In the middle of their laughing attack the door opened. It was the first time they hung out in Remus’ dorm. They had assumed everyone else was away for Christmas. Nothing could have prepared Remus for the sheer shock of seeing his ex-boyfriend, Sirius Black, walk through the door.
“Oh shit. I’m sorry I didn’t think anyone would be in here.” Sirius froze at the door.
“I thought you would have gone to James’ for Christmas.” Remus responded.
“Oh, um. James though it was best if i didn’t stay at his over Christmas. But he didn’t want me to go back to my parents, so I just stayed here.” Sirius, muttered.
“Right.”
Merlin Sirius missed Remus. He missed him more than anything in the world. It was eating him whole.
“Are you ok black?” Marlene’s face echoed concern.
“No, I’m still in love with the man next to you and he wants nothing to do with me” Sirius thought, not allowing the words to leave his mouth.
“Black?” Marlene spoke again.
“Oh, yeah, yeah I’m good.” Sirius nodded.
****
It was now Christmas eve, and Remus was not looking forward to the full moon that would be coming in just a few days. His entire body ached. He could feel his joints grinding against each other every time he walked. It was absolute torture. But the thing that he hated the most was the fact he would have no one with him this full moon. James and Peter had both gone home for Christmas and him and Sirius weren’t on speaking terms. He knew it was going to be bad. But it’s not like he could avoid it.
“Can you believe it Remus?” Marlene plopped down onto the couch and sprung her legs over his.
“Believe what Marls?” Remus didn’t look up from his book. He had abandoned the idea of reading around an hour ago.
“Christmas is tomorrow.” Marlene flung her arms up.
“Oh yes, it is, isn’t it.” Remus’ expression remained neutral. He had never been an excessively huge fan of Christmas. His Mother always worked Christmas day and was too tired to do anything once she got home. He knew Christmas was one of the hardest days of the year for his mother. I mean her and Remus’ Father used to have a million traditions, but they all stopped after he killed himself. She seemed to neglect Christmas after that, most likely a side effect of the grief.
“Do you seriously not care about Christmas?” Marlene sat up.
“Not really. I mean it’s just another day.” Remus shrugged.
“Hmm, I guess you’re right. I still love the jolliness of it.” Marlene smiled.
Those words made Remus think of Sirius the first time they all celebrated Christmas together. He remembered how amazed Sirius was by all the love that surrounded them. It was a beautiful memory. God it was amazing how much Sirius had changed in just a few years. Remus missed the old Sirius. The kind and gentle Sirius. The Sirius that wouldn’t betray him. Thinking about it all made Remus quite upset. He hated remembering all the good times they had and all the beautiful memories they made. One thing Remus learnt while at school was that memories hurt.
****
Sirius planned to spend Christmas eve and Christmas in the dorm. He did not want to see Remus. And that was for one simple reason. He didn’t want to be reminded of the many Christmases they had spent together previously. It was also slightly because he knew the full moon was creeping up and Remus would have very heightened emotions. And Sirius did not have the mental capacity to handle what Remus might say. This was going to be one lonely Christmas.
****
Marlene had been sitting outside picking flowers. They were absolutely beautiful. Marlene had assumed that the herbology teacher had enchanted them to grow even in the snow. It was freezing so Remus had gone to the library instead, so Marlene was out here alone or at least she thought she was. She could hear a slight echo of laughter. It was Dorcas’s laugh. Marlene had thought she’d gone home. She thought all the Slytherins had gone home. It was a bittersweet feeling for Marlene to hear Dorcas’s laugh again. It had been so long. She wanted to jump through the icy bushes and hug Dorcas. Oh, how she missed seeing her. Their lack of speaking had very much been her own fault. She had just been so preoccupied with Remus that she had neglected her and Dorcas’s friendship, really, she had been neglecting all her friendships. Marlene didn’t know how to reach out to Dorcas, she was scared Dorcas would resent her for practically ghosting her.