The house was empty. Empty of noise, of joy, and of Sirius.
It had been five days since Regulus’ 15th birthday.
Five days since Sirius abandoned him.
Regulus didn’t know how he was supposed to go on when every inch of the house was filled with memories of the brother that had left him alone. Walking through the silent halls of Black Manor, every step felt as though he was moving further away from Sirius and the warmth that radiated from him. The warmth that made it seem as if he truly was the brightest star in the night sky.
All his brother had ever done was protect Regulus growing up, but the one time Sirius needed help, Regulus did nothing but look away. He hadn’t meant to. He thought Sirius would be okay like always, that nothing bad could happen. His birthday had gone the exact same as it always had since they were old enough to start exploring on their own.
This year, however, the day ended with only one Black brother staying in the house of horror.
Walburga and Orion, their so-called “loving parents,” hadn’t been home all day, leaving Regulus alone with his thoughts in the quiet house as he did nothing but blame himself for Sirius leaving. Every room he steps through causing a rush of emotions and memories threatening to break open the floodgates. It’s not until he walks in the kitchen, that his heart hits the floor.
Their parents seemed to think that the only way to control the boys was by taking away their food. That is until they got older. Somehow, they always did something wrong, and no control would ever make them act the way their parents wanted.
Have a single hair out of place and Orion’s anger would be unleashed. Say the wrong thing and they would be met with Walburga’s hand. Oftentimes they would be punished for the most miniscule thing and would be locked away without any food, sometimes for just a night and sometimes longer.
The locks on their doors were very old and could only be locked from the outside with a skeleton key. Growing up, it didn’t take long for Sirius to figure out how to pick the locks and he later taught Regulus. So, on the nights where one was trapped in their room, the other would wait until they were sure their parents were asleep, pick the lock, and together they would sneak down to the kitchen.
Regulus can still see a vision of them cooking as quietly as possible to avoid waking their parents, only to end up hiding in the cabinets when one would make the other laugh unexpectedly. At first they were scared to make any noise, but eventually it had turned into some sort of game between the two brothers of who could get the other to laugh first and who would manage not to be caught. Of course, neither wanted to actually be found, but there was very little joy they could have within the walls of that house that they risked it almost every night. And almost every night, Regulus would laugh first and never get caught.
Deep down he always knew that was Sirius’ plan. To make sure Regulus would still have happy childhood memories and to protect his little brother as best he could from their parents' wrath, but he also knew all the hits Sirius took those nights had been meant for him. He had been the one to laugh and wake their parents – he one to panic when hiding, causing Sirius to force him into a cabinet before himself, oftentimes resulting in Sirius being found before he was ever truly hidden.
Regulus would spend the next fifteen minutes or so silently wishing behind closed eyes and covered ears that they’d be careful with the knife this time as they can’t have another ER trip without risking too many questions being asked. He knew their parents were abusing them - it wasn’t hard to figure out - but he didn’t like the possibility of Social Services splitting him and Sirius up.
Shaking the memory from his head, he grabs the glass of water he came for and quickly leaves the room. Standing in the foyer he glances towards the parlor and sees the pianos sitting there collecting dust. Their parents would make them practice the piano for hours every single day until it felt as though their fingers would fall off, but it’s as though they forgot Regulus even existed since Sirius left.
They never really noticed either of them in general, but Sirius was always one to try to find the fun in life regardless of how dangerous it was. This always resulted in Walburga and Orion paying extra close attention to him growing up as every toe out of line would worsen the punishment he’d receive at the end of the night. With Sirius gone, they didn’t have to worry about the family reputation as much anymore because, while Sirius had been deemed reckless, Regulus was seen as obedient.
He’s been avoiding going near the pianos all week now that he’s not being forced to play. Except his fingers itch to touch the keys, to feel the cool acrylic beneath his fingertips as he shares his feelings the only way he ever truly knew how. All he knows is that he doesn’t just want to play, he needs to. Without a second thought, Regulus’ feet lead him towards the center of the room where the instruments lay untouched.
Sitting down at the piano facing the window, it feels as though he’s gone back in time and can finally breathe again. As if the piano takes all the weight off his shoulders and immediately knows how to make him feel better. One deep inhale, his eyes close, and he starts to play. He plays as if there’s no tomorrow and this is his only way to survive.
He puts his whole heart and soul into the keys, not once opening his eyes. It was his and Sirius’ favorite song to play together and he swears he can almost hear his brother playing with him. The more he plays and gets lost in the meaning of the song, the louder Sirius gets.
Except, when the song ends and Regulus opens his eyes, Sirius isn’t there.
Glancing across the pianos between the two lifted lids, there’s nothing but darkness as the sun has set. He doesn’t know how long he sat on that bench staring out the window into the abyss until he saw lights in the distance.
Walking back out of the parlor into the foyer, he’s still ambushed by the flashing red and blue lights that had come for the sake of appearance the night of his birthday. He knows they aren’t real this time, but the lights seem to follow him as he makes his way up the stairs back to his room. It’s not until he’s walking down the hallway towards his bedroom that he has this sudden urge to enter the room at the end of the corridor. He knows his parents won’t be happy if they come home and find him in there again, but he can’t seem to stop himself from stepping towards the door.
Each step closer fills him with a sense of warmth and hope that he knows won’t last. The second his hand touches the handle, everything else seems to disappear. All the worry, the anger, and the loneliness he’s felt the past five days are gone as if nothing else in the world exists except for Regulus and what he could find behind the door.
Holding his breath as the doorknob turns, he wishes something has changed within the room, but of course nothing has. It’s the exact same as Sirius had left it. With the unmade bed, posters pinned upon the walls, and his guitar in the corner by his desk. He could’ve at least done Regulus a favor and packed up all his clothes, but they stay thrown across the floor.
The whole room stays frozen in time as though it’s waiting for Sirius to return to everything held within it, but he won’t.
Now, it’s just Regulus and a hundred square feet of bittersweet memories.
Step by step, he slowly makes his way to the center of the room. Sitting down on the edge of the bed, he glances around the room feeling nothing but fear. He doesn’t know what life will be like now without his brother sleeping down the hall.
What is he supposed to do on the nights where the thunder is so loud it shakes the house or the nightmares feel too real to be dreams? When Sirius won’t walk into his room and hold Regulus under the sheets until they both feel safe enough to sleep? How is he supposed to survive under that roof without the one who was the reason he was still breathing at the end of every day? The one who convinced Regulus to stay alive with the idea that there was something better waiting for them in the future.
Maybe it was destined this way. The youngest sibling has always been the one left behind and forgotten. The one admired and cherished before being cast aside without a second thought for something better. The oldests are the first to leave, but never the one who feels forced to stay.
Regulus has only ever dreamed of leaving that house. And yet, he feels more stuck than ever. Sirius found his way out, but somehow it’s as though Regulus got trapped in quicksand, slowly sinking until he’s suffocating from the pressure. He had thought they would find their way out at the same time, together, but here he was…alone.
He doesn’t even realise he’s started crying again until he tastes salt upon his lips. He could look into the mirror to confirm, but he doesn’t need to see how red and blotchy his face looks. He already knows. He hasn’t stopped crying since Sirius left. The first night he wasn’t there, Regulus had gone into the bathroom to brush his teeth, but the moment he had seen his face in the mirror he fell to the floor in tears.
There had always been too many similarities between the Black brothers. The colour of their eyes, the shape of the mouth, their wavy hair, but now each resemblance felt like a knife in the back bleeding him dry until there was nothing left except for a corpse.
And so he just lays there, in Sirius’ bed.
The same way he did when he was three and thought monsters were in his closet. Or when he was six and couldn’t stop crying after Walburga sat on his imaginary friend. The time when he was nine and started to realise what their parents were doing to them was wrong after going into town and seeing a boy skin his knee and his parents immediately running to comfort him. All the nights in between where he found himself going to Sirius’ room or Sirius to his..
The longer he stays within the room, the less Regulus looks around. He knows if he looks closer at the stuff Sirius left behind, all the hurt will come rushing back, but, just laying there, he feels calm. Some could say he was growing numb, but being in that room, it felt as though Sirius was right next to him.
Before he knows it, his eyes start to close and the last thing he thinks of as he falls asleep isn’t what will happen when his parents find him, but of his big brother – his smile, his laugh, his stupid pranks, and the comfort he provided Regulus.