Chapter 1
She looked peaceful.
In some sort of fucked up- like seriously fucked up- way, she looked at peace, like she was fast asleep with no worries to her name. She looked like any moment now she’d heave a contented sigh and snuggle deeper into her blanket.
But she wouldn’t.
No, she couldn’t.
She wasn’t breathing, she wasn’t moving. Oh God she wasn’t moving-
The gut wrenching screams barely registered to Natalie’s ears, her horrified focus solely on the frozen bundle half buried under the thick layer of snow. No matter how hard she was shook or screamed at or begged the figure didn’t move and never would.
She looked so peaceful.
She looked so peaceful, but her skin was blue and she wasn’t breathing and she wasn’t waking up.
‘Dead.’ Natalie swayed, her hand reaching out to grab the wall of the cabin, her stomach roiling with the certainty, ‘She’s dead.’
The screams coming from Shauna ripped through her like a bullet, piercing and violent leaving her gasping for the air she was struggling to inhale.
Jackie Taylor, team captain of the Yellowjackets, Wiskayok’s very own Prom Queen, was dead.
She was dead and she was that fucking unnatural shade of blue.
Natalie leaned heavily against the wall, the myriad of thoughts racing through her mind too fast for her to keep up. Her mind was fuzzy with commotion leaving her too dizzy to stand straight.
Why had Jackie been sleeping outside anyways? Had she lost her mind, didn’t she remember what had happened to Van just days ago? How long had she been laying there cold and unmoving? Had she been there when Natalie and Travis had gotten back from looking for Javi? Oh fuck, what if she’d been there when they had gotten back? Shit, she couldn’t remember.
By the time Natalie and Travis had gotten back to the cabin the world had already been covered in a thick blanket of snow, they barely could’ve told the difference between a rock and a stump. But they should’ve been able to tell the difference between a log and a human, right? They should’ve seen her.
She should’ve seen her.
She should’ve saved her.
She fucking should’ve .
Someone obscured her view of Jackie and the relief that washed over her was almost as overwhelming as the shame that crept up her spine alongside it.
🫀
They had to put her in the shed.
The ground was frozen solid so even attempting to dig a grave was pointless and a waste of fucking time, so they had to put her in the shed, right next to the bear meat.
It didn’t sit right with Natalie, the idea of Jackie’s - cold, dead,- body sitting right next to their next meal’s main ingredient. It made her nauseous, but they didn’t have a choice. It was either put her in the shed till the ground thaws enough to bury her or leave her for the wild, and that was just not an option.
So, they- Natalie, Travis and Tai- moved her to the shed, with Shauna’s inconsolable sobbing accompanying them like a sick funeral march all the way.
Natalie couldn’t stand to look at Jackie’s face, let alone touch her icy skin, so she made sure to grab one of her legs and stare anywhere but at their captain’s forever young face. Her eyes caught on the necklace dangling from that fucking blue neck. That stupid heart pendant dangling from a golden chain glinted in the light mockingly like the fresh snow beneath their dragging feet, it looked so dainty and fragile. Fitting really.
Natalie’s stomach twisted painfully and her eyes burned.
So many of them had died in that plane crash, they had to bury so many of their own. Misty had to chop off Coach Scott’s mangled leg for fuck’s sake. And only just days ago Laura Lee exploded in the sky and fuck, Van had gotten their face shredded by a goddamned wolf, they had almost lost them too. Not to mention Javi was missing , he was barely thirteen, a literal child who had no business even being here, and he was missing in fuck knows where and it had snowed and Jackie had frozen to death and fuck- Why was this happening to them? What had they ever done to deserve this? They had only wanted to go to Nationals.
Natalie swallowed around the lump wedged in her throat, she averted her eyes and focused them on Tai’s hands clutching at Jackie’s other leg instead, not that that was much of an improvement.
The moment they had put the- Jackie’s- body up against the wall right beside the bear carcass, Natalie couldn't stand to be anywhere near the shed any longer. She stumbled out of the shed as her mouth filled with drool and her stomach turned inside out, her guts spilled just barely missing her shoes. The contents of her stomach were meager but the stomach acid burned as it came up, her throat and nose were on fire and her eyes stung- Oh God, they’re all going to die out here and they’re all going to turn that disgusting fucking shade of blue just like Jackie.
Jackie.
Dead.
She’s dead.
Dead animals were one thing, she’d grown numb to the feeling of seeing and causing death for the sake of survival, but humans? Dead humans were something that Natalie wasn’t and hopefully never will get used to seeing. She wasn’t religious nor did she believe in Lottie’s crazy tree spirits like the others, but she prayed she wouldn’t have to watch anyone die again for the rest of her life, how long or short it may be.
Natalie’s eyes moved on their own accord towards the shed, Jackie obscured by Shauna’s lingering form, ‘ She’s actually dead.’
🫀
Later that night, with everyone sitting in remote silence warmed by the fire and bellies as full as they could get from the little they had to eat, Natalie slowly but surely found out how Jackie’s death had come to be.
It was so stupid. A life was lost over some stupid fucking girl drama that could’ve been avoided, but no, one had to be too prideful to think about her own well being and the other too narcissistic to admit to the shit she had done.
What boggled Natalie the most was that no one had even tried to get Jackie to stay inside or to even go and drag her back in. Not even coach Scott, who’d you’d think would have some sense to at least try hadn’t done shit.
The spot that usually Jackie occupied during meal times was taken up by…someone, Natalie didn’t look. Couldn’t really. It felt wrong. Feasting when two were dead and one was missing, not that this was any feast, it was just a means to survive to one day get back home.
Natalie wasn't all that hungry. To be completely honest the sight of the meat made her gag, but this was no time to be picky, food was hard to come by and it would only get harder from here. Winter meant hibernation, birds migrating to somewhere warmer and the rest going to wherever there was food for them to survive till spring, leaving them with barely anything. In some sense, Jackie was lucky, she wouldn’t have to suffer through the worst of it, for it will get worse and Natalie was terrified to imagine what that meant for all of them.
Natalie couldn’t look at Travis for longer than a few fleeting moments either, he was radiating nervous energy, his leg was shaking and his eyes were shifty. She couldn’t really blame him, after what had happened to him during Doomcoming and with his brother missing for the second day now, Natalie was surprised he wasn’t more on edge or like actively fucking panicking. Not that that would do literally any good, everyone seemed to be loosing their collective fucking minds and the whole worshipping the Wilderness and thanking the bear-cause yes they did in fact thank the fucking bear for apparently the second time- was not helping them in the slightest.
Fuck, she should’ve saved some of the booze she had given coach Scott, or at least had some herself when she had the chance even if she hadn’t wanted it at the time. Natalie desperately needed a drink right about now.
🫀
Seven days. That’s how long Jackie’s body has been in the shed.
Eight days. That’s how long Javi has been missing in the wilderness.
And Natalie was so tired.
She was just so tired.
She and Travis had been searching for him non stop for days and nothing. There was nothing, not a trace or tracks or any sign of life what so fucking ever and there hasn’t been any game either. The bear will only last them for so long and if it’ll continue on like this they won't last long enough to finally lay Jackie to rest, instead they’ll join her and turn blue.
She’s been dead for exactly a week and her shadow loomed above them like a massive Jackie sized storm cloud, though most opted to pretend it didn’t exist and that having their frozen team captain in their meat shed was totally normal and not completely fucked up, even more so they ignored the alarming amount of time Shauna spent time in there. They didn’t know what she was doing but they left her to it, everyone had their fucked up coping mechanisms and Shauna’s was spending all her time with her dead best friend apparently. Totally not fucking concerning at all.
Natalie still couldn’t stomach being near that shed, she avoided being close to it as best as she could, her stomach twisting painfully anytime she saw it in her peripheral vision, even if she didn’t actually see the body she knew it was there and being more than a few steps away from it made her sick to her stomach. Just the idea of being inside the shed with her and the bear made her head spin and for her guts to threaten to spill all over the ever growing height of snow. Her vision swam the more she continued to trek behind Travis, who was a few paces ahead of her desperately shouting for his brother.
Fuck, she was seriously dizzy.
“ Javi!” Travis’s voice boomed across the clearing, his breath hitched in panicked desperation and Natalie’s heart broke. “Javi, please! Javi !”
The sun had long since set, but the moon was high and the snow reflected its light so thankfully they weren't entirely walking around blindly but it was late and it was cold and Natalie was so so tired.
The pit in her stomach grew deeper and more painful the more they walked and each wrecked shout tore at her heart, Natalie was losing hope and she was disgusted with herself.
“Travis.” Natalie rasped once her dizziness receded slightly, “Travis, we gotta go back.”
He spun around sharply, his eyes shining with unshed tears in the moonlight, “We have to keep looking. Javi is out there! He’s just a kid and we need to find him-!”
“Travis-”
“No! You’re not listening, Nat! He’s just a kid!” His voice cracked, “He-he’s just a kid, Nat, he's my brother and like hell am I letting him end up like Jackie!”
His words made them both flinch, none of them had actually brought up Jackie or what had happened to her after the first day, let alone utter her name. They avoided it like a slur. Especially around Shauna.
“I-” But there were no words to say, because really, what was there to say? It was true, if they didn’t find Javi and soon that’ll be his fate too, they all fucking knew it.
“Hey, hey, I know. But we won’t be any good if we just wear ourselves down before we can find him.” Natalie tried to reason, but she knew she wasn’t doing a great job. “ We’ll continue tomorrow, okay? First thing.” She promised, as one Travis turned into two, fuck, her eyes refused to focus. “ Javi’s a smart kid, he’ll be fine for one more day, we’ll find him tomorrow.” The lie burned like acid on her tongue, she didn’t even think Travis believed it, but Natalie saw how his shoulders sagged and his eyes dimmed, he was fully defeated but the fear and desperation never left, Natalie had a feeling it never will, even if they did find Javi.
Peace wasn’t a luxury any of them will ever truly experience again until their dying breaths.
🫀
The walk back towards the cabin was exhausting, the air was cold from the winter and tense from the apprehension of another failed day of finding Javi and hunting. The heavy burden of guilt weighed upon their shoulders like boulders.
They were tired and hope was getting harder to cling onto as the snow continued to fall down relentlessly and the fact that days will grow shorter and shorter as winter progresses. For the umpteenth time since the crash Natalie wondered why this was happening to them?
Natalie was growing dizzier and dizzier as the cabin grew closer, her vision was so blurry she could barely tell the trees and Travis apart. The nausea was overwhelming and familiar like a friend she had grown to know over the course of the past week, her knees were shaking and her breath grew ragged. Everything was spinning and spinning and spinning -
Natalie pressed the heels of her hands against her eyes. Fuck, everything was swaying, she felt like she was on the rockiest boat known to man kind and like she had the worst case of motion sickness. What the fuck was wrong with her? Wouldn’t it be just fantastic if she was coming down with a cold? Great. Amazing. Death by common cold like some fucking Victorian England child. Not only would it be completely humiliating, dying from a common cold whilst in the wilderness was kind of pathetic after everything Natalie has had to live through. And the cherry on fucking top was that the moment Natalie finally opened her eyes again she could’ve sworn the ground kept switching from snow to grass and dead leaves.
‘Oh great, now I’m fucking hallucinating..’
“Nat?” Travis’s voice was distant, like a vague memory. “Natalie?”
The ground was covered in snow and then it wasn’t and then it was covered in it again.
She was standing and then she wasn’t and then she was.
“Nat!”
She was staring at Travis and then she was staring at her own reflection and this time it didn’t switch back.
“What the fuck..” She croaked out, the singular eyeshadow palette, which hadn’t been there before, dropped from her trembling hand as her eyes shakingly stayed on her reflection. Her face was paler than normal, tinged green around the edges, her eyes were large and her pupils were contracting.
She forced her eyes to move away from her image in the mirror, the ground wasn’t covered in inches of snow, it was green and muddy and covered in dead leaves. It wasn’t freezing, actually it was kind of warm. Natalie could see the other bustling around doing fucking arts and crafts as if it wasn’t just winter seconds ago.
Natalie stumbled onto her feet, her knees threatened to give out with each shaky step. Her eyes couldn’t stay in one place, they kept jumping from spot to spot, person to person. How was no one freaking out? Had she finally lost it? Admittedly it took awhile, in fact she had expected it to happen long before but either way she was not having fucking fun. Crazy people make being crazy seem fun, Hell, Lottie looked like she was having a fucking blast with her wilderness bullshit, but this was not fun. It was the farthest thing from fun, it was fucking terrifying actually.
Natalie thought she could hear someone call her name, multiple times possibly, but she didn’t really give a damn, she was kind of preoccupied with the possibility that she was losing her goddamn mind.
Her feet dragged behind her as she steered herself towards the cabin out of habit more than anything, her eyes were pointed firmly on the muddy ground- was she in a dress? - her ears could only focus on the dull crunch of dried leaves and her skin was heightened to the warm breeze of late autumn. But it was winter, it was winter and the snow was up to her knees and now it was all fucking gone, as if it was all an illusion.
Natalie’s mouth soured.
She somehow managed to climb the steps of the cabin’s porch without falling flat on her face. She struggled to grab onto the door handle properly and it took a few good tries to actually get the door open, what with her trembling fingers slick with cold sweat. She wretched the door open and Natalie desperately held onto the door frame as she tried to even her breathing enough to be sure she wasn’t going to puke right there onto the floor. It would be a pain to clean up and she already knew Mari would bitch about it like it was her personal job. And Natalie was so not in the mood to deal with her attitude at the moment.
“Jesus, Nat!”
Natalie froze. She didn’t even think she was breathing, she could’ve sworn her pulse stopped for a moment or two, because that voice. She knew it. She hadn’t heard it for a week. And now she had, loud and clear.
‘Oh fucking hell, am I dead? Did I die and is this like my personal fucking hell?’
In the cabin, by the biggest window, where the light shined the best, surrounded by makeup and hairties and combs, sat Misty who had gotten her makeup done by none other than Jackie fucking Taylor. Who was frozen and dead and blue just this morning, but now she was breathing and moving and most importantly not blue. Her cheeks had a healthy flush from the sun and her eyes weren’t frozen shut, she was in the cabin and not in the meat shed.
“What the fuck..” Natalie wheezed out for the second time since winter turned to autumn.
“Nat?” asked the person who looked and sounded and held herself like their- dead and frozen solid- captain, “You okay? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
Misty pushed up her glasses as her overly bright gaze, excited at the possibility of another patient, swept over Natalie, “Do you want me to check you over? Maybe the maggots we ate last night aren’t sitting well with your stomach? It is a strange diet to get used to-”
The said maggots soon after covered the floor along with Natalie’s stomach acid.
So much for not puking on the floor.