If I don't say this now, I will surely break.
“I can’t do this anymore!” Regulus spat.
The bag on his shoulder was open, clothes hanging out of it as he headed for the door.
James rushed to plant himself in between Regulus and the door, grabbing the boy.
“Regulus, please- let’s talk, okay? We can fix this.” James begged.
Regulus ripped himself from James’ grasp.
As I'm leaving the one I want to take.
“I can’t be your secret anymore- My whole life I’ve had to pretend!”, Regulus exclaimed, “I thought I got out of that house- that things would get better- but you’re just like them!”
Regulus furiously wiped the tears that streamed down his face. He was so tired. Tired of being a secret- tired of not being good enough.
He pushed past James and out the door, stomping down the stairs of the building- too bothered to wait for the elevator.
Forgive the urgency, but hurry up and wait.
Regulus slipped out the doors of the hotel, slowing down once he was outside.
He began his walk, glancing back at the building behind him once before it disappeared from sight.
All Regulus had was the clothes in his bag, his half-dead phone, and a broken heart as he walked down the streets of the city.
My heart has started to separate.
It was dark when Regulus reached his destination. The building was on the other side of town. It wasn’t the nicest part, but Regulus knew his way around.
He climbed the stairs of the block of flats, finding the right flat number on the third floor.
Regulus hesitated, his hand ghosting over the door. He took a shaky breath before tapping his knuckles against the wood.
A few moments passed before the door opened and Barty appeared. He was in slippers, holding the remote to the telly in his hand.
Oh, oh-
As soon as Regulus saw him, he broke, crashing into Barty’s chest and sobbing into the fabric of his shirt.
Oh, oh-
Barty wrapped his arms around Regulus in no time. Holding the smaller boy.
Footsteps echoed through the flat before a comforting hand was placing on Regulus’ shoulder.
Regulus pulled back to see Evan, who looked at him with sympathy and love. He tugged Evan into the hug and let his friends hold him as he cried.
Be my baby.
Evan and Barty shared a look, frowning, but staying silent in Regulus’ time of need.
Oh, oh.
~
Regulus finally turned his phone back on after a few days.
He was staying at Evan and Barty’s flat, rotting away in the guest bedroom and crying every time he replayed the fight in his head.
His phone began to blow up. Dozens of messages, notifications, and missed calls flooded his screen. He’d even gotten an alert that his voicemail box was entirely full.
Regulus clicked into the phone app, and played the most recent voicemail.
“Baby, please, tell me where you are. Sirius hasn’t heard from you, nor Remus. At least let me know you’re alive and staying somewhere safe- please, please call me back, Reg.”
He sounded broken, his voice cracking every so often.
Tears pricked Regulus’ eyes and he knew turning his phone on would be bad for him.
Oh, oh-
Regulus and James had known each other since they were young. Before the band and the fame, there was just Regulus and James.
They didn’t date until more recent, after giving in to years of desire and yearning for each other.
One of the reasons Regulus held out so long was because of what it meant. Dating a famous singer in a band wasn’t easy.
For James especially, he had a specific image- attractive, playboy, and always single. This was the narrative management had written and they expected James to keep up with it.
Regulus was weak. Weak and so in love with the man that he thought he could ignore it. He thought he could live with it, but it was so hard.
They couldn’t go out in public together. They couldn’t speak to each other unless they were in a crowd of people. Regulus wasn’t even really allowed to go to shows, but that was a rule he broke often.
The band’s management was so strict that James couldn’t even have pictures of Regulus on his phone in case he got hacked or accidentally posted one.
Regulus’ least favorite part was seeing the paparazzi photos of James with all these girls at bars and concerts and award shows.
They got to touch James and talk to him and it was so unfair. He’d spent many nights crying in James’ apartment just wishing he could be in the same room as the man.
He had enough. He was done.
Oh, oh-
Regulus set his phone on the nightstand and rolled over, facing away from his phone and all his problems.
Be my baby
The bed shook as Regulus curled into a ball and sobbed, letting his tears soak into the cotton pillow case.
He thought he would mean more to James, having been friends all these years, but he didn’t.
Regulus was just around for James to play house with whenever he wasn’t traveling or attending events and it broke Regulus beyond repair.
I'll look after you.
~
There now, steady love, so few come and don't go.
Regulus was dragged out of bed for the first time in weeks and forced to shower by Barty and Evan, who were sick of seeing him mope.
They dressed him in a cropped shirt and jean shorts, decorating his fingers with rings and dusting his eyelids with glitter.
The club was the last place Regulus wanted to be. He’d much rather be alone, but his friends refused to leave his side.
It was packed. The room was stuffy and extremely warm as they make their way further inside.
The music was loud enough to blow up an eardrum or two, but no one seemed to care. Regulus wished he was that unbothered.
Barty flirted with the bartender, which meant strong- crafted to perfection- drinks for the rest of the night.
Regulus wasn’t much of a drinker, but he was there and he was sad, so he figure he might as well drink away his sorrows.
The first few drinks didn’t hit Regulus as hard as the multiple rounds of shots did and before he knew it he was on the dance floor.
Regulus hated dancing. As a child his parents had enrolled him in classes to learn classical and proper styles of dance. He often got picked on for being tiny and lacking rhythm so he’d formed a distaste for dancing.
What people did on the club dance floor was hardly dancing, though. They just waved their arms around and shook their asses. Grinding up on the people around them.
Regulus lost himself to the music and the liquor. Just bouncing to the beat and spinning around.
His mind drifted before he could catch it. He thought about James- about how he loved to dance.
Will you won't you, be the one I always know?
Regulus remembers times where he’d be reading with his feet in James’ lap and the boy would jump to his feet. He’d spontaneously pull Regulus up and spin him around the living room.
They didn’t need music, but sometimes James would sing to him. He would hum soft melodies and sing tunes that were a work-in-progress with the band.
The thought made Regulus sad, but then hands were on his hips. He smiled, continuing to dance with James.
His eyes shot open and he snapped towards the man whose hands were on his bare stomach.
He wasn’t James.
Regulus stumbled away from the man, suddenly feeling sick. He couldn’t breathe, pushing through the crowd in need of fresh air.
When I'm losing my control, the city spins around.
He made it outside and was instantly hit with the frigid breeze against his face.
The world was spinning, but Regulus felt warm. He felt lighter- happier- than he had felt in weeks.
He stumbled to the closest wall, in the alley way beside the club. Regulus could still hear the music, still feel the bass reverberating through his body.
The man reappeared, approaching Regulus with a sly smile. His hands returned to Regulus’ hips.
Regulus pushed him off, “I’m not interested.”
He felt sick. He didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to be drunk.
Regulus wanted to be in James’ bed, in his apartment- in his arms.
“Oh come on, sweetheart. Let me buy you a drink.” The man purred, leaning to press his lips to Regulus’ neck.
“Stop.” Regulus weakly pushed him away.
He didn’t go far, leaning in closer to Regulus as he attempted to squirm away.
Suddenly the man was ripped off of him.
“He said stop. You can speak English can’t you, creep?” James spat, shoving the man away, “Piss off.”
The man dusted himself off, glaring at James before stalking back into the club to find someone else to bother.
James turned to him and Regulus took a step forward. His legs practically gave out and he collapsed into James’ arms.
You're the only one who knows, you slow it down.
“Are you alright?” James asked, his eyes scouring Regulus for injuries.
“You shouldn’t be here. How did you find me?” Regulus quizzed.
James showed his phone to Regulus, “You’re all over social media.”
It was pictures of Regulus around the bar captioned: Sirius Black’s baby brother knows how to have a good time.
Oh, oh-
Regulus looked up at James. Their eyes meeting. Why did he have to have such big, beautiful eyes? Why couldn’t Regulus get them out of his head?
They were so close. So very close and Regulus craved it. He needed to be closer, he needed to be so close he was practically apart of James.
It drove him mad, pushed him to the brink of insanity. He couldn’t have it. It was right there and he couldn’t have it.
Oh, oh-
James’ eyes flickered to Regulus’ lips and Regulus wanted to kiss him so fucking bad.
“Regulus…” James breathed.
He wanted everything to be fine, but it wasn’t. It couldn’t be. He was a fool for thinking anything would change.
Be my baby.
Regulus stepped away from James.
“You can’t be here”, Regulus muttered, “Someone will see.”
James reached back out for him but he slipped from the man’s grasp, stumbling his way out of the ally.
Oh, oh-
Regulus turned the corner to see Barty and Evan.
“Hey, we were looking for you.” Barty muttered.
“Can we leave?”, Regulus hiccuped, “Please, can we leave?”
“Yeah”, Evan assured, “I’ll call a cab.”
Evan stepped away to make a call, leaving Barty and Regulus.
“Everything alright? You look a bit frazzled.” Barty quizzed.
“I just- I need to leave. I need…” Regulus words died off.
Oh, oh-
He needed James. He needed to be wanted. He needed to be seen. He needed to be happy.
He had a lifetime worth of pretending and he was so fucking tired.
A few moments later the cab arrived.
Evan climbed in first and then Barty. Regulus slowly lowered, slipping into the cab and buckling in.
Oh, oh-
Regulus watched as Barty reached over to brush down a hair that stuck up on Evan’s head.
They were so in love.
Regulus wanted that- he had that.
Be my baby
His eyes flickered out the window, landing on James who leaned against the building.
I'll look after you
He watched through the window of the cab at James, whose eyes followed the car until he couldn’t anymore.
Regulus slumped back in his seat and shut his eyes in an attempt to hold back the tears.
And I'll look after you.
~
It was a rainy day.
Regulus loved the rain. He could sit by the window and watch it fall for hours. He watched the world dampen in front of his very eyes.
And the smell- if peace had a scent it would be the rain. It was gentle and also strong. It was warm and cold and everything in between.
Regulus had finished his shower a half an hour ago, but was too lazy to put clothes on. He sat around, wrapped in his towel, watching the rain run down the window pane.
Eventually, he grabbed his bag with his foot, realizing it was pretty much empty and made a note that he’d have to do laundry.
Regulus pulled what was left out of the bag. Two t-shirts, a pair of mismatched socks, underwear, and a pair of jeans.
He stood up from the bed, pulling on his underwear and stepping into the jeans.
They were baggy and bit long. Regulus realized they weren’t his pants at all, they were James’.
He would take them off, but he didn’t have any other pants so he begrudgingly decided to just wear them.
Regulus tugged a t-shirt over his head and sat back down before quickly jumping up.
He furrowed his eyebrows, shoving his hand into the pocket to identify what had stabbed him.
Regulus pulled the object from his pocket and looked at it.
It was a ring. A nice one too, with diamonds and a silver band. It probably cost a pretty coin.
Regulus spent a second just looking at it and then another second before his eyes widened.
It was an engagement ring. An engagement ring that James had in his pants pocket. The pants Regulus had took when he left.
“Oh my god-” Regulus breathed out.
He slipped it on his ring finger and it fit perfectly- like it was made for him.
Regulus didn’t know how to act.
James had bought an engagement ring- an engagement ring for him. He was going to propose.
Regulus didn’t have a plan, but he knew one thing-
He wanted to marry James Potter.
Within minutes he was out the door, running through the rain. He hadn’t spoken to James in weeks, but he still followed what the band did.
They were playing at a smaller venue that night. It was their anniversary of being discovered so they were playing at the bar where it all began.
Regulus lost all hope as he arrived at the bar. The line was around the block, full of people who wanted to be inside and see the band, but settled for hearing them from outside.
There was no way Regulus was getting in there, but he had to try. He quickly bypassed the line, heading for the front.
The bouncer looked up from their clipboard and Regulus almost cried.
“Baby Black! I was wondering if I would be seeing you.” Marlene gleamed as he approached her.
“I’ve never been so happy to see you”, Regulus admitted, “I would love to catch up, but I really have to get in there.”
“Well go on then.” She opened the rope barrier and gestured for Regulus to go inside.
“Really?” Regulus quizzed, a bit surprised how easy that was.
“I was instructed to let you in”, Marlene explained, “Your boys hoped you’d show.”
Regulus smiled at her before scurrying on inside.
The place was beyond packed, but Regulus didn’t let that stop him, slipping through people like he had no bones.
“If ever there was a doubt, my love he leans into me.”
Regulus could hear James singing, but couldn’t see him quite yet. He ducked through the crowd, eventually falling into a pocket of space.
“This most assuredly counts. He says most assuredly.”
There he was. James was front and center, his hair as messy as ever and his glasses falling off his nose.
He’s wearing smudged eyeliner and it makes his eyes pop. The beautiful, big eyes that Regulus loved.
“Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Be my baby. I'll look after you-”
He was made for the stage. Glowing in the spotlight, his eyes all sparkly. Regulus loved watching him.
“After you- Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Be my baby. Oh, oh.”
James’ eyes scanned the crowd before falling on Regulus.
Their eyes met and it was everything Regulus wanted- James was everything Regulus wanted.
He still felt it, still felt the love and passion and desire. It was still there as much as it had always been.
James’ face lit up and he couldn’t help but smile unable to hold back.
“It's always have and never hold. You've begun to feel like home”, James sung, not breaking eye contact, “Yeah- What's mine is yours to leave or take. What's mine is yours to make your own.”
Regulus just smiled back at him.
Home. That’s was what James was. Regulus knew that, even in his moment of doubt, he knew.
“Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Be my baby. Oh, oh.”
Regulus wasn’t worried. They had time to figure it all out- as long as they were together.
“Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Be my baby. Oh, oh.” James sang, smiling out into the crowd without a care in the world.
“Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Be my baby. Oh, oh” Sirius and Remus echoed.
“Oh, oh. Oh, oh. Be my baby. Oh, oh.”
The last few notes played and the crowed went wild with applause.
James jumped down off the stage and people opened the path for him to Regulus.
“I love you- more than anything in this world- and I want everyone to know that.” James huffed.
“Do you ever shut up?” Regulus quizzed before grabbing James’ face and smashing their lips together.
James grabbed Regulus’ waist, pulling him close- pressing their bodies together.
They didn’t need to say anything because the kiss said it all: I love you. I need you. I can’t live without you.
Their kiss was met with a mass wave of applause, but they didn’t care. They kissed until their lungs begged for air.
Regulus pulled away, not acknowledging the people around them just yet.
James smiled so brightly, his pearly whites glistening in the light. He didn’t let go of Regulus, holding him as close as he possibly could.
He chuckled at James’ goofy expression, draping his arms around James’ shoulders.
In a room full of people, knowing the whole world would know soon enough, Regulus said, “I love you too.”