A Conversation with Death, Part Two
"Therapy? You want me to get therapy in order to go back? Did I hear that right? Why?" Hadrian asked, an incredulous look on his face.
Death smiled at his tone.
"The life you have lived lends itself to trauma."
"No—"
Death put his hand up, a universal motion to stop.
Hadrian's mouth snaps shut.
"Don't try to deny it, you may not have the necessary perspective to understand why what was done to you is wrong, but you understand enough. You know that abuse against minors, such as what the Dursley's did to you, is wrong. You know the subtle manipulation scattered throughout your life needs to be addressed, and going back as you are, while I don't doubt you could still change things for the better, it will be a much steeper hill than if you get the necessary help now." Death replied
A million thoughts were flying through Hadrian's mind, but he chose to latch onto the last thing Death had said. "A much steeper hill? How is therapy supposed to help me for when I go back."
The Cheshire grin on Death's face makes Hadrian think he may have mis-stepped.
"I'm glad you asked." Death said with a cheery tone.
Oh no.
"Quite a few things will hinder your mission if you go back right now.
You want to be sorted into Slytherin but you still think like a Gryffindor. You act without thought, you're brash and impulsive. You still see Slytherin as a "bad" house no matter how unconscious the thoughts may be. Of course, it's not all your fault. Your first introduction to the Wixen world were two Wix telling you that Slytherin is a bad house and a third one showing it.
And, because you think like a Gryffindor, you don't have a plan. Which will be crucial if you want to help as many people as you can. You also need therapy because when I send you back, you will have to endure the Dursley's for a number of years and, while I have no doubt that little plan in your head-" Death poked Hadrian on his forehead. "-to turn Dudley into a friend before he can be your bully will help, what you went through won't magically disappear if you act like it never happened. Your multiple deaths and near deaths won't disappear, seeing your godfather fall through the veil into my realm won't disappear, knowing your parents betrayer is alive and you can't do anything about it for a number of years will take a toll. Your trust issues, especially after your death, or rather the way you died. Your abandonment issues; You attached yourself to the first friends you had so firmly, you hardly had space or time for anyone else, you unknowingly isolated yourself. You had a godbrother who was looking forward to getting to know you, Beloved, and so much more. If not addressed, it could all hinder the progress you wish to make in the Wixen world. Not to mention, that in between therapy sessions, you can learn more about all the topics you already started looking into before your death. You can plan for the future-past you wish to change, I'll help with what I can, but I cannot help someone who will not help themselves. And of course, if you want to bring Severus back with you, he will need to go through therapy as well. Though it will be your job to convince him."
"Me? You want me to convince him? You think I can?" Baffled did not begin to cover what Hadrian felt at having to be the one to convince Severus.
"If anyone can it's you. He loves you, you know, equally if not more than he hates you."
"He loves me?" Hadrian felt fragile at that thought, he knew he was loved but this was different.
"How could he not? You're his sister's child. There wasn't ever any chance that he could do anything but love you, even if you did have the face of his tormentor."
"Sister?" The thought of his mother and Severus being like siblings never crossed Hadrian's mind. He was always told Severus was in love, with his mother, true, love does not have to be romantic, but he had been so sure the implication was there.
"Lily and Severus had a complex relationship, they were each other's first friend in the magickal world, they clung to each other and were fiercely protective of each other. James Potter was better off befriending Severus if he wanted a chance with Lily than tormenting him. Lily was content to never give James a chance until the fateful day you saw in fifth year. Up until that moment Lily and Severus had always known each other as siblings in all but blood, but we all know that even siblings fight. Lily was a spitfire, she was stubborn and angry. She knew she'd eventually forgive him, but by the time she had calmed down enough to try, they were in the middle of a war and a grudge against her brother seemed unimportant. By that point, she was already married and having a child, and she had no way to contact Severus. She still loved him, of course, but she could do nothing as she watched him walk into the arms of a lunatic who promised him safety." Death smiled sadly.
"Severus never tried to make excuses for what he said, he knew he was wrong and he apologized as many times as he could. He also knew that forgiveness was Lily's alone to grant, but he was also a desperate child who was never told there could be a third option or even no option at all. There is always a choice, but circumstances do matter in those choices; to be beaten down in your own home and in the school that's supposed to be your haven from the pain in your home. To be sorted into a house that sees you as lesser because of your blood and have to find a way to survive, it all factors in. Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask for it. What a load of bullshit. Tom Riddle. Severus Snape. Harry Potter. And who knows how many more children needed help from their families and homes and never got it." Death chuckled mirthlessly.
"So yes, Hadrian, it will be you who must convince Severus to go back with you at all and if he does, to endure therapy and be vulnerable enough to get help before he goes back."