Visit 5.5
“Good morning, Hermione.”
“Good morning, Dr. Stone.”
“What brings you in today? They said you requested to come in immediately this morning.”
“I needed a session before my evening plans.”
“That is completely fair. It has been a while since you have gone to a place not in your safe zone. What about tonight is troubling you?”
“I’m not particularly troubled,” At least the sun is shining today, “I just don’t feel ready for this. It feels like it’s all going to be some sick joke in the end. I’m going to Nott Manor, a place I’ve never been, with people who have treated me like rubbish my whole life.”
“It’s okay to be nervous. You have a full toolbelt of skills that can help in situations where you feel overwhelmed. There is also no reason that you can’t leave if you’re uncomfortable.”
“I know.”
“How about we schedule a session for tomorrow afternoon, and we can debrief everything that happened, your emotions, and which steps we can take from there?”
“Yes.”
“What else is on your mind today? You’ve been very focused on the window today.”
“I like the sunny days, they’re easier than rainy days.”
“How are the sunny days easier? Elaborate for me.”
“When it’s sunny outside I just feel better. It’s hard to explain really, but I just feel lighter.”
“That’s completely fair. How about we focus on that today. Do you think tonight will go better because it’s sunny?”
“I don’t know. I feel like it will all be okay. Pansy has written me a few quick letters about how excited she is to have me there. Her and Blaise are going to try for a child soon and I think she’s wanting help with the nursery ideas. She always complains about the testosterone levels.”
“Do you think focusing on that with Pansy would help you to feel more comfortable?”
“I believe so.”
“Are you concerned with being around the others? I know that Malfoy has been a point of debate for you.”
“I think we could tolerate each other,” I bite the inside of my cheek, “It’s not like he says much to begin with. The book he gave me was nice though.”
“You mentioned a book. What book did it turn out to be?”
“Pride and Prejudice. A great book.”
“It is a great book. Why do you think he chose it?”
“Because it’s a good book?”
“So when it comes to Malfoy, his gift had no significance?”
“I don’t believe so. He probably asked a book seller about a popular book for women. It’s a second edition in great condition.”
“That’s very kind of him.”
“It’s strange to hear that about him. The words ‘kind’ and ‘Malfoy’ don’t really match in my brain.”
“It seems as though he’s trying to be nice.”
“I guess,” a loud huff escaped my chest, “It just feels so odd to be meeting with them again and it isn’t about apologies or forgiveness.”
“Take it as a step. Each meeting with people is a step towards learning more about them. It may surprise you what you don’t know about them.”
“I guess.”
“Why don’t we do our check in before you go? We can use that as a gauge to see if you are ready for this evening.”
“Alright,” breathe, “Starting with attacks related to anxiety, correct?”
“Yes ma’am.”
“No,” liar, “Well, almost but no.”
“Elaborate, please.”
“I had a nightmare about tonight and it woke me up in a cold sweat. The dream was that Nott Manor was actually Malfoy Manor and I was back in the war.”
“What do you feel that the dream meant?”
“That I’m nervous.”
“Is it wrong to be nervous about an event?”
“No.”
“And you were able to stop the attack?”
“Yes.”
“That’s progress. We can’t always control where we are or who we are with. The important part is finding things within our control and maintaining what we can. You know Nott Manor is not Malfoy Manor. You know Bellatrix is dead. You know that these people are not inherently bad people, they had a bad upbringing. These are all things you know, correct?”
“Yes.”
“So what does that tell you?”
“That I do have control in this situation.”
“How so?”
“I can leave if I want. I know that they have shown me no reason in recent events that I should feel anything but comfortable. They have each welcomed me to this event in their own way.”
“Good. How are you feeling about tonight after this short session?”
“Confident.”
“So we discussed attacks and nightmares. Any thoughts of self-harm or suicide?”
“Nope.”
“Good. I’m glad you came in Hermione, you already seem much calmer than before.”
“I feel a lot better. Thank you for seeing me, Dr. Stone.”
“Of course, see you tomorrow.”