Tears we had to share
Barty was exhausted as he opened his front door and came inside. His coat was wet from the rain, even though he only walked from the car to the door. He could hear that the tv was on. He walked through the corridor, as the voices became louder.
Bart passed the kitchen. “Hey Rosie, I’m home!” “Hey love, how was work?” Evan’s voice came from the living room, on top of the sounds of the television.
“Why’d you call me love, Rosie, you never call me love” Barty let out a small laugh thinking it was a joke, as he got to their living room. Evan was on the couch, turning to look at Barty as he laughed a little.
“What do you mean, I always call you love” Evan got up from the couch and got up to Barty’s level, still being shorter than him.
“No you don’t, Rosie, you don't call me love” Barty started to get confused by Evan’s words to him. He was acting weird and not like his usual self.
“Is everything alright, are you feeling okay” Evan asked Barty “Because that is definitely what I normally call you”
“That is not my name Evan” Barty got a step closer to him. Barty was now a little worried that Evan could have forgotten his name. But Evan loves him right?
"Evan, what is my name"
“I know your name, don’t worry,” Evan assured him.
"Then say it" He said as he got closer. Barty put his hand on Evan's cheek. "Please Rosie, please say it"
Barty’s eyes started watering, while he held on to Evan’s cheek. He could feel a tear running down Evan’s cheek. He started to get angry at Evan, for not just saying the stupid name.
"I don't know it" Evan whispered, biting his bottom lip. Barty’s face dropped, his face was now just blank. No emotion, not a single one.
Bartys hand dropped from Evans cheek on top of his shoulder. He squeezed Evans shoulder harder each second. His eyes started watering once again because of Evan.
“No, no, no, NO! EVAN! W-we were supposed to love each other and live t-together for the rest of our lives” He was rabeling. Tears were running down his cheeks onto his shirt.
Evan just stood there, eyes full of tears. “I’m sorry, I’m so so sorry, I just can’t, please. I'm sorry. Please tell me your name”
“Do you not know what that means Evan? It means you don’t love me.” Barty was at his breaking point, the man that he loved didn’t love him.
“You need to go, leave now and never even think about getting back” Barty raised his voice and was almost yelling at Evan, who was crying “And you don’t get to cry, Evan. You’re the one who is breaking MY heart at the moment. Do you have any idea how this feels”
“Yes I fucking do. You have no idea what it feels like to know everything that we have done, but not to remember the name of the man I did everything with and that is breaking MY heart” Evan started yelling back at Barty, his bright blue eyes, which Barty loved looking into, wet from tears.
“I am not the one who forgot your name and stopped loving you. in fact I still fucking love you because I can still remember you fucking name Evan” Barty was now a complete mess, “What did I do”
“What do you mean by that Bar-” Evan stopped his sentence, almost forgetting what Barty Crouch Sr. told him. His heart stopped for a moment thinking Barty heard him, but he was too angry to notice.
“What shit did I do to make you fall out of love with me?” Barty was broken and longing for an answer to his question. This was what he would have to tell all of his friends. He’d had to say that I did something shitty and now Evan doesn’t remember my name.
“You didn’t do anything, you have to believe me. It’s not your fault. You haven’t done anything wrong, not at all love, please believe me” Evan was now begging that Barty would believe him.
“Evan I love you, do you realize that?” Barty’s voice was shaking and breaking. “I’m going to Reg’s. You better be gone by tomorrow morning” He left Evan standing in their living room, as he went upstairs and packed clothes in his bag. Barty took their car and drove to Regulus’ home.
When Barty drove to Regulus’ driveway, he couldn’t bring himself to leave his car. He can’t remember the last time he cried. He never cries, but today he has cried more than he ever has. He cried the whole way to Reg’s. Barty hit his forehead in the middle of the wheel. The car's horn made a really loud noise, which made Regulus come to the window.
Regulus saw Barty’s car and immediately went to the door and put his shoes on. He walked to Barty’s car and knocked on the window. Barty’s head got up from the wheel to look at Reg.
Barty opened the door and went to hug Regulus, He had to bend so he could rest his head on Regulus’ shoulder. Regulus knew something was wrong, Barty knows Regulus doesn’t do hugs, but now something is really wrong.
“Hey Barty, what's going on, are you okay, where’s Evan?” The last question is what made Barty brake once more today. Now Regulus was even more worried, he had never sawn Barty cry, so something is really wrong.
Regulus rubbed his hand on Bartys back, even if Regulus isn’t the one for physical attention and calming someone down, for certain people he just knew what to do, even though he never did it before. Barty was starting to calm down with Regulus’ actions.
“S-sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn't have hugged you out of n-nowhere. I know you don’t like it” Barty sniffed and wiped his tears with his sleeve, while he quickly broke the hug.
“No Barty it’s fine, let’s get you inside” Regulus said to Barty. As they were at the porch another car drove to Regulus’ driveway. It was James’ car with only James in it. “I didn’t know you were having company come over, I wouldn’t have come otherwise, I’m sorry” Barty was sorry he had interrupted something.
“James can wait, it’s alright, he’ll understand” Regulus said just as James’ car door slammed and they heard his voice “Hello Reggie” Regulus rolled his eyes, as he heard the nickname. “How many times do I have to tell you not to call me that Potter”
“Hi Barts, you feeling alright” James asked with his bright voice and attitude of sunshine that he is. “Yeah, there's just one thing I needed to talk about with Reg, privately if that's fine, it’ll be just a moment” Barty said obviously, not as energetic as James.
“Oh yeah, no problem, I’ll just wait here, till you're done talking” James told them. “You’re not waiting in the rain, you’ll come inside, we’ll go to a different room” Regulus said to James, looking straight into his eyes. Barty looked between Regulus and James, it was clear there was something going on. James nodded and followed them inside.
Regulus took Barty upstairs to his room and closed the door after. “So… What's going on with you?” Reg asked while he sat down on his bed next to Barty. “Umm… So, uh, Evan, kinda, in a way, maybe, has forgotten my name. I guess” Barty was struggling to find the right words to say “I don’t know what I did wrong, but there has to be something I did, I’m sure” Regulus was too stunned to speak, so he just put his hand on Barty’s shoulder.
“A-and I kinda, lashed out on him and told him to leave while I’m gone, while I’m here” Regulus’ other hand found its way up to his mouth. “Oh Barty, I’m so sorry. It's definitely not your fault in any way” Barty turned to look at Regulus and he almost started crying again, but managed to stop the tears before they came. He had cried enough for the next ten years.
“Hey I’ll go tell James that we’ll have to change our plans to another day, and we’ll do something distracting, yeah?” Regulus asked as he stood up, still having a hand on Barty’s shoulder. “No, it’s fine, you don’t have to cancel your plans because I just barged in here, with my problems” Barty felt really bad that he crashed Reg’s and James’ plans.
“James will understand, I promise, we can go on a date another day” Regulus knows Barty feels bad, so he tries to make it a little better. “You were going on a what now?” Barty was too stunned to speak “ He never knew Regulus had feelings for James, they did know James liked Regulus, it was too obvious. “A date” Regulus gave a very simple answer “Which we’re going on another day” Regulus said before he walked towards the door.
“No you should go on the date” Barty said, but Regulus had already left the room. Barty got up from the bed to go after Reg. When he got to the top of the stairs he heard James’ voice “Oh okay, it’s completely fine, I’ll just reschedule the date, no problem. Make sure Barts is fine” James’ hand was on Regulus’ hip. “I love you Reggie” He said before pulling him to a kiss. “I love you too, Jamie” Regulus said after they pulled out of the kiss.
They pulled apart from each other and saw Barty on top of the stairs staring at them “Hey Barts, it’s okay, we’ll have plenty of other dates” James said to him. James is just too pure for this world.
“When you said we’d do something distracting, I didn’t think this was what you were talking about” Barty said with a facemask on, a glass of wine, eating ice cream while watching clueless ( aka. the best movie of all time )
“Well you’re distracted, so it’s working” Regulus said while putting a spoon full of ice cream in his mouth “So… tell me about James, why haven’t you told us about you two” Barty said in a weird voice, poking Regulus’ cheek with his index finger, which made Regulus turn to him with a weirded out face.
“What the fuck are you doing, don’t touch my face you prick” Regulus pushed his hand away from his face. “And we were keeping it to ourselves until like last week, when we decided to start telling people” Barty has never seen Regulus be this happy. “Except Sirius, we’ll tell him at some point. He’ll lose his mind” Regulus rolled his eyes “I’m still not sure how he feels about me, I mean he didn’t really like when I started hanging out with his boyfriend, so you can just imagine how he feels about me dating his best friend”
“He’ll freak out, but eventually he will be fine. It’s always the same” Barty assures him while taking a sip of his wine. “I’m happy for you Reg, you look happy” Regulus throws his head back and closes his eyes “I an happy, and in love, I’ve never been in love Barty”
“Oh Reg! My little Regulus is in love!” Barty throws his hands in the air almost forgetting about his wine glass and almost dropping it. They were definitely almost drunk, well fully drunk.
“I’m not your little Regulus” Regulus said, taking the wine glass from Barty’s hand and taking a sip from it. “Oh yeah, sorry, forgot your now James’ little Reggie” Barty was now teasing Regulus, to distract himself from his own problems. “Shut up Barty”
The film ended and the boys decided to head to sleep in their separate rooms. Barty was sleeping in Regulus’ quest room which was opposite the long hallway. Regulus’ house was big for one person, but maybe in the future there will be more people. When his uncle died he and Sirius both got a fortune. Regulus decided to invest in a house, but he still had a lot of money. But still most of his money came from his amazing poetry.
After school ended they were all wondering what they would do. Regulus has always been into poetry and the poetry was so good. Evan and Barty always told Regulus to publish it, so once he did, the poems got popular, it did take a couple of years but they did.
Barty’s favorite one is ‘To a Friend Who Sent Me Roses’
As late I rambled in the happy fields,
What time the skylark shakes the tremulous dew
From his lush clover covert;—when anew
Adventurous knights take up their dinted shields;
I saw the sweetest flower wild nature yields,
A fresh-blown musk-rose; ’twas the first that threw
Its sweets upon the summer: graceful it grew
As is the wand that Queen Titania wields.
And, as I feasted on its fragrancy,
I thought the garden-rose it far excelled;
But when, O Wells! thy roses came to me,
My sense with their deliciousness was spelled:
Soft voices had they, that with tender plea
Whispered of peace, and truth, and friendliness unquelled.
Barty can read it from his memory, when it was Evan’s 21st birthday, Barty gave him a gift with that poem on a card. That was the night when they slept together for the first time. After the night, they ignored each other, until five days later, when Evan came to Barty’s door with a bouquet of red roses and the card with the poem. Barty framed the cards dn it’s still on the wall of Barty’s home.
Barty’s home is nothing compared to Regulus’, but it’s his home. Barty works as a bartender, for now, he wanted to own a tattoo shop, because he loved tattoos. Either that or working as a fashion designer, he has done hundreds of designs, but never showed them to anyone, before he got together with Evan. Evan loved the designs and tried to get Barty to send them to an agency but Barty never did.
Evan owns a bookshop in central London. He always puts Regulus’ work in the front window. Evan loves his shop and would spend every minute of his life there, but at the same time he wanted to spend every minute of his life home, with Barty. The shop is doing well and Evan will work on his shop until the day he dies. Remus works at the bookshop with Evan and they have gotten really close because of it.
Sirius owns a tattoo shop, Black Inc. Which was inspiring for Barty to have a dream of owning one of his own. Barty does get all of his tattoos from Sirius now. Barty has a snake on his neck, roses on his bicep, the line ‘Whispered of peace, and truth, and friendliness unquelled’ From Regulus’ poem on his side, and a lot more. Next one will be something big on his back.
James has a completely different job to Sirius, James works as a kindergarten teacher. It’s completely the right work area for him. James absolutely adores his students, Regulus wrote a children's poetry book, just for James to read it to his students in the mornings. Regulus gave the book to James for his 23rd birthday last year.
Regulus and James have been officially dating for six months, but had some feelings floating around for years before that. They haven’t told anyone about their relationship, because they wanted to enjoy it just between them. Even if Sirius is now an adult and ‘mature’ he would still freak out and most likely kill James or Regulus, who knows. During Regulus’ and Barty’s relaxation moment, Regulus told Barty that he and James were thinking of moving in together, but wanted to tell people about them before they moved in together.
Barty lays in the guest bedroom bed and is completely lost in his thoughts. His mind keeps jumping between him and Evan, just Evan, Regulus and James and just his life. He keeps switching from side to side trying to get some sleep, before having to go back to his house to see if Evan left or not.
In a way Barty hopes Evan didn’t leave, just so Barty could make Evan fall in love with him again, but Evan hurt him in a way he’s never been hurt before, not by his father, not by his family, not by anyone.
“I’m going to Reg’s. You better be gone by tomorrow morning” He left Evan standing in their living room. Evan watched as Barty stormed upstairs and saw as he left with a bag. Evan just stood there, not moving at all. He feels so horrible for what he did to Barty, knowing he couldn’t tell him the truth.
Evan knew he couldn’t stay, it would hurt Barty even more than he had hurt him just now. So Evan decided to start packing his clothes and stuff. He also took all the pictures that had him in them, so Barty wouldn’t have to look at him when he came back. There weren't a lot of pictures in their home, but there were a few that he took with him. Evan’s mind was filled with all the memories of them when he looked at all the pictures.
Only picture he left for Barty was a picture of him and Barty, where Evan was facing the camera and Barty had his hands wrapped around Evan and he was kissing Evan’s neck. Behind them was a beautiful sunset. Evan remembers that day like it was yesterday, even though it was almost three years ago. That was the day when Barty asked Evan to be his boyfriend. Their friends were there, Regulus, Pandora and Dorcas. Pandora took the photo and gave the photo in a frame to them when they moved in together.
Evan took the photo out of the frame and wrote a note in the back of it.
Dear Barty,
I hope you one day find this note. It might be in a day, in a month or in years. I need you to know the truth, I don’t even know if you’ll ever even see this, but I need to tell you.
The truth is I do remember you, I do love you Barty. Barty is your name, I remember you I promise. You might have a lot of questions but I’ll answer the ones I think you're going to ask.
The reason why I lied about forgetting you is because of your father. He found out we were together and he threatened me. One day when I was at the bookshop, he came there and said to me, “If you don’t break up with him, I’ll make sure you and him are done. I'll make both of your lives a living hell, and if you even dare to tell him, this little shop of yours will burn to the ground”
I don’t want you to forget that I hurt you badly, but I hope you’ll forgive me. And I do understand if you don’t. If you decide to forgive me, I hope you’ll come to me. I’ll stay at my shop, there is a room in the back, where I’ll sleep. So if I’m not at the front of the shop, tell Remus if you want to see me.
I realize now as I’m writing this note, that the way I handled the situation was wrong and really hurtful towards you. I wish I’d done something differently, but what is done is done and I can’t change that anymore.
I love you.
As late I rambled in the happy fields,
What time the skylark shakes the tremulous dew
From his lush clover covert;—when anew
Adventurous knights take up their dinted shields;
I saw the sweetest flower wild nature yields,
A fresh-blown musk-rose; ’twas the first that threw
Its sweets upon the summer: graceful it grew
As is the wand that Queen Titania wields.
And, as I feasted on its fragrancy,
I thought the garden-rose it far excelled;
But when, O Wells! thy roses came to me,
My sense with their deliciousness was spelled:
Soft voices had they, that with tender plea
Whispered of peace, and truth, and friendliness unquelled.
Your Rosie
“If you ever feel like shit, come straight to me, okay?” Regulus made sure that Braty knew who he could trust for sure. “I don’t know about the straight part, but I’ll come gay to you,” Barty smirked and Regulus just shook his head. “You’re a moron,” Regulus said.
Barty made his way to his car when he got closer, he slowly realized he had to go to see if Evan was home. Barty had a great and a distracting day with Regulus, so he forgot about his problems for the night. And now he has to face them again.
Barty’s ride back home was quiet. Too quiet. Every time Barty drove he had music blasting through the speakers, but today it was just silence. He got to his driveway nervous and scared to potentially face Evan.
Barty took his keys out of his front left pocket and opened the front door. He could sense the coldness that was left in the house. He felt the emptiness. He already could tell Evan wasn’t here anymore.
Walking into the living room he couldn’t even tell Evan left, because everything was in their own spot. Nothing has been moved. Barty looked around and just felt empty. He didn’t feel sad or angry, just empty.
Barty went up the stairs to their room, where he could see Evan was actually gone. His wardrobe door was open and it was almost fully empty. He only left behind everything that was Barty’s. Wait, how did he only leave my clothes if he forgot about me. Barty started going through the clothes. Every. Single. One. Was his. The hoodies, the shirts, the pants. All of them.
He started looking around for his phone. Not finding it in his room he ran down the stairs. He saw the phone on the counter. He picked up the phone and called Evan.
‘You’ve reached Evan, leave the message’ Barty groaned and started speaking. “Evan, it’s Barty. I hope you hear this. You never forgot about me. I don’t know why you would have lied but I need to talk to you. Please come home” He sent the voicemail and fell on the couch. Shit, shit, SHIT. Barty didn’t know what to do anymore. He had no idea where Evan could be. Except maybe the store.
Barty picked up the phone and called Remus. “Hey what's up” Remus’ voice ran through the phone's speakers. “Is Evan at the store” Barty asked immediately when Remus picked up “Whoah slow down Barty, he came just like fifteen minutes ago” Remus answered. He sounded a little confused. “Did you not know. Don’t you live together” “Yeah, I spent the night at Reggie’s” Barty was relieved knowing Evanwas somewhere safe. “Okay yeah, but anyway Evan’s here and he feels really shitty so you probably should come here” Remus told Barty. He couldn’t bring himself to tell Remus the truth. “I’ll be there in ten” Barty said and shut his phone.
Barty ran through the doors of the store. Remus jumped a bit “holy shit Barty a little warning next time, please” The store was empty. Remus was between some shelves putting more books up. “Evan’s at the back” Remus said pointing at the door behind the counter. “thanks”
Barty stopped at the door taking a deep breath before entering the back. There he saw him. Evan turned around and saw Barty. “So you really left,” Barty said to him, breaking the long and awkward silence. “You told me to” Evan responded quietly. “You supposedly forgot about me” Evan’s eyes opened wide. “What are yo-” Barty cut Evan off “I don’t know why you’d want me to think you forgot about me, but I’m smarter than that. You took every clothing out of your closet except everything that I owed” Barty came closer to Evan step by step. “So do you want to explain or should I go” Barty asked. He was close to Evan, but not enough to touch him.
“Barty I-” Barty snapped his fingers and pointed at him “So you do remember me” Evan took his hand out and put Bartys pointing finger down. “It was your dad. He found out that you broke off your engagement because of me- he threatened me and told me he would make sure you would never get in the fashion business. I know it is your dream. He also said he would ruin the shop. I couldn’t risk your life and career for us”
“Evan I do not care what my father would do to me or my career. I don’t give two shits about him and I’m not afraid of him. You should have told me” Barty was now standing even closer to Evan “I get that you aren't scared but at the time I was terrified. I didn’t know what to do. He had eyes and ears everywhere. He came to me yesterday saying I did well” Barty could sense Evan’s feelings. Evan’s heart was beating fast and Barty could tell.
“Oh my god Evan you have no clue how much you hurt me but I understand you a little more now” Evan felt really relieved hearing it from Barty himself. “Reggie is probably really mad at you but I or James could get him to calm down” Evan scrunched his eyebrows looking at Barty “James- what” Barty laughed at Evan’s reaction.
“I’m so glad you’re back” Barty said, putting his hands on Evan’s cheeks and pulling him into a sweet but rough kiss.
52 years later
Barty was alone again.
He turned 75 just a few months ago. Barty wasn’t very healthy anymore, worked too much in his 20’s and 30’s. But ever since Evan, the love of his life, passed away, he felt empty but still full from all their happy memories.
Evan and Barty lived a happy life together. Barty got into the fashion industry when Evan once sent his designs to a designer. Barty got a job, but after a while started his own business EVANUE named after his muse. The brand grew and is now a big international brand. Evan worked his whole life at the book shop.
Now the brand EVANUE is Barty’s and Evan’s legacy.
After Evan passed Barty decided to move. He was cleaning their stuff and packing them into their own boxes. Barty turned around with a box in his arms and accidentally dropped a photo frame. It was the sunset photo of them. The glass broke and Barty picked it up.
Behind the picture was a note.
Dear Barty,
I hope you one day find this note. It might be in a day, in a month or in years. I need you to know the truth, I don’t even know if you’ll ever even see this, but I need to tell you.
The truth is I do remember you, I do love you Barty. Barty is your name, I remember you I promise. You might have a lot of questions but I’ll answer the ones I think you're going to ask.
The reason why I lied about forgetting you is because of your father. He found out we were together and he threatened me. One day when I was at the bookshop, he came there and said to me, “If you don’t break up with him, I’ll make sure you and him are done. I'll make both of your lives a living hell, and if you even dare to tell him, this little shop of yours will burn to the ground”
I don’t want you to forget that I hurt you badly, but I hope you’ll forgive me. And I do understand if you don’t. If you decide to forgive me, I hope you’ll come to me. I’ll stay at my shop, there is a room in the back, where I’ll sleep. So if I’m not at the front of the shop, tell Remus if you want to see me.
I realize now as I’m writing this note, that the way I handled the situation was wrong and really hurtful towards you. I wish I’d done something differently, but what is done is done and I can’t change that anymore.
I love you.
As late I rambled in the happy fields,
What time the skylark shakes the tremulous dew
From his lush clover covert;—when anew
Adventurous knights take up their dinted shields;
I saw the sweetest flower wild nature yields,
A fresh-blown musk-rose; ’twas the first that threw
Its sweets upon the summer: graceful it grew
As is the wand that Queen Titania wields.
And, as I feasted on its fragrancy,
I thought the garden-rose it far excelled;
But when, O Wells! thy roses came to me,
My sense with their deliciousness was spelled:
Soft voices had they, that with tender plea
Whispered of peace, and truth, and friendliness unquelled.
Your Rosie