Benjy Fenwick is such a good person. Sirius Black doesn’t deserve him. He’s too nice, and he’s so full of happiness and love. Sirius Black doesn’t want this. He can’t stand another hour with Benjy pretending to be so sickeningly in love. He so very dearly wants to be but he can’t, not anymore. If it weren’t for Remus Lupin- and his perfect eyes, and his lovely curly hair, and his gorgeous laugh- maybe Sirius would love Benjy. But Remus is always there, lingering, making sure Sirius won’t ever love another as much as he did him.
“Pads?? You daydreaming over there?” James, Sirius’s second half. He has three, really, but there’s no chance he’d ever get that last bit back. “Sirius! I asked you if you’re okay singing on Winner? Obviously you don’t have to, I know it’s-“
“No Prongs I’m fine. I can sing on Winner, I actually want mumsie to know it’s about her-I’m just thinking” Sirius interrupted. He could tell James wanted him to elaborate, but that wasn’t going to happen. Because the subject of his thoughts is in the room right now, watching Sirius with a tilt to his head and a gleam in his perfect, perfect brown eyes.
“YEAH! We’ll make it a-a diss track about Walburga!!” The fourth boy in the recording studio, Peter, piped in. Sirius barked out a laugh, and then James, then Peter, and, finally, Remus.
God, Sirius missed that laugh. He used to hear it every night, when the two would fall asleep next to each other in complete bliss. But Sirius pushed that thought to the back of his mind and just let himself laugh with his friends. How it’s supposed to go. Remus and him weren’t good for each other. Fame broke them apart- and that’s alright! Sirius has Benjy now! And he loves him, right? Right?
-
Sirius finally left the recording studio an hour later, and was met with surprisingly less paparazzi than he anticipated.
“Ben?” Sirius shouted as he walked into his house, slipping off his boots and shaking out his curls.
A dark skinned boy wandered into the room, smiling at Sirius. “Hi, love! How was the studio?”
Sirius reached up and pecked him on the lips, Benjy had around 2 inches on him- but Sirius was used to any height differences. Remus had 6 inches on him, anyway. “Fine! We were a bit slow today. No one had any ideas,” Sirius shrugged. “You alright?”
“Yep.” Ben grinned.
And Benjy was too good for Sirius. Too fucking good.
Sirius really fucking missed his Moony.
-
Sirius didn’t mean to write the song. Really. It just popped into his head- and then it was in his notebook.
Perfect, easy, so good, to me
So why's there a pit in my gut in the shape of you?
Distract myself, say it's somethin' else
Maybe I'm just overwhelmed, maybe I'm confused
Barely sleep when you sleep next to me
But I keep thinkin' I'll find a cure
I say that I'm fine, I tell you all the time
I've never felt so happy and sure
But I'm so scared of my guitar
'Cause it cuts right through to the heart
Yeah, it knows me too well so I got no excuse
I can't lie to it the same way that I lie to you
I'm so scared of my guitar
If I play it, then I'll think too hard
Once you let the thought in, then it's already done
So I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love
If I was brave and noble like you
I'd have the nerve to just stop stringin' you along
But I'm not half as decent as you
I'd rather be tied to someone, even if they're wrong
And make excuses, my friends know the truth is
I'm not as alright as I claim
Say that I'm fine, I tell them all the time
As they watch all the light fade away
Yeah, I'm so scared of my guitar
'Cause it cuts right through to the heart
Yeah, it knows me too well so I got no excuse
I can't lie to it the same way that I lie to you
I'm so scared of my guitar
If I play it, then I'll think too hard
Once you let the thought in, then it's already done
So I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love
Yeah, I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love
I pretend that it's love
I pretend that it's love
I pretend that it's love, love
'Cause what if I never find anything better?
The doubt always creeps through my mind
So we'll stay together 'cause how could I ever
Trade somethin' that's good for what's right?
Oh, I'm so scared of my guitar
It cuts right through to my heart
It knows me too well, I got no excuse
I can't lie to it the same way that I lie to you
I'm so scared of my guitar
When I play it is when I think too hard
I let the thought in, it's already done
But I lay in your arms and pretend that it's love
Yeah, I lay in your arms and pretend it's enough
He cried when he finished the song. He sobbed and he choked until Benjy walked into room, and Sirius lost it.
-
“Pads??” Remus yelled from their bedroom, peeking his head out and grinning at Sirius, holding up his notebook. “Look at this! We need to put it on the album, it’s perfect!”
Sirius smiled broadly and ran over to his moony, glancing at the page he had held out in his hand, and kissing him full on the mouth. Perfect, perfect, perfect boy.
“Play it for me, moons?” Sirius asked as he pulled away, locking eyes with Remus.
And he did.
Sirius cried.
They released it that Sunday, and ‘Lover’ reached number 1 on the billboard charts for 20 consecutive weeks.
-
Sirius woke up with tears streaming down his cheeks. He looked up at Benjy, whose hands were gripping his waist.
Sirius bolted out of his grasp, and ran to the bathroom- hardly reaching the toilet bowl before he vomited.
Sirius missed his moon.