James was a put together person. He barely cried and always took care of the people around him. His friends never saw him fall and knew he would always be there for them.
But everyone needs help sometimes. No one can keep up the stamina he had forever.
Regulus had been watching James for a while. He said it was because he wanted to keep an eye on his brother, but after a while even his friends knew that was a lie. James was like a magnet, always pulling Regulus’ gaze. During meals Regulus would stare as James laughed and smiled with his friends. He would watch as James dropped the face when he thought no one could see.
So when Regulus discovered James at the astronomy tower one night, he almost wasn’t surprised. He had seen the hidden tears, the pain that James would never show. He felt it in his own soul. Regulus could never let others see his emotions, so when he saw this bubbly boy struggling, it hurt him in a different way than he had ever felt before.
Regulus needed space to breathe after a stifling conversation with Barty and Evan about their parents. They were all worried about what was happening with the war. Barty was mad at his dad, and Evan was trying to calm him.
So Regulus walked up the long set of stairs towards the tallest tower. He came here a lot. Anytime he just needed to be alone with the stars. He didn’t expect anyone to be there, so when he climbed through the trap door and heard sniffling, he was startled.
Quickly standing up and turning to find his brother's best friend sitting on the floor. “James…” he breathed out, more of a reflex than a conscious decision.
James sat up quickly when he noticed the younger boy and tried to wipe his face. Regulus didn’t know what to do. He never expected to interact with James one on one. It was always Regulus talking to Sirius with James there.
James crumpled when he realized it was just Regulus, pulling his legs in closer. Regulus stood still for a few seconds, trying to decide what to do. He wanted to comfort the boy but was afraid of scaring him.
Regulus walked towards James and sat down next to him. Leaning his head against James’ shoulder, just trying to offer some sort of comfort.
He could hear James trying to stop crying, “James, it's okay to cry.” He turned his head to look at him. “You can’t always be perfect for others.” James turned his head at this, letting out a choked sob at the sight of the younger boy.
They sat like that for a while longer, just enjoying eachothers company. “Why are you here Regulus?” James stared at the constellations above them, “you never seemed to care about me before, but you’re here.”
Regulus stared at this boy he had been obsessed with for the past year, realizing how deep the pain in James’ life went. “Because I do care. A lot. I see your pain. I’ve watched you zone out at meals. I’ve watched you hide it all, and I know how much that can hurt, because I do it too.”
Although Regulus put up a different facade, he still hid his true feelings. He didn’t let people know how much their words got to him and he never showed the pain he felt. It was something he had had to learn to do in the Black household. Sirius had just done it in a different way, but even he hid some feelings.
James could feel the emotions in the boy's voice, realizing how similar they were. “I never knew. I didn’t think anyone saw.” “Well I did. And I care.”
The next night when Regulus climbed the stairs, he wasn’t surprised to find the glasses-wearing boy sitting there. This time with a dull smile on his face. Regulus sat next to James, trying to keep more space in between them than last night. He couldn’t fall for this boy any more, he couldn’t hurt them both that way.
“I brought you a scone.” Regulus looked over at James offering up the pastry. He cocked his head, “What?” James put the scone in Regulus’ hands. “You weren’t at dinner. I brought you a scone.”
Regulus stared at it. “You noticed I wasn’t there?” James nodded, “Sirius did, he always does.”
Regulus felt tears brimming his eyes, “oh.” emotions raging in his mind.
They sat together almost every night, watching the stars and talking about everything and nothing. James felt at ease around Regulus, and they both let down their facades and were just themselves. Regulus taught James about the stars and James taught him to dance desi style.
James told Regulus stories about Sirius, about his own childhood. He told Regulus stories he had never told anyone before. He told him about the time he fell off his broom and couldn’t fly for a few days because he was scared.
They taught each other about their own lives, their pains, their loves, their hopes and dreams. Together they could be free, without anyone's expectations weighing on them. And there was no pressure to be anything more than they were,
but eventually it became more.
A few weeks later Regulus found James crying again. This time Regulus held James and talked about his dream to open a pastry shop. “When all this is over, I'm going to bake and everyone will come to taste my pastries and it will be great. I will be known for something other than my last name. The Stars Oven, that’s what I’ll call it.”
James looked up at the boy, watching his curls bounce as he talked. “I’ll help you. We can live above the bakery and everyone will know us as Reg and Jamie.” Regulus chuckled and glanced down at James. “Ok, we’ll live in a little apartment and we'll have two cats.” James smiled, “Two? Are you holding yourself back?”
A few weeks later Regulus watched James rush out of the dining hall during dinner. He had watched James grow quiet throughout the meal and could see the confusion on his friends faces when James suddenly stood up and rushed out of the hall. And Reg saw his own friends' faces when he rushed out after James.
He found him walking in a hallway on the third floor. Regulus rushed towards him and embraced James; he whispered sweet nothings in the boy's ear and held him as he crumpled to the floor.
“James, sweet boy. What happened love?” He whispered after a few minutes. They were sitting against the wall and James was curled into Regulus’ side. “What's wrong?”
“It was just too much. Sirius and Remus were being all lovey dovey; Peter has a new girlfriend.” he sighed and sat up to look at Regulus, “I just missed you. I knew if I ran you would follow.”
Regulus chuckled and stared at the boy he had fallen so deeply for. He took a deep breath and pressed his lips to James’. James was startled but quickly kissed back. When they separated, Regulus was quick to say “I don’t want you to ever miss me again. I’ll always be here, if you want me.”
They would spend nights in the astronomy tower together. They went on secret Hogsmead dates and they were at all of each other's quidditch games.
Regulus was happy with James, he could let his cold facade down and just laugh. He felt at ease with James and loved him with his whole heart.
James was happy with Regulus, he could cry and felt safe to share his feelings. But he also could laugh and smile and be in love.
It wasn’t easy, pretending they weren’t together. When they saw each other in the halls, James wished he could run to Regulus, wished he could shout it from the top of the castle; ‘Regulus Black loves me!’
If Sirius started talking about Regulus, he had James’ full attention. He wanted to talk about his lover but knew he had to be careful. He didn’t want to hurt Sirius, Regulus and James had agreed to take it slowly and wait to tell Sirius. But James really loved Regulus, and it was hard to keep it a secret.
So it was no surprise that when James heard others bad talking Regulus, insulting his name, James got pissed…
James was walking with Sirius and Remus, on their way to lunch. They were passing a group of slytherins in the courtyard when James heard it.
“Both of them blacks are filthy fags. Especially the younger one. At least the older one doesn’t belong to our house.” It was distinctly Mulciber’s voice. James knew it from the countless taunts encounters in the halls and during quidditch games.
James felt Sirius tense beside him, but knew Sirius wouldn’t intervene. Even when it was hard, Sirius didn’t show that he cared for Regulus, preferring to watch from a distance.
But not James.
James stopped dead in his tracks, listening as Mulciber continued to talk, oblivious to his presence. “Regulus couldn’t even stop his brother from leaving him. The pussy just watched.” Sirius and Remus stopped now, turning to stare at James. Sirius knew that James had a hard time standing by when people laughed at his friends, but still Sirius was confused why this bothered James so much. Remus knew. He had seen the hidden looks and had figured out that two of his closest friends were dating.
It was at this point that Mulciber’s group noticed the trio, turning his attention to them. “Oh, look at that. The disappointment, his freak boyfriend, and the blood traitor.” James grabbed his wand, but one look at Remus made him drop it. He didn’t want to have the option for violence, knowing how that could turn out.
But that was before Mulciber continued to talk, “How's your brother Black? Still a weakling? Or would you even know?”
James was moving before he knew what was happening. He punched Mulciber square in the nose, feeling the pain of a mis-formed fist and ignoring it. He focused on his rage and his love. He tunneled that into pummeling Mulciber.
He tackled him to the ground and hit him again, wanting to get all his anger out. Mulciber tried to push him off, hitting on his ribs.
Soon he was being pulled away by soft hands. He didn’t see who it was before he was fighting them to get back to Mulciber, who lay on the floor breathing hard. All of Mulcibers “friends” had retreated to the other side of the courtyard and were standing around watching.
“James, what do you think you are doing?!” James knew that voice. It was the voice in his dreams at night and the voice he longed to hear throughout the day. Regulus.
Quickly whipping around James saw that it was in fact his boyfriend gripping his arm. “Reg, I can explain-” James looked up to see Remus holding Sirius, who had clearly been trying to join the fight, but now stood still staring at the couple. Sirius looked into James’ eyes, confusion meeting fear.
At that moment a rush of people flowed into the courtyard, McGonagall leading. “Mr. Potter! What were you thinking!”
James barely could focus on what was happening around him as he was whisked to the infirmary along with Mulciber.
James woke up laying in a bed in the infirmary. His left hand was bandaged and his head felt heavy. But most importantly his right hand was held by another hand.
His eyes flitted open and he looked to his right, seeing Regulus asleep in a chair next to his bed. His black curls laid against his forehead, smushed from sleeping. He looked peaceful in his sleep, James thought he could stare at Regulus for eternity and never get bored.
Regulus’ eyes opened at that moment and James started, taken by the beauty of two replicas of the earth.
“Jamie,” Regulus sat up, quickly reorienting himself to his surroundings. Regulus moved to sit closer to James, gripping his uninjured hand in his own. “James, what were you thinking?”
James couldn’t answer, ashamed of his actions. He didn’t want Regulus to think him hash, or to be overwhelmed. James had truly fallen for this boy, and having learned his lesson with past relationships, didn’t want to scare Reg off.
“Jamie, look at me” James looked up, gazing into the eyes of the boy who held his heart. “James, I love you.” it wasn’t the first time the words had been uttered, but James felt the underlaid meaning. I accept you.
“Why? Why did you fight mulciber?” Regulus implored the boy, watching his brown skin flush with a light blush.
“He insulted you and sirius. He called you-” James cut himself off, not wanting to utter the word. Weak. the opposite of what Regulus was. Regulus was strong. Regulus was resilient. But most importantly, Regulus was his.
His to protect. His to love. His to cherish and worship.
Regulus moved to sit on the bed next to James, “scoot over, you love bug.” Regulus snuggled down next to James, laying his head against James’ chest. He listened to his heartbeat and felt James arms wrap around him.
“I love you Regulus, and I love your brother, in a different way, but its still love. I won’t stand for people insulting the people I love.”
Regulus felt the weight of the words. He laid on the boy he loved, mimicking the pose they laid in so many nights in the astronomy tower. He listened to the heart that loved him, felt his own returning the signals. He felt safe and secure.
The doors to the infirmary burst open, a boy with long black hair and a wild look in his eyes rushed in, followed by a taller boy in a big brown jumper.
Sirius searched the beds, looking for his best friend. He passed by Mulciber, passed out with a bandage over his nose and bruises littering his face.
Remus grimaced seeing the sight, knowing James would face repercussions for his actions.
Sirius came to a sudden stop in front of a bed. Two bodies lay curled into each other. Regulus’ curls splayed out underneath James' chin, and James' arms held him close.
The two slept peacefully, unaware that Sirius’ whole world was spinning.
Remus could see his boyfriend’s mind racing. This wasn’t how he was supposed to find out his brother and best friend were dating. Remus couldn’t see Sirius’ face so he couldn't tell how he was reacting.
Remus took a step forward and wrapped his arms around the shorter boy's waist, offering him comfort.
“Siri, this isn’t how they wanted you to find out.” Sirius tensed, “You knew?” he turned and placed his hands against Remus’ chest, not knowing if he should pull in or push away.
Remus nodded, a solemn look donning his face. “You knew…” Sirius muttered, finally deciding to pull in. He embraced Remus and hid his face in the jumper.
“I’m not mad, I’m happy. I’m excited for them.” He took a breath, thinking about how to express his feelings, “I’m scared though. I’m scared for both of them.”
Remus held his boyfriend tight, “Sirius, they’ve been together for four months. They really love each other.” He pushed his face away so he could see his face, “almost as much as I love you.” Remus kissed Sirius, happy that his boyfriend was happy, but understanding why he was afraid.
“They will be happy together. We’ll help them.” Remus looked back at James and Regulus, seeing a reflection of him and Sirius in their love. Their love was different, but somehow the same.