But not kiss!

When jake awoke on a Friday morning, his body was already racked with nervous, cold shivers. His hair was sticky and plastered to his forehead, his chest heaving. The thick blanket was draped over his chest, the back of his head pressed deep into his pillow. His breaths were shallow and quick-paced.

He had dreamt of shiny dark
eyes, of wandering gentle hands, adorned with black nails, of a silvery lace nestled into  his neck, whispering, humming, singing, laughing.

It was warm, so warm. It engulfed him entirely, made him smile, made him feel safe, and the thought of that was, well, sickening, To say the least.

He awoke to a cold room with clammy palms and a swirling pit of horror in his stomach.

The dream was no nightmare quite the opposite actually, the aftermath certainly was.

He huffed, swiping the thin layer of sweat of his forehead, realizing that the visual of drew smiling at wt him with his eyes, the visual of himself laughing, leaning against his chest, lacing fingers together, brushing his hair out of his eyes, was one of the best dreams he'd ever had in his life. The reality of that was terrifying, to say the least. It replaced the warmth and comfort with a polarizing cold and confused frustration.

The sound of his brothers marching around downstairs just made it worse.

Jake swung his legs off of the bed and stood up, rubbing a trembling hand over his face and wincing when his fingertips grazed the seemingly permanent, aching cut that encompassed his right eye.

All he could think about was how much gentler dream-drews fingers were as he cupped his face with all of the care in the world It was a stark contrast to the reality he now faced, and all he wanted was to return to that dream where he could be enveloped in Jake's embrace and feel those loving fingers caress him once more

Jake shivered. He'd have to ride home with him today.
Jake knew he had no other choice. The idea of trudging through the snow back home seemed like an impossible task, and the last thing he wanted was to get into an argument with the club. But what scared him even more was the thought of seeing Drew's disappointment, his frown deepening as he looked at Jake through his phone screen.

The thought of letting Drew down made his heart ache, and the thought of disappointing him was like a punch to the gut.

He sighed and went about getting ready for the day. He messed with his dry, dead mess of blonde hair until it looked semi-presentable. Afterward, he brushed his teeth and cleaned the anxious sweat he'd accumulated upon waking up from his dream off of his face.

When he walked back into his bedroom, a faint buzz under his pillow.

Knowing it was a notification from Henry, drew attempted to quell the vigorous thumping in his chest and turned towards his closet, pulling out a selection of neatly folded clothes

As he pulled off his t-shirt, he glanced into the tall mirror to his left, taking in the sight of his upper body.

He was scrawny with a smooth, flat stomach and slightly protruding joins. His cross was still dangling around the base of his neck, glimmering in his reflection for a moment, drew paused and ghosted his finger-tips on his chest before turning his head over his shoulder, looking back at his phone.

Jake looked away from his reflection to pull a clean shirt one. He swapped out his pajama shorts for jeans a moment later and put his nightmare clothing in the laundry basket tucked into the corner of his closet.

Once he was clean, dressed, and finished with his morning prayer, he turned to his pillow and swallowed, pulling his cellphone out from where it was buried under it.

__________________________________
Henry: good morning jakey :-3

Henry : i was wondering... Do you wanna       stop at the gas station on the way home from school?

Henry: we can get slushies or smth

He stared at the messages, his stomach churning with a sickening mixture of dread and despair. Each word was a dagger, driving deep into his heart. He could feel the weight of his mistakes bearing down on him, suffocating him. His mind raced, trying to find some way out, but all paths seemed to lead to a dark end. The pit of his stomach was a cold, bottomless void.

Jake: sure, are liam and drew coming or?

It was better to get the ride over with as quickly as possible.

His phone buzzed again, almost immediately after he sent his response.

Henry: yep + hoey

Henry: you've been kinda busy with the competition >:v

Henry: but anywayz thanks for agreeing to this ! I'm glad we can spend time tgther with no exams heh

Yeah, it was way too late to drop out.

Jake felt sick. He was going to be expected to maintain a conversation with drew and zoey.

One of which he openly, verbally, disliked and the other he had a raging crush on.

He had a complicated (and recent) history with both of them, and while jake doubted that drew actually liked him, he knew that the strawberry blonde had a much lower regard for him.

He made his way out the door without somehow running into his father.

Jake would have to walk to school today, walking was fine he didn't live very far away from the school building, and while it was cold, there wasn't any snow or ice on the ground, so he could walk easily. It was a good opportunity for daydreaming anyway

It took him just short of fifteen minutes to make it from a creaking, dysfunctional household to the school building. Today, he wasn't sure which place he'd hate being at more.

The Main hallway was a lot warmer than it was outside, which was a relief, and as the other kids crowded around him, screaming and laughing, somehow already reeking of sweat, drew kept his head down and recognized that he had bigger things to worry about.

In chemistry, drew glanced with his eyes and waved to him lazily as usual, and he sat beside him, he seemed a little closer than he normally was.

"How are you doing  in this class?" Drew asked, leaning his face against the smooth curve of his palm.

Jake couldn't help but detect the caution-ness in His voice. he must have discovered how much he was struggling. Maybe he noticed jakes dark, shy eyes flickering over to his papers to copy the work down. "Im failing" He Blurted out suddenly, wanting to smack himself in the face for a moment.

"Oh, for real?" Drew seemed surprised that he was being honest. he lifted his head from her hand slightly. His nails painted differently today. They were a shiny, flawless shade of blue rather than her usual black. She must have done them after school yesterday. "Is there something you need help with specifically?" He asked calmly, gently. "If you want, i could go over it with you"

Panicked annoyance bubbled up in jakes chest. The various voices in his head argued, tossing nervous ideas around.

Drew was treating him like a kid. He was purposefully pretending to be nice to him. make him confused. Drew didn't like him at all. he was just trying to placate him, to keep him calm as if he was a ticking time bomb on the verge of detonation.

Jake shouldn't have gotten his hopes up, drew didn't want to be his friend. If he did, he wouldn't be talking to him like a baby. He wouldn't speak like he had his hands up in surrender, and he wouldn't—

"You alright?" Drews frustrating voice cut into his thoughts. His eyes narrowed in concern.

He forced his eyes back up to meet drew, and with his heartbeat thundering in his chest, his shoulders finally slumped and he looked at him, really looked at him, for the first time.

Jake blinked at him, letting out a small breath. Drew shook his head firmly, his eyes locking with the others as he struggled to find the right words to express himself. It was difficult, his thoughts a tangled mess in his mind, and the words refused to come. But he couldn't give up now, he had to force himself to speak, to make himself understood. " "just.." he uttered, "im sorry."

Drews eyes stared back at him with something that looked a lot like a smile brimming in them. He reached his hands up to feel a small section of his dead hair. "What for?"

Jake blinked at him, letting out a small breath. He shook his head again. This time firmer as he struggled to communicate his thoughts, " just.." he mumbled, "im sorry."

Drew hummed at this and tilted his head to the side. He stared at drew, probably right through him and into his core, before lowering his hands again with a shrug.
"Well, alright." He said at last, "but you dont have to apologize to me for anything"

Yes i do. Jake insisted in his mind, his leg began to tap as drew looked away, pulling his worksheet towards him.

"So.." he stuttered, looking at the lab formulas, he crossed one leg over another, " do you wanna do the problems together?"

Jake decided that working together sounded great.

At the end of the day, he instinctively followed the route of the school building that lead him to the rack where his old, rusty, red bike usually was chained up, only realizing that he was going the wrong wat when he was already halfway there.

Today, je was going out the door on the other side of the school. That's where the seemingly infamous minivans was going to pick him up.

She shivered, turning on his heel in the middle of the hallway and walking in the correct direction, brushing past other students.

When he opened the back door to step outside, he could already see them there in the rain, liam in the drivers seat of his tan minivan and drew standing outside of it, laughing with him through the open window, he held the same black umbrella over his head.

The twos boys turned to look when the schools doors opened, and jake fought every screaming, pleading voice in his head that told him to turn back around and walk home in the rain by himself.

Instead he quivered in silence as drew called out to him, beckoning him with his hand. "Hey jake!!" He waved, tilting the umbrella towards him, "come here. Your gonna get soaked."

Liam kept his eyes on the steering wheel.

Jake obeyed hesitantly. Stepping out from under the covering of the school building that shielded the doorway from rain. He walked a few feet until he was Under drews umbrella with him.

It was a fairly generously sized vehicle, but even so, Jake found himself pressed in close to Drew. He could feel the soft fabric of Drew's jacket brush against his own sleeve as they sat side by side, their bodies nearly touching.

His heart raced in his chest, pounding so violently that he thought it might burst through his ribcage. The closeness and intimacy of the situation was both thrilling and terrifying all at once.

The boy with the vivid magenta hair looked up at him with a somewhat kind smile, his eyes sharp and inviting. "Do you want to sit in the middle?" he offered, his voice almost a whisper.

"No thank you." Jake shook his head instantly, firmly, as if he was built into his inner programming to avoid any possible situation where he had to sit next to zoey Thompson.

"Alright," drew was his typical calm, levelheaded self as he nodded to the backdoor.

Jake nodded and shivered running an anxious hand through his blond bangs, pulling the door open as the magenta haired boy made his way to the other side of the car, sitting in the passenger seat beside liam " henry wants us to go to the gas-station we'll meet him there"

Drew swallowed and cleared his throat, sitting up straighter in his seat, "hey, zoey," he mumbled awkwardly.

Zoey glanced up at jake quickly through her small mirror. Her eyebrows twitched together for a moment and jake wondered where he stood.

"Hi." Zoey's gaze lingered on her reflection for a moment, the image staring back at her as if it belonged to a stranger. She blinked, her eye involuntarily flicking away from the mirror, only to return a moment later. There was something unsettling about the vision in front of her, something that sent a shiver down her spine.

With a firm determination growing in her chest, she reached out and slammed the small mirror shut "do you think lia could fit?"

She ran her tongue along her lips, applying her lipstick and dabbing it with her middle finger.

Zoey glanced at herself in the hand-sized mirror, applying her favorite shade of lipstick with what appeared as practiced precision. As she finished, she ran her tongue along her lips, the wetness from the sticky substance leaving a subtle gloss in its wake.

With a soft flick of her wrist, she dabbed her middle finger against the side of her mouth, removing any excess lipstick.

"Maybe if she wants to sit in the back" liams van had a cream interior. It smelled like McDonald's fries and axe body spray, and the floor in the backseat area was littered with paper cubs from various fast food places, the outside of the van itself had a massive dent in the side of it.

Zoey and Jake's heads turned in sync, their eyes meeting momentarily as they both shook their heads in unison. The movement was almost instinctual, a shared response to a silent question. They quickly looked away, their faces betraying nothing of the silent communication that had just taken place.

Jake scrunched up his face, his eyes fixed on the passing scenery outside the window. Liam's hands moved over the radio's controls, flipping through song after song that Jake had never heard before. Each new track was unapologetically loud, the heavy bass and pulsing rhythm rattling the car's very frame and sending jolts down Jake's spine.

The relentless assault on his senses was almost overwhelming. Every second felt intrusive, as if invisible fingers were trying to pry their way inside his skull and scoop his brains out

Jake's heart raced as the car jerked to life under Liam's hands. He could feel his chest constricting, a tight knot forming in the pit of his stomach. Then, Drew turned around in his seat, his lips curling into a sly smile that sent a shiver down Jake's spine.

"Hey, could you grab my backpack for me?" Drew's words cut through the air, casual but with a hint of challenge.

"Me?" He bit his tongue, eyes widening slightly, "oh yeah.. here" Jake's hand trembled slightly as he reached for the backpack, the heavy weight of it in his hand a reminder of the situation he had gotten himself into. He placed it carefully between Drew's and Liam's seat, trying to ignore the way the simple action made his heart pound in his ears.

"Thanks, we should be there in half and hour or so."

Zoey's gaze flickered to her phone, her fingers nimbly jabbing away at the screen. Her shoulders sagged slightly, a sigh escaping her lips. She seemed lost in whatever text she was typing, and Jake couldn't help but feel a pang of irritation. "Probably one of her sugar daddy's"

He decided to ignore It, it was none of his business, after all.

Jake rummaged through his own backpack, fishing out his headphones and connecting them to his phone. As his fingers hovered over the screen, scrolling through his various playlists, he hesitated. His eyes lingered on the one he shared with Drew, a mixture of anticipation and uncertainty churning in his stomach.

He was torn. Part of him wanted to listen to their shared playlist, to feel a connection with Drew through the music they both loved. But another part of him was reluctant to open himself up to the flood of emotions the songs might bring.

"Zoey, jake, what do tou want from the gas station?" Liam looked in the rear view mirror, while drew scrolled through his phone absent mindedly

"Just a cherry slushie" Jake unclasped his headphones, letting them dangle around his neck. He leaned back against the cushioned seat, the soft fabric of the upholstery caressing his body. A sense of ease washed over him, like a weight lifting from his shoulders.

For the first time since getting into the car, he allowed himself to relax just a little.

"Hm.. just get me some gum" Zoey let out another sigh and tucked a loose strand of layered hair behind her ear, her attention still glued to her hot pink flip phone. Her fingers moved across the tiny keypad with surprising speed and dexterity.

"Okay ill go meet up with henry while i buy your guys stuff" drew took out his wallet from his jean pocket

As he watched drew slowly strut into the gas station, gazing at the small speck of green hair the followed behind him, he felt off... His blood rushed up to his face and he started to feel warm.. slapping his cheeks with hith off his hand he closed his eyes and passed out into deep slumber once more

Jake's heart raced as he watched Drew disappear into the gas station, the small speck of green hair trailing behind him like a beacon. Suddenly, an unfamiliar feeling washed over him, like a wave of heat crashing through his body. His cheeks felt unnaturally warm, and his eyes widened in surprise. He tried to shake his head, to convince himself that it was just a random moment of dizziness, but the feeling only intensified. Before he knew it, his consciousness began to slip away, and he succumbed to a deep slumber once more.