Visions
“Pandora Rosier”
I wake from my sleep with a silent scream. Sweat dripping down my forehead. Even though I’ve learned to be quiet when I’m having a vision again, Evan is by my side in a minute.
My cousin gets into my bed beside me and pulls me close. I’m so thankful for him, he’s always there for me after another vision. Thankfully I was able to get him to stay for the whole Christmas holidays.
He pulls my head to his chest and pets my hair softly. He murmurs soft reassurances into my hair. “You’re fine, you’re here with me. Everything is okay, you’re safe.”
I fall back asleep to his soft voice.
“No, love, please don’t do this!” A young man’s voice shouts. I don’t see his face through the mist covering my vision. “I have to, please don’t hate me,” another boy says back softly.
A tower gets clearer and it’s dark out. Stars are splattered all over the horizon until it turns into water.
A loud splash and then screams. The water turns into thick, red blood and more screams.
Screams and screams.
I can’t stop the screams and I can’t help anybody. The screams continue until a hand pulls me from behind and now I’m the one screaming.
“You’re okay Pan. Listen to me! Look at me!”
“Pan! Wake up, I’m here you’re fine.” Evan’s disoriented voice breaks through my vision. I’m shaking all over my body. It’s been a long time since I had two visions the same night. It’s been long since I even had a vision, so this scares me.
I look around me, trying to orientate myself again and see sunlight falling inside through the gaps of the curtain. A sigh leaves my mouth and I get out of bed. When I open the curtain I have to blink a few times to get used to the light.
A soft thump from behind me, tells me Evan got out too and is coming up behind me. His body lingers beside me and I have to look down at him.
I’ve always loved being taller than him, so I can always see him as my younger cousin. Even though it’s only by a few weeks as he tells me everytime I call him little or younger.
“Lets go have our last breakfast together before we have to say goodbye again,” Evan’s voice cuts through the comfortable silence.
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“Evan can come back at Easter holiday, sweetie,” my mom’s singing voice tells me softly during breakfast. She floats past me with a plate of pancakes, ruffling my hair.
“Another pancake dear?” She asks Evan sweetly, he nods enthusiastically and eats the pancake presented to him in record time.
My dad comes down a little later, rubbing the sleep out his eyes. “Morning my Dory,” he says sleepily, he walks over to me and kisses me on the cheek.
I grin up at him sheepishly, mouth full with the pancakes I stuffed into my mouth. He smiles back softly as he steals a piece of my pancake of my plate.
My shouts of protest go unheard as he walks over to my mother. He lays his hand on her lower back and pecks her lips softly. Most children find it funny and weird when their parents show affection, but I love it.
Evan kicks me under the table and he launches a blueberry to me with his spoon. I gasp and throw back a strawberry and that’s how our fruit fight starts. We end in a fit of giggles and a pair of parents eying us trying to look strictly, but the laugh crinkles by their eyes expose them.
My parents are loving and kind. They don’t get angry often and if I do something wrong they’re not really mad for long. This time they just tell us to clean up the mess we made and it’s fine.
When Evan’s father comes to get him I cling to my mother’s side, tears in my eyes. I hate Evan’s father, he’s not nice to him, his brothers are mean to him too.
I asked my parents on multiple occasions why he couldn’t stay with us, but they ignored me.
We wave Evan out and I stay seated on the doorstep when Evan is out of sight already. Thick tears streaming down my face, asking myself the same question I’ve asked myself so many times before.
Why couldn’t I keep Evan close to me?
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When I wake up from another vision the next day, there’s no Evan to comfort me and I fall back asleep, a cold spot beside me where Evan used to lie beside me.
My mother comes up to wake me to go to school, but I’m already up. I’ve been going to a muggle primary school. As a pureblood this is frowned upon and it’s normalised that we’re tutored. But my mother made sure I got to go to a muggle school.
She said that it was a good start at what we’ll be learning in Hogwarts.
Even though I love learning new things, and I don’t exactly hate the school, I cannot wait to go to Hogwarts. I won’t have to hide my magic anymore and the people at school won’t find me weird or different.
My mother smiles at me softly, appearing to be reading my thoughts. I jump off of my bed and walk over to her, bag on my back.
We apparate to behind a building close to school and walk the rest of the way. It’s not because I go to a muggle school we’re going to do it the muggle way, my mom answered me when I asked her why we never did the same as the other children in my class.
She walks me to the school gate and gives me a quick kiss on the cheek before turning around and leaving.
Lisa immediately jumps into view, she runs over to me and jumps into my arms. “Pannnn, I missed you!”
Lisa and I immediately clicked, we looked at each other for one second five years ago and became best friends. She talks me through her holidays and I listen intently.
Her brother went off to college this year and it felt so empty at home, but he came back for Christmas. She got a book and pencils for Christmas and she already read the book.
She rummages through her bag until she finds what she’s been looking for. She pulls at the thing in her bag and stumbles back a bit when it flies out.
It’s a book, the cover is brown leather and the name of the book is written on it in black. I can’t read what’s on it, though I don’t have to because she reads it aloud: “Lord of the rings. It’s the children’s version though. I told my brother I am old enough to read the original one but he still bought this one. Don’t tell him, but I love it, there’s beautiful pictures in here.”
She extends the book to me and I take it over gracefully, holding the book in my arms. I follow the spine of the book and open it carefully. A picture is painted on the page of a young boy, holding a ring in his hand. I stare at it in amazement for a few seconds before closing the book again.
“Wow, this is amazing Lisa. It’s truly gorgeous!” I hand it back to her, but she pushes it back. “No, I want you to read it,” she tells me and my mouth falls open.
“Really?” I ask her softly, staring at the book. “Yes, and when you’re finished we can talk about it together.”
Without saying another word I put the book in my bag and jump into her arms. Muttering a “thank you,” in her hair. She giggles and tells me it’s nothing.
We talk until the bell goes and we have to go to our line and wait for our teachers to bring us up to class.
We’re at the back of the line, because we want to go unnoticed for as long as possible. But Maya and her clan see us and walk over to us. “You’re still here Loony?” She asks me and her friends start laughing.
I roll my eyes and Lisa tells her to stop talking. Maya wants to give another commebt, but the teacher arrives and she’s interrupted. I breathe out in relief, I did not have energy to have another conversation with Maya.
We start with math and even though I really try to pay attention, I unfocus and think about the visions I had the past few days.
I get chills when the pictures flood back before my eyes. All the blood makes me nauseous and all the screaming haunts the few times it’s quiet in my mind.
The bell rings and I’m pulled from my thoughts, we stay seated but the teacher lets us talk to each other for a few minutes. Lisa walks over to me and pokes my cheek playfully.
“Pann, you weren’t listening were you?” Lisa asks smiling brightly, I shake my head and give her a smile in return. “I was thinking,” I answer truthfully, but not wanting to say more. Lisa seems to pick up on it and just nods as she walks back to her seat in front of me.
Before the lesson starts she turns around and grins at me, lights in her eyes.
The lesson starts and I zone out again, feeling the sadness I have about Evan leaving.
The rest of the day goes by in a blur and when I’m walking to the school gate to where my mother’s watching I feel a strange sensation coursing through me.
Warming up my whole body and then I pass out, or I think I do.
Flashes of the future pop into my head. Screams echo through my mind, pain is pulling me under. Conversation I’m intruding, things not meant for my ears, but I somehow hear.
I’ve never been able to make sense of my dreams, or visions as my mother calls them. I’ve always been too young to understand them, still am, but now I know that they’re everything but good.
More pictures blur my vision and I know they’re going to haunt my dreams.
Screams cut through the mist and I get pulled from my vision. I’m on my knees on the floor, green smoke around me and terrified faces watching me anxiously.
My mother is by my side in a second, pulling me up. I cling to her side, feeling smaller than I ever have before, as everyone looks at me in horror and disgust.
Whispers reach my ear, words as “witch” and “creep”, I’ve never heard witch used as a bad word, not until now.
I look around me staring back at the frightened faces of children, I got along with, I would call friends even, but who are now looking at me in fear and disgust.
I feel small and feel tears stinging my ears, everything is so loud in my head and I can’t get the talking to stop.
That’s when Lisa catches my eyes. She’s different. She’s scared I can see it, but she’s not afraid or disgusted óf me, it’s more that she's scared fór me.
My head becomes a little lighter than and my grip around my mother loosens a little. Lisa and I lock eyes and she nods softly, a sad smile on her face, because she knows we’ll never see each other again.
“Goodbye,” I mutter quietly and she whispers a “bye,” back.
Then I’m taken away by my mother dragging me out of the school. Getting me to run as fast as I can.
When we’ve lost everyone she apparates us home.
Dad is home, making dinner. The kitchen smells nice, but I don’t give it any attention. Mother places me on the couch and gives me an apologising look before taking dad away for a talk.
While they’re gone I keep whispering: “I’m sorry,” even though I don’t know who I’m talking too.
It feels like hours until my parents get back. Mom takes care of the food so my dad can talk to me.
He tells me it’s not my fault and that I’m perfectly fine. I won’t be going to school anymore. When I ask him if I’m a creep, anger forms onto his face.
Not directed at me.
“Listen to me sweetheart, you are an extraordinary, bright and beautiful witch! You are amazing and you’re even more special than normal witches. You have an extra gift and you’ll never be a creep, Okay?” He tells me sternly.
I nod and he wipes away my tears with his thumb. “Lets go have dinner, I made your favorite,” he smiles and he takes my hand and pulls me to the table.
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That night is filled with dreams, some good, some bad.
I tell my parents all the things I dream of, but for once I don’t, thinking it’s not going to change anything.
My parents care about me deeply, but they’ll never truly understand what my visions are like.
I don’t even understand them half of the time.
The next day I don’t go to school, for obvious reasons, instead I owl Evan and tell him everything. I describe my vision in detail, because I know he likes to hear about them and speculate what they’re about.
After lunch dad tells me I’ll be staying home for the rest of the year, he says it’s no use finding another school, because I’ll be going to Hogwarts next year and I don’t need the muggle school anymore. He will teach me some stuff for the remaining months of the school year, to prepare me for Hogwarts.
That night is the first night in a few days I sleep without any visions or nightmares.